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RE: Levels Of Submissives - 6/17/2006 9:17:50 PM   
corsetgirl


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I am like that too because I have to be comfortable in my skin and sometimes I find it offensive when doms initially address me in certain names such as little one, slut or cunt when they have not even met me.
 
Just because I am submissive does not mean I will submit to every dom but will do so if and when the right dom comes along.
 
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< Message edited by corsetgirl -- 6/17/2006 9:18:17 PM >

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RE: Levels Of Submissives - 6/17/2006 9:28:55 PM   
hizgeorgiapeach


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One of the gentlemen that was a play partner of mine for a while made a comment to me early on about the "type" of submissive that he ultimately wanted in his life.  It struck me as a bit funny, because neither of us was in a position to desire a committed relationship at that point, and we're no longer in contact - yet he told me that I'm the sort who perfectly fit what he expected.
 
"I want a woman who is so strong in her own right that she intimidates the hell out of most people - so that when they see her instant obedience to me, all they can do is think, 'if she's that strong and defers to him, how much stronger has he got to be?"
 
I took it as the highest sort of compliment from him - that he could acknowledge my capacity to be strong in my own right, without being 'less' of a submissive because of that strength.

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RE: Levels Of Submissives - 6/17/2006 9:45:00 PM   
MistressOfGa


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I thought I would address all in this one post.
 
Sinergy,
What a great story! I like that type of submissive too. I like him to be spirited and feeling equal to everyone else around him. I get letters all the time from subs who say they will do anything and everything for me and that I am so superior to them. I don't view myself that way and neither would my sub.

Erin,
I have always liked your posts and find you a no nonsense type of person. You have always been helpful and polite to the point of exasperation lol Thank you for responding :)

Taggard,
Thank you for clarifying. I am not such a passive dominant. But that is not to say that I yell or throw fits to get my sub to do something. A simple nod of my head should be enough for a well trained sub of mine.

Brosco,
I am not at all surprised that you like the fiesty types lol thank you for responding.

Marietoo,
quote:

 I think theres a lid for every pot and theres no right or wrong when it comes to relationships.  Its just a matter of finding the correct partner that we have chemistry with. 

I love this! Thank you <s>

LA,
quote:

I do not think there are "levels" of submission, but I do think there are certain types of orientations of submissive as well as of course, many different personalities.

I agree. I used the wording because I saw it on the "Saying No" thread. But I do think that it is just the different types of personalities that set people apart, no matter who they are.

TC,
You never really know people on here. I would of thought you as a more aggressive dominant lol but then again, I am basing that on my perceptions of your postings. Thank you for responding :)

Hi Cin,
quote:

I just don't understand this need to compartmentalize or compare...I'm just me. And I'm submissive. Nothing more, nothing less.

Actually I started this thread because I saw the term "levels of submissives"  on the other thread and it got my curiousity up. I dont need to compare, just curious as to what others think of this. Thank you for responding though <s>

Corsetgirl,
quote:

I am like that too because I have to be comfortable in my skin and sometimes I find it offensive when doms initially address me in certain names such as little one, slut or cunt when they have not even met me. 

 
Frankly, I would find this offensive no matter who it is or what orientation they have. I dont think anyone should allow a total stranger to come up to them and address them in such a manner. It is the epitome of rude.
 
hizgeorgiapeach,
First, hi neighbor! <s>
quote:

I took it as the highest sort of compliment from him - that he could acknowledge my capacity to be strong in my own right, without being 'less' of a submissive because of that strength.

I think that ultimately that is what I would look for. Thank you for sharing that with us.
 
 
 




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RE: Levels Of Submissives - 6/17/2006 10:16:09 PM   
Vancouver_cinful


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quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressOfGa
Hi Cin,
quote:

I just don't understand this need to compartmentalize or compare...I'm just me. And I'm submissive. Nothing more, nothing less.

Actually I started this thread because I saw the term "levels of submissives"  on the other thread and it got my curiousity up. I dont need to compare, just curious as to what others think of this. Thank you for responding though <s>



Yes, the term caught my attention too, because I have seen this idea on so many submissive websites, and it has never sat well with me. I just want to be me, I don't want to have to aspire to a heirarchy, or justify my personal relationships.

