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RE: Do you put your pets first? - 3/10/2013 10:25:02 AM

smartsub10

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Thank you, Kaliko. You, like Oside, have zeroed in on where I'm coming from. It just seemed a little crazy to me that someone could never go out in the evening because of their dogs. That doesn't bode well for a relationship.

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RE: Do you put your pets first? - 3/10/2013 10:32:00 AM

LillyBoPeep

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I have to agree with Kaliko - I don't see how going out for dinner at night = neglect. Neglect means abdicating responsibility for needs. Neglect is leaving them alone for days on end without care, leaving them isolated or without interaction. Going out for dinner one evening is not nearly the same thing. =p

There are people who will walk your dog and check in on your dog for you. Most of these people are very responsible and prefer to build up a rapport with the dog, so as not to subject the dog to too much stress adjusting to a new person. They are a great resource when you yourself can't see to a need. Just because you can't for one day, doesn't mean you're a neglectful dog owner. That's like saying parents who use daycare are neglectful parents. =p

Dogwalkers and dogsitters are great if you find one you can trust. Or if you have pet friendly friends, people who the dog is already familiar with, that's another great option. My friends and I bounce around pet sitting all the time.

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RE: Do you put your pets first? - 3/10/2013 10:34:01 AM

LadyPact

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quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven
Maybe I'm too suspicious, but it sounds to me like the "dogs" might have been wives.

I didn't read any farther than this. It is My thinking exactly. FFS, I couldn't imagine trying to schedule things around an animal just because the animal couldn't be left alone in the evening. Get a dang pet sitter or have a friend come over.

Being a responsible pet owner doesn't mean that you forsake human interactions or never have a social life.

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RE: Do you put your pets first? - 3/10/2013 10:37:16 AM

phoenixasubbie

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In no way do I see making plans and time for another person as neglect to my pets. I absolutely believe that if they want to see you bad enough, they will make the effort to make it work.

I don't have family or friends to take care of them, nor is a pet sitter a financial option. It would be very tough for me to work all day and go out to eat with the schedule I have- because somewhere in there I have to find time to go home and take care of them. That said, I will break my neck to make it happen when I want to do something.

I think it is a balance act, priorities and communication to put it in a better way. I think they are perhaps overboard... just pointing out that I can see where those men are coming from too, to a point.

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RE: Do you put your pets first? - 3/10/2013 10:49:55 AM

tazzygirl

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Married.

There is nothing stopping them from going home between work and meet and getting freshed up, walking the dogs, then out the door again. Fido isnt neglected, his bladder isnt full. If Fido has issues with being alone, then turn the TV on low.

And, as every dog owner knows, if you come home to a little package... wont be the first time.. wont be the last.

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RE: Do you put your pets first? - 3/10/2013 12:26:25 PM

lizi

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I'd say if someone has to work around the animals schedule in a way that it limits his life, then it's too much for me. Ya know, not saying that the guy is wrong for caring for his animals in the way that he feels is right, he just wouldn't be a good match for me because I don't want that level of responsibility, and corresponding limitations in my relationship for some animals that don't even belong to me or bring me the joy of having them in my life. I wasn't the one who went out and adopted these dogs taking on their responsibility. I'm also not a good match for anyone raising small children, or caring for anyone elderly, to the point where we wouldn't have much time together. Nothing wrong with it, it's just not where I want to be in life right now.

I also think that the animals may be wives. Sounds highly suspicious.

I have people that I ask favors of, or pay to come take care of my animals when I cannot. My pet ownership has impacted my life to a certain point where I make sure that they are cared for and loved, and it doesn't limit what I do in a major way. Quite honestly if the son is that irresponsible that he cannot help out, I'd look at who raised him...?

If this man were willing to work around his responsibilities to his pets and say lets go out for dinner and movie, and since the places are close in proximity to my home I'll swing by for a quick dog walk in between...that would be totally acceptable to me. Btw, maybe it's just me, but I did not see anything petulant in the tone of this OP, it seemed to me that she was just asking a question.

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RE: Do you put your pets first? - 3/10/2013 12:38:01 PM

sexyred1

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quote:

ORIGINAL: smartsub10

Thank you, Kaliko. You, like Oside, have zeroed in on where I'm coming from. It just seemed a little crazy to me that someone could never go out in the evening because of their dogs. That doesn't bode well for a relationship.

I totally agree with you. I love pets too, but please. If you are actively seeking someone to date, you make it happen.

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Post #: 27

RE: Do you put your pets first? - 3/10/2013 1:05:40 PM

Kirata

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From: USA
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quote:

ORIGINAL: sexyred1

I love pets too, but please...

K.

