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RE: BDSM sex versus Vanilla Sex - 6/2/2013 9:48:10 AM

sexyred1

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quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

People think in WAY to shallow of a way.

It isn't vanilla vs. kink!

Shitty kink or boring vanilla is just that.

Being called a worthless slut by a guy who sees you as a wothless slut is going to feel very different than a man forcing his hand in your cunt to gather up his cum dripping from your hole and telling what a fucking cum whire you are that you know in your very core would give his life to save you are TWO VASTLY different experiences.

Missionary sex can be amazing if the woman looking back at you is one who would do and has done anything to please you verses fucking some chick whos too lazy to fuck any other way.

Yes, that pretty much defines the difference!

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RE: BDSM sex versus Vanilla Sex - 6/2/2013 9:56:36 AM

theshytype

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quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

People think in WAY to shallow of a way.

It isn't vanilla vs. kink!

Shitty kink or boring vanilla is just that.

Being called a worthless slut by a guy who sees you as a wothless slut is going to feel very different than a man forcing his hand in your cunt to gather up his cum dripping from your hole and telling what a fucking cum whire you are that you know in your very core would give his life to save you are TWO VASTLY different experiences.

Missionary sex can be amazing if the woman looking back at you is one who would do and has done anything to please you verses fucking some chick whos too lazy to fuck any other way.

I didn't quite know how to put my thoughts into words on this one, but no need - you've pretty much done it for me!

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RE: BDSM sex versus Vanilla Sex - 6/2/2013 10:32:05 AM

SimplyMichael

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Thanks guys, kinda actually needed to hear that today!

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RE: BDSM sex versus Vanilla Sex - 6/2/2013 10:39:04 AM

JeffBC

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quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael
Shitty kink or boring vanilla is just that.

Heh. As the not-particularly-kinky guy I've always suspected that. It matches well with some sociological studies I know.

quote:

Missionary sex can be amazing if the woman looking back at you is one who would do and has done anything to please you verses fucking some chick whos too lazy to fuck any other way.

I think the real driver here is "to please you". The "do anything" part is icing on the cake but not really required for the recipe to work. I think getting a sexual partner who cares about me and my needs enough to do something about it is problem #1, 2, and 3 on the list.

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RE: BDSM sex versus Vanilla Sex - 6/2/2013 4:54:28 PM

kallisto

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quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

Shitty kink or boring vanilla is just that.

Being called a worthless slut by a guy who sees you as a wothless slut is going to feel very different than a man forcing his hand in your cunt to gather up his cum dripping from your hole and telling what a fucking cum whore you are that you know in your very core would give his life to save you are TWO VASTLY different experiences.

Yes, agree 100% .... Very well put!!! Thanks!!!!

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RE: BDSM sex versus Vanilla Sex - 6/2/2013 9:45:52 PM

Greta75

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quote:

Shitty kink or boring vanilla is just that.

Except this "vanilla" experience wasn't boring. It included toys, various positions, and locations beyond the bed, being held down. But it was just vanilla because the guy's mindset was vanilla and doing things in a very vanilla way. So I was just thinking this guy was doing everything right, but although I enjoy the experience, but it was not as mind blowing as a full on play dripping with bdsm.

I don't think there is shitty kinks, only kinks that don't align.

< Message edited by Greta75 -- 6/2/2013 9:47:59 PM >

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RE: BDSM sex versus Vanilla Sex - 6/3/2013 3:47:59 AM

lmpishlilhellcat

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Greta75

Seriously..., I had the most awesome sexual marathon over the weekend with a vanilla man, it was non-stop vanilla sex for 3 days, only taking breaks when we fall asleep or need to eat. We couldn't get enough of each other, and by the end of it, I was in tears and overwhelmed with all the emotions I felt, because he treated me so preciously. Instead of being called "slut", "whore", I was praised to high heaven about how perfect every part of my body was, and how beautiful and precious I was.
And it was an emotional and moving experience, I felt we somehow spiritually connected as well.

But.... despite how wonderful it was...., and I admit I had to imagine he was raping me and using me as slut to get even more off on the whole experience. His totally vanilla, he refuse to use any derogatory words, cause any pain, even though I told him he should and could and I enjoy it. He said he doesn't believe in treating women that way.

I know this board always have experience timers saying vanilla sex and bdsm sex is exactly the same thing. One isn't necessarily deeper. But I don't understand how could it not be?

Despite how wonderful this was, it still is not near the earth shattering moments, soul wrecking moments of a full D/S scene, where I was degraded, treated like slut.

And the vulnerability involved in a D/S scene just adds so much depth to the whole experience and sensations, it's like soul deep.

I do feel a D/S experience is just so much more intimate, so much more baring of souls and giving everything, it just feels alot more intimate than a vanilla session.

For me it doesn't really matter if it's vanilla or BDSM sex. It's all about the connection we have and not the sex. I'm married to a vanilla man. Yeah, sometimes I miss a good beating. I'm a masochist like that. But, after rapidly approaching four years together it's hard to imagine myself with someone else. The connection that we have together is so far above and beyond what I've ever had with anyone else. We've started working together like a well oiled machine and really that's all that matters to me. Do I enhance his life? Does he enhance mine? Are we happy? It makes all those times we do take a trip to the kinky side a little bit more fun. :)

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RE: BDSM sex versus Vanilla Sex - 6/3/2013 4:05:39 AM

tazzygirl

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~FR

Im gonna ask all of you what may very well be a stupid question.....

