CynthiaWVirginia
Posts: 1915
Joined: 2/28/2010 From: West Virginia, USA Status: offline
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When my slave was new here, yes, he had a Domme friend who helped show him the ropes. He checked in with her about what not to do, now to approach Dommes, etc., because he was afraid of making an ass of himself. She also advised him on how to deal with scammers and taught him how to recognize common scams. Also, keep in mind that most people coming to this site try out just the chatrooms and mailroom/profiles area first, and...things are different in the chatrooms than they are in r/t or on the boards. I expected him to have (or to make) friends and am not one to expect someone to show loyalty to me by not being allowed to talk with other Dominants. However, my boy did come to me with bad habits, among them...taking his problems/issues to friends first before (or instead of) coming to me with them. When he did this with his Domme friend (yes, I told him when I wanted to read their letters because of something he said) and it offended me, I told him no more letters to her without my having vetted them first. I wasn't interested in what she wrote to him, and I didn't want to hear any more letters from someone who was basically saying "poor baby" and "this is how to handle your Mistress". This lasted for about two months. It was sometimes like reading journal entries, giving him a way to tell me things he didn't know how to come straight out and say. When he was new there were many misunderstandings from his having watched too much BDSM porn, and...from a brief, prior relationship. My action was a disciplinary one, because I owned him and couldn't allow him to continue this offensive behavior, and he needed time to learn what I found offensive and why. When he is emotionally off balance, and it can be from anything, not just when he is going through subdrop (and for the first year he had some evil subdrop when I had to go back home), logic and truth is butchered and feelings become facts. What really pissed me off is when I saw in one of his letters that he was thanking God that he had her to turn to when he was upset, because I...wouldn't talk with him and told him to shut up. Hello...everyone knows I talk things to death! When he calmed down, he could see that he was talking about his ex-Mistress and not me. (If he's going to bitch and whine about me it had better be the factual truth.) Yes, I made him tell her why I was screening his mail. He's stable enough, now. Not on some wild rollercoaster ride like that first year when I was dealing with a lot of his PTSD from past relationships. If someone's going to be giving him advice, I want him to first bring the issue to me and THEN I'm okay with him taking a poll with others. As long as he isn't misrepresenting something. In the beginning, people can have bad habits that we need to change. Sometimes habit can blind them to how obnoxious it really is, degrading and humiliating even. I work on my own issues, with the help of family and friends occasionally holding up a mirror. I also work on my submissive's bad habits, teaching him how I want to be treated as well as served...and I consider this part of his "training". OP, do you expect a newbie to be perfect? To have no friends to turn to? To never screw up? Forgiveness and training...have worked for me; if I had cut him loose the first time he offended me...I would have missed out on those other hundred or so times that followed, lol, and I would have missed out on owning one hell of a good slave.
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