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RE: Red Flags That You Missed - 12/31/2012 7:46:25 PM   
TemptingNviceSub


Posts: 3054
Joined: 10/1/2005
Status: offline 		Actually I paid attention to 90% of red flags, which usually only resulted in one IRL meet.
1-when they talk about their divorce and the financial disagreements they had for 5 years and money spent on lawyers.
2-when they expect you to carry a conversation while they grunt in response to your attempts.
3-when they go through 6 jobs while you are still communicating via e-mail and phone for 6 months.
4-when they violate hard limits set even via phone, and when reminded, they state that it was deserved because you "pissed them off"
5-when only one phone number supplied (cell) and after a few months of relationship development, you still have not been to their place,met a family member etc..
6-when you meet for first time and they only talk of past relationship they had and how wonderful it was, and how nothing will ever be comparable.
7-when you meet for first time and their eyes are constantly roving to all the other women in the room.
So hence have been disappointed, but fortunately no trauma or abuse experienced, and for that I am grateful.:0)

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RE: Red Flags That You Missed - 12/31/2012 7:50:33 PM   
Moonlightmaddnes


Posts: 958
Joined: 6/4/2012
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ResidentSadist


quote:

ORIGINAL: Moonlightmaddnes


quote:

ORIGINAL: ResidentSadist


quote:

ORIGINAL: Kana


quote:

ORIGINAL: ResidentSadist

She said, "I'll really broke down and took some time off after my last relationship ended".
In reality: She had a mental breakdown, her kids were taken away and she was committed for stalking.


. . . do background checks is all I am sayin'. They hide those red flags everywhere.



Ya know, stalking a sadist might not be the brightest of ideas

I can't imagine it turning out well for anyone stalking Kana.

Just sayin'

LOL!! So you can add not very bright to being a stalker. There are just some people you do not mess with.

Seriously, it was my bad because I was blinded by the b(.)(.)bage. Hey, I am a guy. Sometimes I make guy type mistakes.


Ah well live and learn. Some women are all boobs and no brains.



And hunts and eats squirrels is a red flag?? Well that is half the guys in this county.

Never married divoriced or had children is a red flag? I know some older guys that never married and never had children. I know a guy that went from a 30 something single guy to married and father to 3 children when he married a woman here who's husband had been killed in a car accident. It happens.
When my daughter started being very social and thinking everyone was her best friend I read a book from Gavin Becker called Protecting the Gift. He has another one called The Gift of Fear. He pointed out that political correctness has taught us to ignore our own intuition. I think a lot of red flags boils down to our own gut feelings about a person.

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RE: Red Flags That You Missed - 12/31/2012 7:52:17 PM   
NuevaVida


Posts: 6707
Joined: 8/5/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: lizi


quote:

ORIGINAL: Nakhla


His ex's testicles in a jar on the mantlepiece.



Ok, well everyone can just go home now, not sure anyone can beat that


LOL!!!!!


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Profile   Post #: 63
RE: Red Flags That You Missed - 12/31/2012 8:01:56 PM   
WinsomeDefiance


Posts: 6719
Joined: 8/7/2007
Status: offline
quote:

And hunts and eats squirrels is a red flag?? Well that is half the guys in this county.


Hmm, I've hunted, killed, skinned and cooked squirrel - so it isn't just the guys. Kinda cool though, I made the red flag list. Do I lose red flag points, if i cried after killing the squirrel and swore to never kill again?

< Message edited by WinsomeDefiance -- 12/31/2012 8:03:53 PM >

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RE: Red Flags That You Missed - 12/31/2012 8:03:37 PM   
Moonlightmaddnes


Posts: 958
Joined: 6/4/2012
Status: offline 		Oh yes women too. LOL I see just as many women holding dead animals up for the camera on facebook as guys.

