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RE: Conditional love and BDSM - 6/1/2013 7:12:36 AM

Kana

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Joined: 10/24/2006
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quote:

I honestly couldn't tell you. I don't place definitions on love, such as "true" and so forth. I just love. I give my love fully, and without asking for love in return. It doesn't always take mutual love to feed it.

The more I think about the concept of conditional/unconditional love, the more I realize that defining it isn't important to me. I don't give a lot of energy to it. I simply love. And in some cases, I stop loving. Not by choice or effort...it's just when love is distorted or unhealthy for me, I focus elsewhere.

Daaayyyuuum Gal, this is just awesome.
Totally agree. Love with strings attached isn't love at all.
And really it's the only way to go. Love someone with expectations and, sooner or later, by virtue of being human, they gonna let you down. But love for the sake of loving alone, then one can never be hurt. They might return my love. They might not. They might return it in ways I find acceptable. They might not.
But getting something back, that ain't the point. I love without reservations and it gives me joyous freedom. Better yet, in loving without seeking reciprocity, I become a loving man.
And that's pretty cool stuff there

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Post #: 81

RE: Conditional love and BDSM - 6/1/2013 8:24:03 AM

kallisto

Posts: 1185
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Kana

quote:

I honestly couldn't tell you. I don't place definitions on love, such as "true" and so forth. I just love. I give my love fully, and without asking for love in return. It doesn't always take mutual love to feed it.

The more I think about the concept of conditional/unconditional love, the more I realize that defining it isn't important to me. I don't give a lot of energy to it. I simply love. And in some cases, I stop loving. Not by choice or effort...it's just when love is distorted or unhealthy for me, I focus elsewhere.

Daaayyyuuum Gal, this is just awesome.
Totally agree. Love with strings attached isn't love at all.
And really it's the only way to go. Love someone with expectations and, sooner or later, by virtue of being human, they gonna let you down. But love for the sake of loving alone, then one can never be hurt. They might return my love. They might not. They might return it in ways I find acceptable. They might not.
But getting something back, that ain't the point. I love without reservations and it gives me joyous freedom. Better yet, in loving without seeking reciprocity, I become a loving man.
And that's pretty cool stuff there

Both comments pretty cool and awesome in my book!!!!

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Post #: 82

RE: Conditional love and BDSM - 6/1/2013 10:56:06 AM

NuevaVida

Posts: 6707
Joined: 8/5/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Kana

Daaayyyuuum Gal, this is just awesome.
Totally agree. Love with strings attached isn't love at all.
And really it's the only way to go. Love someone with expectations and, sooner or later, by virtue of being human, they gonna let you down. But love for the sake of loving alone, then one can never be hurt. They might return my love. They might not. They might return it in ways I find acceptable. They might not.
But getting something back, that ain't the point. I love without reservations and it gives me joyous freedom. Better yet, in loving without seeking reciprocity, I become a loving man.
And that's pretty cool stuff there

Thanks, Kana and kallisto.

I would disagree that one can never be hurt, though. There are always *some* expectations (like don't hurt those I love, etc., or don't violate certain boundaries), but I know you're talking about the strings attached stuff - "I will love you if...." Love with outlined conditions. For me, I love because I love to love, and because who that person is brings out feelings of love in me. When I say love is NOT unconditional, it's because for me, love is not always a forever thing. And that's totally ok. Saying love must be forever is actually putting a condition on it, isn't it? Sometimes I just no longer feel love for someone I once felt love for. There are conditions, but that just means if certain conditions are met (like a math equation), love blossoms, or love wilts. Hope that makes sense.

But I don't give much merit to defining what's "true", what various "conditions" are, or anything like that. If it doesn't serve me well to continue loving, I move away from it. That's the "condition" I'm talking about.

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Post #: 83

RE: Conditional love and BDSM - 6/1/2013 4:30:54 PM

KnightofMists

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Joined: 7/29/2005
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Never seen unconditional love! I don't believe it exists. Even the love a parent has for a child has the condition it's your child. Even the emotional response we have to another is a conditional response to certain factors. We might not understand all the factors that result in the response, but that doesn't make it unconditional.

I believe that some can love with very few condition and have the capacity of acceptance of another that very broad. But that doesn't make it unconditional. Some have great capacity to love, some do not. But I have never seen it without conditions.

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Post #: 84

RE: Conditional love and BDSM - 6/1/2013 5:06:35 PM

LafayetteLady

Posts: 7683
Joined: 5/2/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: tazzygirl

lol... the name was suggested as an attempt to belittle or demean me... I ran with it.. sorta fits my sarcastic sense of humor.

