Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

RE: My Master abruptly set me loose and said we're on a break


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Submissive >> RE: My Master abruptly set me loose and said we're on a break Page: <<   < prev  1 [2] 3 4 5   next >   >>
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
RE: My Master abruptly set me loose and said we're on a... - 3/27/2013 10:24:30 AM   
SeekingTrinity


Posts: 1834
Joined: 5/29/2012
From: The 'burbs of Portland, OR
Status: offline 		~FRing it~

I totally agree with OsideGirl. You don't screw with someone's medications. The minute he started doing that was the minute he broke the rules and revoked his right to be your master.

I'm glad that you have begun taking the steps to help you recover from this break up. Baby steps and developing a strong working connection with your therapist are definitely the way to go. You sound like you have a good handle on what you need to do for yourself to help you transition. Kudos to you

(in reply to OsideGirl)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: My Master abruptly set me loose and said we're on a... - 3/27/2013 10:33:41 AM   
absolutchocolat


Posts: 1392
Status: offline 		This might sound crazy, but the best thing he did for you, more likely than not, is dump you. He stopped caring for you and then promptly abandoned you, from what you've said. Oside is right -- give therapy time and it will work.

Also, don't beat yourself up for thinking about him. You are going to carry him around for a while, and when it feels right, when you're absolutely ready, you will move on. It gets better!

(in reply to daedricrelic)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: My Master abruptly set me loose and said we're on a... - 3/27/2013 10:35:08 AM   
daedricrelic


Posts: 10
Joined: 2/24/2013
Status: offline 		I do see now its ridiculous that it didn't occur to me to do....anything at all about not receiving my medication. I'd like to say I was too busy trying to maintain to argue with him about it but the truth is that was all I thought I could do.

(in reply to OsideGirl)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: My Master abruptly set me loose and said we're on a... - 3/27/2013 10:46:23 AM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline 		I looked at your profile. You're in SD, I'm in Santee. If you need to talk, feel free to contact me.

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to daedricrelic)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: My Master abruptly set me loose and said we're on a... - 3/27/2013 11:15:00 AM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		I'm not a submissive, so that is probably going to explain why the response that I have goes against the grain.

Starting with your original question, you absolutely can use the same techniques for independence that are used by those who are coming out of co-dependent relationships. You might want to ask your therapist if the book "Codependent No More" would be an asset to you.

Right now, you are basically in a situation where you are used to living under an authority other than your own. It's not terribly different than anybody who has been under long term hospitalization or penal confinement. You'd be surprised how many people, when leaving an institution, continue to live for a while very much like the institution they just left. Meals, wake up/bedtimes, what chores are done daily, or what tasks are done on certain days. Many people find comfort in routines, so don't think you have to change them overnight. Start out with the little things like choosing your own peanut butter and gain confidence from the little things. The bigger things will come later.

Now, here's where I stray from the pack. I've looked over the thread a few times and I'm not seeing what a lot of others seem to be. I notice there is no mention of living arrangements, so I'm going to ask you outright. Did/do you live with this person? I'm guessing yes, but I'm not seeing anything about you being kicked out of the house with nowhere to go. Is that your situation?

The bit about the meds, I agree, is something that I would never do. However, the financial problems and perhaps your mental health are the exact reasons why the Dominant wants out of the relationship. Sorry, but that is called a break-up and in My opinion, EVERYBODY, regardless of role, has the right to leave a relationship that is not a positive one. If a relationship is toxic and it's time to get out, you get out.




_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to daedricrelic)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: My Master abruptly set me loose and said we're on a... - 3/27/2013 11:33:01 AM   
FrostedFlake


Posts: 3084
Joined: 3/4/2009
From: Centralia, Washington
Status: offline
quote:

It culminated when he had me involuntarily hospitalized after not giving me my medication for a week


Offhand, I can't think of a worse thing one person can do to another.

Anybody?

Critique : To generalize and say another would do the same and therefore another relationship is too dangerous is "the act of staying where he put you". It is true you have a lot of work to do on yourself, to get ready for another relationship. You don't get over stuff overnight. But people tend to wind up where they are headed. I suggest you decide to be somewhere good and work towards that.

Commiseration and best wishes.

_____________________________

Frosted Flake
simul justus et peccator
Einen Liebhaber, und halten Sie die Schraube

"... evil (and hilarious) !!" Hlen5

(in reply to daedricrelic)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: My Master abruptly set me loose and said we're on a... - 3/27/2013 11:42:46 AM   
LafayetteLady


Posts: 7683
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Northern New Jersey
Status: offline 		I have to agree with LP on this one.

I'm truly sorry you are hurting, but also as others said, D/s or M/s is still a relationship. It would be nice if someone gave us a heads up that they were going to dump us, but that just doesn't happen often, whether the relationship is BDSM or vanilla.

You don't mention that you have any support at all, a place to live or a job. These are all things that you need first and foremost. Try to take some joy in buying whatever peanut butter you like. Try them all and decide what you like best.