Attachment (1)

< Message edited by Kirata -- 3/10/2013 1:06:01 PM >

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Post #: 28

RE: Do you put your pets first? - 3/10/2013 1:11:27 PM

UllrsIshtar

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When a person takes on a responsibility like a pet, they should make sure that they live up to that responsibility.

I wouldn't date a Dominant who would neglect his pets to date me.

At the same time... I would have VERY SERIOUS qualms about dating a Dominant who can't control his pets to the point that he can go out for the night, or can't set the rules for his adult son still living in his house (presumable rent free) to the point he can depend on the son walking the dog. ]

If he's not dominant enough with his pets to teach them to not be insecure to the point that he can't leave the house... he's not the right guy for me.
If he didn't raise his son with enough responsibility and accountability to depend on him to walk the dog... he's not the right guy for me.

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RE: Do you put your pets first? - 3/10/2013 1:17:18 PM

smartsub10

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quote:

If he didn't raise his son with enough responsibility and accountability to depend on him to walk the dog

This guy admitted that he spoiled his son out of divorce guilt. He gained custody when his son was a teenager and let him run wild.

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RE: Do you put your pets first? - 3/10/2013 1:21:13 PM

UllrsIshtar

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quote:

ORIGINAL: smartsub10

quote:

If he didn't raise his son with enough responsibility and accountability to depend on him to walk the dog

This guy admitted that he spoiled his son out of divorce guilt. He gained custody when his son was a teenager and let him run wild.

Like I said: Not the right guy for me...

If you feel different about that, that's fine... I just wouldn't ever date somebody again who presumes to be Dominant but can't get his own children to respect him in the slightest.

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RE: Do you put your pets first? - 3/11/2013 4:59:58 AM

LaTigresse

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If the adult son was living with me and available, it would be a non issue.

I assumed, since it really wasn't explain in the OP, that the adult son would not have been available to do whatever needed done. Example, working. Because if I had an adult child living with me, they would be working and paying to live with me.

But it's a moot point. As with any person that comes on here and asks a question, looking for validation of their actions, the OP took negatively the posts that didn't agree with her, and validation from those that did. If I didn't understand human behaviour as well as I do I would wonder why they even bother.

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RE: Do you put your pets first? - 3/11/2013 5:11:31 AM

LaTigresse

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quote:

ORIGINAL: smartsub10

quote:

OP........as a dominant person that would be meeting someone as a potential slave, your petulant tone would be a huge turnoff to me. Please understand that I am not saying you have no value as a human being. What I am saying is that for ME, as a dominant woman, that meets with women as potential slaves, the mindset they have towards me, meeting with me, what is important to me, my family and loved ones..........for her to place herself as more important than what is already so important to me.........she would be sealing her fate as NOT a part of my life.

Well, I am not a slave. Not even a submissive. I'm a bottom so to say my tone is "petulant" is a little over the top. But, I see your point. I don't expect anyone to dump their beloved pets off at the closest shelter so they have an opportunity to be with me. You misinterpreted my question if you got the idea that I don't understand the responsibilities of pet ownership.

Your reading comprehension sucks. I gave you MY perspective, based on MY life and interests. Something I made quite clear with the abundant usage of the word ME. For ME, a potential SLAVE (because that is MY interest) whining about how I care for MY pets, would be petulant and selfish.

I never questioned your ability to understand pet ownership. I simply gave you another person's take on the issue.

If indeed you are not submissive, your user name is misleading. Perhaps that is part of your problems. You are trying to hook up with men that expect you to be of a submissive mindset when indeed, by your words above, you are not.

Now, do I really believe that the guys in question really needed to walk a dog, or whatever........no. But that is neither here nor there and is a gut feeling, based upon assumption. Since I don't know the guys in question nor have I shared any communication with them, I didn't want to go down that path. But yeah, as others already said, it's very possible that the dog/s in question have two legs not four and would create more than a puddle on the kitchen floor if he was busted on his tryst with you. OR, there is always the possibility that meeting you was just not that important to them (something better came along or, he wasn't in the mood) and the dog thing was just an excuse to blow you off.

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Post #: 33

RE: Do you put your pets first? - 3/11/2013 5:13:50 AM

Phoenixpower

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It would depend....

if my cat would be sick I might put it first....

I had once a situation as a kid, was about 13 at that time, where a friend got all sulky cause I put the cat before her...she was sleeping at her dads place and she was hoping that I would spend time with her there...

Well...as I had gotten a kitten at that time (which has been taken away from his mum way too young, he was just 4 or 5 weeks old but the owner wanted to drown him if friends of me don't take him with them NOW) and as my parents and brother were away for that weekend, I felt that this kitten does need me more now than this friend....

