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RE: BDSM sex versus Vanilla Sex - 6/3/2013 9:17:38 PM   
tazzygirl


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quote:

ORIGINAL: Greta75


quote:


Ever thought its because of the guy and not because of the sex?

Hard for me to think that because I really really really really like this guy I mentioned in the topic. Mental and emotional connection is all there.



And yet the sex flops? Yeah, something is wrong. And I dont think its the act. but thats just my own experience.

_____________________________

Telling me to take Midol wont help your butthurt.
RIP, my demon-child 5-16-11
Duchess of Dissent 1
Dont judge me because I sin differently than you.
If you want it sugar coated, dont ask me what i think! It would violate TOS.

(in reply to Greta75)
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RE: BDSM sex versus Vanilla Sex - 6/3/2013 9:18:26 PM   
Greta75


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quote:

ORIGINAL: tazzygirl

lol.. how so? I recall one of the best sex events I ever had was with a man who we did nothing more than masturbate each other. No kink involved. And it was glorious! Why? Because my heart was fully engaged.

I guess I don't associate love with great sex.
I've been married to a man whom I was deeply inlove with it, but at the back of my mind, I know I have made up my mind to sacrifice sex. And my time with him, was filled with alot of self-pleasure, masturbation, instead of straying.

< Message edited by Greta75 -- 6/3/2013 9:19:10 PM >

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RE: BDSM sex versus Vanilla Sex - 6/3/2013 9:21:15 PM   
tazzygirl


Posts: 37833
Joined: 10/12/2007
Status: offline 		I never stray. If I am not satisfied, I look internally until I find out why. I can say that if my heart is not engaged, the sex, while pleasant, will be lacking. I can teach a man how to turn me on, how to make me scream, what makes me cum. I may even discover new things about myself that he can teach me. I cant teach my heart to love.

_____________________________

Telling me to take Midol wont help your butthurt.
RIP, my demon-child 5-16-11
Duchess of Dissent 1
Dont judge me because I sin differently than you.
If you want it sugar coated, dont ask me what i think! It would violate TOS.

(in reply to Greta75)
Profile   Post #: 83
RE: BDSM sex versus Vanilla Sex - 6/3/2013 9:42:31 PM   
Greta75


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quote:

ORIGINAL: tazzygirl
I can teach a man how to turn me on, how to make me scream, what makes me cum.

You can't teach a man who does not want to learn. My x-husband tried a few scenes with me and decided it's not his thing, he doesn't want to do it again, ever. Same reasoning, does not like "hurting" me. Even though it didn't hurt. He was also against using vibrators, and really can't stand me having my toys.

But that's just his sexuality scope, a small part. On all other grounds, his the most loving, supportive, caring husband ever, we never fight, his never raised his voice at me, always treated me perfectly. And of course we have alot of other common interests outside of bed that we never run out of things to do with each other because we enjoy so many same things, music, hobbies, travelling, etc

< Message edited by Greta75 -- 6/3/2013 9:43:46 PM >

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RE: BDSM sex versus Vanilla Sex - 6/3/2013 9:49:43 PM   
tazzygirl


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Joined: 10/12/2007
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quote:

But that's just his sexuality scope, a small part. On all other grounds, his the most loving, supportive, caring husband ever, we never fight, his never raised his voice at me, always treated me perfectly. And of course we have alot of other common interests outside of bed that we never run out of things to do with each other because we enjoy so many same things, music, hobbies, travelling, etc


I have friends I am that close with. I wouldnt go to bed with any of them.

_____________________________

Telling me to take Midol wont help your butthurt.
RIP, my demon-child 5-16-11
Duchess of Dissent 1
Dont judge me because I sin differently than you.
If you want it sugar coated, dont ask me what i think! It would violate TOS.

(in reply to Greta75)
Profile   Post #: 85
RE: BDSM sex versus Vanilla Sex - 6/3/2013 9:59:04 PM   
Greta75


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quote:

ORIGINAL: tazzygirl
I have friends I am that close with. I wouldnt go to bed with any of them.

I guess when I choose a life partner, I am seeing myself wrinkly and yucky at 80 or 90, and yes, he would also have to be an excellent friend to be with, when I'm too old for sex.

(in reply to tazzygirl)
Profile   Post #: 86
RE: BDSM sex versus Vanilla Sex - 6/3/2013 10:00:07 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Greta75

quote:

ORIGINAL: tazzygirl

lol.. how so? I recall one of the best sex events I ever had was with a man who we did nothing more than masturbate each other. No kink involved. And it was glorious! Why? Because my heart was fully engaged.

