RE: How other's handle flirts and come on's to their partners.

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

RE: How other's handle flirts and come on's to their partners.

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: How other's handle flirts and come on's to their partners.

Page: << < prev 1 2 [3] 4 5 next > >>

Login

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

RE: How other's handle flirts and come on's to their pa... - 4/23/2013 3:21:57 AM

thezeppo

Posts: 441
Joined: 11/15/2012
Status: offline

Not meant as a reply to anyone in particular!

I think some jealousy or insecurity regarding flirting is understandable, its how you deal with it that counts. I have a friend who is frequently the target of female attention, so I can understand why his girlfriend would get jealous. She handles it badly though, she makes my friend feel like it is his fault that he is getting that attention and makes it into much more of an issue by making it about trust. I think that feeling of possessiveness is quite instinctive, its just about letting the rational side of yourself do the actual thinking and not getting too far ahead of yourself.

I think ultimately you just have to recognise it for what it is and keep a sense of perspective about it. Feeling that twinge of jealousy, or possessiveness or whatever, is no bad thing, it shows that you still have feelings for your partner and if it came to it you would fight for them. If I saw someone flirting with my girlfriend and I felt nothing at all then I would be more worried. If I felt jealous or possessive to the point where I had to step in and say something then that would be an issue for me to deal with. Somewhere in between those two points would be just fine!

(in reply to kookycreature)

Post #: 41

RE: How other's handle flirts and come on's to their pa... - 4/23/2013 4:33:12 AM

LafayetteLady

Posts: 7683
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Northern New Jersey
Status: offline

But you have contradicted yourself. I even posted the quotes, so they were right there in front of you.

Look, you choose to live in the hood, even though you admit you both have decent jobs (which indicates you could afford better). You admit you "expect" him to step in when the two of you are together and it happens, indicating you need that assurance of your importance to him. Then you go on to say that simply saying "no" in your hood means nothing so you need him to do it.

Sorry cookie, but I gave you my opinion, and questioned you about your contradictory stories, the former of which you went to great lengths to deny and the latter, you chose to ignore. Frankly, I don't care if you are so insecure you need your partner to jump in if someone flirts with you in his presence. I merely point out the psychological aspects of what you are saying. Deal with it.

(in reply to lilcracker)

Post #: 42

RE: How other's handle flirts and come on's to their pa... - 4/23/2013 5:22:22 AM

egern

Posts: 537
Joined: 1/11/2013
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LafayetteLady

But you have contradicted yourself. I even posted the quotes, so they were right there in front of you.

Look, you choose to live in the hood, even though you admit you both have decent jobs (which indicates you could afford better). You admit you "expect" him to step in when the two of you are together and it happens, indicating you need that assurance of your importance to him. Then you go on to say that simply saying "no" in your hood means nothing so you need him to do it.

Sorry cookie, but I gave you my opinion, and questioned you about your contradictory stories, the former of which you went to great lengths to deny and the latter, you chose to ignore. Frankly, I don't care if you are so insecure you need your partner to jump in if someone flirts with you in his presence. I merely point out the psychological aspects of what you are saying. Deal with it.

lilcracker, the best way to deal with some posts is to ignore them. You do not have to answer everybody.

Good luck with your problem.

(in reply to LafayetteLady)

Post #: 43

RE: How other's handle flirts and come on's to their pa... - 4/23/2013 6:51:16 AM

LafayetteLady

Posts: 7683
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Northern New Jersey
Status: offline

How sweet! She even needs people to help her out on the boards, and you come running. Thanks for proving my point for me.

(in reply to egern)

Post #: 44

RE: How other's handle flirts and come on's to their pa... - 4/23/2013 7:22:33 AM

UllrsIshtar

Posts: 3693
Joined: 7/28/2012
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: lilcracker

I guess I am not talking about harmless flirting---and in this case (my story) it was pretty much harmless flirting or flirting that is not going to go any where.

What exactly is harmful flirting? I'm confused about that.

If it's flirting that oversteps your, or his boundaries of what makes you comfortable, you need to talk to him, and he needs to step up more and shut it down.

People interested in flirting will rarely lay off if you just ignore them. However, it's even more rare for somebody to continue flirting if the other person completely shuts the door in their face and turns them down.

So if it's harmless flirting, what exactly is the issue with him just ignoring it?

And if it's harmful flirting -whatever that is- then why isn't he shutting it down and putting a stop to it?

quote:

ORIGINAL: lilcracker

Trust me when I say she is so not a threat and if you knew us all personally---you'd probably agree completely.

Trust me when I say that when my husband gets flirted with, no woman is a threat to me. It doesn't matter if she's a crack whore or miss universe, she's not a threat.

If you need to worry that certain types of women may be a threat to you, then I'd say that that's exactly where the issue is, and I can't help but having to ask: why are you with this guy?

