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RE: Beyond peeve and getting to fury.... - 2/5/2013 9:19:16 AM   
JeffBC


Posts: 5799
Joined: 2/12/2012
From: Canada
Status: offline 		We had a thread about "not touching" a while ago that confused the crap out of me. So since we have a real life victim here I'd like to ask some questions.

At the time I was envisioning a public play party much like any other public function... a fair number of people squeezed into a reasonably snug package into some space. That means, to me anyway, that some amount of touching is inevitable... in the same way that I touch random strangers when I get onto a bus. Even that, I was told, was worthy of predator status. Happily, my RL BDSM friends indicated that normal social rules apply and BDSM chicks are not all walking land mines.

So now I ask you... what sort of touching are you talking about? Are you talking about the random sort of jostling that happens when you put a bunch of folks into a room or are you talking something more directed?

Insofar as the giving you commands shit, why isn't that simply laughable?

_____________________________

I'm a lover of "what is", not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality. -- Bryon Katie
"You're humbly arrogant" -- sunshinemiss
officially a member of the K Crowd

(in reply to Notsweet)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Beyond peeve and getting to fury.... - 2/5/2013 9:24:45 AM   
Thaz


Posts: 617
Joined: 4/28/2012
Status: offline 		Submission is a gift to be accepted not taken without prior consent.

Once you have consent and know the limits THEN its game on.

(in reply to TheLilSquaw)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Beyond peeve and getting to fury.... - 2/5/2013 9:28:03 AM   
TheLilSquaw


Posts: 2340
Joined: 10/24/2012
From: Middle River, MD
Status: offline 		I've been to many parties both private and at lifestyle clubs as well as munches.
I've never been to one that was as crowded as a subway or public bus. Lol






_____________________________

LilSquaw
Lifestyle & ProSwitch
Fetish Model, Producer, and Website Owner

http://www.clips4sale.com/69201
http://www.kinkbomb.com/studio/Sadistic_Babygirl_

(in reply to JeffBC)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Beyond peeve and getting to fury.... - 2/5/2013 9:35:37 AM   
JeffBC


Posts: 5799
Joined: 2/12/2012
From: Canada
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: TheLilSquaw
I've been to many parties both private and at lifestyle clubs as well as munches. I've never been to one that was as crowded as a subway or public bus. Lol

*laughs* Lending credence to the idea that at some point I should go. But still... simply going over to my friend's house for dinner it's quite likely I will touch the sub at some point... handing out dishes to set the table perhaps? That's what I was trying to get a bead on. The answers I got online (predictably) were very different than the ones I got offline.


_____________________________

I'm a lover of "what is", not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality. -- Bryon Katie
"You're humbly arrogant" -- sunshinemiss
officially a member of the K Crowd

(in reply to TheLilSquaw)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Beyond peeve and getting to fury.... - 2/5/2013 9:42:16 AM   
TheLilSquaw


Posts: 2340
Joined: 10/24/2012
From: Middle River, MD
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: JeffBC

quote:

ORIGINAL: TheLilSquaw
I've been to many parties both private and at lifestyle clubs as well as munches. I've never been to one that was as crowded as a subway or public bus. Lol

*laughs* Lending credence to the idea that at some point I should go. But still... simply going over to my friend's house for dinner it's quite likely I will touch the sub at some point... handing out dishes to set the table perhaps? That's what I was trying to get a bead on. The answers I got online (predictably) were very different than the ones I got offline.



There is a difference between a casual touch due to a crowded room and GRABBING someone or purposefully touching someone.

Using your subway example.
There is a difference in someone bumping me because it's crowded.
And a man grabbing my ass or tit.

Even with your dinner example.
There is a difference between touching someone when handing them a plate.
And grabbing someone.


_____________________________

LilSquaw
Lifestyle & ProSwitch
Fetish Model, Producer, and Website Owner

http://www.clips4sale.com/69201
http://www.kinkbomb.com/studio/Sadistic_Babygirl_

(in reply to JeffBC)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Beyond peeve and getting to fury.... - 2/5/2013 9:42:36 AM   
Switcheroo1983


Posts: 238
Joined: 1/29/2013
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Thaz

Submission is a gift to be accepted not taken without prior consent.

Once you have consent and know the limits THEN its game on.

Well said. If I am just meeting someone to get to know them, say over coffee, chess, ect. that I am interested in playing with, hands off completely. The rule goes both ways and must always be respected. Now, if I decide "this person isn't sending off alarm bells" and agree to play and I am in a submissive role, yes, game on.

(in reply to Thaz)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Beyond peeve and getting to fury.... - 2/5/2013 9:43:49 AM   
JeffBC


Posts: 5799
Joined: 2/12/2012
From: Canada
Status: offline 		I completely agree LilSquaw. There was no such difference in the eyes of the posters online. That immediately made me think that going to a public play party or even associating with any subs in real life was simply asking to go to prison. My real life friends agreed with you and seemed perfectly able to make such distinctions.

