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if - 3/25/2013 12:55:23 PM

hairpullinggal

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If hard and soft limits not discussed and this Dominant spit in my face, how wrong was I to react by punching him in face? Even if was reaction? Will that get around to other Doms?

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RE: if - 3/25/2013 1:09:12 PM

OsideGirl

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#1 - He can't be much of a Dom if he didn't discuss any limits.

#2 - While I don't condone the punching, he's supposed to be the leader and he didn't bother to discuss what your limits were, so he's partially responsible.

#3 - You're giving him way too much credit. Chances are he doesn't actually know any other Dominants to have it get around to.

#4 - Even if it did get around to other Dominants, it would only make him look foolish for doing something as simple as asking about your limits.

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RE: if - 3/25/2013 1:10:32 PM

MadamAsianDom

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My first reaction to reading your question was literally --->

But that's because there was a time in my life (about 25 to 30 years ago) when I would have reacted that way if someone had done that to me.

My second reaction was you're lucky if you don't have assault charges brought against you.

In re to your question specifically - In my personal opinion, no one should be spitting in a submissive's face unless they are within the context of a scene or relationship where that is okay (i.e. it has either already been discussed, or the parameters of the scene or relationship have been set up where the submissive or slave has already stated that anything / everything goes except (for example) death, dismemberment, maiming...you get the point. If specifics were discussed and spitting was not stated as a hard limit, then I could understand.

If no hard or soft limits were discussed and the two entered a scene anyway, then that is something else entirely. That's a matter of due diligence not having been done, and you can't expect someone to know your limits if you didn't tell them prior to entering the scene. Never ever expect someone to "know" because it's "obvious".

As previously stated, this is just my opinion. Others may see this differently.

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RE: if - 3/25/2013 1:10:53 PM

Hillwilliam

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I'd have paid admission to have seen some idiot get what was coming to him and applauded your effort.
I'm a Dominant. Does that answer your question about how others will react?

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RE: if - 3/25/2013 1:12:33 PM

OsideGirl

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MadamAsianDom

My second reaction was you're lucky if you don't have assault charges brought against you.

Actually, it's the other way around.

Him spitting in her face would be considered assault/battery, what she did would be considered self defense.

< Message edited by OsideGirl -- 3/25/2013 1:14:02 PM >

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RE: if - 3/25/2013 1:12:36 PM

angelikaJ

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Depending on what state you are in: It is likely you are both guilty of assault and battery.

However, much of what we do skirts legality as one can not consent to assault (and impact play falls under that umbrella.

I am sure by now that you realise that playing without discussing limits is a bad idea for a variety of reasons as is playing with someone you do not know very well.

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RE: if - 3/25/2013 1:16:47 PM

myotherself

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He is not a mind reader. He is not the guardian of you. The only person who can make sure that they are safe before they choose to play with someone is YOU. If something is going to make you flip, you need to make sure that your play partner knows.

Yeah, he should have asked about your limits beforehand, but YOU are the one who should have said 'no play until we discuss this stuff'. If he doesn't ask, then it's up to you to make sure you tell him, and make sure he hears and understands. If he's not willing to listen, then you need to rethink whether he's the kind of person you want to play with.

It may well get round to other Doms, it all depends who he talks to.

Maybe that'll make you think with your head and not your tingly bits next time you consider playing with someone.

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RE: if - 3/25/2013 1:21:56 PM

MadamAsianDom

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Fast Reply:

Whether the spitting is considered assault depends on the jurisdiction. In some places it's considered assault, in some places it's considered "battery", in still others it's merely considered "harassment."

As to whether her hitting him would be considered self defense, again, that depends on jurisdiction. In some places both of them would have been arrested. It's not one of those things that's the same across the board in all jurisdictions.

< Message edited by MadamAsianDom -- 3/25/2013 1:22:18 PM >

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RE: if - 3/25/2013 1:26:48 PM

OsideGirl

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quote:

ORIGINAL: myotherself

Yeah, he should have asked about your limits beforehand, but YOU are the one who should have said 'no play until we discuss this stuff'. If he doesn't ask, then it's up to you to make sure you tell him, and make sure he hears and understands. If he's not willing to listen, then you need to rethink whether he's the kind of person you want to play with.

This is true as well. She is very new, though. So, the weight of experience was on him, since she doesn't have any.