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RE: Red Flags That You Missed - 12/31/2012 8:35:29 PM   
punisher440


Posts: 4122
Joined: 4/10/2011
Status: offline 		My worst trifecta of red flags started off a friend trying to set me up with a blind date.
1)After a fairly short YIM chat,she wanted to hear my voice,so I gave her my number.After a few minutes of non-sexual chat,I start hearing this slight buzzing sound followed by heavy breathing.I had 2 thoughts run through my head...my voice really got her going,quickly followed by the words "run Forrest,run" .Too bad I didn't listen to the later.
2)After agreeing to a double date with the friend that hooked me up with her,she asked me to take her home[my friend and her date had picked her up].I was not planning anything but going home because she just wasn't doing it for me.When we arrived at her house,I needed to use the bathroom before my hour long drive home.After using the restroom I walked out into the hall to find her in a teddy with no panties...and needless to say the little head won that argument against the "run Forrest,run" thought.In the afterglow,we are laying there and I hear these words whispered in my ear..."You remind me sooooo much of my dead husband who died in this bed of a heart attack about 6 months ago after we made love".Needless to say there wasn't a little voice this time,it was shouting "RUN FORREST,RUN" this time and I left about as fast as humanly possible.I called her later and told her I did not think she was what I was looking for and let her down as best I could.
3) After finding her in my driveway about a week later when I came home from work after a 16 hour day when I had never told her where I lived,I warned her off again.After the 3rd time of finding her in my driveway, I informed her if I found her on my property again,she would be arrested and informed the local deputies of the situation[I know them all very well..small county].

After ignoring the red flag at first with this one,I quickly learned to listen to the little voice in my head before it has to holler at me.

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Profile   Post #: 66
RE: Red Flags That You Missed - 12/31/2012 8:56:49 PM   
JeffBC


Posts: 5799
Joined: 2/12/2012
From: Canada
Status: offline 		Reading this thread I have my first ever red flag... People who have a list of red flags.
Man... Some of those were incomprehensible to me. Actually, an awful lot of them were.

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Profile   Post #: 67
RE: Red Flags That You Missed - 12/31/2012 9:11:21 PM   
lizi


Posts: 4673
Joined: 2/1/2009
Status: offline 		Someone who disappeared whenever it seemed like he might have some responsibility to man up to.

Berating me for bringing issues to the table after repeatedly telling me I could talk to him about anything. I guess I was just supposed to let them explode in our faces or build into mountains.

Leading me on for plans on things we were supposed to do, and then canceling at last minute because he ended up having to work or do something else. He couldn't tell me earlier though because he "couldn't bear to disappoint me." Oh please...disappoint me, and do it earlier please so I can plan something else

Going missing in action to the point where I had to call his mother to find out if he was still alive.

Always interrupting me. At times I couldn't even get out one sentence without having him interrupt - even when he asked me questions.

Someone I just started talking to recently kept writing these nice, but kind of flowery emails, when I finally looked at his profile it was all kink. I pointed out the difference, and he kept on with the romanticized emails. Which seemed odd, but I thought I'd try it out just a bit more. I cautiously went a baby step ahead and invited him to IM. He accepted, we chatted, he asked me questions about what I liked in kink- I said we wouldn't be talking about that at this point. Ok. Then 2 minutes later he asked another question about kink. I told him thanks for your time but this conversation is over. I won't be talking to him again. Don't freaking ignore what I tell you on what makes me uncomfortable or think you can sneak it in and I won't notice. I should have known by the profile.

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Profile   Post #: 68
RE: Red Flags That You Missed - 12/31/2012 9:57:11 PM   
RemoteUser


Posts: 2854
Joined: 5/10/2011
Status: offline 		I've had more red flags in Vanillaland than in Raunchy Ranch. Mind you those were in hindsight, as I was young, and stupid.

Once I grasped those Vanilla-Red flags, Raunchy Ranch was a cake walk.

(To this day, though, I fall into unconventional relationships. If different was a red flag, it would define my life. Besides, if I'm that dumb I had it coming, if I don't learn from it I deserve both barrels. This current relationship is unconventional but damn is it fun. She makes me happy in ways I wasn't before. I'm good with that.)


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RE: Red Flags That You Missed - 1/1/2013 2:33:19 AM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		I admit I've never really had a lot of red flags when dating. I just kinda went into them thinking we had a connection or not and the talked to them for a long time and dated for a period of time and that is how I would figure out if we were compatible or not. I never really listed any red flags or looked for anything.

Some men I dated ended up being angry, violent men after two weeks of dating when their Mr. Nice Guy routine was starting to fade.
Others were great the entire time, nothing wrong with them. I just didn't feel anything for them.
Some were really strange from the very beginning.
Some were actually way too perfect for me and therefore we were out of each others' leagues.

