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RE: Is a BDSM relationship possible without the looks - 2/25/2013 10:55:23 PM   
AthenaSurrenders


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Joined: 3/15/2012
Status: offline 		njlauren that was a great post. Very honest and reflective. I really liked the way you talked about how things differ from pro and non-pro sessions and how that took some adjusting to - I really think a lot of subs who have used pros and are looking for a partner could really benefit from reading your experience.

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RE: Is a BDSM relationship possible without the looks - 2/25/2013 11:47:24 PM   
Charles6682


Posts: 1820
Joined: 10/1/2007
From: Saint Pete,FL
Status: offline 		I sort did have an outside relationship with one of the girls I shot with.I wouldn't say it was a Domme/Sub relationship but it was alot more than just a video session.We went out and did things,had fun but she was in charge in that respect,on and off the camera.She was a unique exception.Not all the girls were stuck up either.Some I got along with great,others I would do the video and leave.However,I know the videos were acting.It is a business first.I've done the whole "video slave" aspect.Some videos I really enjoyed,others not so much.I did get paid for my time.So,in a way,it was a business for me too.Some people have suggested I start my own video company.I don't know about all that.The longer I am around the fetish industry,the less I want anything to do with it.If all the goal is to get Joe Sixpack off,then I can do better than that.

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RE: Is a BDSM relationship possible without the looks - 2/25/2013 11:57:02 PM   
Charles6682


Posts: 1820
Joined: 10/1/2007
From: Saint Pete,FL
Status: offline 		Anybody in here ever see the movie "Shallow Hal" with Jack Black?Funny movie and it reminds me of this topic except in a vanilla way.The point is still the same.

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RE: Is a BDSM relationship possible without the looks - 2/26/2013 1:38:39 AM   
sunshinemiss


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quote:

ORIGINAL: Charles6682

.I'll get some reasonable photos up in due time.


It's been 5 years. Just saying...

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RE: Is a BDSM relationship possible without the looks - 2/26/2013 1:41:30 AM   
sunshinemiss


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< Message edited by sunshinemiss -- 2/26/2013 1:42:55 AM >

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RE: Is a BDSM relationship possible without the looks - 2/26/2013 1:53:27 AM   
Charles6682


Posts: 1820
Joined: 10/1/2007
From: Saint Pete,FL
Status: offline 		You know,I've had prior pictures on here before.They've been updated and deleted over the years.Plus,I don't always spend every breathing moment of my life here on Collarme either.In fact,theres times I go for months without coming on here.Just saying....

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RE: Is a BDSM relationship possible without the looks - 2/26/2013 2:10:18 AM   
TheLilSquaw


Posts: 2340
Joined: 10/24/2012
From: Middle River, MD
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Charles6682

I have been to real fetish parties before and have been around REAL Dommes.I do know the difference.I really prefer the ring thing than doing anymore videos anyways.The videos did provide me a unique chance to explore some things that I probaly would not have been able to any other way.



There are real dommes who do videos as well as real subs and switches that do videos and many who do real sessions in their videos. So when people suggest otherwise it makes me shake my head and laugh a bit.

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RE: Is a BDSM relationship possible without the looks - 2/26/2013 2:19:49 AM   
Charles6682


Posts: 1820
Joined: 10/1/2007
From: Saint Pete,FL
Status: offline 		I have shot with some real Dommes before.One Lady in particular earned my upmost respect.She is a Domme from NYC and I really enjoyed shooting with her.She told me if I ever find my way to NYC,she would be more than glad to hang out with me.It is foolish to think that every Dom/sub in videos are all just fakes.While I certainly agree that is true to a degree,its hardly the full and final truth.

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RE: Is a BDSM relationship possible without the looks - 2/26/2013 7:33:06 AM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		Charles, this may be a little off. It was mentioned earlier but I don't think it really got the time or attention that it deserved.

