Looking for kinksters in vanilla world, do u drop any specific hints to let them know ur dom or sub?

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Looking for kinksters in vanilla world, do u drop any s... - 1/23/2013 9:26:30 PM

jakejev

Posts: 4
Joined: 1/22/2013
Status: offline

Let's say you're meeting people through regular dating (not the BDSM community or anything) just going out in the vanilla world, coffee, bars, gym, etc.
Are there any hints that a dom or sub can or usually drops to let others know they're talking to someone from the lifestyle or at least that they have an inclination for BDSM or kinky stuff?

Doms, what do you do?
Subs, what do you do?

< Message edited by jakejev -- 1/23/2013 9:36:48 PM >

Post #: 1

RE: Looking for kinksters in vanilla world, do u drop a... - 1/23/2013 9:52:49 PM

LafayetteLady

Posts: 7683
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Northern New Jersey
Status: offline

Yes, there is a secret handshake and a code word that is used. No one told you what it was when you signed up?

(in reply to jakejev)

Post #: 2

RE: Looking for kinksters in vanilla world, do u drop a... - 1/23/2013 10:22:57 PM

theRose4U

Posts: 3403
Joined: 8/22/2005
Status: offline

Because your other post you admitted was wank fodder...why do you care??

This isn't gays trolling bus station & airport restrooms. Most of us here manage to conduct ourselves appropriately in public & save "trolling" for kink specific functions.

This my favorite saying: "I'm looking for cock a doodle do, not any cock'll do" trolling bars at closing time for subs is horney thinking, not reality!

_____________________________

Finding a good sub is like sifting through trail mix. You find a few fruits, a lotta nuts and have to sift to get to the sweet and special ones
drama llama

(in reply to LafayetteLady)

Post #: 3

RE: Looking for kinksters in vanilla world, do u drop a... - 1/23/2013 11:08:54 PM

AthenaSurrenders

Posts: 3582
Joined: 3/15/2012
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: jakejev

Let's say you're meeting people through regular dating (not the BDSM community or anything) just going out in the vanilla world, coffee, bars, gym, etc.
Are there any hints that a dom or sub can or usually drops to let others know they're talking to someone from the lifestyle or at least that they have an inclination for BDSM or kinky stuff?

Doms, what do you do?
Subs, what do you do?

No I've never really dropped any hints. There's no set point at which you become 'from the lifestyle' - ie no set level of kinkiness you have to meet. As such you could hint to me that you're into all sorts of super dark kinky stuff and get me all excited only to find out three weeks later that means you want to eat whipped cream of my nipples. Very disappointing.

That said, you and I are a similar age. I've found that all of my friends and everyone I've dated has been pretty open minded when it comes to this. Even those that didn't see the appeal weren't horrified by it. I'd have no problem telling someone on a first date that I was kinky. I guess I've just never found it scary to tell someone I like what I like so I don't feel I need to protect myself by secretly figuring out if someone is kinky before I reveal myself. And how many people our age haven't experimented with handcuffs or a light spanking? It's pretty mainstream, and so from there you can have the conversation about what else you like.

PS. Be careful that you're not coming off as creepy by trying to hint about this to strangers in bars. I think I'd be nervous of a guy trying to make subtle hints about tying me up or using me, or a guy trying to discreetly turn the conversation towards sex, much more so than if you just came out with 'I'm a dom'.

_____________________________

Being your slave, what should I do but tend
Upon the hours and times of your desire?

(in reply to jakejev)

Post #: 4

RE: Looking for kinksters in vanilla world, do u drop a... - 1/23/2013 11:24:32 PM

descrite

Posts: 459
Joined: 5/14/2012
Status: offline

Have to disagree with Athena. I've said it, straight up, on a date, and it worked against me.

Of course, it often works.

But it would be nice to have the kink equivalent to the JesusFish. That would be very helpful.

(in reply to AthenaSurrenders)

Post #: 5

RE: Looking for kinksters in vanilla world, do u drop a... - 1/23/2013 11:33:40 PM

TwoHeartsBeatOne

Posts: 479
Joined: 10/30/2012
Status: offline

@descrite.... What's a JesusFish?

