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RE: BDSM sex versus Vanilla Sex - 5/28/2013 8:52:38 PM

Moonlightmaddnes

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Yeah, so we just decided to hold off which I am glad we did. I can't remember where I read it, but I did read that during pregnancy it is much easier to get a blood clot with impact play I had just figured if we stayed away from my stomach we would be fine. I was in my third trimester when I read that and was suddenly very thankful my husband wanted to hold off until after our baby was born.

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RE: BDSM sex versus Vanilla Sex - 5/28/2013 8:55:32 PM

inchargeinca

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Greta75

Seriously..., I had the most awesome sexual marathon over the weekend with a vanilla man, it was non-stop vanilla sex for 3 days, only taking breaks when we fall asleep or need to eat. We couldn't get enough of each other, and by the end of it, I was in tears and overwhelmed with all the emotions I felt, because he treated me so preciously. Instead of being called "slut", "whore", I was praised to high heaven about how perfect every part of my body was, and how beautiful and precious I was.
And it was an emotional and moving experience, I felt we somehow spiritually connected as well.

But.... despite how wonderful it was...., and I admit I had to imagine he was raping me and using me as slut to get even more off on the whole experience. His totally vanilla, he refuse to use any derogatory words, cause any pain, even though I told him he should and could and I enjoy it. He said he doesn't believe in treating women that way.

I know this board always have experience timers saying vanilla sex and bdsm sex is exactly the same thing. One isn't necessarily deeper. But I don't understand how could it not be?

Despite how wonderful this was, it still is not near the earth shattering moments, soul wrecking moments of a full D/S scene, where I was degraded, treated like slut.

And the vulnerability involved in a D/S scene just adds so much depth to the whole experience and sensations, it's like soul deep.

I do feel a D/S experience is just so much more intimate, so much more baring of souls and giving everything, it just feels alot more intimate than a vanilla session.

What works for you works for you. But don't think your experience is everyone's experience.

I've been in relationships where the sex was pure kink, and relationships where it was pure vanilla. I've been in relationships where it was sometimes kink and sometimes vanilla.

All parts of the spectrum have pros and cons.

I find your overall attitude too black and white. I don't necessarily think there is a clean line between vanilla and BDSM. I think a BDSM session can be deep or superficial. So can a vanilla session. But, no, I don't think BDSM is inherently more soul-bearing than vanilla sex.

The sexual activitiy (whether kink or vanilla or inbetween) is less important in creating a sense of deepness for me than the relationship and energy I have with someone.

(in reply to Greta75)

Post #: 22

RE: BDSM sex versus Vanilla Sex - 5/29/2013 6:02:32 PM

littlewonder

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Greta75

quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder
I don't need kinky sex to be happy. I don't need for it to be called bdsm. I don't even need to think of a bdsm fantasy in my head during sex. I can be just as happy with "vanilla" sex as "kinky" sex. For me it has nothing to do with the type of sex and everything to do with the connection I have with someone and I can feel that connection be it "vanilla" or "bdsm".

wow, really? I'm surprise. So either way, you could feel happy with a vanilla man for the rest of your life, if that's what you fall inlove with? Even though you are experience and deep in the bdsm segment of your life?

Yes..absolutely. What matters to me is his dominant personality even if he doesn't know what bdsm is. I just need to know he is the head of the household....a traditional, old fashioned relationship. My relationship with my husband was "vanilla" but he was head of the household and I had just as deep of an emotional bond with him as I do with Master. It has zilch to do with sex and everything to do with the man himself.

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Post #: 23

RE: BDSM sex versus Vanilla Sex - 5/29/2013 6:22:45 PM

Kana

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Grins
For this cat, it's not about the sex, it's about who I'm having the sex with

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Post #: 24

RE: BDSM sex versus Vanilla Sex - 5/29/2013 6:24:53 PM

littlewonder

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Post #: 25

RE: BDSM sex versus Vanilla Sex - 5/29/2013 8:48:41 PM

Charles6682

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From: Saint Pete,FL
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The choice is very easy for me,BDSM sexy all the way. I have always had sexual submissive urges towards Female Domination and I don't ever see that changing.

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Post #: 26

RE: BDSM sex versus Vanilla Sex - 5/29/2013 10:06:38 PM

LizDeluxe

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Joined: 10/2/2011
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Greta75
I know this board always have experience timers saying vanilla sex and bdsm sex is exactly the same thing.

The sex is pretty much the same.

It's the foreplay that's different.

(in reply to Greta75)

Post #: 27

RE: BDSM sex versus Vanilla Sex - 5/30/2013 1:40:37 AM

lilcracker

Posts: 243
Joined: 4/14/2012
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Greta75

quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder
I don't need kinky sex to be happy. I don't need for it to be called bdsm. I don't even need to think of a bdsm fantasy in my head during sex. I can be just as happy with "vanilla" sex as "kinky" sex. For me it has nothing to do with the type of sex and everything to do with the connection I have with someone and I can feel that connection be it "vanilla" or "bdsm".

wow, really? I'm surprise. So either way, you could feel happy with a vanilla man for the rest of your life, if that's what you fall inlove with? Even though you are experience and deep in the bdsm segment of your life?