You may be putting yourself in the same type of position that some males do when they approach lifestyle Dommes and want to focus on their 'experience' with pro Dommes. You said it yourself. When you do these clips, your focus is on the shoot. Which, don't get Me wrong. It should be. It is a business proposition, after all. However, that's not exactly the same thing as being focused on the woman in a long term dynamic.

Just something that you might want to think about.


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RE: Is a BDSM relationship possible without the looks - 2/26/2013 8:36:24 AM   
Dyfrynt


Posts: 202
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Status: offline 		njlauren said "More importantly, there is an old saying with a lot of truth to it, some of the most lonely people are stunning women and good looking men who are out on the bell curve themselves. 8's, 9's and 10's are rare, and one of the reason they tend to end up with each other is because they are the only ones with self confidence to ask the other one out. 7's think they have no chance with a 9, so they never ask, and you hear this time and again."

I'm going to have to disagree with you on this one. It is a popular myth that top of the bell curve people are oh so lonely because average people are afraid to approach them. This simply does not jive with my observations watching people interact, nor my attempts at it myself. Fact is that House is right. The majority of the time, 9s want to date 9s. A 7 approaching them is going to get the cold shoulder almost every time.

9s are lonely not because average folk won't ask them out. They are lonely because they will only settle for a 9, and there aren't enough to go around.

Yes I am making a generalization here. And on purpose. It is not true all of the time, but it IS true most of the time.

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RE: Is a BDSM relationship possible without the looks - 2/26/2013 9:18:25 AM   
Charles6682


Posts: 1820
Joined: 10/1/2007
From: Saint Pete,FL
Status: offline 		Video Dommes and Pro-Dommes do have alot in common as they "Domme" for a price.Its a business first and I know that.Would that have made me a "pro sub" since I also got paid for pretty much every video I have been in before?It was part business for me too.I do believe GOOD video producers do serve a good purpose.It is clearly said there are simply too many male subs and too few Dommes.Pro-Dommes and videos do serve a purpose to a degree.Not everyone can always afford a Pro-Domme though either.When I have rent to pay,I can't afford a $300 hour session.It wasn't like I haven't been trying to find a Lifestyle Domme for the past 5 years.When I saw the chance to do some videos where I live,I went with it.No regrets because I knew what I was getting into.I have hanged out with some of the girls I have shot with.Go to the beach,bar,karaoke,etc.I would love to finally have a true Domme/Sub relationship with a real Lifestyle Domme when that actually happens.

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RE: Is a BDSM relationship possible without the looks - 2/26/2013 9:28:14 AM   
TheLilSquaw


Posts: 2340
Joined: 10/24/2012
From: Middle River, MD
Status: offline 		I guess this is where I am different than some.

The male bottoms I use, are my personal video slaves. I do have a personal relationship and d/s dynamic with them when the cameras are off. We are in contact both online and off, granted the amount of power or control they turn over varies for each of them. Where regular models, it's strictly business.


I agree with LP, if the ONLY interaction you have is the business relationship in shoots or with a pro you may have disconnect of sorts when it comes to a LT d/s relationship. In the sense that they are totally different beasts typically.


< Message edited by TheLilSquaw -- 2/26/2013 9:33:49 AM >

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RE: Is a BDSM relationship possible without the looks - 2/26/2013 9:31:01 AM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		It completely depends on your definition of "pro". There's the camp that says that anybody engaging in a business transaction for kink related services in exchange can be considered a pro. I tend to have this part of Me that also says that, if you are a professional, that would mean that people would be paying to beat you without the cameras rolling. The term is pretty broad, but if you don't know things like proper flogging techniques, how to teach the person with the whip how to hit you with it, or have some kind of skill that would be considered an asset, you're not going to be taken seriously. There's more to it than be willing to be hit, knowing how to breathe through pain, and how to have good body language so the Domme can read you easily. Without doing private sessions for cash, you probably want to avoid the pro label and go with the term bottoming for videos. I mean, from the way the above comes across, everybody is technically a pro sub if they are employed by somebody else because they do what the boss says for cash.

