Submission granted (Full Version)

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Missokyst -> Submission granted (4/28/2013 4:28:32 PM)

A thought taken from the Ask a Master thread.
I have often heard this expressed in other ways by both doms and subs alike

It has always been my understanding and practice that everyone should be spoken to as a peer unless their are wearing your collar, or vice-versa. No one has the right to talk down to you until you have granted them the gift of your submission.


Not to pick on anyone but I have heard this expressed many times. Maybe I have done this wrong from the get, but I have not had any of men in my life talk down to me, other than my husband (probably why I chose never to remarry).

Is it really that common to have ones dominant partner treat you as if you were a lesser person? Or talk down to you as if you cannot understand? In what ways do you express submission? If you are dominant do you actively promote being superior? How?




angelikaJ -> RE: Submission granted (4/28/2013 4:41:25 PM)

I have not encountered being talked down to much except for the "kneel bitch" types and their folly seems more geared toward assuming ownership of complete strangers.





LadyPact -> RE: Submission granted (4/28/2013 5:27:16 PM)

I don't know how this will be seen from the s-type side but it's been My habit for a lot of years.

If I am acquainted with somebody in My life and I know they are owned, generally I do not ask that owned person directly for anything. If I know the people have an O/p or M/s type of dynamic, unless I have carte blanche for a given situation, I'm going to ask the Owner if the owned person is allowed to fulfill a request. I find it to be more appropriate when I know the M/s couple has the "s-type's time is really the Owner's time" type of dynamic.

I also understand that some submissives do not have that as a part of their dynamic. When that is the case, I avoid doing it.

This is one of those protocol rules that is mostly geared to real life vrs folks that I've only interacted with on the internet.




Level -> RE: Submission granted (4/28/2013 5:39:53 PM)

Being in a D/s relationship only means I'm the leader, it doesn't make me "better" or more important.

Do some think "because I get my way", that "I matter more?

I'd follow Gordon Ramsey in a kitchen, because he's a better cook, and has more knowledge there, but talk down to me, and good luck pulling the skillet out of your ass, Gordo.




littlewonder -> RE: Submission granted (4/28/2013 6:05:02 PM)

There are times when he talks down to me like I don't understand because well.....I don't. Is it common? I dunno. I guess a little it is. The ex-Dom never talked down to me. He was too busy with his video games to talk to me about much of anything really.

I don't really mind when Master does it. There are times when I deserve it. There are times when he does it on purpose to remind me I'm not the one who makes the decisions. I'm not the one in control. And for me, I kinda like knowing I don't and I also like the feeling of him being more superior than I am.

As for in general as to where the idea for this thread originated, yeah, it does seem common. I get those types of emails more often than not.




Missokyst -> RE: Submission granted (4/28/2013 6:11:08 PM)



Yeah
I have seen this from dominants in the past. I went to the folsom street fair with a very nice (but not my) dominant male and at least 2 other dominants talked to him as if my opinion was not necessary. I assumed it was because they thought I belonged to him.

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

If I am acquainted with somebody in My life and I know they are owned, generally I do not ask that owned person directly for anything.





Missokyst -> RE: Submission granted (4/28/2013 6:12:26 PM)

LMAO... heck I am submissive and I wouldn't take that kind of crap from Gordon either. I am very surprised no one has let loose with a clever.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Level
I'd follow Gordon Ramsey in a kitchen, because he's a better cook, and has more knowledge there, but talk down to me, and good luck pulling the skillet out of your ass, Gordo.





Missokyst -> RE: Submission granted (4/28/2013 6:18:00 PM)

I see this a lot among my friends. That is why my title attached is "did it the wrong way", because not since I was married did I ever allow myself to feel less equal. With my ex-husband it was particularly hard because I always was more talented and book smart than he was, and in fact did more to support my family.
I do see this a lot online, but it seems just as common in face to face relationships.


quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

I'm not the one in control. And for me, I kinda like knowing I don't and I also like the feeling of him being more superior than I am.





LadyPact -> RE: Submission granted (4/28/2013 6:49:49 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Missokyst
Yeah
I have seen this from dominants in the past. I went to the folsom street fair with a very nice (but not my) dominant male and at least 2 other dominants talked to him as if my opinion was not necessary. I assumed it was because they thought I belonged to him.
FSF is pretty cool. I hope to have the opportunity to go again someday.

The situation that you described is why I try to keep the habit only with people that I know, rather than if I just think it might be the case. Leather folks, the "slave's time is My time" theory tends to be in the majority. Various D/s and M/s dynamics that don't identify as leather can be a crap shoot on whether they have adopted the concept or not.

