New to bdsm and find a lot of it weird??

New to bdsm and find a lot of it weird?? (Full Version)

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con8ken -> New to bdsm and find a lot of it weird?? (1/22/2013 4:55:11 AM)
I'm new to all this, and I find it strange what people are doing, I can understand wanting some rough sex or a some pain, or being tied up etc, but the extremes are crazy. just because someone likes or gives consent to be treated in a certain way, doesn't mean that you should treat them that way whether you want to or not. IMHO if you where a rational person, thinking clearly, not delusional or have a mental problem, you would see that its not sane to want to treat or be treated, in a way that some people in the bdsm scene do. It's not of sound mind to participate in a lot of the acts that take place. There are a lot of people who are being brainwashed into believing there fantasy is reality, through pics/vids and talking with so called D's / M's on the Internet, who are nothing more than sadistic "Abusers" who use the fact that there are people with a warped sense of self and right and wrong, to vent their sick desires and lust for control. We all have desires but we curtail them out of respect and dignity, not only for ourselves but others. Saying they like it to happen an I like doing it, is not a reason to do something. Just because you can doesn't mean you should. Freedom of choice? Hmm I'm going round in circles now. I welcome any questions or challenges to my opinion/views. All the reading I've done and I'm not able to understand, so I've put up some of my views to be questioned in order to force me to think, maybe see what I've been missing.

AthenaSurrenders -> RE: New to bdsm and find a lot of it weird?? (1/22/2013 5:06:41 AM)
uh... welcome? Can you give us some examples of things that you consider to be wrong? Because if you are talking about a consensual scene in which one person is murdered by being shredded with a cheesegrater, I think most people will agree that engaging in that activity might both be unethical and an indicator of some type of mental illness. On the other hand, there are a great deal of activities which you might object to that other people find fulfilling and enjoyable. The only person who can make the judgment that a person isn't of sound mind is a mental health professional who has conducted a thorough examination. If two people are engaging in consensual acts with awareness of the risks, without imposing those risks or kinks on other people, and they feel it makes their life better in some way, then that's their privilege as adults to decide. Generally walking into a room full of people and saying 'I don't know much about this yet, but it's clear that you're all abusers and/or brainwashed sickos' is not going to go down well. Remember, there are abusers in all walks of life. The vast majority of dominants are not abusers, just like the vast majority of vanilla people are not abusers. Great harm can be done regardless of whether or not one chooses a BDSM type label.

AthenaSurrenders -> RE: New to bdsm and find a lot of it weird?? (1/22/2013 5:13:52 AM)
Further reply I just read your profile. Do you mind me asking what inspired you to make a profile here? If you think everyone engaging in SM is nuts or morally wrong, why do you want to mix with those people? Why put your face up on a site associated with these things? I'm just curious why you want to be here if you find it distressing? Something must have brought you here in the first place.

muhly22222 -> RE: New to bdsm and find a lot of it weird?? (1/22/2013 5:18:02 AM)
quote: just because someone likes or gives consent to be treated in a certain way, doesn't mean that you should treat them that way whether you want to or not. I don't understand the problem here. If Person A likes being treated in a certain way, and Person B likes treating them a certain way, why shouldn't they? Yes, that idea can be carried too far (dolcett girls, for instance), but in general, I don't see where there's a problem. It's two people who consent to act in a certain way; nobody else is involved, and it's nobody else's business. Yes, there are abusers out there, and everybody knows it. But just because two people like doing something that you find distasteful doesn't mean that they shouldn't do it, or that one person is abusing the other one. Hell, there are some people out there, on both sides, who consider fisting to be totally off-limits...but you like it. Does that mean you're an abuser? Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that you are. But I always find it a smart idea to turn an idea back on yourself before adopting it as your opinion...at least if you want to be consistent.

kalikshama -> RE: New to bdsm and find a lot of it weird?? (1/22/2013 5:20:56 AM)
Someone "vented his sick desires and lust for control" on my helpless innocent body all weekend - I'd don't think I've ever orgasmed so hard or so much.