_____________________________

"Anything I can not transform into something marvelous, I let go. Reality doesn't impress me. I only believe in intoxication, in ecstasy, and when ordinary life shackles me, I escape, one way or another. No more walls.”
― Anaïs Nin

(in reply to descrite)

Post #: 6

RE: Looking for kinksters in vanilla world, do u drop a... - 1/24/2013 12:21:53 AM

descrite

Posts: 459
Joined: 5/14/2012
Status: offline

http://www.superchrist.com/images/fish_black.gif

(in reply to TwoHeartsBeatOne)

Post #: 7

RE: Looking for kinksters in vanilla world, do u drop a... - 1/24/2013 12:35:55 AM

RemoteUser

Posts: 2854
Joined: 5/10/2011
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: descrite

http://www.superchrist.com/images/fish_black.gif

Cap'n Highliner???

Attachment (1)

_____________________________

There is nothing worse than being right. Instead of being right, then, try to be open. It is more difficult, and more rewarding.

(in reply to descrite)

Post #: 8

RE: Looking for kinksters in vanilla world, do u drop a... - 1/24/2013 12:43:45 AM

TAFKAA

Posts: 382
Joined: 1/5/2013
Status: offline

Well I operate on the paradigm that almost all women are submissive, whether they know it or not. Consequently, all I do is be me. That either turns them off completely or they respond with wild abandon and confess their desire to be my sex slave.

For subs, I imagine it's easier. Given that subs respond to the same things which attract the majority of women, they'll tend to be attracted to dominant men anyway. Consequently, their task is to determine if there's substance behind the intolerant asshole exterior.

That'll handle the D/s thing, but you're on your own with the sadist/masochist deal unless you're capable of making "getting out the whip" references and watching their body language in response.

(in reply to jakejev)

Post #: 9

RE: Looking for kinksters in vanilla world, do u drop a... - 1/24/2013 12:46:25 AM

TwoHeartsBeatOne

Posts: 479
Joined: 10/30/2012
Status: offline

LOL, thank you for the laugh! I know the symbol, but didn't connect it to JesusFish. LOL Me - a duh!

_____________________________

"Anything I can not transform into something marvelous, I let go. Reality doesn't impress me. I only believe in intoxication, in ecstasy, and when ordinary life shackles me, I escape, one way or another. No more walls.”
― Anaïs Nin

(in reply to descrite)

Post #: 10

RE: Looking for kinksters in vanilla world, do u drop a... - 1/24/2013 1:08:14 AM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

OP, have you ever heard of flagging? Also known as the handkerchief/hanky code or bandana code. While originating from the gay leather culture, in more recent years it's also been common in the het and pansexual arenas. By far more often recognized by leather folks than your average BDSM person.

A "flag" is a folded hankkerchief that is visible in the back pocket. Depending on which side it is worn, it tells others if they are a top or a bottom. The color of the handkerchief advertises what the person is looking for. It used to be really simple. About twelve different colors that were easily identified. I've seen some lists recently that go into certain designations for colors like olive or puce.

Just a word of caution here. Flagging isn't necessarily universal. It can vary from region to region and even differentiates if you are gay or straight. Some of the colors have been known to mean different things in different areas. For example, if you flag red on one coast, you're looking for blood play. On the other coast, it means you are looking for anal. See what is happening in your local scene before advertising for the wrong kink.

_____________________________

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Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to RemoteUser)

Post #: 11

RE: Looking for kinksters in vanilla world, do u drop a... - 1/24/2013 1:16:02 AM

EsotericLady

Posts: 713
Joined: 1/2/2013
Status: offline

Hahahahahahaha! So THAT'S why it never works for me. I can never remember the code word!!! Grrrr!!

quote:

ORIGINAL: LafayetteLady

Yes, there is a secret handshake and a code word that is used. No one told you what it was when you signed up?

(in reply to LafayetteLady)

Post #: 12

RE: Looking for kinksters in vanilla world, do u drop a... - 1/24/2013 3:53:34 AM

Cilicia

Posts: 72
Joined: 1/23/2013
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: EsotericLady
Hahahahahahaha! So THAT'S why it never works for me.

I can't even remember the 5 different curb colors in California, let alone the dozen D/s flags...

However, what works for me when I see a sexy lady in the supermarket carrying a large cucumber, is whether she likes her large sweet potatoes whipped or raw.

OP. Try it. Works for me!

(in reply to EsotericLady)

Post #: 13

RE: Looking for kinksters in vanilla world, do u drop a... - 1/24/2013 5:48:49 AM

DarkSteven

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline

I had a profile on a vanilla site and said "I like to take control in bed". Nice and simple.