I'm sure some of the old routines for shopping, chores, etc. can still be useful to you. You can look at them as structure, something you know needs to be done each day, week, etc., or you can take that list of activities and change them to suit YOUR needs, using that as a baby step for the decision making process.

I wish you luck. Getting over someone takes time more than anything else.

(in reply to daedricrelic)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: My Master abruptly set me loose and said we're on a... - 3/27/2013 11:47:09 AM   
JeffBC


Posts: 5799
Joined: 2/12/2012
From: Canada
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: FrostedFlake
Offhand, I can't think of a worse thing one person can do to another.

Uh... I can think of roughly 2 billion things that are worse.

_____________________________

I'm a lover of "what is", not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality. -- Bryon Katie
"You're humbly arrogant" -- sunshinemiss
officially a member of the K Crowd

(in reply to FrostedFlake)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: My Master abruptly set me loose and said we're on a... - 3/27/2013 12:13:35 PM   
daedricrelic


Posts: 10
Joined: 2/24/2013
Status: offline 		Yes, I did live with him and he kicked me out. He moved my things into storage while I was hospitalized and arranged for me to live with a friend of mine while I found a job and a new place. So he wasn't overly mean about it.

I don't mind him breaking up with me. Well, I do, it hurts like hell. Its the way he did it that I'm having a problem with.

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: My Master abruptly set me loose and said we're on a... - 3/27/2013 12:32:03 PM   
UllrsIshtar


Posts: 3693
Joined: 7/28/2012
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: daedricrelic

The lesson I'm really taking away from this so far is to not allow myself to become so entrenched in a relationship again. I don't think marriage would have changed anything.. He still could have left at any point and hit me with lawyers instead, you know?


I had the same kind of thing happen to me, in an M/s relationship, though after a relationship of only 2 years.

I felt the same way you did in the beginning.

Now, 3 years later, I'm happily married and more entrenched into this relationship than I've ever been with anybody in my life, though for totally different reasons than when I was in the M/s relationship. I'm not as subservient, and dependent as I once was. I'm much more demanding of my husband than I've ever been of any man (in terms of the expectations I have of him for him to keep me, instead of allowing myself be walked over and accept every betrayal of trust like I did in my M/s relationship, because it was easier to submit than to expect things of him). I have more expectations of myself than I've ever had before... my former lack of determination to have expectations of myself was a big reason why I got pushed as far into the M/s relationship as I did, so that's something I fixed about myself afterwards.

It took me over a year and a half to get over the M/s ending, especially because it ended in a rather abrupt and aggressive manner, like yours did. I almost killed myself several times. But I slowly got through it.

And I dare say that I'm a better, stronger, more individualized me than I've ever been before, or could have been if it weren't for the experiences that relationship, AND it's breakup gave me.

There is light at the end up the tunnel... and it's a beautiful place... don't worry, just take things one step at a time.

_____________________________

I can be your whore
I am the dirt you created
I am your sinner
And your whore
But let me tell you something baby
You love me for everything you hate me for

(in reply to daedricrelic)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: My Master abruptly set me loose and said we're on a... - 3/27/2013 12:53:54 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: daedricrelic

Yes, I did live with him and he kicked me out. He moved my things into storage while I was hospitalized and arranged for me to live with a friend of mine while I found a job and a new place. So he wasn't overly mean about it.

I don't mind him breaking up with me. Well, I do, it hurts like hell. Its the way he did it that I'm having a problem with.
Exactly what would have you preferred?

That sounds like a smart ass question, but it's really not. Some people want a clean break. I admit to being one of them. I know that I do better in My post relationship adjustment period with that person being out of My life. It's what is healthy for Me. I am more of a 'rip the band-aid off' kind of person than some long drawn out thing that puts people in the position of being unhappy being around each other.

Yes, I'm sure it does hurt, but I'm not seeing the perspective that this just dropped out of the sky. As I'm reading it, there were problems before and the involuntary hospitalization may have been the straw that broke the camel's back.



_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to daedricrelic)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: My Master abruptly set me loose and said we're on a... - 3/27/2013 1:03:39 PM   
FrostedFlake


Posts: 3084
Joined: 3/4/2009
From: Centralia, Washington
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: JeffBC

quote:

ORIGINAL: FrostedFlake
quote:

OP
It culminated when he had me involuntarily hospitalized after not giving me my medication for a week

Offhand, I can't think of a worse thing one person can do to another.

Uh... I can think of roughly 2 billion things that are worse.

Like, ...for example?

_____________________________

Frosted Flake
simul justus et peccator
Einen Liebhaber, und halten Sie die Schraube

"... evil (and hilarious) !!" Hlen5

(in reply to JeffBC)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: My Master abruptly set me loose and said we're on a... - 3/27/2013 1:24:26 PM   
daedricrelic


Posts: 10
Joined: 2/24/2013
Status: offline 		I suppose I'd like to leave on good terms, rather than feel like I was hospitalized to give him an excuse to break up. The hospitalization was a direct result of not having my meds. There were problems with the relationship but I still had no idea it was about to fall apart.

