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My Master abruptly set me loose and said we're on a break - 3/27/2013 7:13:39 AM

daedricrelic

Posts: 10
Joined: 2/24/2013
Status: offline

After eight years together. After eight years of making me dependent on him. Now he says he can't do it anymore and I'm supposed to take care of everything on my own.

I haven't made many of my own decisions for years and only rarely left the house on my own. I feel abandoned and betrayed.

Has this happened to anyone else? How did you get past it?

Post #: 1

RE: My Master abruptly set me loose and said we're on a... - 3/27/2013 7:23:47 AM

mnottertail

Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline

I take great comfort in this soliloqy:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EPI4fA5chzw

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30

(in reply to daedricrelic)

Post #: 2

RE: My Master abruptly set me loose and said we're on a... - 3/27/2013 7:29:17 AM

absolutchocolat

Posts: 1392
Status: offline

I'd start with some therapy. It can be a traumatic transition, and most big cities have counseling services through non-profit organizations.

Next, take good care of yourself. Go for walks, read books, reconnect with old friends or make new ones. You need support right now. Good luck to you.

(in reply to daedricrelic)

Post #: 3

RE: My Master abruptly set me loose and said we're on a... - 3/27/2013 7:45:18 AM

angelikaJ

Posts: 8641
Joined: 6/22/2007
Status: offline

Sit down with pen and paper and make a list of decisions you can make:
Begin with self care things such as what you are going to eat, and wear...
when are you going to do housework and laundry.

Make a decision to open this link: and read; it probably will help.

Make a decision to get out of the house, even if it is to go grocery shopping or to the library.

Make a decision to visit your most supportive friends or family members.

Making decisions is a lot like riding a bike: you may get out of practice but that is not the same as forgetting how.

Journaling can help a lot.

And finally find a cause you believe in and volunteer: if you like animals go volunteer at the local animal shelter.

I am sorry for your pain.
It will get better.
Time heals.

_____________________________

The original home of the caffeinated psychotic hair pixies.
(as deemed by He who owns me)

http://www.collarchat.com/m_3234821/tm.htm

30 fluffy points!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mQjuCQd01sg

(in reply to daedricrelic)

Post #: 4

RE: My Master abruptly set me loose and said we're on a... - 3/27/2013 7:49:01 AM

Toysinbabeland

Posts: 1693
Joined: 3/4/2012
From: the other end of Cx's leash
Status: offline

you do not need to be led by someone who would abandon you.
if he was so wonderful in the first place, he would have prepared you for his exit properly.
This was just a man, not a dominant master.

you were once strong enough to be able to choose who you submitted to.
find the person inside of yourself, and remember that you are entitled to your own soul.
that part is between you and God.

You will be fine.

(in reply to absolutchocolat)

Post #: 5

RE: My Master abruptly set me loose and said we're on a... - 3/27/2013 8:00:54 AM

chatterbox24

Posts: 2182
Joined: 1/22/2012
Status: offline

I am really sorry. WOuld have been great and the adult thing to give you a heads up right? Still would not be easy, but some preparing time would have been the right thing to do.

THat said, You will get through it, it will be very difficult being thrown out there at first. BUt dont forget the prize, and there is one. YOu will feel great pride in what you find you worry about now, isn't as hard as you think. No greater pride then knowing you can take care of yourself. Sounds like a pep talk but nothing I said is not truth.

Dont be afraid to hold him to THE MASTER status. I dont know what kind of man you are dealing with, or the financial status, but tell him how afraid you are and nicely tell him its his responsiblity to help if he needs that to happen. Setting you up in a place etc. or allowing you to get a job first ect.

_____________________________

I am like a box of chocolates, you never know what variety you are going to get on any given day.

My crazy smells like jasmine, cloves and cat nip.

(in reply to Toysinbabeland)

Post #: 6

RE: My Master abruptly set me loose and said we're on a... - 3/27/2013 8:19:03 AM

OsideGirl

Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline

The best advice I can give you is, start with baby steps. Make lists of things that need to be done and they don't have to be big things.

Concentrate on working on building yourself up.

The advice of counseling was a good one. One thing about D/s, is that it makes sinking into co-dependency really easy.

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to chatterbox24)

Post #: 7

RE: My Master abruptly set me loose and said we're on a... - 3/27/2013 8:44:56 AM

daedricrelic

Posts: 10
Joined: 2/24/2013
Status: offline

I have started seeing a therapist. Its not my favorite thing in the world, likely because my master was the only one I really spoke to about myself for so long. I'm hoping it will get more comfortable in time. The therapist has suggested baby steps too but it still all feels so overwhelming. Like going to the grocery store... I have the list of things I shopped for in the past memorized and it all caters to him. So I go to the store to get some peanut butter and look at the rows and rows of jars and all I can figure out is I don't want his brand and that the organic brands are about as opposite of Skippy as I can get.

