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RE: Red Flags That You Missed - 12/30/2012 4:09:08 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		mine with the ex-dom was the drama he had with his past relationships. I was his friend before we ever hooked up and at the time he was married and they both had their own separate subs. His sub at the time was a drug abuser and huge drama llama and causing constant problems. His marriage also was not in the best of places and he was a huge packrat to the point I couldn't stand to even walk into his home.

Then his sub just disappeared and left for some guy in Florida and somehow I became involved with him even though he was still married. I can't blame him entirely though since I was not in the best of places either since my husband had just died and I was a complete wreck. I was desperate for intimacy of any kind and wanted someone to rescue me. He was a rescuer. But I also knew from all the porn he watched, I was not the type he was attracted to so I should not have been surprised when he found a tiny, petite, young thing who also needed 'rescuing".

Everything unraveled from there and our relationship ended violently. It's been years now though and I'm no longer angry at him. I'm indifferent to him and rarely even think about him.

My only regret was bringing my daughter into the situation at the time and I know it caused problems on her that are still with her today.


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Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Red Flags That You Missed - 12/30/2012 4:14:34 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ResidentSadist


quote:

ORIGINAL: Kana


quote:

ORIGINAL: ResidentSadist

She said, "I'll really broke down and took some time off after my last relationship ended".
In reality: She had a mental breakdown, her kids were taken away and she was committed for stalking.


. . . do background checks is all I am sayin'. They hide those red flags everywhere.



Ya know, stalking a sadist might not be the brightest of ideas

I can't imagine it turning out well for anyone stalking Kana.

Just sayin'


Now ya tell me! hrmph


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Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Red Flags That You Missed - 12/30/2012 5:01:56 PM   
ResidentSadist


Posts: 12580
Joined: 2/11/2007
From: a mean old Daddy, but I like you - Joni Mitchell
Status: offline 		^ LMAO

_____________________________

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I give good thread.

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Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Red Flags That You Missed - 12/30/2012 5:22:10 PM   
Moonlightmaddnes


Posts: 958
Joined: 6/4/2012
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ResidentSadist


quote:

ORIGINAL: Kana


quote:

ORIGINAL: ResidentSadist

She said, "I'll really broke down and took some time off after my last relationship ended".
In reality: She had a mental breakdown, her kids were taken away and she was committed for stalking.


. . . do background checks is all I am sayin'. They hide those red flags everywhere.



Ya know, stalking a sadist might not be the brightest of ideas

I can't imagine it turning out well for anyone stalking Kana.

Just sayin'

LOL!! So you can add not very bright to being a stalker. There are just some people you do not mess with.

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Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Red Flags That You Missed - 12/30/2012 5:58:16 PM   
StrictlyADomina


Posts: 103
Joined: 7/11/2011
Status: offline 		Red Flag: Any married male when you don't meet the wife first and verify for yourself she is fine with the D/s relationship.
Red Flag: Any lie or half truth
Major Red Flag: Anyone who threatens, thrash talks ex-relationships, treats anyone poorly, attempts to limit your access to friends and family, possessive, pushy, demanding and jealous. These are some characteristics of abusers. (I also think that abusers should be publicly shot....put that is probably a topic for another forum.)
Red Flag: Won't do a reasonable homework assignment.
Red Flag: Won't give phone number.
Red Flag: "I'm coming into your town....."
Red Flag: "I have to be discrete" (Yes, confidentiality is essential we all agree about that. This is not what I'm talking about.)
Red Flag: Won't do background check
Red Flag: You suspensions are raised for any reason or your close friends suspicions are raised.
Red Flag: Profile is full of porn pics
Red Flag: He proudly displays a dick pic as the main profile pic.
Red Flag: No grasp of the English language.
Red Flag: They are 600+ miles from you. (What? There is NO one closer? Right.)
Red Flag: Will not get involved with any reputable fetish club even one in a neighboring city.
Red Flag: Their profile writing is wank fodder listing in great detail their fantasy.
Red Flag: Their fetishes consist of only things to do with their penis or anus.