_____________________________

I'm a lover of "what is", not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality. -- Bryon Katie
"You're humbly arrogant" -- sunshinemiss
officially a member of the K Crowd

(in reply to TheLilSquaw)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Beyond peeve and getting to fury.... - 2/5/2013 9:46:01 AM   
theRose4U


Posts: 3403
Joined: 8/22/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Notsweet


quote:

ORIGINAL: TheLilSquaw

Men playing grab ass isn't just a "lifestyle" thing.
I have more men try to play grab ass and touch me in "vanilla" settings than in lifestyle ones.
Heck, even women do this.
So it isn't only men.


I wish I was talking about grab ass. I'm talking about "grab my hair and pull me with it."

Something is wrong with the communication here, any "friend" of mine would clearly know especially after years that a tazer to the genitals is a possible outcome if they try this with me!!

_____________________________

Finding a good sub is like sifting through trail mix. You find a few fruits, a lotta nuts and have to sift to get to the sweet and special ones
drama llama

(in reply to Notsweet)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Beyond peeve and getting to fury.... - 2/5/2013 9:46:13 AM   
TheLilSquaw


Posts: 2340
Joined: 10/24/2012
From: Middle River, MD
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: JeffBC

I completely agree LilSquaw. There was no such difference in the eyes of the posters online. That immediately made me think that going to a public play party or even associating with any subs in real life was simply asking to go to prison. My real life friends agreed with you and seemed perfectly able to make such distinctions.



A personal example.
Last time I went to a friend's bar.
It was crowded.
People brushing against me as they walked by didn't bother me.
However, when a man went to pet my black widow tattoo on my chest.
I put him to the ground.

HUGE difference.

ETA: I've don't recall encountering people online or off who didn't see and understand that distinction. Although there are those who simply live in a fantasy land and they can't be helped. Lol

< Message edited by TheLilSquaw -- 2/5/2013 9:50:07 AM >

_____________________________

LilSquaw
Lifestyle & ProSwitch
Fetish Model, Producer, and Website Owner

http://www.clips4sale.com/69201
http://www.kinkbomb.com/studio/Sadistic_Babygirl_

(in reply to JeffBC)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Beyond peeve and getting to fury.... - 2/5/2013 9:54:29 AM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: TheLilSquaw

I've been to many parties both private and at lifestyle clubs as well as munches.
I've never been to one that was as crowded as a subway or public bus. Lol

I have. 1763 is absolutely PACKED after SELF and DomCon.



_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to TheLilSquaw)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Beyond peeve and getting to fury.... - 2/5/2013 9:56:06 AM   
JeffBC


Posts: 5799
Joined: 2/12/2012
From: Canada
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: TheLilSquaw
ETA: I've don't recall encountering people online or off who didn't see and understand that distinction. Although there are those who simply live in a fantasy land and they can't be helped. Lol

Nobody on collarme was clear on that distinction -- hence my alarm. Offline, I haven't met a single person who is unclear. Once again, my impression of online BDSM is that it bears zero resemblance to offline BDSM.

That all being said, had I read the OP's follow-ups I would have understood the answer to my question. We are talking highly inappropriate touch here along with some ridiculous sense of personal boundaries and an attachment to "friends" who should more reasonably be considered "felons".


_____________________________

I'm a lover of "what is", not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality. -- Bryon Katie
"You're humbly arrogant" -- sunshinemiss
officially a member of the K Crowd

(in reply to TheLilSquaw)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Beyond peeve and getting to fury.... - 2/5/2013 10:02:48 AM   
TheLilSquaw


Posts: 2340
Joined: 10/24/2012
From: Middle River, MD
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

quote:

ORIGINAL: TheLilSquaw

I've been to many parties both private and at lifestyle clubs as well as munches.
I've never been to one that was as crowded as a subway or public bus. Lol

I have. 1763 is absolutely PACKED after SELF and DomCon.





If a place is that packed it is just socialized or does play actually happen?

_____________________________

LilSquaw
Lifestyle & ProSwitch
Fetish Model, Producer, and Website Owner

http://www.clips4sale.com/69201
http://www.kinkbomb.com/studio/Sadistic_Babygirl_

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Beyond peeve and getting to fury.... - 2/5/2013 10:33:21 AM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		Play happens. Those with a brain in their head treat it like a crowded pool hall. Don't walk behind the person holding the pool cue lining up to take a shot.

(Jeff has heard this particular story from clip about the guy who got nailed because he walked too closely behind Me with a whip in My hand.)


_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to TheLilSquaw)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Beyond peeve and getting to fury.... - 2/5/2013 10:41:29 AM   
TheLilSquaw


Posts: 2340
Joined: 10/24/2012
From: Middle River, MD
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact



(Jeff has heard this particular story from clip about the guy who got nailed because he walked too closely behind Me with a whip in My hand.)




Ok.. I laughed at the idea of getting hit with a whip because you walked to close.

