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cassandria -> RE: home birth in chains (5/2/2013 12:30:43 PM)
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What an interesting thread...the psychology alone makes it worth the read. One could quite literally amass studies from the responses alone :)
I find it extremely interesting that UllrsIshtar's sharing of a home birth that included several bare-bottom spankings (in hospital, no less) was pretty natural (to the medical staff) and that she felt that had she thought of bondage(chaining), that would have been quite acceptable. Nudity in Europe is viewed differently as well, as is evidenced by the public displays on the beaches, whereas here in Canada, it's absolutely illegal and many would view it as 'harmful' to the innocence of children. Different societies, different perceptions.
I believe strongly in the innocence of children. I believe in snuggles and story-time, in singing children's songs, homemade play-dough, silly children's jokes and in allowing children to truly be children. I believe that while children are extremely adaptable, accepting and loving that visuals can affect them adversely and create stressful questions and concerns; it is there that I return to the innocence of a child, and how that needs to be protected. I also know that word "innocence" to be understood differently from person to person. To some that means that they come to understand 'natural' dynamics between people and they grow up not knowing differently. I believe people differ on where that line needs to be drawn that actually triggers trauma for a child.
My children grew up knowing that I wasn't the boss, except by proxy (so to speak). At times in their lives we lived in a society that is known to be extremely male-dominated and they came to know that as a natural way of living - not only in our home, but in society itself. Does that make them traumatized? It does, in some circles. I tend to look to their overall well-being, are they happy, are they confident, are they funloving, do they have healthy relationships, friendships, are they self-aware, honest, productive? I can answer 'yes' to all of those, which I personally think is amazing considering I was their mother lol, and I'm very thankful. To me this indicates that whatever they saw, whatever they learned, didn't detract from the innocence they needed to have as children, that allowed them to grow into adulthood in such a way that they retained choices of how to live their own lives - despite how they saw me living mine.
I believe that it is a parent's right to raise one's children according to their own values. If you wish to raise your children understanding the fundamentals of your BDSM relationship, I believe you will be allowed to do that, despite the vigors of Child Protection. The psychological effects are most likely, unknown. Could be extremely positive, in that the child grows up in such a loving home that he/she simply accepts what he/she sees, embraces it, and lives happily from that point onward, into adulthood. Or, it could be traumatizing (although I doubt this, due to the loving home part, personally). My thoughts go to the innocence of the child, and if that innocence is protected, and how. At the very least, it's an interesting concept and one I'd be keen to do research on, personally.
As for wearing chains in a home birth? Common sense prevails. or it should.
My mother (wise, wise woman) once told me "would you ever forgive yourself" is a good question to ask, when it comes to your child and an issue of uncertainty.
My answer in this case becomes a resounding "no", because I'd never forgive myself if anything went wrong. Nothing would be worth ANY possibility of my child's safety - including my own comfort.
I don't think it's some slavey-competition to prove the OP's wife's submission that she wear chains; from what I understand from the postings it's about doing something she often does anyways, that brings comfort, security, and enforces a dynamic that she draws from in a positive way.
I can appreciate where the OP/his wife are coming from, and while some here may be swift to pass judgement, I appreciate the sharing and the care going into the upcoming birth of their child. To me, that one is searching for answers, takes the time to speak to a midwife and is open to other's opinions suggests a deep concern and caring for this child's arrival, which warms my heart. I wish you a beautiful birth and an intimate family experience.
I would imagine hearing the whisper of "you did well, <insert slavey nickname here>" from one's Owner is about as affirming as any chain could ever be. From this slave's feelings, those words lock tightly.
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