******************************************
Your mileage may vary.


< Message edited by StrictlyADomina -- 12/30/2012 5:59:47 PM >

(in reply to Moonlightmaddnes)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Red Flags That You Missed - 12/30/2012 8:23:42 PM   
ResidentSadist


Posts: 12580
Joined: 2/11/2007
From: a mean old Daddy, but I like you - Joni Mitchell
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Moonlightmaddnes


quote:

ORIGINAL: ResidentSadist


quote:

ORIGINAL: Kana


quote:

ORIGINAL: ResidentSadist

She said, "I'll really broke down and took some time off after my last relationship ended".
In reality: She had a mental breakdown, her kids were taken away and she was committed for stalking.


. . . do background checks is all I am sayin'. They hide those red flags everywhere.



Ya know, stalking a sadist might not be the brightest of ideas

I can't imagine it turning out well for anyone stalking Kana.

Just sayin'

LOL!! So you can add not very bright to being a stalker. There are just some people you do not mess with.

Seriously, it was my bad because I was blinded by the b(.)(.)bage. Hey, I am a guy. Sometimes I make guy type mistakes.

_____________________________

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I give good thread.

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Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Red Flags That You Missed - 12/30/2012 8:28:56 PM   
theRose4U


Posts: 3403
Joined: 8/22/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: VioletViolence

These are from different guys, I'm just going to list them as they pop into my head

1) Hearing the words "I have major trust issues" less than a week into the relationship
2) Hearing the words "I love you" less than a week into the relationship
3) Talking about getting married in 6 months and having a baby when we'd been dating for 2 weeks
4) Him telling me "I burn through girlfriends in about three months"
5) Bashing his ex's, while taking no responsibility for his part in the relationship falling apart
6) Wanting to spend all our free time together. Like, ALL our free time, except when he got pissed at me and wanted his own space.
7) Getting mad when I don't immediately text back, even when out with friends or at work
8) Wanting me to install an app that shows someone where you are at all times
9) Snooping through my phone and email
10) Treating me like shit because of past trauma and bad relationships. I am not your ex's, don't take their mistakes out on me.
11) Demanding all sorts of things right off the bat, while refusing to do the same things in return because I haven't "earned them yet" and other blatantly hypocritical behaviors
12) Fucking me without a condom before we'd agreed to do so

Except for the condom thing (he tried & failed to slip that one by) I dated this guy!!

I've had some doozies:
Wondersub that always brought chinese & movie to my place that finally dumped because of instincts was picked up by police 2 weeks later for insider trading & imbezzlement. His WIFE (not ex as he claimed) died of breast cancer during trial.

Edge play guy that we got along in other ways finally left "because I'm not kinky enough" then begged to come back (umm no)

Sub with controlling mommy issues

Guy my dog hated that was on the news for beating a woman into a coma the same day I threw him out of the house (first date never made it out the door)

Widowed guy that wanted me to quit my job & move across country after 2 IRL dates & daily phone over 6 weeks.

Strangely guys I knock unconscious in first 30 minutes of knowing have been best & longest relationships.
(For record relationships only start after consciousness is regained)

< Message edited by theRose4U -- 12/30/2012 8:35:36 PM >

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(in reply to VioletViolence)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Red Flags That You Missed - 12/30/2012 8:50:29 PM   
tidbit5021


Posts: 49
Joined: 11/26/2012
Status: offline 		1. Guy who told me I had to order off the "special" section of the menu on our first date because he had a coupon.
2. The one who asked, while we were having sex, if I would sleep with his brother and tell them who was better in bed.
3. The ones who whine or get mad when I don't email, text or call them back quickly enough.
4. The guy who "confessed" that he spent 6 hours a day watching porn--instead of going to work.
5. Anyone who persists in asking for my number, picture, personal email, etc after I've told him no when first messaging.
6. Anyone who wants to control all the communication and face-to-face time.

