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RE: Is it appropiate..... - 6/19/2006 9:00:18 PM   
DsBound


Posts: 268
Joined: 9/13/2004
Status: offline 		mew~

It's always easier to have an objective view when you're not in the situation.  By all means, it sounds like many things in the relationship that need to be addressed or worked on.  i can see why you'd feel jealous, lonely and that he is not trustworthy.  I can relate to why other people have advised leaving the relationship or you should have after 6 months... but the bottom line is you didn't and now you're in a very tough spot.  Chances are you love him and desire to be wanted and needed by him?  I would only assume this otherwise it would seem that you'd have left by now.  The downfall is you're never going to get  a different result by doing the same thing... if he's unable to open up and try to fix the issues or tell you to go, then you need to gather your strength and make the choice yourself.  I don't envy your situation...

Best of luck to you...
laura

(in reply to CreativeDominant)
Profile   Post #: 61
RE: Is it appropiate..... - 6/19/2006 9:19:43 PM   
Tamerofwild1s


Posts: 1765
Joined: 12/5/2004
Status: offline 		I personally have read both your posts so far .... your "gut feeling" is insecurity . probably brought on my his past actions .. wether sub or slave if your not comfortable with a situation you have certain inalienable choices .... if you don't like what he is doing .. leave ... if your that unhappy why would you stay serving him ... your celebacy really has nothing to do with your slavery . I have talked with others about serving me and it would involve absolutely no sex ... and just cause your "fat" <gawd I hate that word sometimes> sounds like a cop out ... a womens weight should not bear on her sexuality and ability to perform . tho I will give you some men and women are shallow enough to not want ot have sex with some due to lack of physical attraction. it shouldn't bear on a relationship thoi ... especially if you been with him 6 years now .. exactly what kind of service have you been providing him ..... if your staying with him due to the last 10 months of schooling thats bunk too .... 90% of all schools as far as I know offer some kinda housing check into it when your at school ...
 
 BUT all in all I see someone who is looking for all of us to give you the excuses you need to leave him .. and all in all only YOU can do that mew

EDITED: Just so to speak on this a tad bit more ... not one person flamed you here ... they have tried to give the best advice possible from the one side of the story presented.
 
 another Quote I say from time to time is ... "We all choose the path of our journey it is not the distance we walk that makes it great it is how we overcome the obstacles along the way" this is but one obstacle in your life . and if your gonna let this one stone get in your way of fullfillment and happiness .. then my feelings of concern for you have turned to pity.

< Message edited by Tamerofwild1s -- 6/19/2006 10:04:35 PM >

_____________________________

A building get torched. All that is left is ashes. I used to think that it is true about everything - family, friends, feelings - but now I know that sometimes if love proves real, and two people are meant to be together, nothing can keep them apart ~

(in reply to mew)
Profile   Post #: 62
RE: Is it appropiate..... - 6/20/2006 4:22:21 AM   
mew


Posts: 24
Joined: 11/6/2005
Status: offline 		~fast reply~
 
There has been much advice given in this thread, some good, and some I didn't want to hear.  I will admit that I was a bit upset over much of it, and wasn't even going to reply.   However, there were a few things that I wanted to respond too.   Since I haven't figured out how to do quotes, I will try to respond to those things. 

First, someone mentioned that I caused him to go behind my back to see "her" because I refused to allow her to come here.    That is not true.    Yes, I did originally tell him I was uncomfortable with it, but later told him she was welcome to come here and I would make dinner for them.   He gave me her email address and asked me to write her and tell her she was welcome to visit.   Which I did.   She emailed both of us back declining the invitation, stating that she had no idea I was still here with him.   I think, ( my opinion only) she was hoping to see him alone, and finding out I was here, didn't wish to cause trouble. 
 
Second, I fully understand that it was wrong for me to snoop through his things, and now in hindsight, I wish I hadn't.   However, I feel that if he had been honest and truthful in the first place and not caused suspicion, I would have not snooped.  
 
Third, if he were "just" friends with his ex's, there would have never been a problem.  But the content of his emails that I did snoop in, were far from the typical " hi, how are ya?"   He has even told me to my face that he has strong feelings for all of them, and his emails reflect that.   I guess that for some reason this hurts me.  Especially when he said some hurtful things about me to them.   ( I know, it is my own fault for reading his email)  
 
Fourth, we never negotiated him being with other women.  The only thing we talked about was perhaps in the future getting another female to play with, but I told him I wanted to be involved in finding her.   He chose to go behind my back to do this, which pissed me off.   The reason for this is he wanted to find someone very petite and attractive, because otherwise he would not be able to get aroused.  Well, I mentioned I am fat, so this didn't sit well with me, and my self esteem came crashing down. 

