RE: The elusive female orgasm (Full Version)

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needlesandpins -> RE: The elusive female orgasm (2/20/2013 7:57:44 AM)

it's very easy to make me cum if you know what you are doing and listen to what my body and mouth tell you. i've been able to make myself cum for a very long time. i've never faked an orgasm as i see this as counter productive. what is the point of faking it so that he thinks he's doing the right thing? yeah he gets his ego stroked, but then i'd continually miss out.

i think alot of things are person dependent, and/or situational. over the last 4 years i've been able to totally let go and talk about more of the things i want, and try out giving myself over to someone in a way i never thought possible. i've been able to orgasm from oral which no-one had ever got close to doing before. there are so many things that i have done that i had never been able to do before because of a lack of trust. He has always been able to make me cum, and multiple times at once.

i can't stand vibrators of any type so they are definately a no go. my friend loves her's though, but she can not orgasm with a guy. she says she never has either. it's not for lacking on the guy's part, or that she isn't enjoying herself. she does however have very specific fantacies that she has told me about, and i wonder whether the lack of being able to express those wants has something to do with it all.

needles



Missokyst -> RE: The elusive female orgasm (2/20/2013 8:02:46 AM)

heh... Of course that didn't stop me from testing it out again about a month later when I was over the fear.

quote:

ORIGINAL: mnottertail

quote:


well I had my first orgasm early in my life. Scared the shit out of me, I thought I was dying.


That is interesting, and I second this exact thing.





mnottertail -> RE: The elusive female orgasm (2/20/2013 8:04:51 AM)

You pussy!!!!!  As soon as I found out I didn't die..............I was rodshining that motherfucker like it was a warp drive for the Enterprise. 



cordeliasub -> RE: The elusive female orgasm (2/20/2013 8:06:36 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: mnottertail

quote:


well I had my first orgasm early in my life. Scared the shit out of me, I thought I was dying.


That is interesting, and I second this exact thing.



Well, the French did used to call it "the little death."

The post about the tone of voice, the command, pushing down her shoulders....I can echo that. With my previous Sir, the excitement began from those first deep authoritative words. But again....he was someone I knew who had taken the time to know me.

I can achieve a purely physical orgasm very easily with about three to five minutes of "wand time," but it is almost impossible for me to achieve orgasm from a "random fuck" with someone I do not know. Once another person gets involved...it isn't just physical mechanics; it become psychological too.



mnottertail -> RE: The elusive female orgasm (2/20/2013 8:07:55 AM)

Le Petit Mort.



Greta75 -> RE: The elusive female orgasm (2/20/2013 8:09:03 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Missokyst

As far as being in touch with myself sexually, well I had my first orgasm early in my life. Scared the shit out of me, I thought I was dying.



I had my orgasm super early in life, like pre-puberscent. And I interpreted it as a form of torture that I enjoy. Torturous but enjoyable. Was so addicted to it when I first discovered it too. But back then I already had all these non-consensual fantasies, so discovering masturbation and orgasms makes my non-consensual fantasies more enjoyable.



ChatteParfaitt -> RE: The elusive female orgasm (2/20/2013 8:39:02 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Greta75

I don't think I will ever be able to get a vagina orgasm, because my insides are completely numb since the day I lost my virginity. My x noticed that I can never feel him cumming inside of me. He says, most women can feel it. But I always feel nothing inside. You put a big dick vibrator in there and I feel nothing.



I'm going to come way out of left field here and make a suggestion that may or may not work for you and others like you how feel their vaginal walls are not sensitive enough to achieve orgasm during penetrative sex.

I'm going to disagree entirely and say there is a huge possibility of exactly the opposite, you are so sensitive down there that ANY over stimulation or harsh stimulation makes you close up your nerve endings in defense. It's very common for women to do this when they are having their clit over stimulated or harshly stimulated. Those nerves endings shut down. It certainly happens to me. After orgasm my clit can be so sensitive the slightest brush causes them to shut down.

I think this is likely to happen in the vaginal walls as well. After all, it is an area rich in blood veins and though it may have significantly less nerve endings than the clitoral area, you know, that's not saying much. There *are* nerve endings in the vaginal wall, so you can feel things there if you are not (mentally or) physically desensitized.