_____________________________

LilSquaw
Lifestyle & ProSwitch
Fetish Model, Producer, and Website Owner

http://www.clips4sale.com/69201
http://www.kinkbomb.com/studio/Sadistic_Babygirl_

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Beyond peeve and getting to fury.... - 2/5/2013 10:50:26 AM   
Notsweet


Posts: 873
Joined: 6/11/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: TheLilSquaw

Have you had a conversation with him and told him what's bothering you and why?
Not confrontational but blunt and honest?

If you honestly think that to HIM this is a joke and acceptable,
Perhaps the issue is that you have not communicated to him that it isn't acceptable and why.

Btw.. you said you hate to whine to management but you might whine to his sub/ wife.
I think having an honest discussion with HIM would be far more effective.
If he can't respect your boundaries then you have choices to make.



Oh, yeah. First it was a smiling and calm conversation.
Then it was "Knock it the fuck off."
Then it was the butt of my palm and his jewels.

He and his wife were close friends of mine. I still am with her, but he's trying to get back in my good graces now. Gonna see how he behaves from now on.

(in reply to TheLilSquaw)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Beyond peeve and getting to fury.... - 2/5/2013 10:54:18 AM   
Notsweet


Posts: 873
Joined: 6/11/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: JeffBC

We had a thread about "not touching" a while ago that confused the crap out of me. So since we have a real life victim here I'd like to ask some questions.

At the time I was envisioning a public play party much like any other public function... a fair number of people squeezed into a reasonably snug package into some space. That means, to me anyway, that some amount of touching is inevitable... in the same way that I touch random strangers when I get onto a bus. Even that, I was told, was worthy of predator status. Happily, my RL BDSM friends indicated that normal social rules apply and BDSM chicks are not all walking land mines.

So now I ask you... what sort of touching are you talking about? Are you talking about the random sort of jostling that happens when you put a bunch of folks into a room or are you talking something more directed?

Insofar as the giving you commands shit, why isn't that simply laughable?


Giant event, and plenty of room to move. I mean, he had to walk over to me to get there. I'm talking about giant fist full of my hair, while talking to me as though he had authority over me because I am a sub. Wasn't an accident.

My point was, have other people encountered this, and what do they do?
I believe in warnings and then punishment.

As far as the talking to me like I'm a personal sub, A LOT of doms do that. I usually answer, "I'm sorry, baby, what did you say?"

(in reply to JeffBC)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Beyond peeve and getting to fury.... - 2/5/2013 10:55:21 AM   
Notsweet


Posts: 873
Joined: 6/11/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: TheLilSquaw

I've been to many parties both private and at lifestyle clubs as well as munches.
I've never been to one that was as crowded as a subway or public bus. Lol






OMG, back in the day when we used to hide in each other's tiny houses....
Wonder we all didn't get knocked up.

(in reply to TheLilSquaw)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Beyond peeve and getting to fury.... - 2/5/2013 10:56:52 AM   
Notsweet


Posts: 873
Joined: 6/11/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Switcheroo1983


quote:

ORIGINAL: Thaz

Submission is a gift to be accepted not taken without prior consent.

Once you have consent and know the limits THEN its game on.

Well said. If I am just meeting someone to get to know them, say over coffee, chess, ect. that I am interested in playing with, hands off completely. The rule goes both ways and must always be respected. Now, if I decide "this person isn't sending off alarm bells" and agree to play and I am in a submissive role, yes, game on.


Oh, yeah--on a first meet, that GUARANTEES it's a last meet.

(in reply to Switcheroo1983)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Beyond peeve and getting to fury.... - 2/5/2013 11:00:00 AM   
Notsweet


Posts: 873
Joined: 6/11/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

Play happens. Those with a brain in their head treat it like a crowded pool hall. Don't walk behind the person holding the pool cue lining up to take a shot.

(Jeff has heard this particular story from clip about the guy who got nailed because he walked too closely behind Me with a whip in My hand.)




LOL--around here, that's a given.

I go to Dark Odyssey dungeons, and places that are the size of auditoriums. Sometimes THAT'S so packed, you have to be careful. But to just plain dumb walk behind a whipping scene? Those are the people you see with a lash mark to the cheek. And usually a completely unsympathetic audience and an unrepentant top <grin>.

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: Beyond peeve and getting to fury.... - 2/5/2013 11:31:57 AM   
saundrakitty


Posts: 148
Joined: 9/11/2012
Status: offline 		We had a similar incident happen at one of our of Our Munches to an unattached submissive happen just ONCE-and both Me and another Switch who is as High Protical as I am took that Master in Hand and We handled it right then and there and trust Me His face went white with what We said to Him and the evil look and yep the smile that told Him He was about to be a canary to 2 very Vicious Cats- Lol. After that We had Him between the both of Us the rest of the night and He learned His Manners very fast. My Master and Her Master both just sat back and watched the show and died laughing at his discomfort. We had Him squirming all Night with both of us using Mind Fuck Games on Him. The next time He came to our Munch His behavior was sooo much better and we never had another incident. Oh We laugh and cut up and yes play around- but every one asks first to invade another s space , even if it was just to give them a Hug until they know its OK.

(in reply to Notsweet)
Profile   Post #: 40
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