If the type of woman doesn't matter, because they're all not a threat to you, then you probably need to have a talk with him about how it makes you uncomfortable if he ignores a certain type of flirting, because it's overstepping your personal boundaries, and it's annoying you. At that point he'll probably be happy to step in and shut the women down in those cases, because he's currently ignoring them because it's easier for him.

_____________________________

I can be your whore
I am the dirt you created
I am your sinner
And your whore
But let me tell you something baby
You love me for everything you hate me for

(in reply to lilcracker)

Post #: 45

RE: How other's handle flirts and come on's to their pa... - 4/23/2013 7:33:25 AM

chatterbox24

Posts: 2182
Joined: 1/22/2012
Status: offline

physical touching, overstepping boundaries, beyond harmless " feel good" flirting, would get the long penetrating stare of dagger eyes. Hopefully thats all it takes. Unwanted advances should be taken care of by the partner, I shouldn't have to go beyond a stare.

_____________________________

I am like a box of chocolates, you never know what variety you are going to get on any given day.

My crazy smells like jasmine, cloves and cat nip.

(in reply to lilcracker)

Post #: 46

RE: How other's handle flirts and come on's to their pa... - 4/23/2013 8:46:41 AM

Thaz

Posts: 617
Joined: 4/28/2012
Status: offline

Flirting is just a fun way of saying you like the view. I'll flirt back outrageously.

Now if ya want to play then you're going to have to do the negotiation thing, check it out with my Wench and get her Okay. Then Brat me or ask nice :-)

(in reply to lilcracker)

Post #: 47

RE: How other's handle flirts and come on's to their pa... - 4/23/2013 9:27:43 AM

needlesandpins

Posts: 3901
Status: offline

when i was with my ex, and secure in the relationship, i didn't care if women flirted with him. he thought it was great when guys flirted with me. he said it made him feel good knowing that i was his, and that he was my choice. that's how it was for me with him too. i had never felt jealousy in any relationship as i was always secure in that it was me they were coming home with. the other women didn't stand a chance, just as any guy never stood a chance with me. if it was over the top i knew i could step in and tell a women to back off, or he could do that with a guy.

these days my 'relationship' is different. i have felt jealous and insecure. i think it's different because he isn't mine and so i have no right to feel anything really that the security of a relationship gives, or allows. i'm not one for casual playing because it highlights everything that i'm lacking and makes me feel like crap. to that end i would only flirt with someone that i knew was safe. by that i mean knows very much that they don't stand a cat in hell's chance of being with me. i would not want anyone to get the wrong idea. i'm not available, i don't want them and that is that.

were my playmate and i to be together and he allow a woman to flirt with him in front of me i'd probably walk off. if he flirted with a woman in front of me i'd be offended. i guess really it shouldn't matter to me, and i have no right to feel anything about it because he's not mine, but somehow it has brought that out in me. it's certainly not something i'm used to.

needles

_____________________________

I deserved better. Not than you, but from you.

(in reply to Thaz)

Post #: 48

RE: How other's handle flirts and come on's to their pa... - 4/23/2013 1:33:25 PM

absolutchocolat

Posts: 1392
Status: offline

FR

I was with a former bf of mine and he would get followed by women in the supermarket. As soon as I turned my back, they would flirt with him. This happened a number of times and I just let it roll off of me for several reasons. One -- this man was in love with me. Two -- this man was buying ingredients to make me dinner that night. Three -- why be threatened by the actions of a stranger? If your relationship is strong, it should definitely withstand a little flirtatious banter. Touching, on the other hand, should be dealt with by the person receiving it.

In your case, lilcracker, if your neighbor is being a pain in the ass, as neighbors sometimes are, you should have a private chat with her. I wouldn't go ape-shit ballistic for flirting, but you can tell her that her behavior borders on being inappropriate and ask her to stop.

(in reply to kookycreature)

Post #: 49

RE: How other's handle flirts and come on's to their pa... - 4/23/2013 2:03:11 PM

instigated

Posts: 7
Joined: 4/2/2013
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MercTech

Trust me, guys are not clueless to flirting, but often ignore it knowing it is all a game to the ladies.

Not really. Tinkerer was oblivious to flirting when I first met him. He's since become more self aware and notices when women give him googly eyes or smile a bit too much.

(in reply to MercTech)

Post #: 50

RE: How other's handle flirts and come on's to their pa... - 4/23/2013 8:30:36 PM

JeffBC

Posts: 5799
Joined: 2/12/2012
From: Canada
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: lilcracker
My question is and it doesn't matter what side of the kneel you are on how do you deal with 'flirty people' both towards you and to your partner? Also does your partner agree with the way you deal with it? (Because the way it is handled in my relationship it's mutually agreed that it is to be handled in just that way.)