Usually, determining how it works between the people in the dynamic isn't too hard. "Would you mind if I asked your sub a favor?" If that's not how it works for them, most folks are good enough to explain how they prefer to do things.





Missokyst -> RE: Submission granted (4/28/2013 7:34:23 PM)

I think the FSF is a world unto itself. I once attended with a female friend of mine and some female came up to ask her if I could be loaned out for a short time.

Among people I do know I once attended a private party where a slave who was also a guest was told she must kneel and kiss the feet of all dominants who entered. I was with my dominant of just a year when we attended and I was not a happy camper to have our dynamic interrupted for some one elses play.


quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

quote:

ORIGINAL: Missokyst
Yeah
I have seen this from dominants in the past. I went to the folsom street fair with a very nice (but not my) dominant male and at least 2 other dominants talked to him as if my opinion was not necessary. I assumed it was because they thought I belonged to him.



The situation that you described is why I try to keep the habit only with people that I know, rather than if I just think it might be the case.







FrostedFlake -> RE: Submission granted (4/28/2013 7:59:51 PM)

I have zero interest in getting chummy with anyone who feels I am something less.

Getting intimate is right out.




njlauren -> RE: Submission granted (4/28/2013 8:12:20 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Missokyst

I think the FSF is a world unto itself. I once attended with a female friend of mine and some female came up to ask her if I could be loaned out for a short time.

Among people I do know I once attended a private party where a slave who was also a guest was told she must kneel and kiss the feet of all dominants who entered. I was with my dominant of just a year when we attended and I was not a happy camper to have our dynamic interrupted for some one elses play.


quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

quote:

ORIGINAL: Missokyst
Yeah
I have seen this from dominants in the past. I went to the folsom street fair with a very nice (but not my) dominant male and at least 2 other dominants talked to him as if my opinion was not necessary. I assumed it was because they thought I belonged to him.



The situation that you described is why I try to keep the habit only with people that I know, rather than if I just think it might be the case.





Unless I was the slave of the people throwing the party, or unless my owner decided I should do this, I would tell the person where to stick their party and walk out. Lady Pact is correct about leather people, those into the full protocol and such, their relationships are bound by specific protocols and often subs or slaves are not supposed to even talk to others unless the M has given them permission, for example, and they certainly wouldn't be doing something for another person without permission, unless they were told something like "if a dominant makes a request of you, you are to obey it as you would me" or "you must respond to questions put to you by a dominant" and so forth. I never was in that kind of relationship, and if I as a sub was treated as if someone else had the right to do things with me, I was fully expected to tell them no, politely, and if they persisted, to tell them to go fuck themselves. The idea that a domme or dom is automatically 'over' any sub or slave is absolutely idiotic, unless that is allowed by their domme, expected by their dom/me, then it is a breach of manners, it is simply rude. I don't care whether someone is a leather titleholder or a self proclaimed Goddess, they don't have the right to do that. It doesn't mean I don't respect people and their titles or try to treat people with respect, but I would do that with anyone, domme or sub, I ran into:).

I have been at play events where there were some serious leather folk, like Lady P alludes to, and when it came to their slaves/subs, unless I was introduced and the M made clear it was okay to interact, I simply assumed it was off limits unless the s approached me or showed signs it was okay. If they were with their M, I would ask if it was okay to address their s, like if I wanted to compliment them on the way they looked or something. It is interesting, with the serious leatherfolk if I accidentally breached a protocol, as I occasionally did, they were very gracious when I explained I didn't realize the nature of their relationship and apologized and told them hopefully I didn't get their s in trouble. Several of them said that when they were in mixed space with people who didn't share their lifestyle, they never got upset unless someone was a jerk, like one stupid, sadistic woman who turned a lot of people's stomachs with the way she played (about as sensuous as watching a slave get whipped in the movie "Roots"), who thought nothing of grabbing someone's s and slapping them or something *grrr*......

As far as being something less, if I was looking for a D and someone treated me as inferior, unequal, etc, they would see my ass moving off pretty quickly. I guess my idea of submission is to find someone who respects me enough to want me to submit to them and appreciates my turning control over to them as much as I appreciate them allowing me to do that. The whole lowly worm, derided, humiliated sub does nothing for me, and humiliation to me would abrogate the contract as a breach of our agreement, since humiliation is a source of real pain to me.





Missokyst -> RE: Submission granted (4/28/2013 9:30:31 PM)

I agree for my part, if I were seeking and someone approached me as if I were lesser, they would not be a good match for me. My question was more aimed toward people who are in relationships. It is pretty common among people I have known to seek out someone they consider, better off, better read, more successful than they are in order to feel... I am not sure.. maybe protected? It is not something I have ever sought out for myself but I have observed it in many others.

