RE: Looking for kinksters in vanilla world, do u drop any specific hints to let them know ur dom or sub?

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RE: Looking for kinksters in vanilla world, do u drop a... - 1/24/2013 3:19:17 PM

Moonlightmaddnes

Posts: 958
Joined: 6/4/2012
Status: offline

I had a friend I met in 1995 and we hung out all the time then she moved to another state. She had a lot of life changes go on when she split up with her husband and remarried before moving within an hour of me. I suspected she had gotten into the lifestyle but I am not one to ask personal questions. She made a few comments now and then while we were hanging out and I could not stand it anymore so I came right out and asked. She grinned and confirmed my suspicions. So if some is around me alot and I get curious I will eventually come right out and ask.

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Submission is a gift that must be earned. It can be given, but never taken

(in reply to kalikshama)

Post #: 21

RE: Looking for kinksters in vanilla world, do u drop a... - 1/24/2013 4:24:45 PM

Kaliko

Posts: 3381
Joined: 9/25/2010
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

I had a profile on a vanilla site and said "I like to take control in bed". Nice and simple.

Mine used to say I was looking for a "traditional relationship."

(in reply to DarkSteven)

Post #: 22

RE: Looking for kinksters in vanilla world, do u drop a... - 1/24/2013 4:34:17 PM

HarryVanWinkle

Posts: 1720
Joined: 5/8/2006
Status: offline

I don't look for kinksters in the vanilla world. I am in no way interested in an intimate vanilla relationship. Since there is now a widespread and growing BDSM community in my country, I associate with that community. While I don't actively LOOK for an intimate relationship, I am not interested in one outside of that community.

(in reply to jakejev)

Post #: 23

RE: Looking for kinksters in vanilla world, do u drop a... - 1/24/2013 4:52:12 PM

AAkasha

Posts: 4429
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline

I'm femdom in orientation. It doesn't take much talking/flirting for there to be an opportunity for conversation to have an opportunity for a double meaning "joke" you can toss out there and see if it gets any reaction. You just do that a couple of times and see if any lightbulb goes off, or body language changes, etc. Make jokes about being in control, or 'bad boys," or whatever.

Sometimes if I am wearing some really awesome knee high boots that are particularly kink-ish in looks and a guy compliments me on them, I say, "Thanks. They go great with my whips and chains." It's a throwaway joke, but it can open a line of flirtation, or I can just tell by his reaction if he finds that of interest.

Akasha

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Don't email me here, email me at [email protected]

(in reply to jakejev)

Post #: 24

RE: Looking for kinksters in vanilla world, do u drop a... - 1/24/2013 5:30:47 PM

theRose4U

Posts: 3403
Joined: 8/22/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha
Sometimes if I am wearing some really awesome knee high boots that are particularly kink-ish in looks and a guy compliments me on them, I say, "Thanks. They go great with my whips and chains." It's a throwaway joke, but it can open a line of flirtation, or I can just tell by his reaction if he finds that of interest.

Akasha

So THAT'S why I was so popular at the grocery when I forgot I had a whip tucked in my riding boots!!

_____________________________

Finding a good sub is like sifting through trail mix. You find a few fruits, a lotta nuts and have to sift to get to the sweet and special ones
drama llama

(in reply to AAkasha)

Post #: 25

RE: Looking for kinksters in vanilla world, do u drop a... - 1/24/2013 7:32:01 PM

LookieNoNookie

Posts: 12216
Joined: 8/9/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: jakejev

Let's say you're meeting people through regular dating (not the BDSM community or anything) just going out in the vanilla world, coffee, bars, gym, etc.
Are there any hints that a dom or sub can or usually drops to let others know they're talking to someone from the lifestyle or at least that they have an inclination for BDSM or kinky stuff?

Doms, what do you do?
Subs, what do you do?

Let's just say that.

I always use (with any woman...I fear no one): "So, are you a Domme and would you like to fuck me in the ass while others watch and you laugh at me, indiscriminately?"

And I do this arbitrarily.

(in reply to jakejev)

Post #: 26

RE: Looking for kinksters in vanilla world, do u drop a... - 1/24/2013 7:34:02 PM

Notsweet

Posts: 873
Joined: 6/11/2006
Status: offline

Once I said, "Would you like to tie me up and fuck me til I scream?" And he said yes. But he didn't.