poise -> RE: New to bdsm and find a lot of it weird?? (1/22/2013 5:23:15 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: con8ken just because someone likes or gives consent to be treated in a certain way, doesn't mean that you should treat them that way So other peoples wants/needs should go unfulfilled because you think it's weird or strange? What about your needs? Why is it ok for you to no longer seek out vanilla relationships, but no one else can simply because it offends you? quote: ORIGINAL: con8ken It's not of sound mind to participate in a lot of the acts that take place. On the contrary. It actually takes someone who has the ability to focus, the ability to read their partners reaction, and a great deal of self control. I have a feeling your exposure to these despicable acts has only been through porn, where they actually make millions in delivering a fantasy scenario. quote: ORIGINAL: con8ken There are a lot of people who are being brainwashed into believing there fantasy is reality. There are a whole heck of a lot more people who are actually in happy, healthy and joyous relationships because someone came into their life and made their fantasy a reality. You might do well by reading up on R.A.C.K (Risk Aware Consensual Kink) and SSC (Safe Sane and Consensual)

DarkSteven -> RE: New to bdsm and find a lot of it weird?? (1/22/2013 5:32:05 AM)
Depends on what you mean. if you mean consensual amputation or something, then, yeah, I agree with you. If you mean whipping or needle play when the Top knows what he or she is doing, then I disagree.

GotSteel -> RE: New to bdsm and find a lot of it weird?? (1/22/2013 5:39:31 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: muhly22222 quote: just because someone likes or gives consent to be treated in a certain way, doesn't mean that you should treat them that way whether you want to or not. I don't understand the problem here. If Person A likes being treated in a certain way, and Person B likes treating them a certain way, why shouldn't they? Well this could be interpreted as the OP simply advocating SSC. No idea what he actually means though as his post seems to assume we have telepathic powers.

MissBlueangel -> RE: New to bdsm and find a lot of it weird?? (1/22/2013 5:39:59 AM)
Have to agree with AthenaS...why are you on a bdsm site if you think we all crazies

Hillwilliam -> RE: New to bdsm and find a lot of it weird?? (1/22/2013 5:44:17 AM)
Let me see if I ken what you're thinking OP. Are you saying that if 2 people are in a relationship and one is a Sadist who enjoys inflicting pain and the other is a masochist who enjoys recieving pain they shouldn't be allowed to do what they like? Should they be told that the only thing they are allowed to do sexually is missionary position without birth control with the lights out?

TenderTorment -> RE: New to bdsm and find a lot of it weird?? (1/22/2013 6:07:16 AM)
Interesting first post OP. You admit yourself that despite all the reading you have done you still don't understand, and perhaps there in lies your issue, Just because you do not understand something does not make it wrong. Most if not all people here are here of their own free will and choice, Just as most people here indulge in their own particular fetish/kink of their own free will and choice. Do not assume that because it doesn't make sense to you there must be something wrong with it, we are all wired in different ways after all, it's what makes us all unique. There are only 2 real avenues I see for you here, stay, continue to learn and perhaps understand, or move along. YOUR choice to make, just like it is OUR choice to make to participate in things you have issues with. Whatever you decide I wish you well.

TheLilSquaw -> RE: New to bdsm and find a lot of it weird?? (1/22/2013 6:11:48 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: con8ken I'm new to all this, and I find it strange what people are doing, I can understand wanting some rough sex or a some pain, or being tied up etc, but the extremes are crazy. What do you consider extreme? I can almost assure you what YOU consider extreme isn't what I consider extreme. quote: ORIGINAL: con8ken IMHO if you where a rational person, thinking clearly, not delusional or have a mental problem, you would see that its not sane to want to treat or be treated, in a way that some people in the bdsm scene do. What do YOU define as sane? Again I assure you my definition is probably very different. What treatment are you speaking of? I'd like specific examples, because that would help me understand your stance. quote: ORIGINAL: con8ken It's not of sound mind to participate in a lot of the acts that take place. Again what acts are you talking about? quote: ORIGINAL: con8ken There are a lot of people who are being brainwashed into believing there fantasy is reality, through pics/vids and talking with so called D's / M's on the Internet, who are nothing more than sadistic "Abusers" who use the fact that there are people with a warped sense of self and right and wrong, to vent their sick desires and lust for control. Are there abusers in the lifestyle? Of course, however; there are abusers in the world PERIOD. There will always be those that prey on others, that isn't a kink thing. I would say that is a human thing. I am curious as to what YOUR sense of right and wrong is. I am sure that your sense of what is morally right and wrong is different from mine. That being said, Do you feel as if I should follow YOUR moral compass and toss mine to the side? Isn't that me not being true to me and in a real sense being brain washed by you? quote: ORIGINAL: con8ken We all have desires but we curtail them out of respect and dignity, not only for ourselves but others. Saying they like it to happen an I like doing it, is not a reason to do something. What desires do you have that you curtail for respect and dignity? Respect of who? How do you define dignity? Should I repress those same desires simply because you do? What if my circumstances are different? What if my believes are different? If I repress those desires simply because you say I should isn't that me being brain washed by you? Isn't that me being fake? Don't I owe it to myself and those around me to be true to myself, my believes, and my needs and desires? Do you think pretending to be someone you truly aren't is healthy?

