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Master wants a threesome... - 2/19/2013 5:44:05 PM   
Alic3


Posts: 13
Joined: 2/19/2013
Status: offline 		My Master and I have just begun our journey together. I am hoping to work up to being his collared slave, however I believe he wants other things. Master is older than me, and has never had a threesome. All I want to do is make him happy, no matter what it is... but I don't think this is something I can do for him.
My track records with 'threesomes' haven't been all that great. My ex cheated on me with the girl we had a threesome with. She had been my best friend, but betrayed me. The other times I have had one were all horrible experiences, and I just don't want to do it again. I am afraid to be hurt again and although Master tells me everything will be okay, I can't shake that feeling in the pit of my stomach and the pain in my heart.
I want nothing more than to make Master happy. When I told him I don't think I wanted it, he became upset with me. I have a lot of feelings for Master, but is there a way to have a romantic D/s relationship? Or should I just suck it up and make him happy?
I'm in a dilemma...
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Master wants a threesome... - 2/19/2013 5:47:14 PM   
Missokyst


Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline 		he barely has you and now he whines because he wants another? That does not bode well for your future.

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pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding ~Gibran, Kahlil

“The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for.”
― Bob Marley


(in reply to Alic3)
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RE: Master wants a threesome... - 2/19/2013 5:47:56 PM   
KnightofMists


Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline 		Maybe you should trust your gut!

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An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to Alic3)
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RE: Master wants a threesome... - 2/19/2013 5:52:43 PM   
SylvereApLeanan


Posts: 8275
Joined: 11/1/2007
From: Hell
Status: offline 		You are not required to do anything that will cause you physical or emotional harm. You are well within your rights to make three-somes a hard limit if you think that's what's best for you.

However, that's not really the question you should be asking. What jumps out at me from your post is that you are in a new relationship and your "Master" is already talking about three-somes before you've even gotten past the honeymoon stage. The fact that he became upset with you when you expressed your reluctance to do this is also a red flag. A big one.

I get that you're caught up in the "ooh, shiny" phase of your relationship, but you really need to back up and look at this carefully. He is assuring you that everything will be fine before you've even had a chance to establish trust. A 3-way isn't something you should rush into, especially with your prior history. If it isn't off the table entirely, it should be put on a distant back burner until you two have been together multiple years and have built trust. The fact that he wants to rush you into something he knows makes you uncomfortable is BAD, mkay?

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(in reply to Alic3)
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RE: Master wants a threesome... - 2/19/2013 5:53:03 PM   
absolutchocolat


Posts: 1392
Status: offline 		If you have expressed these feelings to him and he wants it anyway, move on. Seems as though this may be a soft limit for you, and any Dom worth his salt would respect that.

Also, you have "just begun your journey" with this guy. Slow it down. If he cares about you, I'm sure he can put his fantasy on hold for the sake of your sanity.

(in reply to Alic3)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Master wants a threesome... - 2/19/2013 5:54:15 PM   
breagha


Posts: 380
Joined: 7/29/2012
Status: offline 		If you do not want to have a threesome... then don't.

If he were the right man for you he would understand your trepidation to do so ( no matter what the reason is ) and he may be disappointed that you do not want to do this... but don't feel you should do it just to please him. this could cause many many complications within your relationship. Truth is always key in any relationship. if i were you i would explain to him why i didn't want to do this. i would also make it clear that while i do want to please him... a threesome is not something i feel i could compromise on just to please him. then see where it goes from there.

Master reminds me sometimes that even if i disappoint him... that is all it is. a disappointment. it wouldn't be the end of our relationship.

as for a romantic D/s relationship... there are many many people here that have that.

(in reply to Alic3)
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RE: Master wants a threesome... - 2/19/2013 5:56:31 PM   
Alic3


Posts: 13
Joined: 2/19/2013
Status: offline 		Thanks for the advice everyone. I think I should talk to him and see if I can trust him first. If not, this may not work out.