I started with my first Dom when I was 23, I just turned 46 and my partner is vanilla. His personality is very dominant but our sex is very vanilla. Not only did I fall in love with him, but sex is the better than any BDSM sex I ever experience. The chemistry between us is overwhelming and I have to say the man is my best friend. In the past vanilla sex left me longing but quite honestly BDSM sex left me longing as well, I will have to say it IS the connection.

(in reply to Greta75)

Post #: 28

RE: BDSM sex versus Vanilla Sex - 5/30/2013 5:13:02 PM

DesFIP

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First, humiliation and degradation aren't required for a bdsm relationship. He may well be dominant but not enjoy humiliation play.

I'm submissive but I don't enjoy humiliation. The Man doesn't require it to enjoy himself either.

Perhaps in the future you should talk to each other before having sex to make sure you're compatible.

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Post #: 29

RE: BDSM sex versus Vanilla Sex - 6/1/2013 10:27:05 AM

toothbrush915

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Sex and BDSM are often two different things. I generally have "vanilla sex" after a BDSM scene. They tend to be two entirely different topics.. yes sexual things are often part of a scene but the act of actually having sex is completely separate and I prefer gentler "vanilla sex" to rough sex (ironic). anybody else have this experience... definitely not a vanilla person but not into rough sex usually.... rough scenes/play yes but I'm a fan of gentler sex.

(in reply to sexyred1)

Post #: 30

RE: BDSM sex versus Vanilla Sex - 6/1/2013 10:35:52 AM

sexyred1

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LizDeluxe

quote:

ORIGINAL: Greta75
I know this board always have experience timers saying vanilla sex and bdsm sex is exactly the same thing.

The sex is pretty much the same.

It's the foreplay that's different.

That is actually true, never thought of it like that!

(in reply to LizDeluxe)

Post #: 31

RE: BDSM sex versus Vanilla Sex - 6/1/2013 11:55:48 AM

Charles6682

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From: Saint Pete,FL
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I will say to some degree, I do sort of miss having a "vanilla" relationship with a girlfriend. While I am a sub and I do enjoy Dommes, I do think maybe for me,I may need something alittle more than just that. Maybe I may benefit from having a kinky girlfriend who can be dominant but also enjoys doing vanilla things as well.

Little things I miss about having a girlfriend is being able to do simple things like go down by the water and watch the Sunset. I can't really say I've had any experience like that with any Dommes.

I've heard the term "vanilla swirl" before. Someone who blends a vanilla lifestyle with a BDSM lifestyle. I think that explains me better. I am not just a sub, I am sort much more than that. I would like someone who has that same mindset.

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Post #: 32

RE: BDSM sex versus Vanilla Sex - 6/1/2013 3:48:50 PM

littlewonder

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so I take it the Domme you are with now, you two don't do things like cuddle, go and sit by the lake and watch the sun set, watch a funny movie together and laugh and relax?

Master is my Master but we still are just like any other couple. We do those things mentioned above and most things that "vanilla" couples do. Imo, if you don't have a relationship like that with your "Domme" I would assume it's nothing more than a fantasy based relationship or a pro situation.

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Post #: 33

RE: BDSM sex versus Vanilla Sex - 6/1/2013 5:42:13 PM

Charles6682

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littlewonder, I've been thinking that exact same thing lately. Its all good for the fantasy aspect but beyond that, we don't do those kind of things that you mentioned. I am starting to think this is all just fantasy based. Which I guess works for awhile but then what? I do need something more than just that.

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Post #: 34

RE: BDSM sex versus Vanilla Sex - 6/2/2013 12:27:45 AM

AthenaSurrenders

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Charles6682

littlewonder, I've been thinking that exact same thing lately. Its all good for the fantasy aspect but beyond that, we don't do those kind of things that you mentioned. I am starting to think this is all just fantasy based. Which I guess works for awhile but then what? I do need something more than just that.

I think most people need more than just the fantasy, sexy stuff. Even those folks who occasionally drive by to tell us that they'd like to be kept in a dog cage for the rest of their lives and only brought out for beatings and oral sex; they are unlikely to feel emotionally satisfied long term without a little more than that.

I'd be willing to bet that everyone here who is in a long term D/s relationship spends a lot of time doing vanilla-looking activities. Going to dinner, walking the dogs together, snuggling up with a movie, sharing a bottle of wine, complaining to each other about work... these ordinary things are what build long-lasting emotional bonds which are ultimately what gets you through the hard times. If you only have the fantasy stuff, what happens when one of you gets sick, or when work gets so stressful you barely manage to get your shoes off before collapsing into bed?

I've never met anyone who didn't have more to their personality than being dominant or kinky. So if I only ever got that one aspect of them, I'd feel that they were holding back from me. That, or I'd start to feel like the whole thing was just an act and lose interest. Vanilla and BDSM are not mutually exclusive, you can have it all.