What do I do to serve him?   Basically just maid duties.  I cook, clean, and wash his clothes, that is about it.   Why am I still here?   Because I want to finish school.   I don't have a job as of yet, although had an interview yesterday.  I have nothing but the clothes on my back.  I drive his car, live in his house, and he owns everything, including me.  

Are we b/f-g/f, Master/slave, roommates or what?   I have no clue, we just coincide in the same house.  He tells me he owns me, he refers to me as his girlfriend to some people, and his friend to others, just depends on who he is talking too.    Usually he tells his ex's that we are friends.   Sometimes when he is angry at me, he tells me we are just friends.   So, I guess I don't really know, I just live here. 

~mew~ 

(in reply to Tamerofwild1s)
Profile   Post #: 63
RE: Is it appropiate..... - 6/20/2006 8:20:23 AM   
jezzabelle


Posts: 391
Joined: 2/5/2005
From: Southeastern, MA
Status: offline 		mew, if all you are to him is a domestic slave (which, from what you said, it sounds like that all he wants you for) then be just that.  It's obvious he doesn't want you as a sexual slave or for romantic reasons, so I think it's time to harden your heart to him and stop hoping it will be more, and only take care of the domestic duties.  Maybe if you have the mindset that all you're there for is to take care of the maid duties while you finish up in school, it will make the time you spend there a little easier to bear.  Stop caring about what he's doing and with whom since the caring is only going one way.  Stop the jealousy because it doesn't sound like there is anything worth getting jealous over.  Get your education, get a great job, and then get the hell out of there and find someone that wants you for you and what you have to offer.  Yes, your situation sucks, but as you and others have said, you chose to stick it out there this long, in return for having a place to live and being able to go to school.  And I know you said that if what you have is being a slave, then you don't ever want to be one, well, being a slave doesn't have to be that.  It can be whatever you and a dominant decide it should be.  The trick is to find the right dominant for you, one that wants the same as you.  Don't give up on everything else just because of one shitty relationship.  He's not the only dominant out there.  Good luck.

(in reply to mew)
Profile   Post #: 64
RE: Is it appropiate..... - 6/20/2006 8:45:19 AM   
MistressOfGa


Posts: 2929
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: mew

~fast reply~
 
There has been much advice given in this thread, some good, and some I didn't want to hear.  I will admit that I was a bit upset over much of it, and wasn't even going to reply.   However, there were a few things that I wanted to respond too.   Since I haven't figured out how to do quotes, I will try to respond to those things. 

quote:

First, someone mentioned that I caused him to go behind my back to see "her" because I refused to allow her to come here.    That is not true.    Yes, I did originally tell him I was uncomfortable with it, but later told him she was welcome to come here and I would make dinner for them.   He gave me her email address and asked me to write her and tell her she was welcome to visit.   Which I did.   She emailed both of us back declining the invitation, stating that she had no idea I was still here with him.   I think, ( my opinion only) she was hoping to see him alone, and finding out I was here, didn't wish to cause trouble. 
 
I said that based on the information that you gave. You did not say anything to this nature before. There was no mention of you cooking dinner or you emailing her to invite her. Like I said originally, there is/was more to this story that had yet to be disclosed.
quote:

Second, I fully understand that it was wrong for me to snoop through his things, and now in hindsight, I wish I hadn't.   However, I feel that if he had been honest and truthful in the first place and not caused suspicion, I would have not snooped.  
 
 
I'm sorry, I do not agree with this at all. There is NO reason for any slave to snoop into her Master's emails or personal things.


Third, if he were "just" friends with his ex's, there would have never been a problem.  But the content of his emails that I did snoop in, were far from the typical " hi, how are ya?"  
 
quote:

He has even told me to my face that he has strong feelings for all of them, and his emails reflect that.   I guess that for some reason this hurts me.  Especially when he said some hurtful things about me to them.   ( I know, it is my own fault for reading his email)  
 

Again, new information. There was no mention of his saying he had strong feelings for them. Only mention of his negative remarks about you.

quote:

Fourth, we never negotiated him being with other women.  The only thing we talked about was perhaps in the future getting another female to play with, but I told him I wanted to be involved in finding her.   He chose to go behind my back to do this, which pissed me off.   The reason for this is he wanted to find someone very petite and attractive, because otherwise he would not be able to get aroused.  Well, I mentioned I am fat, so this didn't sit well with me, and my self esteem came crashing down. 