I would try, on my own, a very slow, a very gentle caress over other erogenous zones for a good 10-15 minutes before attempting any sort of vaginal penetration. A nice soft feather would be nice for this, a piece of fur, anything soft and sensual. Then try very carefully inserting the very tip of your finger, and gently exploring. Don't make full bore penetration a goal, just exploration. Eventually you can explore to the point you try to find your g-spot (do you know where it is?).

If you can learn to digitally caress your g-spot, I bet you will find you DO have feelings in your vaginal wall. Once you are clear on where this spot is, you can teach your partner.

I hope this helps, enjoy!



Rochsub2009 -> RE: The elusive female orgasm (2/20/2013 8:47:57 AM)

I have never had a vaginal orgasm. Therefore, they're a myth. [:D]



SeekingTrinity -> RE: The elusive female orgasm (2/20/2013 9:03:47 AM)

~FRing it~

I too kind of think that it depends more on a person's self awareness of their body, rather than my being kinky that makes orgasms possible for me. Ive personally never hand hang-ups as far as sexual response goes, so I tend to find myself really enjoying sexual intimacy either solo or with someone else. Perhaps my involvement in BDSM helps. Im not really sure. I can have multiple orgasms, but it really depends on how turned on my mind is at the time. Ive also experienced g-spot orgasms, but that was only with one person in my sexual history and it hasnt ever happened again.

I agree with what Chatte was saying, I think that many women just have too much trouble letting go to be able to enjoy and embrace their sexuality. Or its been drilled into their head (by parents, religion, etc) that you arent supposed to enjoy sex. Apparently you must just have to endure it or something [:)]

I have found that I can more easily orgasm by either oral or a vibe, but I have more trouble if it involves penetration. Though I have found with my current boyfriend, our bodies fit together in a way that I actually can achieve an orgasm through penetration by positioning my body in a certain way to get clitoral stimulation from his body while he is doing his thing on me. All I can say is thank God I lost about 140lbs this past year, which makes it possible to do that kind of stuff [:D]

Ive never been one to be able to handle direct vibration on my clit. Way too much, way too intense. But I do rest the vibe on the area above or to one side or the other of my clitoris and it works very well without feeling like its too intense.



theshytype -> RE: The elusive female orgasm (2/20/2013 9:17:46 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Greta75


quote:

ORIGINAL: Missokyst

As far as being in touch with myself sexually, well I had my first orgasm early in my life. Scared the shit out of me, I thought I was dying.



I had my orgasm super early in life, like pre-puberscent. And I interpreted it as a form of torture that I enjoy. Torturous but enjoyable. Was so addicted to it when I first discovered it too. But back then I already had all these non-consensual fantasies, so discovering masturbation and orgasms makes my non-consensual fantasies more enjoyable.


I often had reoccurring fantasies that always involved some form of force, capture, and restraints. Before I knew what sex or porn was. I was VERY young and, although I felt ashamed, I was addicted. Still am. More so. Marriage and kids did not kill it, almost made it stronger for me. That first time I did not think I was dying. All I know is that I remember thinking "Yes. I like that. I'll have to that a lot."
I still, to this day, am amazed at the thoughts I had at that age but believe that my self experimentation helped me from being a promiscuous teenager. Sure, I was curious, but I was having fun by myself.



Missokyst -> RE: The elusive female orgasm (2/20/2013 9:58:34 AM)

LOL I grew up Catholic. My mom used to tuck me in so tightly with hands OVER the blankets, which I assume was to insure no idle hands. Boy... that kinda back-fired.

quote:

ORIGINAL: SeekingTrinity
Or its been drilled into their head (by parents, religion, etc) that you arent supposed to enjoy sex. Apparently you must just have to endure it or something [:)]




xssve -> RE: The elusive female orgasm (2/20/2013 10:36:26 AM)

Presumably there are a lot of psychological issues involved, but some recent study suggested that the distance from the clitoris to the vaginal opening appeared to have a statistically significant effect on women's reported orgasms.

So if I ran into a woman who said she'd never orgasmed, I'm have to say let's take that thang apart and see how she ticks.

I'm nothing if not helpful.



AthenaSurrenders -> RE: The elusive female orgasm (2/20/2013 11:39:43 AM)

fast reply

Wow. I expected to come home to maybe a dozen replies.

This has been really interesting reading and I really like how it has turned into people giving each other advice and tips. There's a lot to be learned here and I appreciate everyone sharing their experiences.