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: My Master abruptly set me loose and said we're on a... - 3/27/2013 1:49:21 PM   
ARIES83


Posts: 3648
Status: offline 		This is one of those "one side of the story" things,
It's strange that after 8 years he would just kick
you to the kerb and 8 years is a long time to
pretend to be something your not as people have
been suggesting, thats like sleeper agent type of
endurance...

Obviously there were a lot of pressures on the
relationship with financial problems, physical and
mental health.

Whatever the case maybe, playing the blame
game serves no purpose, I'd say from now on
control your own medication for starters and keep
on top of it. Thats at least one thing you can fix
to make sure history doesn't repeat itself.

_____________________________

530 DAYS

(in reply to FrostedFlake)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: My Master abruptly set me loose and said we're on a... - 3/27/2013 2:13:22 PM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact
I am more of a 'rip the band-aid off' kind of person than some long drawn out thing that puts people in the position of being unhappy being around each other.

Yeah, but he didn't do that.

He moved her out, without her knowing, while she was in the hospital and told her after the fact.

"Oh, by the way.....you don't live here anymore. Your stuff is in storage."

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: My Master abruptly set me loose and said we're on a... - 3/27/2013 2:18:50 PM   
breagha


Posts: 380
Joined: 7/29/2012
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ARIES83

This is one of those "one side of the story" things,

Whatever the case maybe, playing the blame game serves no purpose, I'd say from now on control your own medication for starters and keep on top of it. That's at least one thing you can fix to make sure history doesn't repeat itself.


I agree with the two points here. The bold bit because everything has two sides. An 8 year relationship ended... there is definitely another side. The other bit because it is probably the best advice that someone can give. Medication isn't something that should be messed with.

the only advice i have for the OP is to focus on yourself and what makes you feel good. Finding busy work to keep your mind from wandering to the what and how and why of this situation will be key. Someone mentioned keeping a journal, making a list of decisions you can make... all of these are good suggestions. i am glad to hear that you are also seeking therapy.

_____________________________

"Consumed with memories that preceded today; given a chance to bereave life that's slipping away"

(in reply to ARIES83)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: My Master abruptly set me loose and said we're on a... - 3/27/2013 2:57:45 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: FrostedFlake


quote:

ORIGINAL: JeffBC

quote:

ORIGINAL: FrostedFlake
quote:

OP
It culminated when he had me involuntarily hospitalized after not giving me my medication for a week

Offhand, I can't think of a worse thing one person can do to another.

Uh... I can think of roughly 2 billion things that are worse.

Like, ...for example?



I'm not Jeff but some things come to my mind....killing yourself, killing someone close to you, turning you in to police, sending you out on the streets to live (he gave her a place to live), killing you, blackmailing you, giving you a deadly disease or any disease at all for that fact, hurting those close to you...I could go on and on


_____________________________

Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

(in reply to FrostedFlake)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: My Master abruptly set me loose and said we're on a... - 3/27/2013 3:12:18 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl
Yeah, but he didn't do that.

He moved her out, without her knowing, while she was in the hospital and told her after the fact.

"Oh, by the way.....you don't live here anymore. Your stuff is in storage."
I am *not* saying this is what the OP did, but let Me give you a hypothetical.......

If off of meds would lead to bat shit crazy, and the incident that led to "involuntary hospitalization" included an attempted assault with a lethal weapon, would I pack clip's (or MP's for that matter) stuff and move the person out of the house before they were released from the hospital? You bet I would.

Granted, that's a really extreme example, but there really are things that warrant getting a person out of your house right now.



_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to OsideGirl)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: My Master abruptly set me loose and said we're on a... - 3/27/2013 3:24:53 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		Yup, exactly. She couldn't have just been "involuntarily" committed without a doctor's order first. One must first be evaluated first and apparently they agreed with him. So we really have no idea what caused her to be committed in the first place. We have no idea why he never gave her the meds...doctor's orders? Maybe he did but she either doesn't remember or is hallucinating? Some other rational reason? We don't know. We don't know what her mental illness is.



_____________________________

Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: My Master abruptly set me loose and said we're on a... - 3/27/2013 3:27:57 PM   
hlen5


Posts: 5890
Joined: 3/2/2008
Status: offline 		LP, you are not the type of Domme to withhold said meds from clip for a week, either.

_____________________________



My fave Thread: http://www.collarchat.com/m_2626198/mpage_1/tm.htm

One time "Phallus Expert Extraordinaire"

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 40
Page:   <<   < prev  1 [2] 3 4 5   next >   >>
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Submissive >> RE: My Master abruptly set me loose and said we're on a break Page: <<   < prev  1 [2] 3 4 5   next >   >>
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.094