(in reply to LookieNoNookie)

Post #: 27

RE: Looking for kinksters in vanilla world, do u drop a... - 1/24/2013 8:08:03 PM

theRose4U

Posts: 3403
Joined: 8/22/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Notsweet

Once I said, "Would you like to tie me up and fuck me til I scream?" And he said yes. But he didn't.

Thus the issue with nillas. Get all worked up on woo hoo kinky time & their isea of kinky is a feather & whipped cream

_____________________________

Finding a good sub is like sifting through trail mix. You find a few fruits, a lotta nuts and have to sift to get to the sweet and special ones
drama llama

(in reply to Notsweet)

Post #: 28

RE: Looking for kinksters in vanilla world, do u drop a... - 1/26/2013 8:35:40 AM

descrite

Posts: 459
Joined: 5/14/2012
Status: offline

Ummmm.....I've been to and in Frisco a fair bit over the last 20 years, and I kinda haveta say that the flagging thing is mostly rumor and myth. It was a highly-popularized legend, thanks to the good works and intent of folks such as Kinky Friedman and the still-bizarre Pacino in "Cruising," but I am fairly certain the good people of America's gay communities never really did that.

Flaggers, please correct me at your soonest opportunity if this is a misapprehension.

Also, yes, I know: you hate when it's called "Frisco." Deal with it, you freakish NoCals.

(They also hate "NoCal," like "SoCal"...they prefer "NorCal." Elitists.)

(in reply to theRose4U)

Post #: 29

RE: Looking for kinksters in vanilla world, do u drop a... - 1/26/2013 11:35:23 AM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

Have you ever been to an actual leather event, descrite? You'll see it.

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The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to descrite)

Post #: 30

RE: Looking for kinksters in vanilla world, do u drop a... - 1/26/2013 4:34:21 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

My rule of thumb is that if you don't feel comfortable talking about what you like sexually, then you aren't ready to have sex with that person.

Date a couple of times until you feel sure you have a genuine liking for the other person. At that point you should be sharing everything germane from having herpes to liking bondage.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to kalikshama)

Post #: 31

RE: Looking for kinksters in vanilla world, do u drop a... - 1/27/2013 7:54:09 AM

descrite

Posts: 459
Joined: 5/14/2012
Status: offline

quote:

Have you ever been to an actual leather event, descrite? You'll see it.

Ah. Okay, no, that's a good point; I have been, and while I didn't notice it, I'm sure it could have been there.

I'd thought OP was asking more about signaling in public, as a way to determine who might not be vanilla before an introduction; in a leather event, everyone's already advertising as non-vanilla, so I'm not sure that's what OP is looking for.

(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 32

RE: Looking for kinksters in vanilla world, do u drop a... - 1/27/2013 8:29:38 AM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: descrite
Ah. Okay, no, that's a good point; I have been, and while I didn't notice it, I'm sure it could have been there.

I'd thought OP was asking more about signaling in public, as a way to determine who might not be vanilla before an introduction; in a leather event, everyone's already advertising as non-vanilla, so I'm not sure that's what OP is looking for.

I think it's one of those things that, if you're not looking for it, you might not notice it. Of course, most straight guys aren't looking at the rear end (back pocket) of other guys.

As for out in the open world, there are more BDSM folks than leather folks. Triskelions are popular but I see those being used for jewelery most of the time. You have to be pretty up close to a person to see it. The leather pride flag has been more or less adopted by the BDSM community but I see that more often as a bumper sticker on cars than anything else.

Other things that are a good sign. Keys, especially for female Dominants. That would be a key worn as a piece of jewelery that goes to either a lock for a collar or chastity device. (Ergo, key holder.) Speaking of keys, there are some cute miniature floggers and handcuffs that are key chains.