I guess I don't associate love with great sex.
I've been married to a man whom I was deeply inlove with it, but at the back of my mind, I know I have made up my mind to sacrifice sex. And my time with him, was filled with alot of self-pleasure, masturbation, instead of straying.



Eureka! You have just struck oil. That right there explains everything.


_____________________________

Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

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RE: BDSM sex versus Vanilla Sex - 6/4/2013 10:09:12 PM   
Charles6682


Posts: 1820
Joined: 10/1/2007
From: Saint Pete,FL
Status: offline 		Maybe it's not a bad idea for me to take a break from fetish. I do know I am finished with fetish videos. I'm tired of everything that goes with doing videos. I've done my fairshare. It is certainly time for me to move on from that "industry".

(in reply to littlewonder)
Profile   Post #: 88
RE: BDSM sex versus Vanilla Sex - 6/4/2013 10:33:25 PM   
Greta75


Posts: 9968
Joined: 2/6/2011
Status: offline 		Well, and I'm gonna keep prowling vanilla men instead, because, my x-dom told me, with my non-submissive attitude, I could really hurt alot of dom's ego and they may get nasty and want to "teach" me a lesson. He genuinely feel that I would end up in some pretty fucked up situations and get seriously hurt if I continued looking in the bdsm world.

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Profile   Post #: 89
RE: BDSM sex versus Vanilla Sex - 6/5/2013 1:34:50 AM   
Charles6682


Posts: 1820
Joined: 10/1/2007
From: Saint Pete,FL
Status: offline 		I think I will be looking for vanilla people too. I hate to say it but not everyone who claims they are into "fetish", are doing it for the "right" reason. Clearly, not everyone believe's in the "Safe, Sane and Consensual" concept. If I can find a kinky girlfriend who I can share my submission with. that's great. But I want to actually know for sure just who it is I am really dealing with, before I decide to move farther in that direction.

< Message edited by Charles6682 -- 6/5/2013 1:43:02 AM >

(in reply to Greta75)
Profile   Post #: 90
RE: BDSM sex versus Vanilla Sex - 6/5/2013 1:46:56 AM   
Charles6682


Posts: 1820
Joined: 10/1/2007
From: Saint Pete,FL
Status: offline 		From what I've seen, the people here on Collarchat are probably the most sane members of the "fetish" world. The people who actually stay here in Collarchat and have been here for awhile, that is. I do enjoy coming on Collarchat because I have learned a lot through these boards, listening to people share their experience and wisdom with the rest of us.

(in reply to Charles6682)
Profile   Post #: 91
RE: BDSM sex versus Vanilla Sex - 6/5/2013 2:31:01 AM   
Greta75


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quote:

ORIGINAL: Charles6682

From what I've seen, the people here on Collarchat are probably the most sane members of the "fetish" world. The people who actually stay here in Collarchat and have been here for awhile, that is. I do enjoy coming on Collarchat because I have learned a lot through these boards, listening to people share their experience and wisdom with the rest of us.

Hi Charles, I assume you are living in the West. Why not check out fetish clubs?

(in reply to Charles6682)
Profile   Post #: 92
RE: BDSM sex versus Vanilla Sex - 6/5/2013 2:49:25 AM   
Charles6682


Posts: 1820
Joined: 10/1/2007
From: Saint Pete,FL
Status: offline 		I actually live in Florida. I've been talking with the local people who run the local Fetish club here and that's actually what I will be doing. The fetish video's,I am through with.

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Profile   Post #: 93
RE: BDSM sex versus Vanilla Sex - 6/5/2013 2:53:46 AM   
Greta75


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Joined: 2/6/2011
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Charles6682

I actually live in Florida. I've been talking with the local people who run the local Fetish club here and that's actually what I will be doing. The fetish video's,I am through with.

Well, hopefully you will meet some nice ones in there.
I reckon for a man, the vanilla path to find a woman who is dominant is hard too.
Maybe try CL too.


(in reply to Charles6682)
Profile   Post #: 94
R E: BDSM sex versus Vanilla Sex - 6/5/2013 7:22:40 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		Charles, how did you approach this woman you used to know? Did you ask her out on a date and talk about your lives, see if you can resume a friendship or did you go straight to the kink you wanted her to do for you? Because she isn't a mind reader. There's no way for her to know you want a girlfriend who naturally takes the lead in the relationship and who enjoys being pampered unless you spell it out.