I just find long lists of red flags to be strange and makes me wonder if the person is just using their past experiences with someone and now holding that against every single person they come across now instead of just looking at him/her for their own merits. It's like trying to rule someone out before you even know who they are.

But yeah...Nakhla wins the award!

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RE: Red Flags That You Missed - 1/1/2013 2:37:50 AM   
metamorfosis


Posts: 1132
Status: offline 		(Excessive) Complaining about an ex. Or perhaps: petty complaining, period.

Pam

< Message edited by metamorfosis -- 1/1/2013 2:41:01 AM >

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Profile   Post #: 71
RE: Red Flags That You Missed - 1/1/2013 5:45:23 AM   
ARIES83


Posts: 3648
Status: offline 		A lot of these "red flags" are just seeming like
signs and experiences that hint the other
person may not be compatible with them.

Aren't "Red Flags" suppose to be warning signs
that there may be something horribly wrong?

How does trying out a relationship and finding it
probably wouldn't work with that person turn
all the little things that made you not work
togeather a red flag...

Sure the testicles were probably a red flag, but
a guy that hunts squirrels?
I've hunted rabbits and skinned them, doesn't
mean I'm going to hunt and skin you...

Incompatible personalities, hobbies and
lifestyles aren't red flags IMO, just dating.

-Aries

PS, I've been diggin your posts on this
topic LW, keep up the good stuff!

< Message edited by ARIES83 -- 1/1/2013 6:12:03 AM >

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RE: Red Flags That You Missed - 1/1/2013 7:04:57 AM   
GotSteel


Posts: 5871
Joined: 2/19/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: mysouldesire
Red Flag: after several weeks of emailing and yahoo'ing . . . . the gent refuses to cam chat or verify himself on cam.
Red Flag: "I dont have a cam" bull crap, everyone has one now and usually skype is installed on all new computers in the last 5 yrs.
Red Flag: Communication is dead ended. I will use someone else's words here t better explain. "Most people have poor communications skills. I dislike it when I write a paragraph only to receive a dull sentence in return. It isn't always the volume of the text, but whether the content continues the conversation or not. I have nowhere to go when presented with a conversation terminating sentence."
Red Flag: When we begin to believe our perceptions instead of really paying attention to red flags.


I call bull crap on your bull crap. Not everyone has a cam. That said I'd consider the several weeks of emailing and yahoo'ing without having gotten around to a first date to be a red flag.

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Profile   Post #: 73
RE: Red Flags That You Missed - 1/1/2013 7:17:41 AM   
Bittenkiss


Posts: 19
Joined: 5/11/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Kana
Then, there was the chick I met who had no hand. That one was kinda, "WTF? When were you gonna mention this?" I mean, how the funk was I gonna handcuff her?


Hardly a red flag, maybe she'd tell you when she wasn't feeling so insecure about being labelled a freak by someone who'd taken enough time to know her as an individual first.

you just handcuff the other wrist, she's hardly going to be able to unlock it with her free stump now. I wonder, you can get hooks and artificial hands.. I wonder if you can get a handcuff attachment :)

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Profile   Post #: 74
RE: Red Flags That You Missed - 1/1/2013 8:30:28 AM   
lizi


Posts: 4673
Joined: 2/1/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ARIES83

A lot of these "red flags" are just seeming like
signs and experiences that hint the other
person may not be compatible with them.

Aren't "Red Flags" suppose to be warning signs
that there may be something horribly wrong?

How does trying out a relationship and finding it
probably wouldn't work with that person turn
all the little things that made you not work
togeather a red flag...

Sure the testicles were probably a red flag, but
a guy that hunts squirrels?
I've hunted rabbits and skinned them, doesn't
mean I'm going to hunt and skin you...

Incompatible personalities, hobbies and
lifestyles aren't red flags IMO, just dating.

-Aries

PS, I've been diggin your posts on this
topic LW, keep up the good stuff!


