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RE: Looking for a new Dom when seeing another - 3/14/2013 9:29:08 PM   
Muttling


Posts: 1612
Joined: 9/30/2007
Status: offline 		LOTS of good wisdom here OP.

I think the key is to determine whether your current Dom is a Master or a Dominant playmate. If the later is the case then it shouldn't be an issue for him and should be easily explained to new prospects up front.

If he expects you to be monogamous to him then you are going to have to decide whether or not to be second submissive in a poly relationship that is open for him but not you.

(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 41
RE: Looking for a new Dom when seeing another - 3/15/2013 10:23:44 AM   
Dyfrynt


Posts: 202
Joined: 4/19/2011
Status: offline 		To the OP:
I DO think you have to be honest and up front about the situation. Some have suggested that the new Dom doesn't need to know about the current one. I don't agree with that. It is fair to say that previous relationships are not necessarily something a new person needs to know. But a current one? Yes, he does.

I do not think you are doing anything wrong by seeing your current Dom while looking for a new one, with a few provisos. When you meet someone who interests you, I would be forthcoming about what you are doing now. As long as you are in the discussion phase I do not see a problem.

When it comes down to your thinking you might want to commit to a new Dom, that is the time to break ties with your current one. And by that I don't mean never talking to the current guy again. I mean breaking all BDSM related ties. If you think you might have found someone to commit to, you really have to be "single" again.

You suggest that being forthcoming about your situation is turning a lot of potential Doms off. As long as you make it plain that if/when you choose to commit to the new Dom, you promise you will cease all BDSM relations with your current Dom, I can't see why that would not be acceptable.

(in reply to SailingBum)
Profile   Post #: 42
RE: Looking for a new Dom when seeing another - 3/15/2013 5:50:49 PM   
xssve


Posts: 3589
Joined: 10/10/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LizDeluxe

quote:

ORIGINAL: SomethingCatchy
If you're not seriously dating this fellow and you're only casual play partners and friends, then there's no reason to tell people unless you'd like his help in screening others. In that case, it's as easy as saying you're under his protection because you value his friendship and maturity. You can then outline what you are looking for.


Ick. I wouldn't touch anyone who used that lame phrase with a ten foot pole.

I on the other hand, would tend to assume anybody being protected by another, particularly one playing with a married couple stands an excellent chance of being disease free, you have a safe call, etc., it looks like win win for both of us to me - the only reason I can see someone finding this objectionable, is if they're worried that you do have a safe call, or like I said, they haven't got the stones for an adult relationship period - I mean, you all virgins in here or what?

_____________________________

Walking nightmare...

(in reply to LizDeluxe)
Profile   Post #: 43
RE: Looking for a new Dom when seeing another - 3/15/2013 6:24:44 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		I'm ok with her being honest with a man when they both start feeling more for each other. Until then I personally would have no reason to tell other men who I'm fucking casually, who my fuckbuddies are. I mean, when I was single, I wasn't sitting around not having sex until the right man came along. If I wanted to fuck someone at a bar and wanted to get laid, I got laid. If I met a guy from collarme the next day, I never felt like I needed to tell him, "Hey, last night I fucked a guy. I have no idea what his name was or much else about him."

And really, that's all this girl really has with this married man....a fuck buddy.


_____________________________

Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

(in reply to xssve)
Profile   Post #: 44
RE: Looking for a new Dom when seeing another - 3/16/2013 7:53:47 AM   
usemetopleaseyou


Posts: 39
Joined: 5/16/2010
Status: offline 		Honesty is the only policy that works.

(in reply to littlewonder)
Profile   Post #: 45
RE: Looking for a new Dom when seeing another - 3/16/2013 9:14:16 AM   
ClassAct2006


Posts: 318
Joined: 4/12/2006
Status: offline 		Most men and women want someone who is single and even if you said I will be single if I find someone as I will drop the first man that would not go down very well. Best just not to say and then if you find the right person drop the first one.Loads of people do not leave someone until they find someone - it's a classic pattern - adultery and then leave wife once she finds out or once you know it will work and woman 2 is better than number 1. Not good practice and I don't do it. I think it's best to have breaks between relationships and be happy in yourself without a partner but lots do it.

(in reply to SailingBum)
Profile   Post #: 46
RE: Looking for a new Dom when seeing another - 3/17/2013 10:14:46 AM   
AurumCaminus


Posts: 50
Joined: 10/30/2008
From: Cleveland, OH
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP
However, this means you can't object if he's seeing others as well.


To the OP,

I'd say that this is the most relevant part of the equation.

Would you be less interested in a guy if he was already seeing someone casualty?

If he were, when would you expect to be made aware of this?

If he didn't tell you about it even though he broke it off when he got serious with you, would you feel betrayed when you found out about it?

Answer those questions and you have your answers.

You have to actually be what it is that you want, so don't be surprised if you get what you actually are.

(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 47
RE: Looking for a new Dom when seeing another - 3/17/2013 12:11:15 PM   
JeffBC


Posts: 5799
Joined: 2/12/2012
From: Canada
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: AurumCaminus
You have to actually be what it is that you want, so don't be surprised if you get what you actually are.

If only more people understood how thoroughly and predictably karma works in relationships.


_____________________________

I'm a lover of "what is", not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality. -- Bryon Katie
"You're humbly arrogant" -- sunshinemiss
officially a member of the K Crowd

(in reply to AurumCaminus)
Profile   Post #: 48
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