There are so many posts that made me think 'yes! This is me exactly!' that I won't quote them all or it will really be dull. I very much agree with those who talked about different types of orgasms feeling different.

Here is a really interesting article on the clitoris:

http://blog.museumofsex.com/the-internal-clitoris/

I never knew it was so big or that it sort of wraps around the vagina but it certainly makes a lot of sense. I can really see how tiny normal differences in anatomy could make a big difference to what type of stimulation works best.

I definitely think that mental state has a lot to do with it. Personally I can rarely do it to myself, and when I do it's not particularly satisfying. I assume this is because I need that connection, (that 'surrender' as someone put it above) which I don't get with my own brain. And I know from the few occasions I haven't got there with a partner, the moment I start thinking 'it's not gonna happen' I seal my own fate.



xssve -> RE: The elusive female orgasm (2/20/2013 11:51:16 AM)

Yes, I'm referring to the little bud there, but vaginas are actually quite varied, angle, depth, external morphology, etc., so the extent of the lobes, how developed the various ganglia are, the G spot, rectouterine pouch, etc., might have a lot to do with sexual response from woman to woman.

The penis by contrast is relatively straightforward. [8|]



WomanlyWiles -> RE: The elusive female orgasm (2/20/2013 12:04:05 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Greta75

I don't think I will ever be able to get a vagina orgasm, because my insides are completely numb since the day I lost my virginity. My x noticed that I can never feel him cumming inside of me. He says, most women can feel it. But I always feel nothing inside. You put a big dick vibrator in there and I feel nothing.


Do you use condoms? Latex ones make me go dead inside. And although I can feel the twitching and pulsating of a man's orgasm, I can't feel the ejaculation itself.



PeonForHer -> RE: The elusive female orgasm (2/20/2013 12:11:25 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Rochsub2009

I have never had a vaginal orgasm. Therefore, they're a myth. [:D]


Neither have I. But I put that down to being a Brit. :-(



mnottertail -> RE: The elusive female orgasm (2/20/2013 12:13:05 PM)

I have never seen the big top or the clowns or elephants at Picadilly Circus, but I believe it exists. 



xssve -> RE: The elusive female orgasm (2/20/2013 12:13:19 PM)

I think the social issue might be the whole "myth of the female orgasm" business, i.e., five minutes of sweaty penile penetration followed by deep slumber ought to be enough to satisfy any woman, and if it's not, there's something wrong with her.

I even get that from women occasionally, toys are for boys, blah, blah. Presumably they can't comprehend why everybody is not just like them.

If poking it with my penis works for you, that's fine, it works for me pretty reliably, but I hate drama, so if my woman starts getting all hysterical, my reflex is to treat that one way or the other.

I just never have run into a woman who couldn't orgasm, some didn't or wouldn't or lied about it probably, it's just not always as obvious with a woman as it is with a man.

Words and little tactile exploration seem to work all too well for me, half the time they're the ones that fall asleep leaving me all dressed up and no place to go.



xssve -> RE: The elusive female orgasm (2/20/2013 12:25:04 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: WomanlyWiles


quote:

ORIGINAL: Greta75

I don't think I will ever be able to get a vagina orgasm, because my insides are completely numb since the day I lost my virginity. My x noticed that I can never feel him cumming inside of me. He says, most women can feel it. But I always feel nothing inside. You put a big dick vibrator in there and I feel nothing.


Do you use condoms? Latex ones make me go dead inside. And although I can feel the twitching and pulsating of a man's orgasm, I can't feel the ejaculation itself.


I believe that is actually normal, the bulk of the nerve endings are located in the vulva, possibly something to do with easing childbirth which is pretty heavy stuff, physically. The colon by contrast has nerve endings all around - I've heard women report liking or even preferring anal sex because they can feel the ejaculation.

Orgasm denial makes me curious, assuming you orgasm relatively easier, how long exactly can you hold it on the threshold? For me it's like being stuck between Heaven and Hell, and it seems like a lot longer than it probably is, properly executed.



mnottertail -> RE: The elusive female orgasm (2/20/2013 12:27:30 PM)

I have held my girl there for 3 and a half hours, before I couldn't take it no more.  I expect you could live on the cusp of heaven and hell for near a lifetime. (with proper lubrication).



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