I don't think I've ever had anyone flirt with me while I'm married. I kind of bleed "I'm taken" vibes. Either that or I'm a hideous troll. Maybe some of both.

I don't think Carol gets any flirting for the same reason but my command to her is that she's to tell the guy that she's not a free agent and ask if he wants her to check with me. I don't want her to tell the guy to stop. I want her to let me make a decision.

_____________________________

I'm a lover of "what is", not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality. -- Bryon Katie
"You're humbly arrogant" -- sunshinemiss
officially a member of the K Crowd

(in reply to lilcracker)

Post #: 51

RE: How other's handle flirts and come on's to their pa... - 4/24/2013 10:01:49 AM

egern

Posts: 537
Joined: 1/11/2013
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: needlesandpins

were my playmate and i to be together and he allow a woman to flirt with him in front of me i'd probably walk off. if he flirted with a woman in front of me i'd be offended. i guess really it shouldn't matter to me, and i have no right to feel anything about it because he's not mine, but somehow it has brought that out in me. it's certainly not something i'm used to.

needles

But...feelings are feelings, right? Welcome or not. We cannot control them, only actions.

I keep wondering what possess people to flirt with someone who is with someone? It certainly isn't the 'innocent' and playful flirt I always hear about.

(in reply to needlesandpins)

Post #: 52

RE: How other's handle flirts and come on's to their pa... - 4/24/2013 10:02:51 AM

egern

Posts: 537
Joined: 1/11/2013
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LafayetteLady

How sweet! She even needs people to help her out on the boards, and you come running. Thanks for proving my point for me.

Well, your point being that you aren't allowed to bully people without others reacting?

I got your number, honey.

(in reply to LafayetteLady)

Post #: 53

RE: How other's handle flirts and come on's to their pa... - 4/24/2013 10:07:06 AM

egern

Posts: 537
Joined: 1/11/2013
Status: offline

ORIGINAL: UllrsIshtar

quote:

What exactly is harmful flirting? I'm confused about that.

Harmful flirting is when flirting is uncomfortable or painful for other parties, or when someone feels psychically threatened by it.

< Message edited by egern -- 4/24/2013 10:10:49 AM >

(in reply to UllrsIshtar)

Post #: 54

RE: How other's handle flirts and come on's to their pa... - 4/24/2013 10:09:30 AM

egern

Posts: 537
Joined: 1/11/2013
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: absolutchocolat

FR

I was with a former bf of mine and he would get followed by women in the supermarket. As soon as I turned my back, they would flirt with him. This happened a number of times and I just let it roll off of me for several reasons. One -- this man was in love with me. Two -- this man was buying ingredients to make me dinner that night. Three -- why be threatened by the actions of a stranger? If your relationship is strong, it should definitely withstand a little flirtatious banter. Touching, on the other hand, should be dealt with by the person receiving it.

I don not understand why these women would behave to badly, but I guess that is one reason I hate flirting. So often it is just shitty behavior and nothing else.

(in reply to absolutchocolat)

Post #: 55

RE: How other's handle flirts and come on's to their pa... - 4/24/2013 11:34:09 AM

NuevaVida

Posts: 6707
Joined: 8/5/2008
Status: offline

Fast Reply

I'm totally ok with admitting there are areas of my life in which I have insecurities. This is one of them. Hey, I'm a work in progress. Aren't we all?

The Mister is a flirt. Used to bother me but no longer does, because as our relationship has progressed, so did my trust and comfort level - with him, with the relationship, and with myself. Before if he'd flirt, I'd feel insecure because I'd feel "less than" her in some way. I no longer feel that way. But I also know if she's really pretty/cute/hot, he's probably fantasizing about fucking her, too. That used to bother me - not so much anymore. In fact now it's kinda hot

However. There's a woman who works with him at job #2. He's flirted with her, but beyond that, it is so totally clear and obvious that she wants him in a hot second. We've run into her, and she sizes me up and gives me a less than friendly look. She looks his way and her eyes light up like diamonds, she giggles, she's all smiles....and so on.

Used to bother me, and now I'm amused by it.

As for me, I'm not much of a flirt, myself. I flirt with the Mister, but that's it. I don't want that kind of attention from other men, but I get it, even from men who know I'm in a happy relationship. I usually ignore it, or if it's really inappropriate, I let them know they should stop. The Mister used to hate men flirting with me, but now I think he's amused by it. At work one man was overly flirting with me, to the point of making physical gestures. The behavior continued even after I told him flat out to stop, so I hauled his ass into HR with a harassment claim. And by gestures I mean grinding his hips at me, pretending to be dancing. It was only when he did that about 6 inches from my backside that I went to HR.

_____________________________

Live Simply. Love Generously. Care Deeply. Speak Kindly.

