quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

Thankfully with Master he doesn't expect me to dumb down. He actually requires just the opposite. And believe me, to keep up with his intelligence, I have to be just the opposite of dumbing down! I'd never keep up with him otherwise.

quote:

ORIGINAL: theshytype

quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

Thankfully with Master he doesn't expect me to dumb down. He actually requires just the opposite. And believe me, to keep up with his intelligence, I have to be just the opposite of dumbing down! I'd never keep up with him otherwise.

Yes! If I'm not with someone who makes me want to be a better me, I just don't see the point.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Level
Being in a D/s relationship only means I'm the leader, it doesn't make me "better" or more important.

Do some think "because I get my way", that "I matter more?

quote:

ORIGINAL: Missokyst

A thought taken from the Ask a Master thread.
I have often heard this expressed in other ways by both doms and subs alike

It has always been my understanding and practice that everyone should be spoken to as a peer unless their are wearing your collar, or vice-versa. No one has the right to talk down to you until you have granted them the gift of your submission.

Not to pick on anyone but I have heard this expressed many times. Maybe I have done this wrong from the get, but I have not had any of men in my life talk down to me, other than my husband (probably why I chose never to remarry).

Is it really that common to have ones dominant partner treat you as if you were a lesser person? Or talk down to you as if you cannot understand? In what ways do you express submission? If you are dominant do you actively promote being superior? How?

quote:

ORIGINAL: Bhruic

A tone that may sound like talking down does not necessarily need to carry with it an implication of disrespect or derision. For many subs that very tone is the tone of authority that makes them tingle, and is a big part of the D/s relationship. A slave or sub that bristles at the thought of being treated as lesser to his or her Master or Dominant seems like an incongruous thing indeed... to me at any rate.

quote:

Bhuric
A slave or sub that bristles at the thought of being treated as lesser to his or her Master or Dominant seems like an incongruous thing indeed... to me at any rate.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Bhruic

I think you possibly jump to a conclusion when you say "lesser person?". You seem to suggest a "lesser person" as not valued or worth consideration. "Talking down" is a term that has a lot of interpretation as well. I would think that in any power situation, whether it is a D/s relationship, parent/child, Boss/employee there is always an implicit feeling that those who give the orders are "talking down" to those who are expected to obey.

A tone that may sound like talking down does not necessarily need to carry with it an implication of disrespect or derision. For many subs that very tone is the tone of authority that makes them tingle, and is a big part of the D/s relationship. A slave or sub that bristles at the thought of being treated as lesser to his or her Master or Dominant seems like an incongruous thing indeed... to me at any rate.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Missokyst

A thought taken from the Ask a Master thread.
I have often heard this expressed in other ways by both doms and subs alike

It has always been my understanding and practice that everyone should be spoken to as a peer unless their are wearing your collar, or vice-versa. No one has the right to talk down to you until you have granted them the gift of your submission.

Not to pick on anyone but I have heard this expressed many times. Maybe I have done this wrong from the get, but I have not had any of men in my life talk down to me, other than my husband (probably why I chose never to remarry).

Is it really that common to have ones dominant partner treat you as if you were a lesser person? Or talk down to you as if you cannot understand? In what ways do you express submission? If you are dominant do you actively promote being superior? How?

quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

I disagree. You don't have to talk down to people who you are working with, even though you may be appointed the project leader. The fact that you're better at coordinating the pace of the project doesn't automatically make you smarter or better.

quote:

ORIGINAL: FrostedFlake

quote:

Bhuric
A slave or sub that bristles at the thought of being treated as lesser to his or her Master or Dominant seems like an incongruous thing indeed... to me at any rate.

Think about a person who is not an emotional masochist. But who is nevertheless masochistic.

I hope that parts the veil for you.

quote:

ORIGINAL: NuevaVida

quote:

ORIGINAL: Bhruic

I think you possibly jump to a conclusion when you say "lesser person?". You seem to suggest a "lesser person" as not valued or worth consideration. "Talking down" is a term that has a lot of interpretation as well. I would think that in any power situation, whether it is a D/s relationship, parent/child, Boss/employee there is always an implicit feeling that those who give the orders are "talking down" to those who are expected to obey.

