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njlauren -> RE: home birth in chains (3/23/2013 9:18:12 AM)
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Congrats on the Newborn grandkid, I have seen a number of deliveries, including my own son, and every one, as rough as some of them were, is a miracle:)
I have training, and have assisted in a childbirth and done one myself (not claiming I am otherwise that well trained, just from first aid training on a rescue squad). I have to say, while I respect the right of someone to do what makes them feel comfortable, I would be concerned about having the chains on, too, strictly from a safety standpoint. If the midwife is okay with it, they are in charge, and I would never second guess someone like that, talking about myself. While generally, with the kind of pre-natal exams they do these days, there is a pretty strong indicator if a childbirth is going to have issues and where home childbirth is not as much of a risk as it might have been years ago, there is still always the possibility of something going wrong. When my sweetie was in labor, we were in a birthing room, and every time she started to push, the babies heartrate fell, which is not a good sign. Eventually, she was moved to a delivery room and they had a decision to make when they found the cord was wrapped around his neck, whether to do s C section or a low forceps delivery, both posed risks where he was located at the time. When they decided my wife was in distress, it was incredible how fast they moved, it was mind boggling (and me struggling to get into my scrubs) and how fast it happened (ended up low forceps, it was scary as hell because his first APGAR was a 1, after a team of pediatricians worked on him, his second was a 10...and he is a very tall,healthy young man, going to college in the fall:).
The point is that risk is always there, and if homebirthing, I assume something can go wrong and make sure nothing stops steps needed to let is happen (that on top of the usual during childbirth, the mom moving, getting her to stand up, go into certain positons, and yes, her potentially thrashing, too....). From what I know of homebirths, midwives have emergency plans, they have some local hospital or birthing center on call, a doctor they can get fast and so forth, with plans to transport the patient if need be. It just seems to be that full born chains would be in the way, and might take precious time to get rid of if things go wrong. You can put quick release on standard chains, to, have them tied on with thread that can be ripped away fast, but soft restraints might be better anyway IMO......again, talking as myself only on the safety issue, based on my (admitted) limited experience and so forth.
As far as kids being exposed to different things, when it comes to any aspects of sexuality, I am of the school that if the kid accidentally sees something, that it isn't going to hurt them, this crap about everything is going to hurt children is idiotic, and it is has hurt kids in some ways (there is evidence, for example, that these days, kids aren't exposed to germs and such early in their lives, that parents keep them 'sterile' in the idea that is healthier, and as a result, the allergies and asthma rates may be indicative of kids immune systems not building right......). So know if the kid sees mommy and daddy having sex or whatever, it isn't bad.
Nudity isn't the same as sexuality (which is part of the problem in this country, the puritan ideas of the filthiness of the body, combined with the prudish nature of the Catholic Church that formed here, warped people), and there are a lot of people who are nude around their kids. You go to nudist parks, nude beaches (happens to be there is a neat nude beach here in NJ), and it is no big deal, because people don't make a big deal about it. Guys despite popular myth don't go around erect, people simply are there in their full glory. You see it all, attractive people, older, middle aged people with more then a few extra pounds, you name it, and it is no big deal. The whole sexualization nonsense with nudity is overblown, if a kid sees a mom suckling her son, it is natural, it is prurient like the fucktards think who get upset with mom's nursing in public.
On the other hand, I do think exposure to sex and sexuality, which BD/SM play is part of, is inappropriate for young kids, because they simply can't process what it is. If a young kid sees their mom nude, and ask what her breasts are, you can tell her that is how babies are fed; if they ask about her vagina, you can tell her that is part of how kids come about (without going further), and a penis is part of that, too, and leave it at that. I think that exposure to it causes problems, and I have seen the result of it up close and personal. My son went to a private school, talking the kind of place where the tuition in grade school was >20k (where we could scrape that up, but barely), and the kids there were unbelievably fucked up. Families wee well off, they went to switzerland for winter break to go skiing, etc.......by the time they were in 4th or 5th grade, these kids were hypersexualized, shockingly so, the girls were wearing stuff they shouldn't have been, padded bras, makeup, clothing that would be called 'junior slutwear' and the like, the boys were saying and doing things they obviously knew nothing about, like talking about feeling up girlfriends.. (how do I know? because we had to answer our son's questions about what he heard....btw neither I nor my sweetie are prudes or puritans, we have talked about sex with our son from the time he was old enough to start understanding, in age appropriate fashion)..some of it was vile, like a boy grabbing my sons nipple area and twisting them...that is not normal 10 year old behavior, even these days. I am pretty certain I understand why, these kids had cell phones with text on them (before smartphones), they had computers in their own rooms with no kind of controls on them, probably had cable tv in their bedrooms with open boxes on them (their parents were that clueless), and they were exposed to crap they shouldn't be. On the other hand, when my son moved to another school for middle school, the kids were pretty normal, as I remembered them.
With the OP, I am not sure seeing mommy wearing chains would be an issue (and I say that genuinely, I don't know). I would probably not do it in my own life, being cautious, but I also respect other's rights to live as they wish. What I would recommend to someone is to talk to a professional, one who is kink aware, about what they thought, and maybe could suggest ways that the wife could feel what she wished to feel while minimizing risk for the kid..and yes, they exist:). I am sensitive to this, because I went through this when I was in transition, and it was more and more evident that a)I was changing and b)I was spending more time as Lauren, and there had to be a time when our S was told. Conventional wisdom would be that he would be scarred, seeing his dad changing, and so forth...on the other hand it was happening, and we were a family....and the point is, I worked with a therapist (obviously), and we did it in an age appropriate way..and he survived (and also survived when I through a series of circumstances had to revert back......). So I understand what it is like to balance out things like my needs versus a childs.
One thing we did tell our son that might help the OP, and that is we were clear with him once he knew about me that it was something not to be talked about outside our family, not because it was shameful, but because others don't necessarily understand and such. Our S was older when the time came, 6 or 7, so it was different then little kids.....but if I was to give advice on that, assuming the OP's wife needs that, then it would be to deal with it in an age appropriate way. I wouldn't explain about how to mommy that showed her loyalty to daddy or anything complicated, simply say that mommy likes to wear those, that it makes her feel better or some such (like I said, a kink aware professional may be better at this). I wouldn't make a big deal about it, and if you tell the kids they shouldn't talk about it with outsiders, don't make it "we don't talk about that to outside people because they will do bad things" and the like, simply tell them that all families have things that are important to them and are no one else's business. If your child has something that is their secret, like a 'secret friend', tell them it is like that.......if you make it all hush hush and somber, the kid is going to pick up that and it will be the first thing they want to blab, if you make it in the realm of it is a family thing, and don't make it seem like the end of the world, they will accept it, least based on my experience.
All I can hope for and wish is that the child is healthy and happy, after that, it is all up to the OP and his family:)
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