I could not do the humiliation.
Had enough of that feeling when I was married and constantly reminded I was not "white"


quote:

ORIGINAL: njlauren


As far as being something less, if I was looking for a D and someone treated me as inferior, unequal, etc, they would see my ass moving off pretty quickly. I guess my idea of submission is to find someone who respects me enough to want me to submit to them and appreciates my turning control over to them as much as I appreciate them allowing me to do that. The whole lowly worm, derided, humiliated sub does nothing for me, and humiliation to me would abrogate the contract as a breach of our agreement, since humiliation is a source of real pain to me.







FrostedFlake -> RE: Submission granted (4/28/2013 10:30:43 PM)

You're not 'white'?

How do you 'stand' it?




Missokyst -> RE: Submission granted (4/28/2013 10:45:29 PM)

apparently having my ancestors living in California since before it became a state was not acceptable. Of course my mother-in-law was polish, german and irish so it is kinda hard to be whiter than that




FrostedFlake -> RE: Submission granted (4/28/2013 11:44:55 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Missokyst

apparently having my ancestors living in California since before it became a state was not acceptable. Of course my mother-in-law was polish, german and irish so it is kinda hard to be whiter than that

Don't kid yerself. I'm a Viking.




FrostedFlake -> RE: Submission granted (4/28/2013 11:56:31 PM)

It occurs some might think I was kidding.

[image]local://upfiles/769649/164B734F3B5B4116932B61B6BB632050.jpg[/image]

Knock a millennium off my age. Give me an oar to pull, an axe to wave and a shield to bite. Then, run for the hills.




DaddySatyr -> RE: Submission granted (4/29/2013 12:09:26 AM)

I think a couple of people have already touched on the fact that "talking down" to anyone is not a good idea. The idea that if, for example, my lady comes to me asks me about music, I might simplify my answer because she's just starting out learning about music (she's having trouble with 3/4 time at the moment). By "simplify", I do mean that I might take it down to a level that an 8 year old might understand because in that particular case, she knows almost nothing and I want to bring her along without losing her from the onset.

I had another thought about this question also:

I wonder if people are kind of "crossing ideas", here. Allow me to use myself as an example, again:

I am a pretty easy-going guy and I don't much stand on protocol but there are some things that I just won't tolerate. The other evening, my lady did one of these things. I lowered my voice (volume and tone) and I calmly but quite definitely said: "Please don't ever do that again". No sugar-coating. No question about it. No further discussion (other than her, apologizing, when she realized that she had crossed a line). I should add that this is something which is not uncommon for people to get a little prickly about.

Was I talking down to her? I guess some could see it that way but lifestyle or 'nilla, I believe that there are certain things that each of us will not tolerate in relationships. I was just making it clear that that activity was not appreciated and would never be tolerated, again.



Peace and comfort,



Michael




Focus50 -> RE: Submission granted (4/29/2013 2:18:13 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Missokyst

A thought taken from the Ask a Master thread.
I have often heard this expressed in other ways by both doms and subs alike

It has always been my understanding and practice that everyone should be spoken to as a peer unless their are wearing your collar, or vice-versa. No one has the right to talk down to you until you have granted them the gift of your submission.


Not to pick on anyone but I have heard this expressed many times. Maybe I have done this wrong from the get, but I have not had any of men in my life talk down to me, other than my husband (probably why I chose never to remarry).

Is it really that common to have ones dominant partner treat you as if you were a lesser person? Or talk down to you as if you cannot understand? In what ways do you express submission? If you are dominant do you actively promote being superior? How?


I've never liked or practised any superior/inferior analogy with my D/s.

Within the relationship, my girl is outranked; she defers to my will and choices.

But since her contribution to even making a relationship happen amounts to 50% and that her contribution to any D/s dynamic also amounts to 50%, I don't embrace any thought of my alleged superiority as a person and partner.

And for the same above reasons, I won't have any of that "submission is a gift" nonsense, either. She does for my particular needs as I do for hers - 50-50.

Focus.




kookycreature -> RE: Submission granted (4/29/2013 2:45:54 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

There are times when he talks down to me like I don't understand because well.....I don't. Is it common? I dunno. I guess a little it is. The ex-Dom never talked down to me. He was too busy with his video games to talk to me about much of anything really.

I don't really mind when Master does it. There are times when I deserve it. There are times when he does it on purpose to remind me I'm not the one who makes the decisions. I'm not the one in control. And for me, I kinda like knowing I don't and I also like the feeling of him being more superior than I am.

As for in general as to where the idea for this thread originated, yeah, it does seem common. I get those types of emails more often than not.



littlewonder pretty much summed up up what I was going to put, to be honest. I'm polite to other dominants', but it is Master's wish that I call only him 'Master'.




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