Personally, I've got a purse that you can't miss. It's the foot portion of a stiletto boot, complete with chains. That thing gets attention from kinky folks and vanillas alike.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to descrite)

Post #: 33

RE: Looking for kinksters in vanilla world, do u drop a... - 1/27/2013 5:31:03 PM

Titaniya

Posts: 85
Joined: 9/9/2012
Status: offline

I'm pretty open about these things. In a classroom setting, I blatantly said something along the lines of "I'm really into socially acceptable ways of beating people." (I even said it in Italian!) On a first date, sloshes were brought up and kink lists were exchanged. I also regularly threaten to hit people (although I'm not sure how often that's just attributed to martial arts versus how often people pick up the underlying meaning).

In general, people have little signs. Just be aware.

And, hey. If you're already on a date with a person and it's going well, there's not necessarily anything wrong with dropping a few strong hints or coming out and asking about/stating an interest in kink.

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 34

RE: Looking for kinksters in vanilla world, do u drop a... - 1/27/2013 11:31:17 PM

SexyThoughts

Posts: 180
Joined: 7/14/2011
Status: offline

Handcuff key on my key ring. Panic snap as a practical belt clip. Using the word "vanilla" in vanilla conversations. Braiding cables. Above average rope skils. Better at noticing hooks in peoples ceiling than average. Admitting to 50shade fans, that I've read it to.

But beyond these subtle clues, like any professional, I don't flop my sex urges out at work, kinky or vanilla.

If people like you they'll flirt their way closer. If they're not close, you won't impress them with things that aren't their kink.

(in reply to Titaniya)

Post #: 35

RE: Looking for kinksters in vanilla world, do u drop a... - 1/28/2013 1:46:02 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: TheLilSquaw

Example: I am known for flicking my shoe off and on part way when sitting. I used to think I just did it as kind of a restless tick, about 2 yrs ago I realized I did it because I like being a foot tease.

Really? I do it because I prefer to be barefoot.

Rule of thumb I've always gone by is that if you can't talk to someone about sex, then you shouldn't be having it with them.

Obviously people are not always going to be compatible. But so what? You might be incompatible because you're not the same religion. Are you afraid of asking what faith she is for fear she turns you down? As far as being kinky, just because she is doesn't mean she's compatible.

Otherwise no woman on here would ever turn a guy down. And that happens multiple times a day.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to TheLilSquaw)

Post #: 36

RE: Looking for kinksters in vanilla world, do u drop a... - 1/28/2013 2:17:13 PM

Winterapple

Posts: 1343
Joined: 8/19/2011
Status: offline

FR
I don't use any signals other than the tattoo on
the middle of my forehead that says Kinky Submissive Bitch.

_____________________________

A thousand dreams within me softly burn.
Rimbaud

(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 37

RE: Looking for kinksters in vanilla world, do u drop a... - 1/28/2013 4:27:05 PM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SexyThoughts

Handcuff key on my key ring. Panic snap as a practical belt clip. Using the word "vanilla" in vanilla conversations. Braiding cables. Above average rope skils. Better at noticing hooks in peoples ceiling than average. Admitting to 50shade fans, that I've read it to.

But beyond these subtle clues, like any professional, I don't flop my sex urges out at work, kinky or vanilla.

If people like you they'll flirt their way closer. If they're not close, you won't impress them with things that aren't their kink.

If I had seen all of those clips and stuff on you, I would have automatically though truck driver or Harley man. I grew up around both and they always wore that kind of stuff.

_____________________________

Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

(in reply to SexyThoughts)

Post #: 38

RE: Looking for kinksters in vanilla world, do u drop a... - 1/28/2013 5:23:27 PM

Toysinbabeland

Posts: 1693
Joined: 3/4/2012
From: the other end of Cx's leash
Status: offline

I prefer to start every conversation with a new person by simply saying ” top, bottom, unicorn, or boring?”
That clears everything up pretty fast.

_____________________________

*Smitten fox* that's all you need.

(in reply to kalikshama)

Post #: 39

RE: Looking for kinksters in vanilla world, do u drop a... - 1/28/2013 9:48:37 PM

theRose4U

Posts: 3403
Joined: 8/22/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

Have you ever been to an actual leather event, descrite? You'll see it.

Or pride fest or gay street fair or kink fair

_____________________________

Finding a good sub is like sifting through trail mix. You find a few fruits, a lotta nuts and have to sift to get to the sweet and special ones
drama llama

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 40

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