Aries, it seemed to me from the OP that this thread was about personal red flags, or things that we saw in our own relationships that we didn't pay attention to. As opposed to the general types of red flag threads that come around regularly where people try to warn others about overall pitfalls to look out for. So yes, these postings are mainly about people that were not compatible with the ones posting, and in retrospect, the poster is saying they should have seen the signs on the wall for a grave mismatch of themselves with that person. Although I'd say that there are some broad warnings on many of the postings that would apply to any situation.

When Athena outlined the premise for this thread she wrote:

"Most of us have had a bad experience with a relationship, D/s or otherwise, or a situation which ended up being much more dangerous than we imagined. I thought it would be interesting to share examples of warnings signs that we have missed in the past, both as a way of allowing others to learn from our mistakes, and as a way of reassuring those who have had these problems that they're not alone."

I have taken away some comfort from seeing that I'm not alone in my own life where I've stubbed my toe in not having relationship success. I am glad that the thread is here to read in exactly the form that it is, and I hope that more people post. A small feeling of solidarity can be a bit of relief at times when you are wondering why you were so stupid as to believe in something that you alone wanted to see. It's part of being a human being sometimes to want the picture book story.

(in reply to ARIES83)
Profile   Post #: 75
RE: Red Flags That You Missed - 1/1/2013 10:23:41 AM   
slaveluci


Posts: 4294
Joined: 3/2/2007
From: Little Rock, AR
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sexyred1


quote:

ORIGINAL: FreeFromSin

If he hasn't ever been married or divorced or had a child, it's a red-flag.




I don't see that as necessarily a red flag. Some people have not yet met the right person to marry, or have a child with. Some people cannot have children.

Exactly. As we have read regularly right here in these forums, many folks have children that never should have. I see it as a MUCH bigger red flag when people have children without giving it a second thought rather than purposely deciding not to do it if they think it's not something they should.

luci


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RE: Red Flags That You Missed - 1/1/2013 3:38:07 PM   
Aswad


Posts: 9374
Joined: 4/4/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: JeffBC

Reading this thread I have my first ever red flag... People who have a list of red flags.


Somehow, I just knew you would save me the time of having to point that one out.

I mean, even the testicles on the mantlepiece thing wouldn't be a dealbreaker (except I'm straight and on the dom side of the equation). It just means there's something that I need to wrap my head around to determine if it's going to work out or not. Granted, it would raise an eyebrow, but the first thing out of my mouth would be "uhm, so what's the story behind that jar there?" and in a calm tone at that.

IWYW,
— Aswad.


_____________________________

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From then on I knew: God doesn't make the world this way.
We do." -- Rorschack, Watchmen.


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Profile   Post #: 77
RE: Red Flags That You Missed - 1/1/2013 4:21:57 PM   
GotSteel


Posts: 5871
Joined: 2/19/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: JeffBC
Reading this thread I have my first ever red flag... People who have a list of red flags.
Man... Some of those were incomprehensible to me. Actually, an awful lot of them were.


ROTFL that's great.


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Profile   Post #: 78
RE: Red Flags That You Missed - 1/1/2013 6:16:19 PM   
PeonForHer


Posts: 19612
Joined: 9/27/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: JeffBC

Reading this thread I have my first ever red flag... People who have a list of red flags.
Man... Some of those were incomprehensible to me. Actually, an awful lot of them were.


Are you hinting at the fact that fussy women make you run a mile, Jeff? If so, I'm sure with you on that one. Overheard in a pub recently, one woman talking about her date to another:

" . . . and underneath his bed, I could see not just loads of *dust* but feathers from his *duvet*! I mean, how can people *live* like that?!"

Hell's bells. Shudder.



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Profile   Post #: 79
RE: Red Flags That You Missed - 1/1/2013 6:24:31 PM   
Spiritedsub2


Posts: 3316
Joined: 7/18/2012
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Aswad

I mean, even the testicles on the mantlepiece thing wouldn't be a dealbreaker (except I'm straight and on the dom side of the equation). It just means there's something that I need to wrap my head around to determine if it's going to work out or not. Granted, it would raise an eyebrow, but the first thing out of my mouth would be "uhm, so what's the story behind that jar there?" and in a calm tone at that.

IWYW,
— Aswad.


I believe this quote defines "unflappable". As an aside to Nakhla, I too would like to know the story behind the testicles on the mantlepiece.

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Profile   Post #: 80
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