quote:

ORIGINAL: Notsweet
LOL--around here, that's a given.

I go to Dark Odyssey dungeons, and places that are the size of auditoriums. Sometimes THAT'S so packed, you have to be careful. But to just plain dumb walk behind a whipping scene? Those are the people you see with a lash mark to the cheek. And usually a completely unsympathetic audience and an unrepentant top <grin>.

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact
I read the other comment about your hair. What kind of lack of class does that take? I've got a real thing for hair pulling but I would *never* take that kind of liberty without asking.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Notsweet

Anybody else have this problem? How do you handle it?

I'm currently an unattached submissive. This is BY CHOICE. It's because I'm looking for the right one, not one for right now. Why then, do friends or acquaintances who happen to be tops/doms/masters think that they have license to come up and give me orders, or even worse, to put their hands on me? It's the R/L equivalent of the "On your knees, bitch" that we get online. It's stupid, it's rude, and in some cases, it's ASSAULT.

Fair warning. If you aren't my dom and you take license to put your hands on me, I will take license to put my hands on you, and it will NOT feel good.

quote:

ORIGINAL: LookieNoNookie

quote:

ORIGINAL: Notsweet

Anybody else have this problem? How do you handle it?

I'm currently an unattached submissive. This is BY CHOICE. It's because I'm looking for the right one, not one for right now. Why then, do friends or acquaintances who happen to be tops/doms/masters think that they have license to come up and give me orders, or even worse, to put their hands on me? It's the R/L equivalent of the "On your knees, bitch" that we get online. It's stupid, it's rude, and in some cases, it's ASSAULT.

Fair warning. If you aren't my dom and you take license to put your hands on me, I will take license to put my hands on you, and it will NOT feel good.

Well, I don't actually envision someone online...like...on a computer screen (from some distant place)....telling you what to do as....an assault.

I see it more as silly (but hardly worth contacting an attorney).

quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

Ok, now we get to the meat of the problem.

You said you are close to this guy as he is in a couple and you are still something...friend? Lover? Play partner? with the woman. I'm going to assume he was part of that as well and so in the past he was given consent by you for touching and/or more?

If this is all true then we're talking something entirely different than the version you first posted, making it sound like it was a total stranger. So this is just a guy who felt he still had those rights with you to order you around and touch you since it sounds to me like barriers by you two were never put up and since you are still whatever with his wife, he thinks that the same still holds true for him as for his wife with you.

Do I think this guy deserved what he did to you? I dunno. What did he do to you before? Did you ever actually tell him to fuck off before all this happened when you two first split? If not and if the split was sorta vague then no I don't think he deserved what you did. If however, lines were clearly drawn and you both understood the lines clearly, then maybe he may have. I still am not sure on that since we don't know the entire story.

I will say however, you still being with his wife will cause you to continue to have problems with him. How could it not since they show up together as a couple to the same events you go to as well.

quote:

ORIGINAL: xssve

Interesting show on NPR, philosophy talk or some shit - anyway, today they were discussing relativism and absolutism, which pose some interesting questions, the answers to which, are often ambiguous. Many of these problems are discussed in here, where theory meets praxis, where the rubber meets the road.

I personally cannot do otherwise than to establish informed consent as the cornerstone of any sort of rational absolutism; i.e., any systematic form of ethical policy that can functionally distinguish "right" from "wrong".

Apparently the legal system agrees with me, so I am just reiterating a point already made, or in the making, that given we are in at least one sense, individual hermetic consciousness's (?), we differ not only externally, in our particular morphology, but in our perceptions, and our ability to communicate them, which are the evidence of consciousness.

It's the price of sexual reproduction, we're all mutants, no two of us are precisely alike, it's not how nature works, evolution is like a vast and beautiful fractal equation on the macro level, like a game of backalley craps on the micro level.

And, this being demonstrably the case, establishing any meaningful point of reference that forms the basis for any foundation of a moral and ethical order we can all agree upon; a socially and economically successful iterative function, one that allows us to express our consciousness, to express our thoughts freely, appears to have the greatest probability of overcoming adaptational shifts, and informed consent is the only logical second step given the kinetic character of physical reality.

But yeah, given those hermetic fantasies many of us appear to inhabit, it becomes easy to rationalize this away, even if it is the cornerstone of Western civilization, so you should never hesitate to assert your natural rights.

quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

Ok, well the way you said you are still with his wife, I figured you had more involvement with them both. If it was more on an acquaintance basis then, then yes he probably went too far. Were you playing with someone else? Did that person talk to him at any time? Maybe giving some kind of insuation that it was ok? If not, did that person say anything to the person?

I've been to plenty of play parties, even ran quite a few in the past and I can see where it sometimes became a mob mentality and sometimes things could have gotten out of hand.

But like I said, I wasn't there and have no idea what the environment was like there.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Notsweet
Whoa!!!
Friends. You know, "Hi, Jane, that dessert you made for the party is fabulous, can I have the recipe?" "Hey, Notsweet, do you still have those boots you wore to X? Could I borrow them for Y?" "Mary, is that a picture of your new grandbaby?" "How's your cat? Did you ever try that new food that Bob told you about?" "Hey, have you guys seen Jim? Is he here yet?"

You know. Friends.

Not play partners. Not fuck buddies. Not lovers. Friends. People you see at an event four times a year for twenty years.

I get the feeling that doing events isn't something everyone does on a regular basis.

And there isn't a problem since I demonstrated that I knew where to find his nutsack.

I just wondered how other people dealt with it, since it's happened to me a couple of times, and to a friend most recently.

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact
A little off topic here, but that's not the definition that I use for friend. That is more like an acquaintance.

Which, when you look at it, isn't quite the same when discussed.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Notsweet
I think it would be kind of sad to only have one kind. I think we define for ourselves what makes a friend, poorly behaved or not.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Notsweet

Anybody else have this problem? How do you handle it?

quote:

ORIGINAL: JeffB
what sort of touching are you talking about? Are you talking about the random sort of jostling that happens when you put a bunch of folks into a room or are you talking something more directed?

quote:

ORIGINAL: Notsweet
I wish I was talking about grab ass. I'm talking about "grab my hair and pull me with it."

quote:

ORIGINAL: Notsweet

Anybody else have this problem? How do you handle it?

I'm currently an unattached submissive. This is BY CHOICE. It's because I'm looking for the right one, not one for right now. Why then, do friends or acquaintances who happen to be tops/doms/masters think that they have license to come up and give me orders, or even worse, to put their hands on me? It's the R/L equivalent of the "On your knees, bitch" that we get online. It's stupid, it's rude, and in some cases, it's ASSAULT.

Fair warning. If you aren't my dom and you take license to put your hands on me, I will take license to put my hands on you, and it will NOT feel good.