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RE: if - 3/25/2013 1:29:46 PM

hairpullinggal

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this was not a scene. it was a public meeting. and was walking to car when he did this as I turned to say good night and good bye

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RE: if - 3/25/2013 1:30:56 PM

myotherself

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I'll give some credit for newness - I'm sure many of us have done dumb things in our 'early days'.

But then again, is he really as experienced as he makes out to be? I've met plenty of horndogs who have tooted the dom horn and turned out to be so green they had chlorophyll in their veins instead of blood.

Hopefully she's learned her lesson relatively easily...

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RE: if - 3/25/2013 1:31:47 PM

MadamAsianDom

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quote:

ORIGINAL: hairpullinggal

this was not a scene. it was a public meeting. and was walking to car when he did this as I turned to say good night and good bye

Then he doesn't have a leg to stand on as far as justifying his actions. Regardless of whether the meeting went great or horribly, based on what you've written, that's not a reasonable thing to do.

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RE: if - 3/25/2013 1:37:31 PM

UllrsIshtar

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quote:

ORIGINAL: hairpullinggal

this was not a scene. it was a public meeting. and was walking to car when he did this as I turned to say good night and good bye

That is unacceptable behavior, unless you both had agreed to enter into a relationship in which you gave him permission to do stuff like that without discussing it first ("I'm your total slave Master and you can do ANYTHING you want to me!!!").

It sounds like that wasn't the case, and this was a casual meeting/first date kind of thing, in which case he was wrong.

If this gets out to other Doms, they'll take your side, so you've got nothing to worry about. In fact, if word of this got out in the local scene it would be him who would have to worry, because it's likely that other subs would refuse to deal with him based on that story.

< Message edited by UllrsIshtar -- 3/25/2013 1:43:11 PM >

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RE: if - 3/25/2013 1:37:33 PM

OsideGirl

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quote:

ORIGINAL: hairpullinggal

this was not a scene. it was a public meeting. and was walking to car when he did this as I turned to say good night and good bye

Okay....something totally different. It's not a place where limits should have been discussed. It was something completely inappropriate and I'll say that he deserved the punch.

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RE: if - 3/25/2013 1:40:25 PM

piccante

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~FR~

Errr, yeah... if it was no more than a meet 'n' greet in a public place, and the pair of you weren't in a dynamic in which this sort of thing was agreed upon as being acceptable, then that's some pretty shoddy behaviour right there.

I wouldn't worry about it getting around to other Doms. Firstly, I doubt he has very many Dominant friends... and secondly, if he does, I'd be fairly sure they'd think he got exactly as he deserved.

< Message edited by piccante -- 3/25/2013 1:42:00 PM >

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RE: if - 3/25/2013 1:56:05 PM

myotherself

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That's very different - he's lucky to get away as lightly as he did.

I'd have sent him home with his scrotum wedged up his arsehole.

I doubt he'd say anything to anyone for fear of looking like a prick.

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RE: if - 3/25/2013 2:13:34 PM

angelikaJ

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The additional info does change things.

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RE: if - 3/25/2013 3:02:44 PM

LadyPact

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Fast reply to the OP.

The answer is that it totally depends on a few different factors.

If the guy is active in the local community, there is a possibility. Specifically if your area has things like Dom/me only and submissive only discussion groups where only one side of the kneel is present. (Many locations have sigs - special interest groups.)

If it does, it would be him doing the telling and I'm sure certain details will be left out or changed all together. His version might sound something like he leaned into give you an innocent kiss good-night and you slugged him. Another possibility is his version of the story was that he got you mixed up with another woman he was talking to and *she* enjoyed spitting, so he went for it. Count on his version making him sound like he was the innocent in the exchange.

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RE: if - 3/25/2013 3:46:00 PM

LafayetteLady

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MadamAsianDom

But that's because there was a time in my life (about 25 to 30 years ago) when I would have reacted that way if someone had done that to me.

Nice to know that when you were a child of 10-15 you acted like a child (profile says you are 40?).

To the OP, based on what you said, I'm with myotherself....the guy would have gotten worse than a punch in the face.

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RE: if - 3/25/2013 4:44:31 PM

HarryVanWinkle

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I'm guessing the meeting didn't go well. And, it looks to me like you've discovered at least one of your hard limits. I wouldn't worry too much about what "other doms" might think of this. As others here have said, he was way over the line.

quote:

ORIGINAL: hairpullinggal

this was not a scene. it was a public meeting. and was walking to car when he did this as I turned to say good night and good bye

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