(in reply to absolutchocolat)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Master wants a threesome... - 2/19/2013 5:59:45 PM   
poise


Posts: 9509
Joined: 7/3/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Alic3
My Master and I have just begun our journey together.
Master wants a threesome.
All I want to do is make him happy, no matter what it is... but I don't think this is something I can do for him.
When I told him I don't think I wanted it, he became upset with me. RED FLAG
Or should I just suck it up and make him happy?


I think your relationship is far too new for you to claim to want to do "anything to make him happy, no matter what it is".
Even in long lasting D/s relationships, there are things that one partner is not willing to do for the other, either for
emotional reasons or physical ones. So yes, there are many romantic and nurturing and loving D/s relationships out there.
Sadly, the fact that he is upset over you being unsure about doing something related to his sexual gratification is a good
indication that this isn't headed towards that type of relationship.



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When the path ignites a soul, there’s no remaining in place.

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RE: Master wants a threesome... - 2/19/2013 6:00:26 PM   
breagha


Posts: 380
Joined: 7/29/2012
Status: offline 		Trust is very important. as is open communication. good luck to you...

(in reply to Alic3)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Master wants a threesome... - 2/19/2013 6:06:12 PM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline 		I did that same mistake. I had a submissive for just a couple of months when a woman expressed interest in joining us. Our relationship wasn't ready for it, and it almost broke everything up.

Eighteen months later, my sub is more open and I'm smarter about it.

That said, what is meant by a threesome? My sub and I have invited other women over for spanking, bondage, etc., without sex, and she has no jealous feelings as long as sex is not part of the equation.

"When I told him I don't think I wanted it, he became upset with me." That is a HUGE red flag. As your Dom, one of his duties is to keep you feeling safe. If his fetish is more important than your comfort, that's bad. Plus, it shows impatience - pushing slowly and gently will get him what he wants much more than forcing the issue. And losing his temper.

< Message edited by DarkSteven -- 2/19/2013 6:10:03 PM >

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The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

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RE: Master wants a threesome... - 2/19/2013 6:07:45 PM   
DreamsOfSpider


Posts: 56
Joined: 12/4/2006
Status: offline 		It's absolutely possible to have a romantic D/s relationship, and no, you shouldn't just suck it up and make him happy... unless that would ultimately make you happy, too. Doesn't sound like it.

You don't want to have a threesome. You've tried it, you've had bad experiences, you don't want to do it again. So, tell him it's a hard limit. If he doesn't respect that, then I don't think he deserves to be called 'Master.'

(in reply to Alic3)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Master wants a threesome... - 2/19/2013 6:08:18 PM   
Alic3


Posts: 13
Joined: 2/19/2013
Status: offline 		I hope my Master can be like you..

I'm pretty sure he wants sex, but mostly to watch me and the other woman be with each other. I told him I couldn't do it and although he got upset, he thankfully understands now. I'm just not ready for that now.

(in reply to DarkSteven)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Master wants a threesome... - 2/19/2013 6:18:41 PM   
lizi


Posts: 4673
Joined: 2/1/2009
Status: offline 		I was in a beginning D/s relationship with someone once, he knew I was monogamous, he kept asking me to "bring a friend" when I'd come see him, he asked one too many times and I left his ass. Fuck that. I made my limits clear and he thought he could ignore them.

You do not have to be all things to someone, you have the right to set limits where you do not want to go. If anyone tells you differently tell them to go pound sand. Why would you want to keep someone around that is making you uncomfortable? D/s relationships are supposed to make us happy and fulfilled just like regular relationships do, if this one is not making you feel that way please reconsider why you are in it. It's your responsibility to know what works for you and to watch out for yourself. If you see signs that your needs are not being met it's time to have a talk, maybe more. Being a submissive does not mean doing whatever someone tells you to do to the point where you are unhappy.

You don't need any justification of why threesomes don't work for you, if you dont want them then that's enough. No one from the BDSM police is going to arrest you for knowing what you want and don't want. If you don't understand this then please do...you are young, attractive, and in demand. You will find scores of men that would love to listen to your preferences and pay attention to them. Don't rush into anything, just know that you don't have to settle for the first man that comes your way. Do NOT just suck it up to make him happy, not if its something that upsets you. He shouldn't be insisting in that case and shouldn't have gotten upset with you.