Were you petite and attractive when you met him? You are making it sound like you gained all the weight within the first 6 months and he was suddenly turned off by you. He sounds really shallow to me. But once again, we are only hearing your side of this whole thing. But based on what you are saying, he sounds shallow.

quote:

What do I do to serve him?   Basically just maid duties.  I cook, clean, and wash his clothes, that is about it. 
You sound like his wife, but without sexual relations.  But then again lol I know many wives who do not have sex with their husbands and many husbands who do not have sex with their wives.

quote:

  Why am I still here?   Because I want to finish school.   I don't have a job as of yet, although had an interview yesterday.  I have nothing but the clothes on my back.  I drive his car, live in his house, and he owns everything, including me.  
 
You believe he owns you? Truely? If that is the case, then you are his slave, and as a slave you really do not have the right to snoop through his emails, unless of course snooping through his personal things was agreed upon prior to ownership.

Are we b/f-g/f, Master/slave, roommates or what?   I have no clue, we just coincide in the same house.  He tells me he owns me, he refers to me as his girlfriend to some people, and his friend to others, just depends on who he is talking too.    Usually he tells his ex's that we are friends.   Sometimes when he is angry at me, he tells me we are just friends.  
 
quote:

 So, I guess I don't really know, I just live here. 

 
To me, this is the most victimized statement I have heard you say. You live there, you have every right to know what the relationship dynamic is. If you believe him when he says he owns you, then he owns you. If you believe you are just his friend when he says you are his friend, then you are just his friend. IMO, it sounds like you need more definitions of what you are supposed to be with him. Living without understanding of what or who you are has got to be extremely hard on you. The only person who can get these answers is you. I do wish you the best and hopefully you will gets some peace out of this.




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Profile   Post #: 65
RE: Is it appropiate..... - 6/20/2006 11:03:40 AM   
scratchingpost


Posts: 231
Joined: 11/16/2005
Status: offline 		The D/s aspect has gone out the window apparently with the rest of your relationship. It seems you are staying out of convenience. If this is the case then no he doesnt have the right to do that if you are just platonic.

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purrrs kitty
(=^.^=)
www.misskittys-scratchingpost.com

(in reply to mew)
Profile   Post #: 66
RE: Is it appropiate..... - 6/22/2006 6:45:28 PM   
therahe


Posts: 21
Joined: 5/28/2006
Status: offline 		It's only appropriate if it's something you two have agreed on, which would be impossible if it's behind your back. There is a great deal of trust between a Master and slave/submissive, perhaps even more so than a husband and wife. If the trust is broken, it's very hard to forgive. It is something you should discuss with your Master without being afraid. If he really cares for you, then you two should be able to discuss any and all problems, especially those that pertain your trust in him.

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erotic nightmares

(in reply to mew)
Profile   Post #: 67
RE: Is it appropiate..... - 6/22/2006 6:59:46 PM   
enigmabrat


Posts: 2383
Joined: 8/1/2004
Status: offline 		Man I hate when men use BDSM to treat girls like shit... this is like the 4th thread exactly like this that Iv seen in the last 2 weeks.... that tells me this happens way to often and it makes me sick to see men who think oh great I can take advantage of girls all I have to do is say Im a Master and I can own someone and do as I please with them.. these men are not Masters they are users and it pisses me off!!

_____________________________

Leather strap $85.00 on Master card
Wooden paddle $50.00 on Master card
ratten cane $48.00 on Master card

a Master that can use them all Priceless

(in reply to therahe)
Profile   Post #: 68
RE: Is it appropiate..... - 6/22/2006 7:15:02 PM   
MistressOfGa


Posts: 2929
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: enigmabrat

Man I hate when men use BDSM to treat girls like shit... this is like the 4th thread exactly like this that Iv seen in the last 2 weeks.... that tells me this happens way to often and it makes me sick to see men who think oh great I can take advantage of girls all I have to do is say Im a Master and I can own someone and do as I please with them.. these men are not Masters they are users and it pisses me off!!

It makes me just as sick to see the girls allowing themselves to be taken advantage of. The shoe fits both feet here.

_____________________________





(in reply to enigmabrat)
Profile   Post #: 69
RE: Is it appropiate..... - 6/22/2006 7:28:33 PM   
marieToo


Posts: 3595
Joined: 5/21/2006
From: Jersey
Status: offline 		Is there a cock and ball torture thread, where we could put Taggard until this is over?