So I think there are situations where a pet can come first....even more so as long as you haven't a proper relationship with each other....however I also think that - in your case - there could be done a compromise on both sides to meet both needs....

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RE: Do you put your pets first? - 3/11/2013 5:30:29 AM

smartsub10

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Wow, LaTigresse. You are a very angry person who has impossible expectations from the world around you. I'll thank you not to judge me.

You search for whom you find desirable. I'll search for whom I find desirable.

Fair enough?

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____________________________________________

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Post #: 35

RE: Do you put your pets first? - 3/11/2013 5:34:57 AM

ChatteParfaitt

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Of course I put my pets first, they're the CATS. Himself and I are merely cat staff and occasional furniture.

As for this guy who can't go out in the evening b/c he has to walk to dog, who the fuck is he kidding? He's married or attached in some way, or perhaps emotionally unavailable, b/c single guys like to date pretty women, and will make it happen.

Otherwise he would just call his son and remind him to walk the dog. See how easy that problem was solved?

So, he's attached, not emotionally available to date, or an idiot. In any case, not worth your time.

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RE: Do you put your pets first? - 3/11/2013 5:43:15 AM

smartsub10

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Joined: 4/23/2010
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quote:

So, he's attached, not emotionally available to date, or an idiot. In any case, not worth your time.

Yeah, he was an idiot. Spoiled his kid rotten so couldn't get him to be responsible. I told him to take a hike. LOL

Just to clarify. The dogs that couldn't be left alone in the evening were in perfect health. The man in question was a widower in his 60s who got the dogs shortly after his wife died. Apparently, he has too many emotions stemming from the death of his wife and hasn't yet dealt with them yet. A part of me feels sorry for him. I told him I wasn't interested.

I never, at any time, expected anyone to abandon their old, sickly, disabled pets to go out on a date with me.

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Beauty fades...stupid is forever
~ Judge Judith Scheindlin
____________________________________________

“Be that self which one truly is" ~Soren Kierkegaard

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Post #: 37

RE: Do you put your pets first? - 3/11/2013 5:45:46 AM

RedMagic1

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quote:

ORIGINAL: smartsub10

Wow, LaTigresse. You are a very angry person who has impossible expectations from the world around you. I'll thank you not to judge me.

You search for whom you find desirable. I'll search for whom I find desirable.

Fair enough?

I thought you were a sub until your post on this thread where you said you weren't. Actually, that's not even correct. I now believe you aren't sure what you are, so you call yourself by whatever seems to fit today.

You say you aren't a sub. You are probably older than 10. That leaves the rest of your username as the accurate part.

I saw your post in the scroller, and came to this thread ready to see a Madd Ranttt from LaTigresse. But I didn't. I saw her say that if you engaged in false advertising with your username, you might confuse men, or send off red flags. And, straight talk here, I agree with her.

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RE: Do you put your pets first? - 3/11/2013 5:59:01 AM

Killerangel

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quote:

ORIGINAL: smartsub10

Yeah, he was an idiot. Spoiled his kid rotten so couldn't get him to be responsible. I told him to take a hike. LOL

Just to clarify. The dogs that couldn't be left alone in the evening were in perfect health. The man in question was a widower in his 60s who got the dogs shortly after his wife died. Apparently, he has too many emotions stemming from the death of his wife and hasn't yet dealt with them yet. A part of me feels sorry for him. I told him I wasn't interested.

I never, at any time, expected anyone to abandon their old, sickly, disabled pets to go out on a date with me.

Well then, there's the answer, this guy is choosing his sadness and baggage over forging any new territory in his life. I wouldn't feel sorry for him, he's making sure he keeps what is important to him- the angst. The other guy is married and he doesn't feel like lying to his wife about where he's going in the evening- she won't know during the day.

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RE: Do you put your pets first? - 3/11/2013 6:23:47 AM

kalikshama

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quote:

If he's not dominant enough with his pets to teach them to not be insecure to the point that he can't leave the house... he's not the right guy for me.

Soon after my ex and I got our Husky, we realized he had separation anxiety and a host of other behavioral problems. R and I worked on the other issues every day and over the course of our work (R spent the majority of the time on this) the separation anxiety went away.

R and I had an open relationship and sometimes he'd bring the Husky on dates. South Florida was full of dog friendly places.

OP - I agree that something sounds off. Two times when men I'd met online were unable to do things in the evening it turned out they were in the middle of transitioning out of live-in relationships. In your case, it's equally likely that these men are neurotic pet owners.

I didn't think you were unreasonable (or petulant, or not a twue anything.) I've crossed guys off my list who'd been "in recovery" 10 plus years but were unable/unwilling to skip their Saturday night AA meeting.

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