(in reply to theRose4U)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Red Flags That You Missed - 12/30/2012 9:08:53 PM   
NuevaVida


Posts: 6707
Joined: 8/5/2008
Status: offline 		~ Fast Reply ~

I was my biggest red flag. Like others have said, I ignored red flag warning signs. I ignored lies because I wanted to believe them. I put myself in the wrong person's hands because I didn't value myself and just needed/wanted a place to belong.

That was a long time ago.

_____________________________

Live Simply. Love Generously. Care Deeply. Speak Kindly.



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Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Red Flags That You Missed - 12/30/2012 9:57:54 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		Yup, exactly NV. That was my experience as well and thus why I never blamed it entirely on the ex. I was just as responsible as he was.


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Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Red Flags That You Missed - 12/30/2012 10:05:58 PM   
lmpishlilhellcat


Posts: 500
Joined: 8/25/2011
Status: offline 		I'm sure there were a ton of red flags, but I was young and stupid and missed them all. He was much older and supposedly much wiser. I can't think of all the red flags even now, except the time he emptied our bank account of everything including grocery money. Or the time I had to come home from NY to go to a family funeral and he threw a fit because he was afraid I was leaving him. Or that he was encouraging me to drop out of college to permanently move to NY to be with him. The thing that ended it was the time he beat the crap out of me because I asked him to move away from the fridge door as I was making dinner. It wasn't pretty and I was barely standing. I literally had to pack my bags and leave in the middle of the night. This wasn't the only bodily damage he did. Often times the things he did were masked in BDSM activities, but much more severe and lacked after care. There are things that to this day I simply cannot participate in, they cause pure panic attacks. Even after I left him, I was getting calls from mutual friends saying that he was making threats about making me pay. I was later told by friends and family that they often didn't know from day to day if I was going to be dead or alive.

< Message edited by lmpishlilhellcat -- 12/30/2012 10:08:01 PM >

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Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Red Flags That You Missed - 12/30/2012 10:34:46 PM   
NuevaVida


Posts: 6707
Joined: 8/5/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

Yup, exactly NV. That was my experience as well and thus why I never blamed it entirely on the ex. I was just as responsible as he was.


There was no way I could put myself in a better place and make good choices for myself until I held myself accountable for past choices, and learned from them.

_____________________________

Live Simply. Love Generously. Care Deeply. Speak Kindly.



(in reply to littlewonder)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Red Flags That You Missed - 12/31/2012 5:23:07 AM   
everhope


Posts: 2179
Joined: 8/19/2007
Status: offline 		big RED flags.

paying his rent 2 months before ever meeting in person.
paying cable, electric bill and depositing money in his bank account so it wouldn't bounce. again all before meeting him in person.

his car breaking down when he picked me up from the airport and him not having the ways and means to rent a car to get us to his place. (no credit card)

his reasons for all the break-ups of previous relationships (which are many) was never his fault and according to him several of them were mentally ill. until there was distance from him, i didn't see that pattern.

i was blinded by his charm, humor, intelligence and his ability to make me feel emotionally attached very early into communicating with him.
i needed that at the time.


i take full responsibility for my stupidity in not realizing that in some sense i was buying his Dominance.
now, i think of it as people pay lots of money for seminars to learn different things in life.
he was a cheap lesson for what i learned about red flags and more importantly what i learned about myself.

he is missing a great business opportunity actually. Rent a Dom may be a very successful biz especially since the success of the Shades.



_____________________________

may we all find our bliss

Resident VWB

We all die.
The goal isn't to live forever.
The goal is to create something that will.






(in reply to NuevaVida)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Red Flags That You Missed - 12/31/2012 9:02:06 AM   
FreeFromSin


Posts: 38
Joined: 8/3/2012
Status: offline 		If he hunts and eats squirrels, (and skins them) it is a red flag.

If he vacations with his supposidely ex wife, he's married.

If he doesn't invite you to his place, it's a red flag.
if he doesn't talk on the phone or text, it's a red-flag.

If he hasn't ever been married or divorced or had a child, it's a red-flag.

If he takes his doggie to a beauty poochie salon on his lunch hour, it's a red-flag.

If he lies about his age or refuses to tell you his age, it's a red-flag.