(in reply to mistoferin)
Profile   Post #: 70
RE: Is it appropiate..... - 6/22/2006 7:30:54 PM   
marieToo


Posts: 3595
Joined: 5/21/2006
From: Jersey
Status: offline 		Now....To the OP. If something doesnt feel right in the relationship, I would suggest talking to your Master about it, in a non-accusatory way. 

<Do not worry about being sold, you're not really on a plantation>  

(in reply to marieToo)
Profile   Post #: 71
RE: Is it appropiate..... - 6/22/2006 7:46:50 PM   
enigmabrat


Posts: 2383
Joined: 8/1/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressOfGa

quote:

ORIGINAL: enigmabrat

Man I hate when men use BDSM to treat girls like shit... this is like the 4th thread exactly like this that Iv seen in the last 2 weeks.... that tells me this happens way to often and it makes me sick to see men who think oh great I can take advantage of girls all I have to do is say Im a Master and I can own someone and do as I please with them.. these men are not Masters they are users and it pisses me off!!

It makes me just as sick to see the girls allowing themselves to be taken advantage of. The shoe fits both feet here.


Yes you are right... the subs are the pray and the fake Master the predetor and its sad

_____________________________

Leather strap $85.00 on Master card
Wooden paddle $50.00 on Master card
ratten cane $48.00 on Master card

a Master that can use them all Priceless

(in reply to MistressOfGa)
Profile   Post #: 72
RE: Is it appropiate..... - 6/22/2006 7:55:15 PM   
trippingdaisy


Posts: 113
Joined: 6/3/2006
From: Georgia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: enigmabrat
Yes you are right... the subs are the pray and the fake Master the predetor and its sad


i disagree. i am not prey. i am perfectly capable of NOT being prey. If something is happening that i know shouldn't be, i am okay with saying, 'This isn't right, and i deserve better.'

If a sub, or ANY woman, makes herself 'prey' to anyone, then it's just as much her fault. If my Master did something that broke enough trust to actually break the relationship...and i stay? That is just as much my fault as His.

(in reply to enigmabrat)
Profile   Post #: 73
RE: Is it appropiate..... - 6/22/2006 9:23:02 PM   
MistressOfGa


Posts: 2929
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: enigmabrat

quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressOfGa

quote:

ORIGINAL: enigmabrat

Man I hate when men use BDSM to treat girls like shit... this is like the 4th thread exactly like this that Iv seen in the last 2 weeks.... that tells me this happens way to often and it makes me sick to see men who think oh great I can take advantage of girls all I have to do is say Im a Master and I can own someone and do as I please with them.. these men are not Masters they are users and it pisses me off!!

It makes me just as sick to see the girls allowing themselves to be taken advantage of. The shoe fits both feet here.


Yes you are right... the subs are the pray and the fake Master the predetor and its sad


How did you get THAT out of my post? I said nothing of the kind. Read my post again. Don't make up words that aren't written to suit your opinion.

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Profile   Post #: 74
RE: Is it appropiate..... - 6/22/2006 9:26:13 PM   
MistressOfGa


Posts: 2929
Status: offline
quote:

i disagree. i am not prey. i am perfectly capable of NOT being prey. If something is happening that i know shouldn't be, i am okay with saying, 'This isn't right, and i deserve better.'

If a sub, or ANY woman, makes herself 'prey' to anyone, then it's just as much her fault. If my Master did something that broke enough trust to actually break the relationship...and i stay? That is just as much my fault as His.

 
Thank you Trippingdaisy for reading my post for what it was. That is exactly what *I* was talking about.

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Profile   Post #: 75
RE: Is it appropiate..... - 6/22/2006 9:55:42 PM   
trippingdaisy


Posts: 113
Joined: 6/3/2006
From: Georgia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressOfGa
Thank you Trippingdaisy for reading my post for what it was. That is exactly what *I* was talking about.


You're very welcome. :) i'm glad You said it, because i was going to!

(in reply to MistressOfGa)
Profile   Post #: 76
RE: Is it appropiate..... - 6/23/2006 6:22:24 AM   
storms


Posts: 3
Joined: 11/28/2004
Status: offline 		I could not agree more. If you are only sticking around for another 10 months and jetting once school ends, then what's the problem. However, by the way it sounds and what you have written it does matter to and you're not being honest with yourself about only sticking around until school ends.