A tone that may sound like talking down does not necessarily need to carry with it an implication of disrespect or derision. For many subs that very tone is the tone of authority that makes them tingle, and is a big part of the D/s relationship. A slave or sub that bristles at the thought of being treated as lesser to his or her Master or Dominant seems like an incongruous thing indeed... to me at any rate.

Regarding the comment about bosses, the best bosses I've had are leaders who are wise enough to know the people doing the work actually know more about how to do the work than they do. They don't give out orders, they encourage new ideas, risk taking, and problem solving. They lead. Sure, they give timelines, and they often see a bigger picture so they will know what ideas will or will not work, but they are not order givers. I'm fortunate enough now to have a director who is awesome at inspiring us to come up with amazing new approaches for the way we do things.
Being the final authority does not always mean ordering around, or being bigger/better than. It does for some, but not for all.

quote:


As for the Mister treating me as less than him, well he just doesn't see me that way, nor would he want to undo all the work I've done to overcome my former and very debilitating self views. You bet I'd bristle if he did, and we'd be incompatible together. He also leads and in doing so, asks for my input and advice about situations in which I can offer new insight.

Being the final authority does not always mean ordering around, or being bigger/better than. It does for some, but not for all.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Bhruic

quote:

ORIGINAL: FrostedFlake

quote:

Bhuric
A slave or sub that bristles at the thought of being treated as lesser to his or her Master or Dominant seems like an incongruous thing indeed... to me at any rate.

Think about a person who is not an emotional masochist. But who is nevertheless masochistic.

I hope that parts the veil for you.

True... but now it gets a bit nuanced. Would a masochists who is not emotionally masochistic (even if only symbolically) be interested in a "slave" or "sub" position? I honestly don't know, but my instinct would say no.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Bhruic

quote:

ORIGINAL: FrostedFlake

quote:

Bhuric
A slave or sub that bristles at the thought of being treated as lesser to his or her Master or Dominant seems like an incongruous thing indeed... to me at any rate.

Think about a person who is not an emotional masochist. But who is nevertheless masochistic.

I hope that parts the veil for you.

True... but now it gets a bit nuanced. Would a masochists who is not emotionally masochistic (even if only symbolically) be interested in a "slave" or "sub" position? I honestly don't know, but my instinct would say no.

quote:

So it's a good thing she's smart (Way way smarter than this 106 IQ boy), because otherwise this cat woulda gotten bored and wandered off in search of a new toy long ago

quote:

ORIGINAL: ChatteParfaitt

FR:

It's been my experience that there are many men who will say, "I don't think I'm better than you" but they *think* it. And that thinking becomes apparent over time.

A very interesting component of the D/s or M/s dynamic is that, though you may have unequal levels of power and authority within the relationship, it does not follow that one is of lesser value than the other. The two are equal as people. And certainly from a Dom's POV, a good s-type is valueless. Truly valueless, there is no way to pay for it.

As for asking permission to speak or be spoken to and such, I consider that high protocol. I guess I would scope out a situation before I decided the level of protocol to use in addressing someone. Although I am very low protocol myself, I have no issue with others' requesting a higher level of protocol if I interact with their submissive. In a public setting, I respect the dynamic (if not the person).

quote:

ORIGINAL: Missokyst

A thought taken from the Ask a Master thread.
I have often heard this expressed in other ways by both doms and subs alike

It has always been my understanding and practice that everyone should be spoken to as a peer unless their are wearing your collar, or vice-versa. No one has the right to talk down to you until you have granted them the gift of your submission.

Not to pick on anyone but I have heard this expressed many times. Maybe I have done this wrong from the get, but I have not had any of men in my life talk down to me, other than my husband (probably why I chose never to remarry).

Is it really that common to have ones dominant partner treat you as if you were a lesser person? Or talk down to you as if you cannot understand? In what ways do you express submission? If you are dominant do you actively promote being superior? How?