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AthenaSurrenders -> RE: New to bdsm and find a lot of it weird?? (1/22/2013 7:34:20 AM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: con8ken
Thanks for questioning me as it helps me with working things out in my own head.
I've not seen the cheese grater thing, thanks for that image tho lol.
I never meant to imply that all people and every aspect of BDSM are weird, Im taking about the being owned crap, having slaves and using them whenever you want whether they like it or not (in my eyes is abuse ), the objectifying, the terminology and rigmarole, the participating in brutal acts, when i say brutal i understand its a matter of opinion.the fantasies some have, talking about being "raped" flippantly like it would be fun, maybe they think it might be, but the real act against a real victim and what they are imagining, ones real and ones not, I understand they associate it with loss of control, non consent, pain, abuse etc but in reality the true nature of those feelings and the fantasy do not equate, which it seems a lot of people don't get.
I never meant to imply that all Dom's are abusers, I'm talking about the sadists who get of on inflicting as much pain as they can get away with, they actual act of causing someone pain looking at them seeing them bruised, weeping, its sick, and whether the person receiving in likes it and has consented to it or not its not right and weird, as I said IMHO.
I came onto this site after chatting with a woman on another site, turned out she was a sub, after chatting She explained a bit about being a sub. Saying that a D/s relationship would better than any vanilla, I mentioned I've never given BDSM any thought, to which she recommended this site. I've done some reading on the net and read some profiles/ chatted to a few people, a
I can't get my head around why someone would want to be a sub/slave and put up with the things they do. I understand not everyone is they same, its the overall terminology and language used around it that I don't like either.
Anyway......
I don't like some of the terminology myself, but people can define themselves and their relationship however they see fit. If I'm honest, I'm not totally comfortable some of the words and terminology used to describe bisexual and gay people, or disabled people, or trans people, or people of different ethnicities - but I don't get a vote in what they call themselves. I can say 'hey, don't call me a slut' but if you identify as a slut, I don't get a say.
As far as the pain, I think you are missing the point and perhaps this isn't something you can get if you're not wired that way. Some people like the crap scared out of them by jumping out of an aeroplane. I don't get it. Some people like the out-of-control sensation they get from taking certain recreational drugs. I don't get it. Both of those sound unpleasant to me. And they are both potentially very dangerous. But the people who do it enjoy it. So if they are willing to accept those risks and they are consenting adults, they can decide for themselves. Some people like the strong sensations that come from playing with pain. Just like the skydiver, they know the risks, most of them play as safe as they can to minimize the risk, and then it's down to them.
As for the ownership and the submission, well, that's just another way of relating to each other. A lot of vanilla relationships have one person who 'wears the pants' - this just makes it explicit and formal. When people say 'whether he likes it or not!' they are either a) fantasising or b) talking about a relationship in which two people have already built up trust, and already discussed in advance how things will work. Ultimately it's illegal to keep someone as a slave in the technical sense of the word. So if the slave says 'I no longer consent' and the dom insists, yes, at that point it becomes abuse. But once again, this is something you really have to get to know people to fully understand. I have a relationship where he is the boss and I do as I'm told, like it or not. But he loves me and wants me to be well, so he doesn't give me orders that would harm me. He doesn't force me to have sex when I'm in bed with the flu or make me show my tits to my boss, because he's invested in me as a person. That's what you seem to be missing here. In the vast majority of cases, it's two people who really care about each other working to make each other happy and secure. The people with strange and over the top profiles are usually not the people who are actually living these relationships. As others have said, on the internet people can say anything, especially in places like this where it feels exciting and fun to express your fantasies.
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