Live and let live, right?

This has been an interesting thread. Thanks.

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RE: Levels Of Submissives - 6/17/2006 10:42:18 PM   
hizgeorgiapeach


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One of the things that has always been difficult for me to stomach has been this misconception that we all have to have certain personality traits to be submissive or dominant, or that if we have certain personality traits to a greater or lesser degree that it somehow makes us "less" than the next person in line, or "more' than the person in line after them.  Like Cin - I'm simply myself, like it or lump it, and have no intention of ever being anyone but uniquely me.
 
The last thing I would ever strive to be is Sterotypical.  I won't deny portions of myself to fit neatly into someone else's concept of what I should be, or what I should act like.  I'm so much a child of the 60s in some ways - Question Authority, Think for Yourself, and Stand Up for Yourself are all things that my parents figuratively beat into me from my earliest memory.  That being the case, I could never effectively even Pretend to be the type of submissive that would make someone like TC or Taggard happy.  Blind obedience simply isn't something that I've  been capable of since about the age of 4.  This is not to say that my way is somehow better than those who ARE capable of never questioning - simply that I couldn't do it - it wouldn't be being true to myself. 
 
(Now, please don't take This portion personally, gentlemen - it isn't intended to be any sort of personal slam.)  If anything, I feel a certain type of pity for those who want to never be questioned or challenged.  It makes me wonder in some portion of myself whether they are simply afraid of something - like they aren't really certain at the deepest subconscious levels that they're capable of meeting the challenge, or answering the question.  If a dominant feels like I shouldn't ever challenge him, or question him - I end up feeling like he's not strong enough, in the long run, to effectively dominate ME.  He might be fine for someone else, but I will always hold a core of doubt as to whether he is truely strong enough to suit me.
 
(Oh.. and MoGa - I'm not in Georgia any longer.  I'm back home in Oklahoma now, though I kept the ID I started with on CM, which was created while I was living in Atlanta for a short time!  I miss the North Georgia hills - BADLY!!!)

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RE: Levels Of Submissives - 6/17/2006 10:54:41 PM   
LadiesBladewing


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quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressOfGa


Dominants/Switches: Which type of submissive do you find more appealing and why?



We tend to run with a rather ... old-fashioned... style here. Our preference is a servant who is able to ask intelligent questions, hold a decent conversation (including, but not limited to, servants who can hold their own in philosophical, political and spiritual debate), but who is utterly respectful in service. To us, this means asking questions, but not in an accusatory manner. It means bringing situations to our attention, but not by being crass or rude about it. We don't have room for pushy servants, or servants who make it a habit to be direct to the point of insolence.

As for -why- we prefer what we prefer... We have our own "edges", but prefer a genteel home, which requires a measure of discretion and discernment in how one addresses the ladies of the House. It is a preference, but one that we are very attached to.

ZWD

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RE: Levels Of Submissives - 6/17/2006 10:56:58 PM   
MistressOfGa


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quote:

ORIGINAL: Vancouver_cinful

quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressOfGa
Hi Cin,
quote:

I just don't understand this need to compartmentalize or compare...I'm just me. And I'm submissive. Nothing more, nothing less.

Actually I started this thread because I saw the term "levels of submissives"  on the other thread and it got my curiousity up. I dont need to compare, just curious as to what others think of this. Thank you for responding though <s>



Yes, the term caught my attention too, because I have seen this idea on so many submissive websites, and it has never sat well with me. I just want to be me, I don't want to have to aspire to a heirarchy, or justify my personal relationships.

Live and let live, right?

This has been an interesting thread. Thanks.