kalikshama -> RE: New to bdsm and find a lot of it weird?? (1/22/2013 6:16:51 AM)
This is your brain on porn OP - have you read any on the non fiction on the booklist? http://www.collarchat.com/m_1726118/tm.htm

con8ken -> RE: New to bdsm and find a lot of it weird?? (1/22/2013 6:18:02 AM)
Thanks for questioning me as it helps me with working things out in my own head. I've not seen the cheese grater thing, thanks for that image tho lol. I never meant to imply that all people and every aspect of BDSM are weird, Im taking about the being owned crap, having slaves and using them whenever you want whether they like it or not (in my eyes is abuse ), the objectifying, the terminology and rigmarole, the participating in brutal acts, when i say brutal i understand its a matter of opinion.the fantasies some have, talking about being "raped" flippantly like it would be fun, maybe they think it might be, but the real act against a real victim and what they are imagining, ones real and ones not, I understand they associate it with loss of control, non consent, pain, abuse etc but in reality the true nature of those feelings and the fantasy do not equate, which it seems a lot of people don't get. I never meant to imply that all Dom's are abusers, I'm talking about the sadists who get of on inflicting as much pain as they can get away with, they actual act of causing someone pain looking at them seeing them bruised, weeping, its sick, and whether the person receiving in likes it and has consented to it or not its not right and weird, as I said IMHO. I came onto this site after chatting with a woman on another site, turned out she was a sub, after chatting She explained a bit about being a sub. Saying that a D/s relationship would better than any vanilla, I mentioned I've never given BDSM any thought, to which she recommended this site. I've done some reading on the net and read some profiles/ chatted to a few people, a I can't get my head around why someone would want to be a sub/slave and put up with the things they do. I understand not everyone is they same, its the overall terminology and language used around it that I don't like either. Anyway......

kalikshama -> RE: New to bdsm and find a lot of it weird?? (1/22/2013 6:25:26 AM)
You have to take with not a grain, but a pile, of salt things random people on the internet (including me) have to say. I suggest you read some non fiction and meet people who engage in BDSM in real life before you make up your mind.

TheLilSquaw -> RE: New to bdsm and find a lot of it weird?? (1/22/2013 6:32:54 AM)
OP You didn't imply that Ds or Ms are abusers you flat out stated they were. I happen to ENJOY pain as much as I ENJOY inflicting it. For ME I love pushing my physical limits. Why do you think it is sick? Do you that because YOU think it is sick and weird that I should stop? What terminology? What language? I am asking for specifics because I'd like to understand your stance and your thinking. I admit there are a lot of terms that are very individual and there is no universal definitions. But, I am not sure that is what you are talking about.

con8ken -> RE: New to bdsm and find a lot of it weird?? (1/22/2013 6:47:49 AM)
I actually said so called D's M's, I know there are actually people who are D's and M's

con8ken -> RE: New to bdsm and find a lot of it weird?? (1/22/2013 6:49:46 AM)
The things like your owned, you my slave, the pretence that you not a person

RedMagic1 -> RE: New to bdsm and find a lot of it weird?? (1/22/2013 6:51:45 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: con8ken I mentioned I've never given BDSM any thought, to which she recommended this site. I've done some reading on the net and read some profiles/ chatted to a few people, BDSM is weird. For which I am quite grateful.[;)] About your words that I've quoted: those aren't very good ways to learn about this. It's like trying to learn how to have sex with your girlfriend by watching a lot of gangbang porn. People write all kinds of crazy shit on their profiles, and will tell you pretty much anything in a chat. You'd be best served by reading a nonfiction book about BDSM practices, and/or meeting people in real life in a controlled environment, like a demonstration class on how to perform bondage safely. Nothing anyone posts on your thread can provide you as much help as real-life nonsexual contact to people who are actually doing this in stable relationships.

con8ken -> RE: New to bdsm and find a lot of it weird?? (1/22/2013 7:00:02 AM)
It's clear that it is a wide and varied lifestyle, everyone has freedom of choice and not everybody is an abuser. Its obvious i don't have enough information to build a good enough understanding and make an informed decision. I apologise to anybody who Ive offended. I wish you all the best.

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