Yes, lots of people have romantic D/s relationships. If that is what you'd like, go out and find one I had one for 4 years that I was very happy in. When I'm ready, I'm sure there is another relationship out there that I"ll be happy in again, I'll figure out what I want it to look like and keep searching till I find it. You better believe I won't settle for less.

(in reply to Alic3)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Master wants a threesome... - 2/19/2013 6:25:23 PM   
catize


Posts: 3020
Joined: 3/7/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Alic3

Thanks for the advice everyone. I think I should talk to him and see if I can trust him first. If not, this may not work out.


Seems to me this is a little backward............shoulda talked a lot and found out if he was trustworthy before ya decided he was your "master"!

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"Power is real. But it's a lot less real if it's not perceived as power."
Robert Parker, Stranger in Paradise

(in reply to Alic3)
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RE: Master wants a threesome... - 2/19/2013 6:31:32 PM   
SeekingTrinity


Posts: 1834
Joined: 5/29/2012
From: The 'burbs of Portland, OR
Status: offline 		~FRing it~

No one should be pushed beyond what they can emotionally handle. That is irresponsibility on the part of the dominant. And no one should get their panties all twisted in their ass if you know you arent ready/cant do something. That is immaturity on the part of the dominant. File this stuff away and keep an eye out, OP. Above everything else, all Ive seen from what you have told us is a lack of respect on his part for you.

(in reply to lizi)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Master wants a threesome... - 2/19/2013 6:40:09 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		Next time discuss this before you commit.

If he suddenly announced this, I'd suggest he call an escort service and hire two women. And I'd pack his belongings and leave them outside while he was off doing this.

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Cynical and proud of it!


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Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Master wants a threesome... - 2/19/2013 7:04:13 PM   
HarryVanWinkle


Posts: 1720
Joined: 5/8/2006
Status: offline 		"Limits" are things that you are completely unwilling to do. You have a right to set limits. Any "master" who won't respect a submissive's limits doesn't deserve to HAVE a submissive.

You need more than just a talk with him to see if you can trust him. Trust isn't built in a conversation; it's built over TIME. Do not let him, or anybody else push you into something you're not ready for. And, don't let him convince you that you owe it to him, or that it's somehow your duty to do this for him.

(in reply to Alic3)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Master wants a threesome... - 2/19/2013 7:23:51 PM   
kalikshama


Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline
quote:

is there a way to have a romantic D/s relationship?


Of course, with someone who is both romantic and kinky.

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(in reply to Alic3)
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RE: Master wants a threesome... - 2/19/2013 8:22:52 PM   
theRose4U


Posts: 3403
Joined: 8/22/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Alic3

I hope my Master can be like you..

I'm pretty sure he wants sex, but mostly to watch me and the other woman be with each other. I told him I couldn't do it and although he got upset, he thankfully understands now. I'm just not ready for that now.

Sweetie you're 19 years old...you are way too young to be forcing yourself to bend to every whim of an old fart living his dicks fantasies. If you haven't even had monogamous sex, you have ZERO business worrying about 3 somes with anyone (even before your history). My very strong suggestion is see "master" for what he is...a horney old man using you to fill his fantasies. Then get to your local munch where you can be mentored by a female sub. "Training" means her dom doesn't have sex with you, talk about sex with you & certainly doesn't decide a 3 some is required. Female mentor

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Finding a good sub is like sifting through trail mix. You find a few fruits, a lotta nuts and have to sift to get to the sweet and special ones
drama llama

(in reply to Alic3)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Master wants a threesome... - 2/19/2013 8:31:00 PM   
TNDommeK


Posts: 7153
Joined: 3/13/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: catize

quote:

ORIGINAL: Alic3

Thanks for the advice everyone. I think I should talk to him and see if I can trust him first. If not, this may not work out.


Seems to me this is a little backward............shoulda talked a lot and found out if he was trustworthy before ya decided he was your "master"!


This.

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Professional con artist, swindler, trixster, extortionist

Our snark-nado needs more cowbell


(in reply to catize)
Profile   Post #: 20
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