If he lives with a stripper, junkie, turned escort hooker, it's a red-flag.

Good news? You can find this all out online or via phone before you commit to any blind-dates.

Also: unless he always behaves chivalrous or is an Atheist, don’t waste your time even getting to know him.

_____________________________

The Cat's Meow.

(in reply to ResidentSadist)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Red Flags That You Missed - 12/31/2012 9:20:40 AM   
MAINEiacMISTRESS


Posts: 1180
Joined: 9/12/2012
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: FreeFromSin

If he hunts and eats squirrels, (and skins them) it is a red flag.

If he vacations with his supposidely ex wife, he's married.

If he doesn't invite you to his place, it's a red flag.
if he doesn't talk on the phone or text, it's a red-flag.

If he hasn't ever been married or divorced or had a child, it's a red-flag.

If he takes his doggie to a beauty poochie salon on his lunch hour, it's a red-flag.

If he lies about his age or refuses to tell you his age, it's a red-flag.

If he lives with a stripper, junkie, turned escort hooker, it's a red-flag.

Good news? You can find this all out online or via phone before you commit to any blind-dates.

Also: unless he always behaves chivalrous or is an Atheist, don’t waste your time even getting to know him.


How is hunting and eating squirrels a red flag? He could just enjoy the outdoors and squirrels can be real pests if they find their way into your house (VERY destructive). So what if the food he eats is "out of the ordinary", keep in mind that LOBSTER was considered "junk" originally and not fit for proper people to eat.

Now, if he was just going around killing animals for ENTERTAINMENT, that would be a red flag.

The rest I agree with.

(in reply to FreeFromSin)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Red Flags That You Missed - 12/31/2012 9:24:30 AM   
MAINEiacMISTRESS


Posts: 1180
Joined: 9/12/2012
Status: offline 		Oh, and a HUGE red flag is if he's got a REEEEEEEALLY close relationship with his mom or even a sister. I've seen situations where a man was so close to his mother that he'd include the mother on all their special outings and the girlfriend was the 3rd wheel. If a man is close with his mother, trust Me, you will never be more than his fuck-provider. He has his mom for companionship and everything else.

(in reply to MAINEiacMISTRESS)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Red Flags That You Missed - 12/31/2012 9:25:21 AM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: FreeFromSin

If he vacations with his supposidely ex wife, he's married.


My father vacationed with my mother's family until I was a teenager even though they divorced when I was three. It was part of the effort to make sure that I had a happy childhood even though I came from a divorced family. They're still friends to this day and talk on the phone a couple of times a month.



quote:

If he takes his doggie to a beauty poochie salon on his lunch hour, it's a red-flag.


So, taking care of his dog is a red flag? Jeez, I'll have to tell Master to stop taking the dogs to the groomer.



< Message edited by OsideGirl -- 12/31/2012 9:26:19 AM >

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Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Red Flags That You Missed - 12/31/2012 9:50:25 AM   
lmpishlilhellcat


Posts: 500
Joined: 8/25/2011
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl

quote:

ORIGINAL: FreeFromSin



quote:

If he takes his doggie to a beauty poochie salon on his lunch hour, it's a red-flag.


So, taking care of his dog is a red flag? Jeez, I'll have to tell Master to stop taking the dogs to the groomer.














No kidding! I better tell my husband, he fawns over our dogs.

< Message edited by lmpishlilhellcat -- 12/31/2012 9:51:10 AM >

_____________________________

Your IQ test results came back negative.

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Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Red Flags That You Missed - 12/31/2012 10:18:02 AM   
sexyred1


Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: FreeFromSin

If he hasn't ever been married or divorced or had a child, it's a red-flag.




I don't see that as necessarily a red flag. Some people have not yet met the right person to marry, or have a child with. Some people cannot have children.

(in reply to FreeFromSin)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: Red Flags That You Missed - 12/31/2012 10:27:28 AM   
SinFix


Posts: 866
Joined: 4/1/2011
Status: offline 		I am thinking you are one huge red flag given your recent posts...

(in reply to FreeFromSin)
Profile   Post #: 40
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