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RE: Now *I* need profile advice! - 1/27/2013 8:14:17 AM   
LafayetteLady


Posts: 7683
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Northern New Jersey
Status: offline 		While I can understand the point you are trying to make, it is my opinion, that often what you are saying is what contributes the to whole "do me" and "fetish delivery system" thinking of male subs (only using male because we are talking about dommes here). If you come across as nothing but a domme, then you will get the pornography fantasizers. Of course, for those who are not looking for a long term relationship that involves more than simply a D/s relationship, that is just dandy, since you don't want them to think of you as anything else.

However, if you want the guy to remember that you are also a woman looking for a relationship, you need to make a point to show it. Just my opinion.

It is very possible to get across both points without being condescending. Also just my opinion, but I think if one needs to resort to condescession to show their "domliness," then they aren't that domly to begin with.

(in reply to MAINEiacMISTRESS)
Profile   Post #: 61
RE: Now *I* need profile advice! - 1/27/2013 8:25:10 AM   
LafayetteLady


Posts: 7683
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Northern New Jersey
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MAINEiacMISTRESS

Some submissives WANT to be talked down to, humiliated, CONTROLED, to enhance their experience. THIS THEY TELL ME THEMSELVES (YES, *gasp* I actually TALK to My subs, and get FEEDBACK about how they are feeling about experiences. What better way to learn what works for them?). Underneath everything, My subs KNOW they have My respect. We have a friendship...however we are involved in TPE D/s, and anything I can do to help them achieve the feeling of being CONTROLED psychologically, I will do. It's not an "ego trip" for Me, that's simply part of OUR interaction. If you and yours prefer to stand side by side as EQUALS, then certainly do so. People gravitate toward relationships that work for them. What works for you wouldn't work for My subs. We DISCUSS our dynamics during the Trust-building phase and instead of DEMANDING, SCREECHING and ABUSING, I ease them into a submissive role (not FAST enough for SOME actually, as I've found)

Anyway, that bait's looking rather flavorless tonight and I think we've wandered far away from the OP's topic, which was how to improve Her profile. It looks like She's made some changes that people approve of.........so, I suppose we've done our part and all that is left is to wait a couple weeks and see if it works.

GOOD LUCK, Baroana!

--MM





Again, there are of course different approaches. You aren't looking for an intimate relationship that encompasses D/s, which makes a world of difference. Regardless, as a switch looking for a long term relationship, I have found that immediately starting with that "talking down to stance" and the men who want that aren't interested typically in knowing who I am as a person. They are looking to jump right into a dynamic before getting to know each other.

That may work for those not looking for a relationship, since that isn't me, I wouldn't really know. But for me, I don't want to deal with some guy who immediately is calling me "Ma'am," "Mistress," and heaven forbid, "Goddess," is going to quickly annoy me. I want to know who they are outside of a dynamic first.

(in reply to MAINEiacMISTRESS)
Profile   Post #: 62
RE: Now *I* need profile advice! - 1/27/2013 8:32:34 AM   
LookieNoNookie


Posts: 12216
Joined: 8/9/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Baroana


quote:

ORIGINAL: bamabbwsub

I found nothing wrong with your profile. You're blunt, but tinged with a sense of humor.

I suspect that the jerk who caused you to write this post was just a guy who wanted some kinky sex like what he sees in porn and couldn't handle the reality of a truly dominant woman.



Thanks very much!

The message in question implied that I am some sort of "do-me dominant" that doesn't understand the two way street of a BDSM relationship :-/


I think the only thing I (and likely others could) find (frankly, entirely) offensive is....nowhere in your profile does it say "LookieNoNookie is the most intelligent, sexiest man I've ever known".

(in reply to Baroana)
Profile   Post #: 63
RE: Now *I* need profile advice! - 1/27/2013 8:34:03 AM   
Baroana


Posts: 1480
Joined: 11/13/2011
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LookieNoNookie


quote:

ORIGINAL: Baroana


quote:

ORIGINAL: bamabbwsub

I found nothing wrong with your profile. You're blunt, but tinged with a sense of humor.

I suspect that the jerk who caused you to write this post was just a guy who wanted some kinky sex like what he sees in porn and couldn't handle the reality of a truly dominant woman.