Cin, I agree. Being put into a catagory or a certain box would make me feel very confined. Absolutely, TKINMK :)

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RE: Levels Of Submissives - 6/17/2006 10:57:20 PM   
KnightofMists


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quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressOfGa

It was mentioned that there are several different levels of submissives.

 
yes there is always those that want to establish that their some sort of Universal Hierarchy of submission.  This implies that their is a submissives at the low and some at the high end.  To put it blunt... THIS IS BULLSHIT!  We all have our preferences of what we want in a submissive person... BUT they are our preferences!  Not everyone's Preference.
 
 
quote:


Well, obviously there are many Dominants who enjoy submissives who "dont take crap" from anyone. I have met a few Doms who would consider this type of submissive a challange, akin to a "wild stallion", to be broken and rode <s>  

 
There is a marked difference in a submissive that doesn't take crap from others with a style of grace and elegance and those that respond with the tact of bull in heat.  Frankly, I find the former much more appealing than the latter.
 
quote:


Dominants/Switches: Which type of submissive do you find more appealing and why?
Submissives/Slaves/Switches: Would you ever feel comfortable being this type of submissive? Why?

 
I don't group submissives into types.  I only have preferences of behavior and personality in the way I like submission to be manifested and demonstrated.  To be specific would take a long list indeed.... but lets just say... that Alandra and Kyra fit my preferences rather nicely!  Get to know them... and you will know my preferences.



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RE: Levels Of Submissives - 6/17/2006 11:31:12 PM   
ownedgirlie


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(Fast Reply)

I loved Sinergy's post - thanks for putting that out there. 

Master has taught me very similary.  He has taught me to know myself intimately and to like myself.  He has taught me to stand up to whomever I must - I am looking after his property, after all - but I grovel at his feet and do whatever he wants of me.  I don't "act submissively" to others - they have not earned the right to benefit from Master's property unless he has deemed it so.  But to him I quiver in his presence.

As for "levels" of submission, the only thing I think of when talking "levels" is (using myself as an example) where a person is in her own journey of submission.  Two years into this relationship of mine, I submit at a much deeper level than I did starting out.  I am equipped to do so now - I was not then.  I think people see the word "levels" as a comparison thing.  I myself do not.

Consider this also - the right Master or Dom for someone can bring out the best of their submission. It is an intimate and wonderful experience.   

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RE: Levels Of Submissives - 6/17/2006 11:33:10 PM   
MistressOfGa


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KoM,
Thank you for responding. I have always enjoyed your views and this is no exceptions. Your girls have always posted intelligent threads and have never flamed or said a bad thing about anyone here on these boards. It is more than a testament to your training, it is something that is within both of them to begin with. Kudos to you and yours. :)

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RE: Levels Of Submissives - 6/17/2006 11:37:21 PM   
MistressOfGa


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quote:

Consider this also - the right Master or Dom for someone can bring out the best of their submission. It is an intimate and wonderful experience.
 

Owned,
You are so right. It works both ways. I hope to one day find another like my pup. He is a tough act to follow.

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RE: Levels Of Submissives - 6/18/2006 1:13:09 AM   
APerfectParadox


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I guess I would qualify as a "fiesty" submissive . I have been told Dominating me is challanging and to be totally honest , for me submission can be a challenge  as well.. I spent many years learning to be assertive and to protect my softer side from those who would see it as a weakness to be exploited. Now that i have chosen to embrace this side of my personality i find myself often having to fight an internal battle when my fears get in the way of my submission.  I am a strong rather than passive personality  by nature and submission is my way of expressing love. As i write this it occurs to me that what i truly fear maybe love itself, taking that risk of being hurt, rather than being exploited since I am not one to stand idly by and let anyone exploit me, dominant or not . Hmm well you have certianly given me something to think about ..... Thanks for an interesting thread MoGa a welcome relief from some of the more adversarial threads of late 

< Message edited by APerfectParadox -- 6/18/2006 1:16:39 AM >


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RE: Levels Of Submissives - 6/18/2006 2:50:26 AM   
brightspot


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quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressOfGa

I have read the entire thread on "Saying No" and several thoughts were brought up that I would like to explore further. I didn't want to hi-jack Bearlee's thread, so I am starting another here.
 