Greta, he was willing to restrain you and give you a little pain even though it was new and uncomfortable for him. Yet you expect him to be okay doing heavier play immediately. This will never happen. He wasn't born with a flogger in his hand. He's grown up being taught not to hit girls. Expect this to be really tough for him to overcome, expect it to take months before he's more comfortable. If you really think there's a future with him, you need to thank him for going out of his comfort zone and assure him that not only did it not feel bad, it felt amazing. And next time could he tie your hands to the bed with a scarf and not only pinch your nipples but bite them. And continue thanking him for doing this for you, and that being willing to extend himself for you is what tells you what a great guy he is.

While asking for just a little more at a time and being grateful that he'll do any of it instead of demanding he's just like your ex only also a nice guy. The ex did all the stuff y0u wanted but didn't respect you at all for it. Now you have a guy who already is willing to try new things while still genuinely liking you yet you're upset because he isn't the uber domly top you imagine. Try submitting to him, let him set the pace of what he can do each time.

< Message edited by DesFIP -- 6/5/2013 7:26:10 AM >

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RE: BDSM sex versus Vanilla Sex - 6/5/2013 9:37:12 AM   
graceadieu


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Joined: 3/20/2008
From: Maryland
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Greta75


quote:

ORIGINAL: tazzygirl
I have friends I am that close with. I wouldnt go to bed with any of them.

I guess when I choose a life partner, I am seeing myself wrinkly and yucky at 80 or 90, and yes, he would also have to be an excellent friend to be with, when I'm too old for sex.


You're never too old for sex! Even wrinkly 80-year olds get it on. There's so much sleeping around in nursing homes between old widowed people, you wouldn't believe it.

(in reply to Greta75)
Profile   Post #: 96
RE: BDSM sex versus Vanilla Sex - 6/5/2013 9:49:44 AM   
graceadieu


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From: Maryland
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Greta75

For me, vanilla sex is being treated like your precious jewel in the traditional sense.

In bdsm, it may appear that you are not treated like precious jewel in traditional sense, although as one puts it, this man will still die for you.



I don't think I've ever had sex - vanilla or otherwise, with a man or a woman - where I was treated like a "precious jewel". What does that even mean? It sounds like something off the back of a romance novel.

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Profile   Post #: 97
RE: BDSM sex versus Vanilla Sex - 6/5/2013 10:14:35 AM   
Greta75


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quote:

ORIGINAL: graceadieu
You're never too old for sex! Even wrinkly 80-year olds get it on. There's so much sleeping around in nursing homes between old widowed people, you wouldn't believe it.

No way!!!

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Profile   Post #: 98
RE: BDSM sex versus Vanilla Sex - 6/5/2013 10:18:26 AM   
Greta75


Posts: 9968
Joined: 2/6/2011
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quote:

ORIGINAL: graceadieu
I don't think I've ever had sex - vanilla or otherwise, with a man or a woman - where I was treated like a "precious jewel". What does that even mean? It sounds like something off the back of a romance novel.

Very pampered and treated like your fragile, praise you to high heaven, could really make your head swell. Any way, sweet vanilla guys are plentiful here, they like sticky sweet sex. They like the "romance novel" sticky sweet romantic stuffs. It's nice occasionally but a lifetime of it..., I don't know, I was in a vanilla marriage, I got real bored and dissatisfied, sexually that is. But fulfilled on all other grounds outside bed. Vibrators and bdsm fantasies filled my sex life more than my x-husband then.

< Message edited by Greta75 -- 6/5/2013 10:25:34 AM >

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RE: BDSM sex versus Vanilla Sex - 6/5/2013 10:21:47 AM   
Greta75


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Joined: 2/6/2011
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quote:

The ex did all the stuff y0u wanted but didn't respect you at all for it.

Why do you say he didn't respect me for it?

This vanilla guy refused to use ropes, refused blindfolds, so he used his hands to restrain me instead, refused spanking any harder than literally just super light taps, the pressure is like a finger tapping, I don't even consider it a spank, and...., the tit pulling thing, I didn't tell him I felt pain, he probably did it too hard not on purpose, but because I like pain, I just shut up and enjoy it, telling him I'm getting orgasms from it, so he won't stop. So I don't think he was accommodating me at all. He had his way of doing things and he simply stood by his way. I don't think his bendable in the long term, as he doesn't have it in him to enjoy it. So I don't think I will explore this relationship further. I think men will feel it if you stop being excited by him, I think my x-husband sort of feel it, and I can't help myself, he won't do what I need, and I never deny him sex, but ya know, I think he can sense my excitement isn't fully there. Same thing will just happen with this guy in the long term.

< Message edited by Greta75 -- 6/5/2013 10:27:45 AM >

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