Thanks very much!

The message in question implied that I am some sort of "do-me dominant" that doesn't understand the two way street of a BDSM relationship :-/


I think the only thing I (and likely others could) find (frankly, entirely) offensive is....nowhere in your profile does it say "LookieNoNookie is the most intelligent, sexiest man I've ever known".



I don't know, dude, I don't really get turned on by monkeys.

(in reply to LookieNoNookie)
Profile   Post #: 64
RE: Now *I* need profile advice! - 1/27/2013 8:44:11 AM   
EsotericLady


Posts: 713
Joined: 1/2/2013
Status: offline 		I don't find a need to bait people to raise my self esteem...sorry.

quote:

ORIGINAL: MAINEiacMISTRESS

Some submissives WANT to be talked down to, humiliated, CONTROLED, to enhance their experience. THIS THEY TELL ME THEMSELVES (YES, *gasp* I actually TALK to My subs, and get FEEDBACK about how they are feeling about experiences. What better way to learn what works for them?). Underneath everything, My subs KNOW they have My respect. We have a friendship...however we are involved in TPE D/s, and anything I can do to help them achieve the feeling of being CONTROLED psychologically, I will do. It's not an "ego trip" for Me, that's simply part of OUR interaction. If you and yours prefer to stand side by side as EQUALS, then certainly do so. People gravitate toward relationships that work for them. What works for you wouldn't work for My subs. We DISCUSS our dynamics during the Trust-building phase and instead of DEMANDING, SCREECHING and ABUSING, I ease them into a submissive role (not FAST enough for SOME actually, as I've found)

Anyway, that bait's looking rather flavorless tonight and I think we've wandered far away from the OP's topic, which was how to improve Her profile. It looks like She's made some changes that people approve of.........so, I suppose we've done our part and all that is left is to wait a couple weeks and see if it works.

GOOD LUCK, Baroana!

--MM



quote:

ORIGINAL: EsotericLady

Excuse me, however not ALL Dommes find it necessary to talk down to submissives in order to feel they have the position of control.
And treating a submissive as a human being is a sign of self respect and strength.


quote:

ORIGINAL: MAINEiacMISTRESS


("Condescending"? Well, Dommes generally DO talk down to subs, it's part of the "job" description, so to speak.)

If males don't like the strict rules I place in their way then they simply aren't the type I seek and they are free to find some woman who makes things EASY for them. Let them climb over the walls and jump some hurdles if they want to see My "nice" side....and there are plenty of male subs psychologically robust enough to make it through to meet the real Me. My message box has been non-stop busy since I set up My profile back in September. I've found some very good friends/subs because they braved the barriers and were the type I sought. OMG, I hate to think how many freaking JUNK messages I'd have to sift through if I'd put up a PRETTY photo of Myself and used "FRIENDLY" wording!
If you guys are too thin-skinned to handle her talking down to you and demanding you follow some rules, you shouldn't be looking for a Domme. Better to see Her "mean" side BEFORE you approach Her, than to be suddenly surprised when She brings it out AFTER you are tied up and helpless.

To the OP, I guess the big issue is this: Are you getting the RESULTS--responses from the TYPE of sub you seek--with your profile the way is has been? If yes, LEAVE IT....if no, then CHANGE IT. EASY PEASY!

--MM






(in reply to MAINEiacMISTRESS)
Profile   Post #: 65
RE: Now *I* need profile advice! - 1/27/2013 8:50:08 AM   
EsotericLady


Posts: 713
Joined: 1/2/2013
Status: offline 		Hahahahahahahahah ! What a great response! LMAO


quote:

ORIGINAL: LookieNoNookie

I think the only thing I (and likely others could) find (frankly, entirely) offensive is....nowhere in your profile does it say "LookieNoNookie is the most intelligent, sexiest man I've ever known".


Barona:
I don't know, dude, I don't really get turned on by monkeys.


(in reply to Baroana)
Profile   Post #: 66
RE: Now *I* need profile advice! - 1/27/2013 10:08:03 AM   
LookieNoNookie


Posts: 12216
Joined: 8/9/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Baroana


quote:

ORIGINAL: LookieNoNookie


quote:

ORIGINAL: Baroana


quote:

ORIGINAL: bamabbwsub

I found nothing wrong with your profile. You're blunt, but tinged with a sense of humor.