It was mentioned that there are several different levels of submissives. I will use Jessica as an example because I am sure she wont mind. Yes, she is fiesty and she is a "tell it like it is to her" type of submissive. Some have pointed out that they couldnt be like that. Well, obviously there are many Dominants who enjoy submissives who "dont take crap" from anyone. I have met a few Doms who would consider this type of submissive a challange, akin to a "wild stallion", to be broken and rode <s>  I, myself, like Jessica's spirit and her determination to be true to who she is. Her old name fit her perfectly and getting to know her on these boards, I can say that the "True" in it may have very well meant "True to herself".  I have met submissives like Jess. One of them being my best friend "Doll" and her twin sister. Both are fiesty as hell and both tell it like it is "to them". I dont consider them any less submissive or more submissive because of their attitudes. I often wonder if Doll could be a Domina in hiding lol but that is neither here nor there.
Dominants/Switches: Which type of submissive do you find more appealing and why?
Submissives/Slaves/Switches: Would you ever feel comfortable being this type of submissive? Why?
 
Hopefully this post wont turn into a flame-for-all like so many others lately :)

Edited to switch the Switches lol


I am this type of submissive....I know....Surprise, Surprise.
 
With my former Domina, although she found much pride and enjoyed my submissiveness and we had a really good flow dynamically.
 
She also liked my spunk. She was open to hearing me out and didn't hesitate when I made sense to acknowledge my smarts and then compromise in the way she was thinking.
She also didn't stifle me if I felt strong about something in the company of others, many times I would get positive feedback from her later, sometimes she would not be pleased because I sometimes let my emotions over-ride decorum a bit and I would deal with the consequences, sometimes she would have me do journal writing and put together alternative ways I could have acted, re-acted, or expressed myself and then present them to her.
 
Believe it or not, I have made much progress, I still have my slip ups, but who's perfect I ask?
 
So ummm, yes to answer your question; I am comfortable in being "this kind" of submissive, because that is just who I am, how I learned to stay safe, I didn't(don't) take no crap, will stand up for issues I strongly believe in. And I am wising up to doing things in a way as to feel alright in the presentation of my views instead of charging full speed ahead and maybe later regretting my performance.
 
I think I really had a hard time(well I still do sometimes) because in the first part of my life I lived through some horrible crap and I was never allowed to verbalize my feelings.
Sometimes, now, I can be quite elegant, civil and smooth in my self expression, sometimes I have a hell of a bark and a bite that could easily rip flesh.
I feel best at a good medium.
 
I am not uncomfortable, yet I can not claim total comfort either. Because who I present to the world at large(which is mistakingly taken as fairly dominant) is not who I  am in my personal intimate relationships(most often shy, modest, reserved and gets off and loves her place of being Dominated by a strong, willful, intelligent,  compelling woman in and out of the bedroom) . 
 
What I am is a practitioner of self exceptance and always trying to be aware of the journey to bettering myself.  Paying attention to the affect of my ripple in the wave.
 
*Brightspot

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RE: Levels Of Submissives - 6/18/2006 5:00:43 AM   
RavenMuse


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quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressOfGa
Dominants/Switches: Which type of submissive do you find more appealing and why?


Firstly, I suit a slave more than a sub simply because of the level of control I automaticaly take, the more I care, the more control I assume, it is part of the way I care. TPE and 24/7 is a natural destination for most of my successful relationships unless there is some real-life reason for not taking control of one or more parts of her life (Even there, she will get support and advice wherever needed even for those parts of her life I don't take direct responcibility for)

She is focused on making me happy, in all of our life together, not simply in the bedroom, she is slave, not simply a BDSM bottom. Even something as simple as making her Master a coffee is more than enough to get both of us smileing because of what it represents in the dynamic. We work together to build the trust in the relationship, over time, over months and years I will eventualy push every soft limit she has as well as taking her right to the limit of her hard limits, but she has full trust that I won't go past those hard limits and that I always have an eye on ensuring she is never 'harmed'.

She isn't a doormat, doormats are boring (And untrustworthy). She has her own thoughts and opinions, she can hold her own in any discussion, she is bright and interesting, she remains a person, not just a robot. As I stated in a recent post, Geisha's where taught the art of conversation. I enjoy spending time with my slave because she is an interesting person to be around. She shares her opinions, her wants and her needs but submits to MY decision knowing that whilst any individual decision may be yes or no, but overall in the relationship I will look to ensure BOTH of us are fullfilled.