< Message edited by LadyPact -- 2/26/2013 9:37:44 AM >

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Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

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RE: Is a BDSM relationship possible without the looks - 2/26/2013 9:37:08 AM   
Charles6682


Posts: 1820
Joined: 10/1/2007
From: Saint Pete,FL
Status: offline 		I know they are very different.You must realize,I have had submissive feelings towards Women since I was a kid.I didn't just wake up 5 years ago and decide all of a sudden,I like to be dominated by Women.Its an ever learning process.I know there is a huge difference bewteen the "Fetish Lifestyle" and the "Fetish industry".When I was younger,I did go to alot of Fetish parties.I played with a few Dommes there doing scenes.Of course,then it was I was too young.I would love to experience a real D/s relationship but it takes 2 to tango also.Really,I've been on Collarme since probaly 2004.But I've certainly met a good number of people who actually live the "lifestyle".I have a good idea what a Domme/Sub relationship is.Now actually living that,sure,is a different experience.I guess I won't know about that experience until I find a real Lifestyle Domme that will give me that chance.

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RE: Is a BDSM relationship possible without the looks - 2/26/2013 9:39:42 AM   
TheLilSquaw


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Joined: 10/24/2012
From: Middle River, MD
Status: offline 		Charles,

I agree with LP, I wouldn't label yourself as a prosub for the simple fact the ONLY time you were paid to bottom was during video shoots. That makes you a male bottom for fetish videos.

Beyond the obvious setting difference a prosub you are responsible to make sure that proper safety steps are followed, that the top knows what they are doing, that you know how to communicate with the top both verbally and none. That you know how to read them, that you under stand both sub space and top space and what both need as after care.

As a pro sub YOU are the responsible one for the session where as a video bottom, you aren't. The producer and or top are.

ETA: Pro subs are also responsible for toys, equipment and typically location.

< Message edited by TheLilSquaw -- 2/26/2013 10:04:58 AM >

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RE: Is a BDSM relationship possible without the looks - 2/26/2013 9:40:17 AM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Dyfrynt

I'm going to have to disagree with you on this one. It is a popular myth that top of the bell curve people are oh so lonely because average people are afraid to approach them. This simply does not jive with my observations watching people interact, nor my attempts at it myself. Fact is that House is right. The majority of the time, 9s want to date 9s. A 7 approaching them is going to get the cold shoulder almost every time.

9s are lonely not because average folk won't ask them out. They are lonely because they will only settle for a 9, and there aren't enough to go around.

Yes I am making a generalization here. And on purpose. It is not true all of the time, but it IS true most of the time.


I was thinking the same thing on this thread. And I would agree with you. It's been my experience as well. It has nothing to do with being afraid to ask. It's just that like wants like.


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RE: Is a BDSM relationship possible without the looks - 2/26/2013 9:43:15 AM   
DaddySatyr


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From: Pittston, Pennsyltucky
Status: offline
quote:

Is a BDSM relationship possible without the looks
(?)

Sorry. I had to add the question mark.

Now, to answer the question in the simplest way: No. If you don't look like Brad Pitt or Angelina Jolie, you should just give up and resign yourself to a life of just "getting by". Never try to be happy. Never try to better your lot in life.

It's better to search for excuses as to why we can't achieve our goals so that we can just bemoan how life isn't fair or we're getting screwed.



Peace and comfort,



Michael

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RE: Is a BDSM relationship possible without the looks - 2/26/2013 10:06:17 AM   
Charles6682


Posts: 1820
Joined: 10/1/2007
From: Saint Pete,FL
Status: offline 		If I gave up,I would have gave up a very long time ago.I have asked questions before here on Collarme and have taken advice given here before.You call it as you want,I call it from my own experience.The fact is I CAN'T just walk away from being a "sub" or whatever term you want to call it.I already tried that and found myself lying to myself even more.I can't deny who I am,so I doubt I can just "walk away" from this.I also decided to come out of the closest of who I am because I got tired of living a lie.