I'm glad a couple of you have mentioned a transistion period. I've been feeling like hes something of a jerk for not giving me one... But didn't know if it was a common thing to do or if I was just being unreasonable about it.

(in reply to OsideGirl)

Post #: 8

RE: My Master abruptly set me loose and said we're on a... - 3/27/2013 8:56:06 AM

OsideGirl

Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: daedricrelic
I'm glad a couple of you have mentioned a transistion period. I've been feeling like hes something of a jerk for not giving me one... But didn't know if it was a common thing to do or if I was just being unreasonable about it.

D/s relationships are still relationships. I think it's normal to expect (especially after 8 years) that there would have been some discussion when the relationship started going down hill. I would expect that whether it was D/s or vanilla. It was crappy of him to just drop it on you.

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to daedricrelic)

Post #: 9

RE: My Master abruptly set me loose and said we're on a... - 3/27/2013 8:58:51 AM

chatterbox24

Posts: 2182
Joined: 1/22/2012
Status: offline

I'm not gonna be shy about it I think he is a JERK.

THere are programs too that help with co dependency, in example CODA, but usually its in abusive situations, and you didnt mention that. BUt they give you counseling, a place to stay for a few months, help you with resumes, or leads for jobs and give you a safe recovery place. In abusive situations even help with legalities. Not sure of your situation, or your qualifiers for such a place but I thought I would mention it.

_____________________________

I am like a box of chocolates, you never know what variety you are going to get on any given day.

My crazy smells like jasmine, cloves and cat nip.

(in reply to daedricrelic)

Post #: 10

RE: My Master abruptly set me loose and said we're on a... - 3/27/2013 9:00:11 AM

Baroana

Posts: 1480
Joined: 11/13/2011
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: daedricrelic

After eight years together. After eight years of making me dependent on him. Now he says he can't do it anymore and I'm supposed to take care of everything on my own.

I haven't made many of my own decisions for years and only rarely left the house on my own. I feel abandoned and betrayed.

Has this happened to anyone else? How did you get past it?

That really sucks. I hope that your broken heart heals and that your therapy helps you.

This is why people insist on getting married if they are going to invest years in a relationship and become dependent on someone. I hope
you take that as a lesson.

(in reply to daedricrelic)

Post #: 11

RE: My Master abruptly set me loose and said we're on a... - 3/27/2013 9:08:56 AM

phoenixasubbie

Posts: 55
Joined: 10/28/2012
Status: offline

I believe that if he was indeed a Master, that he would have discussed this with you and provided for your transition. If he was providing everything for you, it only makes sense that he assists in your transition.

However, as it seems he is not willing to do this, you have to find your inner strength... pick yourself up and go on. When I was going through my divorce this quote brought me a lot of peace " There will come a time when you believe everything is finished. That will be the beginning." Louis L'Amour

I won't lie, there are some dark days ahead but as the quote suggests, at the end of it is the new life that YOU CHOOSE.
And for me, it has been worth every moment of hardship. I hope you find your way.

Phoenix

(in reply to Baroana)

Post #: 12

RE: My Master abruptly set me loose and said we're on a... - 3/27/2013 9:11:34 AM

daedricrelic

Posts: 10
Joined: 2/24/2013
Status: offline

The lesson I'm really taking away from this so far is to not allow myself to become so entrenched in a relationship again. I don't think marriage would have changed anything.. He still could have left at any point and hit me with lawyers instead, you know?

(in reply to Baroana)

Post #: 13

RE: My Master abruptly set me loose and said we're on a... - 3/27/2013 9:13:26 AM

JeffBC

Posts: 5799
Joined: 2/12/2012
From: Canada
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: daedricrelic
The lesson I'm really taking away from this so far is to not allow myself to become so entrenched in a relationship again.

Heh... that is certainly one option although not one I personally like.

So out of curiosity, what went wrong? Nobody simply terminates a wonderful relationship for no reason.

_____________________________

I'm a lover of "what is", not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality. -- Bryon Katie
"You're humbly arrogant" -- sunshinemiss
officially a member of the K Crowd

(in reply to daedricrelic)

Post #: 14

RE: My Master abruptly set me loose and said we're on a... - 3/27/2013 9:27:56 AM

daedricrelic

Posts: 10
Joined: 2/24/2013
Status: offline

Its really not the option I like either... I'm submissive, losing myself in serving my master is sort of my thing. The best option would likely be no relationships until I work on some things.