I suspect that the jerk who caused you to write this post was just a guy who wanted some kinky sex like what he sees in porn and couldn't handle the reality of a truly dominant woman.



Thanks very much!

The message in question implied that I am some sort of "do-me dominant" that doesn't understand the two way street of a BDSM relationship :-/


I think the only thing I (and likely others could) find (frankly, entirely) offensive is....nowhere in your profile does it say "LookieNoNookie is the most intelligent, sexiest man I've ever known".



I don't know, dude, I don't really get turned on by monkeys.


You haven't seen my banana.

(in reply to Baroana)
Profile   Post #: 67
RE: Now *I* need profile advice! - 1/27/2013 10:10:49 AM   
Baroana


Posts: 1480
Joined: 11/13/2011
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LookieNoNookie


quote:

ORIGINAL: Baroana


quote:

ORIGINAL: LookieNoNookie


quote:

ORIGINAL: Baroana


quote:

ORIGINAL: bamabbwsub

I found nothing wrong with your profile. You're blunt, but tinged with a sense of humor.

I suspect that the jerk who caused you to write this post was just a guy who wanted some kinky sex like what he sees in porn and couldn't handle the reality of a truly dominant woman.



Thanks very much!

The message in question implied that I am some sort of "do-me dominant" that doesn't understand the two way street of a BDSM relationship :-/


I think the only thing I (and likely others could) find (frankly, entirely) offensive is....nowhere in your profile does it say "LookieNoNookie is the most intelligent, sexiest man I've ever known".



I don't know, dude, I don't really get turned on by monkeys.


You haven't seen my banana.




Typical HNG. Always going on about their banana. Let me guess..... you want me to scrunch it up into some sort of tupperware container so that you can't get at it

(in reply to LookieNoNookie)
Profile   Post #: 68
RE: Now *I* need profile advice! - 1/27/2013 10:41:23 AM   
LookieNoNookie


Posts: 12216
Joined: 8/9/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Baroana


quote:

ORIGINAL: LookieNoNookie


quote:

ORIGINAL: Baroana


quote:

ORIGINAL: LookieNoNookie


quote:

ORIGINAL: Baroana


quote:

ORIGINAL: bamabbwsub

I found nothing wrong with your profile. You're blunt, but tinged with a sense of humor.

I suspect that the jerk who caused you to write this post was just a guy who wanted some kinky sex like what he sees in porn and couldn't handle the reality of a truly dominant woman.



Thanks very much!

The message in question implied that I am some sort of "do-me dominant" that doesn't understand the two way street of a BDSM relationship :-/


I think the only thing I (and likely others could) find (frankly, entirely) offensive is....nowhere in your profile does it say "LookieNoNookie is the most intelligent, sexiest man I've ever known".



I don't know, dude, I don't really get turned on by monkeys.


You haven't seen my banana.




Typical HNG. Always going on about their banana. Let me guess..... you want me to scrunch it up into some sort of tupperware container so that you can't get at it


Now why in the world would anyone want their banana scrunched up so they can't get at it?

(in reply to Baroana)
Profile   Post #: 69
RE: Now *I* need profile advice! - 1/27/2013 3:32:40 PM   
thishereboi


Posts: 14463
Joined: 6/19/2008
Status: offline 		I thought it was good. You gave info about yourself but didn't concentrate solely on kink. You said what you were looking for. There were parts that showed a sense of humor which is important to me. It was well written without spelling and grammer errors. Not sure why someone would have a problem with it.

_____________________________

"Sweetie, you're wasting your gum" .. Albert


This here is the boi formerly known as orfunboi


(in reply to Baroana)
Profile   Post #: 70
RE: Now *I* need profile advice! - 1/27/2013 3:34:07 PM   
SomethingCatchy


Posts: 796
Joined: 7/29/2008
Status: offline 		Honestly, I've got dozens of emails that were normal and ordinary. I've gotten a handful from deranged lunatics who say anything from 'you're a cunt for having a picture of a dog on your profile instead of your ugly fat face' to 'you're fucking sick for cheating on your husband with his brother' because I split rent with a college student who happens to be related to me by marriage.