(in reply to feastie)
Profile   Post #: 77
RE: Is it appropiate..... - 6/23/2006 8:42:54 AM   
wouldlike2


Posts: 89
Joined: 9/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: mew

   
 
I am a full time college student, and have only 10 months to go before I graduate.  Due to the importance of my education, I decided to stay and try and stick it out for 10 more months.    The ex g/f emailed us both and said that she was going to decline his invitation to visit because she did not want to get in the middle, and realized it made me uncomfortable.  


 



hello mew,

i am not a person wanna blame someone neither wanna judge - but as far as i read Your lines and the statement You did here i would like to share my opinion.
relationships do fail - there is at least no guarantee if things work out well and hopefuly will be endless...
for me a relationship is based on honesty and trust. beside respect and love...
as far as i see from Your lines i do not find these values in Your relationship. neither from You - trust issue - neither from Him when accussing , and things gonna hurt You..
so why should there be any sense in keeping the relationship ongoing when there is no foundation?
except - like You told the mental fact of i will graduate in 10 months.
myself i could not do that - but i am very emotional and honest. and i will not let circumstances then determine if i keep a relation ongoing. i will take responsibility of my own...
fact is indeed - if You decide by Yourself to keep that relation ongoing - even with the background of Your  graduate and that is what You put in... i will not be amazed about that the output is just that what You put in...and thats not a lot...
there is always a balance...
if You can live with that  - its fine...
so definitly its up to You....

just my two cents

pet


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Profile   Post #: 78
RE: Is it appropriate..... - 6/23/2006 8:48:56 AM   
amayos


Posts: 1553
Joined: 6/2/2004
From: New England
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: mew

Is it appropiate for "your" Master to do things behind your back such as, emailing old girl friends, or talking to other women?
As a slave, is it really none of your business if he does that, and keeps it a secret?


That would entirely depend upon one's definition of "slave" and the doctrine round and about it. Some take the word quite literally, others see it as a more romantic synonym to garnish their submission.

From my point of view, a slave is a slave. A slave's entitlements, egocentricities and ideals of possession are to be removed; it is not his or her place to lay claim or dictate right or wrong to the Owner. It is the slave's place to serve selflessly. A portion of this I can teach, but in my experience it's best to make something whole from only the best cloth. When seeking a slave, it befits one to be selective, not only of physical beauty and wellness, but of sound disposition, intellect and willingness to serve both lovingly and true—without entitlement or hidden caveats. The search is in itself an art of mining the human reef of souls, for most are ill-suited to be what a slave is to be by consent alone.

In my estimation, if a slave is harboring resentment and judgment over her Master's dealings with other females, and he in turn hides those details from her for fear of her anger or jealousy, both "slave" and "Master" are not in the right place.



< Message edited by amayos -- 6/23/2006 9:44:08 AM >

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Profile   Post #: 79
RE: Is it appropriate..... - 6/23/2006 11:58:20 AM   
CreativeDominant


Posts: 11032
Joined: 3/11/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: amayos

quote:

ORIGINAL: mew

Is it appropiate for "your" Master to do things behind your back such as, emailing old girl friends, or talking to other women?
As a slave, is it really none of your business if he does that, and keeps it a secret?


That would entirely depend upon one's definition of "slave" and the doctrine round and about it. Some take the word quite literally, others see it as a more romantic synonym to garnish their submission.

From my point of view, a slave is a slave. A slave's entitlements, egocentricities and ideals of possession are to be removed; it is not his or her place to lay claim or dictate right or wrong to the Owner. It is the slave's place to serve selflessly. A portion of this I can teach, but in my experience it's best to make something whole from only the best cloth. When seeking a slave, it befits one to be selective, not only of physical beauty and wellness, but of sound disposition, intellect and willingness to serve both lovingly and true—without entitlement or hidden caveats. The search is in itself an art of mining the human reef of souls, for most are ill-suited to be what a slave is to be by consent alone.

In my estimation, if a slave is harboring resentment and judgment over her Master's dealings with other females, and he in turn hides those details from her for fear of her anger or jealousy, both "slave" and "Master" are not in the right place.


You know, my mind still has trouble wrapping around the whole Master/Mistress/consensual slave thing but I will say this:  From the standpoint of one who believes in such relationships, you did a beautiful job of explaining your feelings and thoughts about this situation. 

It's been said that many times, male dominants almost seem to take joy in tearing apart another male dominant...this time, as one male dominant to another, I wanted to pay you a compliment.  Nicely said!

(in reply to amayos)
Profile   Post #: 80
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