njlauren
Posts: 1577
Joined: 10/1/2011
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Charles6682
The story about the old people in love makes a good point.It does show that beauty really is in the eye of the beholder.I'm not even going to try to compare myself to other subs.I am simply just going to be me.Since its clear the meaning of submissive is different to each person.I just used the term "male subs" in general.I have a clear sense of who I am and what I am seeking.I don't get into the "this vs that" nonsense.I am going to start becoming involved with my local BDSM scene.And not seeking play either.Rather,to attend those workshops.They have one group that is for submissives.I could benefit from that.I want to be a productive member of this community and in society at large.I am sure I will meet the right person when the time is right.I actually have been quite blessed in alot ways.I can't complain.
This is the best post I have seen from you, and I think the most positive one. You are showing signs of self confidence and also realizing that you have a lot going for you, which is important. Getting involved in 'the scene' such as being active in a group, munches, etc, will put you in contact with a lot of people, and it also shows others you have an idea of yourself , what you are looking for, and that is huge. You may find someone in the group, or you may find someone who doesn't even know what a dominant is but it clicks with her and you end up D/s, but what you do in being active will help that;). Someone posted that the BD/SM scene seems less dominated by looks and I will say there is truth to that, based on my own experience, it doesn't seem to matter as much to many people, and among the serious leather people i have known, it isn't that big a deal, whether they were technically 'good looking' or 'plain' (the ones who seemed obsessed with looks didn't last IME).
Can I recommend something else? Being a member/victim of many support and other groups, (you mentioned their being a group for subs), when you start going, spend a lot of time listening and observing rather then talking. I can only speak for myself, but I learned a lot by listening to others, their experiences, saw what people were doing, how they interacted, and it really helped me when I was learning (whose kidding who, still am:). One of the reasons I mention this is because it is really easy to get into these situations where discussions happen and suddenly it becomes this esoteric crap, like arguing 'what a true sub is' or notions of what it means to serve *gag*), and yeah, it is tempting to get into the discussions (see what happens on here and other bd./sm boards). For me it was more about what people were doing and then reflecting that back upon myself, and saying 'yeah, that's what I feel' or 'nope, not going to fly'). If someone tries to drag you into that crap, smile and say "I don't know enough to say much". It is one thing to share feelings, like "I think I am looking for someone to give myself to, where we can explore the domme/sub relationship, find my place", that is cool, but the definition discussions with 'this is what it means to be sub" *blah*:).
In terms of your looks, I think you have to kind of look at yourself and say "how does this appear to others?". For example, I love polo shirts, but in the pic you have up, it is kind of a loose hanging sack kind of polo shirt, it doesn't look good. A men's dress shirt with a pair of nice dark jeans might look better, or if you want to go with polo shirts, get something more stylish, like something Hilfigger or the like put out (not for the label, I could give a shit less, I mean for the styling and material). You are putting your best foot forward, so when you go to a meeting, a beat up pair of jeans, old sneakers and a shapeless shirt isn't going to show much, but a nice fitting pair of black jeans, a more fitted polo shirt or a dress shirt, with a nice pair of shoes/boots might go over a bit better....be groomed, have your hair in line (or shaved), make it seem like you care about yourself:). That tells someone you care about yourself, and that you also want to show others respect by presenting well.
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RE: Is a BDSM relationship possible without the looks - 
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