I have a robust sense of humour and she is likely to be the same, but she knows when to be polite and respectful just as she knows when being 'cheeky' is not just acceptable but enjoyed as being fun.... even if Master is the butt of the joke However she isn't a brat, she is MY good girl. A Brat is willfully disobedient, my girl is never that!

'punishment' is rarely needed, if I am disapointed in her that is more than enough punishment. Though some girls need there Masters help to achieve closure on a error before they can put it behind them and stop beating themselves up. Silly childish games to try and evoke 'punishment' are NOT part of the way I work, if my girl desires a caneing, she ASKS! Such things are play, not punishment. When I need to punish it ISN'T enjoyable.... for EITHER of us!

If she has a switchy nature it isn't a problem so long as she knows I will never switch, but we can find ways for that part of her to be expressed, including the possibility of having a pet of her own.

I could go on... but this would turn into a damn essay


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RE: Levels Of Submissives - 6/18/2006 5:20:13 AM   
Kree


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Everyone has different ideas of what they seek in a submissive.  Like most dominants, my time spent with different types allowed me to build an idea of MY ideal partner.   Early on, I realized that the doormat submissive would be incredibly boring.  Yes, the servitude would be there, but where was the challenge of trying to help her become more powerful in her own right?  I met a few bratty submissives, but that was like raising another child.  To me, a bratty submissive is simply someone crying out for attention... being bad to get spanked or caned or whipped.  If I paid little attention to those needs, or was like some dominants that need a submissive to be "bad" to get discipline/punishment, that would be MY failing.  SAMs can be cute, within limits, but someone whose whole world is being a SAM becomes more of a PITA to me. 

After a number of years meeting people and defining my ideal, I discovered that my ideal would be someone with a high degree of self assurance, self reliance, intelligence, self respect, and above all the inner strength to offer her submission and still grow within the partnership.  I met numerous people that had some of those characteristics, but it took quite awhile to find all of them.  The first person who came close brought some warts that couldnt be cured.  Several years later, I met someone that had the characteristics, plus the cute part of being a SAM, without the negatives I associate with the SAM world.  We both recognized pretty quickly that we had found a match and moved our relationship from meeting several times a month to 24/7.  My point in the "history" lesson is that both dominants and submissives should meet various people and various types to build that background of what matches your ideal and what doesnt.  If people spent more time interacting with others, we would see people building relationships instead of the culture of "relationship of the month".  I know it is tempting when a dominant finds someone that obeys, loves the whip and cane, has a trick pelvis and soft lips, but in the long term, those might not be coupled with the sense of self needed to be a long time partner.  For submissives, I feel that too many have a deep desire to belong that blinds them to the fact that the dominant they have met cant hold a job, has 25 submissives that would like to strangle him, and other assorted warts.  Doesnt matter, he is a self-proclaimed dominant, has 13 ratty floggers and $14.00 bullwhip...       
Every level of submission and dominance has a match.  What is necessary is the patience to define what is best for YOU, then do not choose to settle for less than YOUR ideal.

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RE: Levels Of Submissives - 6/18/2006 5:22:13 AM   
twicehappy


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Like many of the other posters here i am definitely one of these types of submissives; feisty, aggressive, i stalk through this world like a cat on the prowl yet with my owners you will find me purring at their feet.

I really believe most owners would prefer someone with spirit and personality. Someone with high intelligence, definite opinions, and unafraid of the world at large.



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RE: Levels Of Submissives - 6/18/2006 5:47:20 AM   
talibahh


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i am assertive, intelligent, cheeky and independant in my own right. Yet simply talking with my Master, especially if i have been in a bad mood or upset for some reason, He seems to have a calming influence over me. Not necessarily because He says anything in particular, but simply being with Him and feeling His Dominance. After spending time talking and just being with Him, i feel an inner peace come over me, and all is well with the world again. 
 