Well then, good for you for taking something someone meant in a bad way and turning it around.

But I still think "Google Queen," fits you much better.

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Post #: 85

RE: Conditional love and BDSM - 6/1/2013 9:32:49 PM

Marini

Posts: 3629
Joined: 2/14/2010
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quote:

ORIGINAL: KnightofMists

Never seen unconditional love! I don't believe it exists. Even the love a parent has for a child has the condition it's your child. Even the emotional response we have to another is a conditional response to certain factors. We might not understand all the factors that result in the response, but that doesn't make it unconditional.

I believe that some can love with very few condition and have the capacity of acceptance of another that very broad. But that doesn't make it unconditional. Some have great capacity to love, some do not. But I have never seen it without conditions.

As usual, I agree with KoM.
Love is almost always conditional if you are dealing with human beings.
It is so much easier said than done, I can think of many situations in which someone could "destroy" your "unconditional love", by their actions towards towards you and yours.

< Message edited by Marini -- 6/1/2013 9:34:43 PM >

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Post #: 86

RE: Conditional love and BDSM - 6/1/2013 11:55:12 PM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
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quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder
You basically become indifferent to them which really is the opposite of love.

At least that's how it works for me.

This is very much My feeling on the matter as well.

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Post #: 87

RE: Conditional love and BDSM - 6/3/2013 5:31:22 AM

wolf223

Posts: 89
Joined: 3/4/2011
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quote:

ORIGINAL: ResidentSadist

I fell in love with someone that had a personality issue. I still love them to this day but I will never go back and have another relationship with them. My love is unconditional, but my relationship is conditional.

This is my life also.

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Post #: 88

RE: Conditional love and BDSM - 6/3/2013 7:56:27 AM

JeffBC

Posts: 5799
Joined: 2/12/2012
From: Canada
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Kana

quote:

I honestly couldn't tell you. I don't place definitions on love, such as "true" and so forth. I just love. I give my love fully, and without asking for love in return. It doesn't always take mutual love to feed it.

The more I think about the concept of conditional/unconditional love, the more I realize that defining it isn't important to me. I don't give a lot of energy to it. I simply love. And in some cases, I stop loving. Not by choice or effort...it's just when love is distorted or unhealthy for me, I focus elsewhere.

Daaayyyuuum Gal, this is just awesome.
Totally agree. Love with strings attached isn't love at all.
And really it's the only way to go. Love someone with expectations and, sooner or later, by virtue of being human, they gonna let you down. But love for the sake of loving alone, then one can never be hurt. They might return my love. They might not. They might return it in ways I find acceptable. They might not.
But getting something back, that ain't the point. I love without reservations and it gives me joyous freedom. Better yet, in loving without seeking reciprocity, I become a loving man.
And that's pretty cool stuff there

Like Kalisto, between the two of these it wraps things up neatly for me.

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Post #: 89

RE: Conditional love and BDSM - 6/5/2013 4:14:46 PM

cloudboy

Posts: 7306
Joined: 12/14/2005
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Relationship pronouncements are sexy/romantic (how one feels, what one wants, trying to increase one's intimacy and trust.) when we see them fluidly, but it's misguided to view such pronouncements as laws / absolutes.

There's no better illustration of this than marriage vows: a multi-million dollar industry backed by religions and the state -- all with the best intentions. In the end wedding vows breakdown with a 50% divorce rate and a high # of unhappy couples.

Rather than blame the institution or the insanity of the marriage vows, most people like blame the individuals who can't fit the mold.

------

I like the concept of unconditional love, but I'll always remember that changing, growing, and developing humans remain involved.

< Message edited by cloudboy -- 6/5/2013 4:20:14 PM >

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Post #: 90

RE: Conditional love and BDSM - 6/5/2013 7:18:36 PM

littlewonder

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RE: Conditional love and BDSM - 6/6/2013 3:10:59 AM

Zevar

Posts: 801
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Without a solid bond of Trust, that remains uninterrupted, there is not even a remote possibility for me to love another individual, whatsoever. (IMO) Trust is the foundation where which love can thrive.

AND if, or rather when My Trust offered is willfully broken; the result is steel cold detachment. Precisely speaking, I never return or allow anyone who willfully and continually violates a bond of Trust with Myself to feel even a moment of love with Myself; conditionally or otherwise unconditionally.

I simply have zero tolerance when My Trust is betrayed to claim that I am capable of unconditional love for any human being, that I would allow to be emotionally intimate with Myself.

Bottom line (IMO) conditionally OR unconditionally loving another individual is subjective, and is a personal decision based on what works for each individual. But then that previous comment is pointing out the obvious, aye.