(in reply to kookycreature)

Post #: 56

RE: How other's handle flirts and come on's to their pa... - 4/24/2013 11:58:26 AM

LafayetteLady

Posts: 7683
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Northern New Jersey
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: egern

quote:

ORIGINAL: LafayetteLady

How sweet! She even needs people to help her out on the boards, and you come running. Thanks for proving my point for me.

Well, your point being that you aren't allowed to bully people without others reacting?

I got your number, honey.

I'm not bullying her in the least. Telling someone to grow up or that I believe their behavior is insecure is not bullying. So whatever number you think you have is wrong.

Adults don't wait for others to come running to their aid over something silly like flirting. Perhaps you should do a little research on the subject, since what I said is backed up by most studies.

(in reply to egern)

Post #: 57

RE: How other's handle flirts and come on's to their pa... - 4/24/2013 12:00:57 PM

LafayetteLady

Posts: 7683
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Northern New Jersey
Status: offline

Good for you!

There's nothing wrong with feeling insecure. It is wrong, however, when you can't admit to feeling insecure, which has been my point all along.

(in reply to NuevaVida)

Post #: 58

RE: How other's handle flirts and come on's to their pa... - 4/24/2013 2:04:57 PM

lilcracker

Posts: 243
Joined: 4/14/2012
Status: offline

LL, I saw no point in beating a dead horse you had made up your mind and I saw no reason to attempt to try and convince you. One of my favorite sayings is, "you can't argue with dumb."

But since you are hell bent on dragging this out and since I have some time this even because I do indeed work and often times do not have time to just to chill here for hours, I will answer.

Yes, I know my partner will handle flirts if he is around and yes I do expect it. Expect definition--
1.to look forward to; regard as likely to happen; anticipate the occurrence or the coming of
2.
to look for with reason or justification:
3.
Informal. to suppose or surmise; guess:
4.
to anticipate the birth of (one's child)

I have bolded the terms that fit. He has had my back since before we became a couple. There was a neighborhood creep who stalked me at one point. I had called the police once (they warned him) and was on the verge of doing it a second time as this guy followed me when I walked anywhere and was constantly hanging out in front of my house waiting for me. He suddenly left town. I am not exactly sure the details because I was not there but one source did tell me that my partner and he had gotten into a brawl over it and when I did ask my partner about it all he said was, "He stopped didn't he?" So yes I expect it will happen. No demands on my part, I just know how he is protective and having my back.

Decent job---I said

quote:

we have fairly good jobs

. A fairly good job does not necessarily mean the same to all people. We make enough so we are comfortable but the thing that keeps me going back to mine and he to his is the atmosphere. I work with great people I love what I do and on both ends there is room for advancement. To move to a better end of town and there is one end of town that is decent without the violence would raise our rent probably $500 + a month. Besides we live on one of the safer streets and we do have a nice apartment where we can have our pets. Sorry LL if life seems so simple to you where magically fingers are snapped and things happen. But again this isn't some fantasy internet folly it's real life.

The story of the key---we were out side on the porch roughly about 4 pm and when she got locked out it was closer to nine and he had stepped out to smoke and yes I was in bed because I go to sleep rather early because I am up most mornings at four because I have a J-O-B.

As for Egren coming to my defense. I don't know her, as a matter of fact have never seen her post before now. Unfortunately, I am unable to control what others do but it is apparent that someone other than myself sees your bitter bullish attitude.

Am I insecure? I answered that

quote:

I've known him long enough to know how he is wired (we knew each other quite sometime before he asked me out officially) and if I ever learned he cheated, I probably would be so suprised that it would stop my heart. Our relationship is secure and that provides me with security.

I hope this will end the drama....and with that said anything further from you unless it is done in a half way respectful manner will be ignored from me.

(in reply to LafayetteLady)

Post #: 59

RE: How other's handle flirts and come on's to their pa... - 4/24/2013 4:10:43 PM

chatterbox24

Posts: 2182
Joined: 1/22/2012
Status: offline

Although Im very capable of handling a "rude" flirt, such as an unwanted touch, I have to admit, it makes me hot if my partner takes over with taking care of that. Its so DOM and totally manly and sexy! LOL

BUt I just adore the dansel in distress thing, a true sucker for it.

< Message edited by chatterbox24 -- 4/24/2013 4:11:58 PM >

_____________________________

I am like a box of chocolates, you never know what variety you are going to get on any given day.

My crazy smells like jasmine, cloves and cat nip.

(in reply to lilcracker)

Post #: 60

Page: << < prev 1 2 [3] 4 5 next > >>

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: How other's handle flirts and come on's to their partners.

Page: << < prev 1 2 [3] 4 5 next > >>

Jump to:

New Messages	No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages	Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages	Locked w/o New Messages

Post New Thread

Reply to Message

Post New Poll

Submit Vote

Delete My Own Post

Delete My Own Thread

Rate Posts

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

0.107