I am seeking a Lifestyle Domme on purpose.I'm not really into a 100% vanilla relationship but I wouldn't be against a Domme/girlfriend combo,if that is even possible at all.I just know that I don't want my submissive nature to come as a shock.This why I figured I would seek a Lifestyle Domme for obvious reasons.I never realized the huge ratio gap bewteen Fem-Dommes and Male Subs.Clearly,I didn't sit on the sidelines when doing videos presented itself to me.Sure,I thought maybe I would meet a real Dommem via that.Again,its through my own experience I am talking about.That didn't turn out like I thought,so now its time to sit back and learn some more.

One thing about me,I am willing to listen and learn from my experience.I never said I have all the answers and anyone who thinks they have all the answers really has no clue at all.

< Message edited by Charles6682 -- 2/26/2013 10:07:55 AM >

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RE: Is a BDSM relationship possible without the looks - 2/27/2013 3:43:45 PM   
njlauren


Posts: 1577
Joined: 10/1/2011
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Dyfrynt

njlauren said "More importantly, there is an old saying with a lot of truth to it, some of the most lonely people are stunning women and good looking men who are out on the bell curve themselves. 8's, 9's and 10's are rare, and one of the reason they tend to end up with each other is because they are the only ones with self confidence to ask the other one out. 7's think they have no chance with a 9, so they never ask, and you hear this time and again."

I'm going to have to disagree with you on this one. It is a popular myth that top of the bell curve people are oh so lonely because average people are afraid to approach them. This simply does not jive with my observations watching people interact, nor my attempts at it myself. Fact is that House is right. The majority of the time, 9s want to date 9s. A 7 approaching them is going to get the cold shoulder almost every time.

9s are lonely not because average folk won't ask them out. They are lonely because they will only settle for a 9, and there aren't enough to go around.

Yes I am making a generalization here. And on purpose. It is not true all of the time, but it IS true most of the time.

It isn't a myth, it has been put into very real studies, set up psychological experiments and so forth. The narcissistic 9 or 10 exists, don't get me wrong, but what the studies I read showed was that often looks are not the first point of attraction, and that attractive people can have trouble finding relationships because of it. Also note I am talking relationships, not fuck buddies, here, people they want to settle down with. There is truth in that a troll (a 3 or a 4) is not likely to attract a 9 or 10, but a 7 or 8 could.

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RE: Is a BDSM relationship possible without the looks - 2/27/2013 3:50:47 PM   
njlauren


Posts: 1577
Joined: 10/1/2011
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: TheLilSquaw


quote:

ORIGINAL: Charles6682

I have been to real fetish parties before and have been around REAL Dommes.I do know the difference.I really prefer the ring thing than doing anymore videos anyways.The videos did provide me a unique chance to explore some things that I probaly would not have been able to any other way.



There are real dommes who do videos as well as real subs and switches that do videos and many who do real sessions in their videos. So when people suggest otherwise it makes me shake my head and laugh a bit.


Yes, there are, there is no doubt about that. However, people are right probably 95% of the times, the lifestyle videos are few and far between, most of it is frankly staged crap done the same way most porn is. I have seen 'legitimate' sessions taped, and I also have seen the fake ones done, where they have some bored porn actress playing a domme, some guy they convinced to be the sub, or some male porn actor playing the dom, and some porn actress is the sub, and it is all staged crap, you have some porn star 'beauty' with the silicon tits and butt getting 'whipped' , or tied up, or whatever, and it is all staged and faked *shrug*.

It reminds me of the commercial BD/SM scene, where there were some really good lifestyle dommes (or even women good at it as a profession, though they didn't do it in their personal lives), then there were the 'kitten with a whip'....sex workers figuring doing bd/sm sessions was going to make them more money, young women who decided BD/SM was cool because of Madonna with her "Sex" crap,there were a flood of houses in the city and many of them were god aweful.......to me it is much the same thing. One thing most of the leather people i have been around agree on is just how bloody horrible and boring most BD/SM films are.

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