If I kiss a vanilla, I'll swat her ass when I do it, or else grab her hair and gently but firmly pull her head back while I kiss her.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to Cilicia)

Post #: 14

RE: Looking for kinksters in vanilla world, do u drop a... - 1/24/2013 6:05:31 AM

Moonlightmaddnes

Posts: 958
Joined: 6/4/2012
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

I had a profile on a vanilla site and said "I like to take control in bed". Nice and simple.

If I kiss a vanilla, I'll swat her ass when I do it, or else grab her hair and gently but firmly pull her head back while I kiss her.

Did you get a lot of response?

LOL Cilicia- Me either. I could see myself using the wrong hanky and going wait, wait, wait lemme try this hanky instead. Oh crap that mean I want to be whipped?!?! Run. :)

_____________________________

Submission is a gift that must be earned. It can be given, but never taken

(in reply to DarkSteven)

Post #: 15

RE: Looking for kinksters in vanilla world, do u drop a... - 1/24/2013 6:16:33 AM

servantforuse

Posts: 6363
Joined: 3/8/2006
Status: offline

A couple of years ago a bartender mentioned to me that she had to clean her house when her shift was over. I mentioned that there were some out there that would do that for her. Before leving I left my number and a note ' house cleaning servant '.. A week later I was cleaning for her and her roommate as well as doing other things.

(in reply to Moonlightmaddnes)

Post #: 16

RE: Looking for kinksters in vanilla world, do u drop a... - 1/24/2013 9:08:25 AM

TheLilSquaw

Posts: 2340
Joined: 10/24/2012
From: Middle River, MD
Status: offline

OP,

I do not drop verbal hints.
Although when people ask me what I do for a living and I said "I own fetish sites." Well THAT kinda says a lot. Lol

I also have a tattoo that makes it pretty obvious that I enjoy certain kink related things.

I also do drop nonverbal cues though and I do that unconsciously.

Example: I am known for flicking my shoe off and on part way when sitting. I used to think I just did it as kind of a restless tick, about 2 yrs ago I realized I did it because I like being a foot tease.

I tend to meet a lot of kinky and or lifestylers in vanilla setting.

My primary partner says, "Babe you just set off the kink dar"

< Message edited by TheLilSquaw -- 1/24/2013 9:09:38 AM >

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LilSquaw
Lifestyle & ProSwitch
Fetish Model, Producer, and Website Owner

http://www.clips4sale.com/69201
http://www.kinkbomb.com/studio/Sadistic_Babygirl_

(in reply to jakejev)

Post #: 17

RE: Looking for kinksters in vanilla world, do u drop a... - 1/24/2013 12:18:38 PM

SpyUnderCover

Posts: 208
Joined: 6/21/2010
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: TAFKAA

Well I operate on the paradigm that almost all women are submissive, whether they know it or not. Consequently, all I do is be me. That either turns them off completely

Hmm ... maybe that means that not all women are submissive ...

I'm inclined to "hint" in a way similar to DarkSteven, by saying I like to take control in bed. Or I might make a joke about making him beg, or whatever, and see how he responds.

Spy

(in reply to TAFKAA)

Post #: 18

RE: Looking for kinksters in vanilla world, do u drop a... - 1/24/2013 2:47:42 PM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
Status: offline

No. I just looked for dominant personality men, whether they knew or were into bdsm or not. It just didn't make a difference to me. I'm into personalities, not kink. I would just get to know them through regular, normal conversations. Over time, you just get to know what they're into be it hobbies or sex. And the first time you kiss you can pretty much tell what they are into sexually, at least that's how it's always been for me.

_____________________________

Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

(in reply to jakejev)

Post #: 19

RE: Looking for kinksters in vanilla world, do u drop a... - 1/24/2013 3:09:30 PM

kalikshama

Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline

I am completely out as kinky on my OKCupid profile. OKC is very BDSM friendly, BTW.

Someone doesn't need to be "husband material" for me to sleep with him, he just needs to be sponge-worthy. When it gets to the point where we are talking about sex, I'll bring it up.

I'm out to my friends and they have hooked me up with kinksters. Anyone who reads the titles of the books in my bookcase can figure out that I am kinky.

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Curious about the "Sluts Vote" avatars? See http://www.collarchat.com/m_4133036/mpage_1/key_/tm.htm#4133036

(in reply to jakejev)

Post #: 20

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