Things began to go wrong when some bad decisions led to money troubles. Then the burden of my being diagnosed with mental illness and him with physical troubles. It culminated when he had me involuntarily hospitalized after not giving me my medication for a week and when I was released I was told everything was over.

A rather shitty end to something that once was good.

(in reply to JeffBC)

Post #: 15

RE: My Master abruptly set me loose and said we're on a... - 3/27/2013 10:02:00 AM

Baroana

Posts: 1480
Joined: 11/13/2011
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: daedricrelic

Its really not the option I like either... I'm submissive, losing myself in serving my master is sort of my thing. The best option would likely be no relationships until I work on some things.

Things began to go wrong when some bad decisions led to money troubles. Then the burden of my being diagnosed with mental illness and him with physical troubles. It culminated when he had me involuntarily hospitalized after not giving me my medication for a week and when I was released I was told everything was over.

A rather shitty end to something that once was good.

In that case, good riddance to bad rubbish. He was wrong for you.

(in reply to daedricrelic)

Post #: 16

RE: My Master abruptly set me loose and said we're on a... - 3/27/2013 10:04:18 AM

SLVPropertyOwner

Posts: 7
Joined: 12/25/2011
Status: offline

This is a prime example of what I have been saying all along... people that pretend and play at being Master. Not just on this board but in the whole community. When it is called a Lifestyle, that is like saying you ar a member of a country club... you run around being pretentious and playing/pretending to be what you are not. Then when the first difficulty arise the sub or the master bales...

Yes, this includes 95% of all those people that claim to be Masters...

Why can I say this? Because I have been living they way of life since before Windows 3.1 started this FAD... Because I earned the title Master from education, training, and experience.... not because I decided one day that I was a Master and tagged the work to a made up name.

People don't realize that beinga master is like being a caprain of a ship.... you don't abandon your crew as soon as you hit a storm... A Master is responsible and does not take on a person into his house just because he is neurotic or wants to sexually use them or even feels that they have no control in their lives and subsitutes a slave for that control. A Master has Integrity, he does not pretend to be something he isn't, doesn't say he is skilled when he isn't and understands that when he takes one into his house he takes on the responsibility of that person. A master also understands that a slaves behavior is a reflection to himself... if she is rude to another, it is as he is there being rude to that person... that is a reflection of his lack of control within his house....

A Master also researched and understands what is happening to his house and protects his house from aquiring STD's and other disease, from his slaves being harmed in any way as his property including eating toxic food like GMO etc...

A Master does not sit on his ass on the couch watching TV and barking orders... he is active in the operation and running of his house.... Being a Master is more than playing at kinky sex games...

So I am sad that you have been placed in this position, but it is not surprising.

(in reply to daedricrelic)

Post #: 17

RE: My Master abruptly set me loose and said we're on a... - 3/27/2013 10:05:59 AM

Baroana

Posts: 1480
Joined: 11/13/2011
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: daedricrelic

The lesson I'm really taking away from this so far is to not allow myself to become so entrenched in a relationship again. I don't think marriage would have changed anything.. He still could have left at any point and hit me with lawyers instead, you know?

No. In a marriage, one person has legal obligations to the other. They do not get to cut the other person loose just like that. Sure they can try to hire good representation in order to minimize their financial damage, but that's far from being able to rise above the law.

This is why housewives are called houseWIVES and not house-girlfriends-that-can-be-thrown-out-on-a-whim.

< Message edited by Baroana -- 3/27/2013 10:08:42 AM >

(in reply to daedricrelic)

Post #: 18

RE: My Master abruptly set me loose and said we're on a... - 3/27/2013 10:14:52 AM

OsideGirl

Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: daedricrelic
Things began to go wrong when some bad decisions led to money troubles. Then the burden of my being diagnosed with mental illness and him with physical troubles. It culminated when he had me involuntarily hospitalized after not giving me my medication for a week and when I was released I was told everything was over.

While I'm going to agree that what he did was crappy, I'm going to point out the bolded line above.

He withheld your medication. What did you do about that? Being submissive to someone else does not absolve us of self preservation.

My submissiveness ends when he attempts to do something that causes me harm.

I'm glad you're talking to a therapist. Please give it time because it does take time to form a bond with your therapist.

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to daedricrelic)

Post #: 19

RE: My Master abruptly set me loose and said we're on a... - 3/27/2013 10:24:22 AM

tj444

Posts: 7574
Joined: 3/7/2010
Status: offline

well.. imo there are way too many faux masters out there, jerks that just use the "master" thing as a way to hide the fact that they are in reality just plain shitty selfish people..

You are still young.. I hope you can heal and find a truly caring person to enjoy life with..

_____________________________

As Anderson Cooper said “If he (Trump) took a dump on his desk, you would defend it”

(in reply to daedricrelic)

Post #: 20

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