I can be cheeky with Him too, He enjoys my humour as i do His, yet i am always respectful of Him... i feel like with Him i can just relax and be me, and feel like everythings going to be alright and i have no need to be feel defensive... (if that makes sense)
 
tali

< Message edited by talibahh -- 6/18/2006 5:49:42 AM >


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RE: Levels Of Submissives - 6/18/2006 6:21:52 AM   
feastie


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I've posted the link to a page which defines nine levels of submissives.  The thing that I like about that list, is not because it labels anyone, but because it helps someone identify themselves.  Many people, oddly enough, don't know.  I identify between two different levels on the list.  That's perfectly ok because I don't want to be locked into a little box and never allowed to escape. That means I would not be allowed to grow and learn.  It might be that I might identify with a different level on that list at some other time.  So far, that's not happened, but I certainly don't want the freedom taken from me by a label.

I am not going to obey blindly.  I'm going to have questions and I'm going to ask them.  It's the manner in which I present them that matters.  I have my own mind, I am going to use it.  I don't *serve*.  I personally detest the term.  It isn't a dynamic in my relationships.  (Must I qualify this to say it's ok for you if you like it?).  I'm not meek nor mild.  I am opinionated and I have a temper.  But I also will do my best to please you and make you happy, because that's how I'm wired.

The object of the game is to find the person you are compatible with, not change them into the person you want them to be.  Cin said it best, "If you want a goldfish, don't buy a cat."

Meow!

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RE: Levels Of Submissives - 6/18/2006 6:26:13 AM   
Bearlee


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Kree, I couldn’t agree with you more, Sir

quote:

ORIGINAL: Kree
...Early on, I realized that the doormat submissive would be incredibly boring.  Yes, the servitude would be there, but where was the challenge of trying to help her become more powerful in her own right? 

 
… and, I absolutely loved Sinergy’s analogy with his dog.  I wonder if, because the dog came when he was called…one would consider it a ‘doormat’?  It seems to me these several threads have been more about refusal to ‘come when called’ than the boisterousness of a bright, inquisitive submissive. 

It seems to me that if I had a dog, I’d expect it to come when I called it…and not just when it felt like it or appreciated the way I called it.  Yes, in my world brats are difficult, rude, time consuming and yes, willfully disobedient…but hardly submissive…in my opinion.  

I feel, probably as most people in the world, that intelligent, exciting, interesting, active, passionate, kind, loving, motivated, honest, caring, independent, funny, polite people are most enjoyable to be around.  Same with pets, but I suspect that it is because Sinergy’s pet was all those things AND still came immediately when called, that he enjoyed the dog so much.  While one can’t enjoy active repartee with a pet; doing so with a submissive, most would still expect it to be polite.

Having said all this, I appreciated the comment Kree and others have made about submissiveness (and dominance, for that matter) ‘coming out more with time’.  I feel that is an absolute plus and why I think it makes the most sense to take the time to get to know and trust someone before entering a D/s relationship with them.  I would imagine there would be plenty of ‘No’s’ said to someone I hardly knew who was trying to dominate me.  Yes, it takes time to build a relationship.

Kree went on to say:

quote:

Every level of submission and dominance has a match.  What is necessary is the patience to define what is best for YOU, then do not choose to settle for less than YOUR ideal.


…which I’d like to comment on.  In other thread, when someone brought up ‘levels’ it was of submissiveness not of submissives…(just like Kree did here); huge difference and I hope one more conducive to debate.



(in reply to Kree)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: Levels Of Submissives - 6/18/2006 6:31:35 AM   
Bearlee


Posts: 2311
Joined: 10/25/2004
From: South Central CO
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: feastie

I've posted the link to a page which defines nine levels of submissives.  The thing that I like about that list, is not because it labels anyone, but because it helps someone identify themselves.  Many people, oddly enough, don't know.  I identify between two different levels on the list.  That's perfectly ok because I don't want to be locked into a little box and never allowed to escape. That means I would not be allowed to grow and learn.  It might be that I might identify with a different level on that list at some other time.  So far, that's not happened, but I certainly don't want the freedom taken from me by a label. 


Bingo... Another referred to the levels of submissiveness (rather than submissives...which seems to 'rate' a person rather than an interest...IMHO).  I'm with you though, as long as labels are not 'static'...I don't see why they can't be anything more than helpful to help us (and others) to understand where we are TODAY.

MOO

Edited to correct spelling...................................again!  <sigh>
beverly

< Message edited by Bearlee -- 6/18/2006 6:45:40 AM >

(in reply to feastie)
Profile   Post #: 40
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