There are little boys and girls here that enjoy attacking people to make themselves feel better about their shitty lives. I accept that and just enjoy the laughs it gives me. There's nothing wrong with your profile from what I can tell.

_____________________________

I believe in Invisible Pink Unicorns

Everyone is gay for Joseph Gordon-Levitt.

Knowledge is power. Power corrupts. Study hard. Be evil.

(in reply to Baroana)
Profile   Post #: 71
RE: Now *I* need profile advice! - 1/27/2013 6:49:08 PM   
InsaneSerenity


Posts: 43
Joined: 2/18/2011
Status: offline 		even though i am a tad late to the party, i'll add a bit.

since there are a lot of jerks everywhere that are grammar nazis, your second paragraph under "what i want" states "dominatrices." yea, picky, but if it saves wading through messages from human scum, it is worth it.

And there is a distinct northeast dialect to your entire profile, and a lot of your posts on here too. Some people won't ever get it. People from other parts of the country just don't get our sarcasm and wit. Some of them are just too flat out friendly to understand it. Some of them just have no perspective at all to place it. You might be receiving mail from people who've read your posts as well. Ignore them.

Oh, and as was mentioned above the,

"For reasons that I won't go into here, I generally do not initiate messaging. There is a method to that madness, and believe me it is not about being shy or passive on my part. The bottom line is that you should message me if my profile interests you."

part is kind of off putting. I agree with the above poster that it is unnecessary.

I agree the rest of the profile does a good job of letting people know exactly what it should.

(in reply to SomethingCatchy)
Profile   Post #: 72
RE: Now *I* need profile advice! - 1/27/2013 11:03:31 PM   
TAFKAA


Posts: 382
Joined: 1/5/2013
Status: offline 		No pictures. Guys are visual.

Meh. Nothing in your profile gives off even a hint of passion. It's dry as dishwater and all "you do all the work". I have no idea what male submissives look for but frankly they're still men and they're still going to look for a woman. Your profile has no trace of femininity in it.

(in reply to Baroana)
Profile   Post #: 73
RE: Now *I* need profile advice! - 1/28/2013 4:39:49 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		It could be she's not the feminine type. Not all women are. I get where you are coming from though TAFKAA because you are right....the majority of men like the feminine in a woman, at least that's always been my experience. But not all women are and some men, could be the submissive type, are not so attracted to the feminine type. I dunno really, I'm just guessing since I'm not a Domme or a malesub.


_____________________________

Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

(in reply to TAFKAA)
Profile   Post #: 74
RE: Now *I* need profile advice! - 1/28/2013 4:48:18 PM   
RedMagic1


Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: InsaneSerenity
since there are a lot of jerks everywhere that are grammar nazis, your second paragraph under "what i want" states "dominatrices." yea, picky, but if it saves wading through messages from human scum, it is worth it.

That's the correct spelling. Latin plural, doncha know. Think "matrix" and "matrices."

_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to InsaneSerenity)
Profile   Post #: 75
RE: Now *I* need profile advice! - 1/28/2013 4:54:46 PM   
RedMagic1


Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline 		Hi Baroana,

Maybe add a journal entry with links to your current favorite music on youtube, or similar likes? Vanilla conversation starters that ground the email exchange in shared nonsexual interests from jump.

Another thing I did on my own profile was to use my journal to link to posts on the message boards. Threads I had started, or posts people had made about me after they met me in real life. That sort of thing. Maybe 10% of the time after a woman and I started interacting, she would say, "I just read all the links in your journal and...." So it's an additional way to ground the cyber conversation in reality.

_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to RedMagic1)
Profile   Post #: 76
RE: Now *I* need profile advice! - 1/28/2013 6:20:05 PM   
Baroana


Posts: 1480
Joined: 11/13/2011
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CynthiaWVirginia


quote:

ORIGINAL: Baroana

I got a cmail from a guy who seems like a real jerk. Between the lines, however, his message constituted a scathing attack on my profile.

Just in case it really is me, I was thinking I had better check myself before I wreck myself.

If you care to take the time, please review my profile and give me your brutally honest feedback. Thanks in advance.