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Post #: 35

RE: BDSM sex versus Vanilla Sex - 6/2/2013 6:03:27 AM

kallisto

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quote:

ORIGINAL: AthenaSurrenders

Vanilla and BDSM are not mutually exclusive, you can have it all.

One sentence (IMO) that says so much ....

(in reply to AthenaSurrenders)

Post #: 36

RE: BDSM sex versus Vanilla Sex - 6/2/2013 6:28:50 AM

Charles6682

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From: Saint Pete,FL
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I fully agree with everything you said Athena.Perhaps I got blindsided this time. When I use to know her years ago, we would at least go out and do stuff,like to go the beach and things like that. We weren't boyfriend/girlfriend but at least we did things.

Then she moves away and comes back. I thought maybe it would be worth a shot. Maybe I can relive some of those older days. She's not the same person I remember years ago. Now it really is nothing more than "fantasy". I am way beyond fantasies at this point.

I just chalk this up to another lesson to be learned. Clearly, a Domme/sub only relationship based only on fantasies,is not something I desire. I am not about fantasies anymore, I am about reality.

quote:

ORIGINAL: AthenaSurrenders

quote:

ORIGINAL: Charles6682

littlewonder, I've been thinking that exact same thing lately. Its all good for the fantasy aspect but beyond that, we don't do those kind of things that you mentioned. I am starting to think this is all just fantasy based. Which I guess works for awhile but then what? I do need something more than just that.

I think most people need more than just the fantasy, sexy stuff. Even those folks who occasionally drive by to tell us that they'd like to be kept in a dog cage for the rest of their lives and only brought out for beatings and oral sex; they are unlikely to feel emotionally satisfied long term without a little more than that.

I'd be willing to bet that everyone here who is in a long term D/s relationship spends a lot of time doing vanilla-looking activities. Going to dinner, walking the dogs together, snuggling up with a movie, sharing a bottle of wine, complaining to each other about work... these ordinary things are what build long-lasting emotional bonds which are ultimately what gets you through the hard times. If you only have the fantasy stuff, what happens when one of you gets sick, or when work gets so stressful you barely manage to get your shoes off before collapsing into bed?

I've never met anyone who didn't have more to their personality than being dominant or kinky. So if I only ever got that one aspect of them, I'd feel that they were holding back from me. That, or I'd start to feel like the whole thing was just an act and lose interest. Vanilla and BDSM are not mutually exclusive, you can have it all.

< Message edited by Charles6682 -- 6/2/2013 6:30:49 AM >

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Post #: 37

RE: BDSM sex versus Vanilla Sex - 6/2/2013 8:12:03 AM

Moonlightmaddnes

Posts: 958
Joined: 6/4/2012
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LizDeluxe

quote:

ORIGINAL: Greta75
I know this board always have experience timers saying vanilla sex and bdsm sex is exactly the same thing.

The sex is pretty much the same.

It's the foreplay that's different.

Yeah this. Not only myself but several of my friends in the lifestyle I have here if you take out the kinky foreplay before sex we are normal boring people. We all have kids and do the kiddo friendly stuff together.

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Post #: 38

RE: BDSM sex versus Vanilla Sex - 6/2/2013 9:33:25 AM

SimplyMichael

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People think in WAY to shallow of a way.

It isn't vanilla vs. kink!

Shitty kink or boring vanilla is just that.

Being called a worthless slut by a guy who sees you as a wothless slut is going to feel very different than a man forcing his hand in your cunt to gather up his cum dripping from your hole and telling what a fucking cum whore you are that you know in your very core would give his life to save you are TWO VASTLY different experiences.

Missionary sex can be amazing if the woman looking back at you is one who would do and has done anything to please you verses fucking some chick whos too lazy to fuck any other way.

< Message edited by SimplyMichael -- 6/2/2013 10:31:10 AM >

(in reply to Moonlightmaddnes)

Post #: 39

RE: BDSM sex versus Vanilla Sex - 6/2/2013 9:44:40 AM

Kana

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Joined: 10/24/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: AthenaSurrenders
I'd be willing to bet that everyone here who is in a long term D/s relationship spends a lot of time doing vanilla-looking activities. Going to dinner, walking the dogs together, snuggling up with a movie, sharing a bottle of wine, complaining to each other about work... these ordinary things are what build long-lasting emotional bonds which are ultimately what gets you through the hard times.
I've never met anyone who didn't have more to their personality than being dominant or kinky. So if I only ever got that one aspect of them, I'd feel that they were holding back from me. That, or I'd start to feel like the whole thing was just an act and lose interest. Vanilla and BDSM are not mutually exclusive, you can have it all.

Shhhh-don't tell the world the secret

quote:

Being called a worthless slut by a guy who sees you as a wothless slut is going to feel very different than a man forcing his hand in your cunt to gather up his cum dripping from your hole and telling what a fucking cum whire you are that you know in your very core would give his life to save you are TWO VASTLY different experiences.

Very nice, Michael. Dead on, too

< Message edited by Kana -- 6/2/2013 9:45:19 AM >

_____________________________

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(in reply to AthenaSurrenders)

Post #: 40

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