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LukaBR -> RE: The elusive female orgasm (2/20/2013 1:53:40 PM)
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>Is this a myth? Do most women just get there eventually? Or is it because BDSMers as a group are more in touch with their sexuality, their turn-ons and their physical responses?
The female orgasm is definitely not a myth, but something that has been greatly oversimplified for centuries in the way people approach the subject. It's not that most women "get there eventually," but the group of women whose problem with orgasm is something mental that they can not overcome. You eventually have to figure out how to orgasm - or have one forced on you - before you can start reliably having more. You have to take note of the certain muscle contractions, pressure buildups, and overall mental to physical stimulation connection. For those that have a mental block such as religion or previous negative sexual experience, the sexual stigma must be removed before your body will allow you to orgasm. However, everyone's problem is not mental. Often, people are limited by physical factors such as not having enough nerve endings or the nerves being too sensitive or undersensitive - orgasms can only happen with an amount of stimulation that feels acceptable to the brain. The physiological development of sexuality as it pertains to orgasm develops separately, though concurrently, with the psychology. People's genetics, diets, and environmental factors influence their sexual physiology more than they're given credit for and some people are literally just not built to orgasm. It's like how some girls can't have squirting orgasms and how some are dry as a desert, they're missing the correct number of glands to secrete fluids from, so it just can't happen no matter how much you capture their psychology.
As for the BDSM scene, things get even more complicated. Anyone actively identifying as into BDSM has clearly identified some of their fetishes, most of which are likely to be deviant. Because this group as a whole isn't as restricted by their mental stigma, they are more often limited by their physiology. This is where we start seeing people whose optimal state for orgasm comes more from the mental stimulation than physical, simply because it actually does have a stronger effect on the sex drive than physical stimulation. Now, this can be either from a weak sense of physical stimulation or possibly even a psychoticly strong fetish that activates those centers, but the point is that there is a lot to consider - most of it readily able to be analyzed if you know what to look for and what questions to ask.
As for getting someone who's never had an orgasm before to do so, try to get them as comfortable as possible, and keep the stimulation only as high as they are comfortable with until their sex drive is going in full force. Then, depending on your partner, push the limit of what they think they can handle (but only slightly) and gradually increase the stimulation until they get further than the last time. High sexual stimulation is very intense to the brain, and cautious/fearful people will immediately reject and stigmatize the intense stimulation. Try talking with your partner about going against what they feel is right for them for a bit to see how they like it once they've stopped fighting it and got a little more used to it.
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