Baroana, nothing you wrote in your profile deserved a scathing attack. You were in what I'd call "teaching mode" and if men bothered to read before writing to you it would help them in their search. They could understand why many women will not answer mail from men they are not interested in. The dude came here wanting a fight and found a target, that's all. I hear of this happening all the time to other women. Sometimes I've said things in my journal entries that have made men come at me, both guns blazing, to set me straight and put me in my place. (One time was over my encouraging people to go to munches; he didn't like my definition of a munch and tried to rip me a new ass, lol.)

Before I would offer any suggestion...is your profile working for you? If it is...I cannot think of any need to change it.

If it's not, then what do you feel is missing in the impression you want to leave?

And now for my opinion. Keep in mind that this suits ME and may not be you at all. I would add a journal entry or two that is not "teaching mode". No negatives involved. Something funny your cat did, or some amusing anecdote or happy moment of something from your vanilla list of likes...beachcombing, musical theater, horseback riding, weightlifting, something fun that makes you more approachable and reminds them that you are more than their fantasy chick with a whip...you can be their neighbor, the woman they know from church, a co-worker or maybe their sister's best friend they've heard so much about but never met.

Personally, I like to take myself off of that Dommely pedestal their fantasy has put me onto. It's like tossing a bucket of cold water onto them, most of the time.

Btw, I love that black cat pic.

Look at my profile...I get mail from asshats too. Even when I am not in teaching mode.



I'm catching up on the individual responses that I feel duty bound to give people who were nice enough to try to help.

Thank you for all the great suggestions, Cynthia. Even though I may not implement everything right away, it's definitely good food for thought.

The results question is key. I was doing ok with the old one, but I felt I could be doing much better. When I changed the profile over the weekend, I did start to see some dramatic changes in the amount of cmail I was getting

(in reply to CynthiaWVirginia)
Profile   Post #: 77
RE: Now *I* need profile advice! - 1/28/2013 6:21:40 PM   
Baroana


Posts: 1480
Joined: 11/13/2011
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: NiceButMeanGirl

Is that black cat yours? I love black cats and I have one too.

NBMG



Two black cats and one multicolored!

< Message edited by Baroana -- 1/28/2013 6:22:00 PM >

(in reply to NiceButMeanGirl)
Profile   Post #: 78
RE: Now *I* need profile advice! - 1/28/2013 6:23:04 PM   
Baroana


Posts: 1480
Joined: 11/13/2011
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: myotherself

Thank you!

And if it makes you feel any better, I still get nasty messages from guys complaining that my profile isn't "slave-like" (whatever the hell THAT means!) or that I don't make it obvious that I'm owned.

Even a well-written profile can't cure stupid and horny



I was just told mine isn't feminine. Go figure.

(in reply to myotherself)
Profile   Post #: 79
RE: Now *I* need profile advice! - 1/28/2013 6:32:06 PM   
Baroana


Posts: 1480
Joined: 11/13/2011
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: rhymeswithcupid

quote:

ORIGINAL: Baroana

I got a cmail from a guy who seems like a real jerk. Between the lines, however, his message constituted a scathing attack on my profile.

Just in case it really is me, I was thinking I had better check myself before I wreck myself.

If you care to take the time, please review my profile and give me your brutally honest feedback. Thanks in advance.


I think your profile is very well written. I appreciate your bluntness and your sense of humor. That video cracked me up! The only thing I would change if it were my profile is that I would put more details about MYSELF. What are your interests? (I mean like, books, movies, music, etc ...)

As a submissive myself, I would love to see an example of something small I might do FOR you. Not something sexual or anything like that but just like ... If I were thinking to myself ... Hmm, I'd like to impress this lady. What can I do? As an ice breaker. Because it can be intimidating to approach a dominant.

One lady I met in RL asked that I bring a small item I'd created myself. I ended up going a little overboard--I made her a necklace, a sketch of her photo and I wrote her a poem (lol!)--But she loved it and it made it a lot easier to get through that initial contact.

ETA:

I'm not a sub guy but I do occasionally find myself falling for dominant ladies.



Thank you for all the comments :)

I am glad that my bluntness and sense of humor do not rub everyone the wrong way.

Good suggestions regarding details about myself and how someone could impress me!

(in reply to rhymeswithcupid)
Profile   Post #: 80
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