Exactly what is the difference between vanilla sex and BDSM sex? Is it the kink? I have had kinky sex with guys who didnt know the first thing about BDSM. I have had "nilla" sex with guys who knew exactly what they were... dominant.

I honestly just read all three pages and Im still confused on this point.

What makes it vanilla sex... what makes it BDSM sex.. and what makes them different?

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RE: BDSM sex versus Vanilla Sex - 6/3/2013 4:23:19 AM

Greta75

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For me, vanilla sex is being treated like your precious jewel in the traditional sense.

In bdsm, it may appear that you are not treated like precious jewel in traditional sense, although as one puts it, this man will still die for you.

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RE: BDSM sex versus Vanilla Sex - 6/3/2013 4:29:53 AM

tazzygirl

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Hmmm.. so when my extremely vanilla boy friend in high school was fucking me off the side of the bed.. and told me to put my hands on the floor to hold myself up while he whispered sweet words of how much he loved me, how much he cherished me, how much he wanted to marry me....

Was that vanilla or kink?

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RE: BDSM sex versus Vanilla Sex - 6/3/2013 4:31:58 AM

Greta75

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quote:

ORIGINAL: tazzygirl
Hmmm.. so when my extremely vanilla boy friend in high school was fucking me off the side of the bed.. and told me to put my hands on the floor to hold myself up while he whispered sweet words of how much he loved me, how much he cherished me, how much he wanted to marry me....
Was that vanilla or kink?

I would categorise it as vanilla if that happened to me.
This specific guy I mention in OP, held me down, with hands above my head, he said I could struggle all I want but I won't be able to break free, I gave him a good fight, he was strong and I really could not break free, while he tease and tortured me with hitachi and pinch my tits, and while telling me how perfect and beautiful I look.
It felt like vanilla.
And really, the pinching of the tits was from alot of begging from me, cuz I was craving a little pain and assuring him his not hurting me.

< Message edited by Greta75 -- 6/3/2013 4:35:07 AM >

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RE: BDSM sex versus Vanilla Sex - 6/3/2013 4:39:53 AM

tazzygirl

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And for many that would be kinky.

Thats the problem I am trying to point out. What you see as vanilla someone else would claim is kinky.

Hell, sex is sex. Why worry about labeling it?

1 - If it felt good.. go with it.

2 - If it didnt.. either try again or dont.

3 - If you try again, tell him what you need.

4 - If he doesnt give it to you, then go back to option 2.

_____________________________

Telling me to take Midol wont help your butthurt.
RIP, my demon-child 5-16-11
Duchess of Dissent 1
Dont judge me because I sin differently than you.
If you want it sugar coated, dont ask me what i think! It would violate TOS.

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RE: BDSM sex versus Vanilla Sex - 6/3/2013 4:42:55 AM

Greta75

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I think I need to define it in some way, because I am searching for a very specific experience, so by defining it, I can explain exactly what I am seeking.

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RE: BDSM sex versus Vanilla Sex - 6/3/2013 7:14:58 AM

ResidentSadist

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quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael
. . . Missionary sex can be amazing if the woman looking back at you is . . .

a nun.

Just sayin'

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RE: BDSM sex versus Vanilla Sex - 6/3/2013 7:48:11 AM

angelikaJ

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Greta75

For me, vanilla sex is being treated like your precious jewel in the traditional sense.

In bdsm, it may appear that you are not treated like precious jewel in traditional sense, although as one puts it, this man will still die for you.

[My] Master does treat me as a precious jewel.
I am His prized possession; which is a type of objectification.

So, is it for you, that this vanilla guy actually held you in high regard and let you know it, that made it less than for you?

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RE: BDSM sex versus Vanilla Sex - 6/3/2013 7:58:22 AM

sexyred1

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Greta75

I think I need to define it in some way, because I am searching for a very specific experience, so by defining it, I can explain exactly what I am seeking.

I think you are over analyzing this.

Just meet someone you totally click with and it all should follow organically.

Sex is easy, finding a great connection is the hard part.

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RE: BDSM sex versus Vanilla Sex - 6/3/2013 8:04:11 AM

JeffBC

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quote:

ORIGINAL: angelikaJ
So, is it for you, that this vanilla guy actually held you in high regard and let you know it, that made it less than for you?

Sure, why not? I'm curious at your question here because what Greta is describing seems to be about exactly normal for a BDSM bottom. As I understand it she wants the illusion of being used hard and somewhat capriciously sexually but the reality of a carefully orchestrated and agreed upon scene.

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RE: BDSM sex versus Vanilla Sex - 6/3/2013 11:01:55 AM

angelikaJ

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quote:

ORIGINAL: tazzygirl

And for many that would be kinky.

Thats the problem I am trying to point out. What you see as vanilla someone else would claim is kinky.

Hell, sex is sex. Why worry about labeling it?

1 - If it felt good.. go with it.

2 - If it didnt.. either try again or dont.

3 - If you try again, tell him what you need.

4 - If he doesnt give it to you, then go back to option 2.

Head-space can be an ineffable thing.

For me, it isn't so much what He does, that turns it into BDSM.
It is who He is to me, and the specific dynamic of our relationship that makes me all aflutter.

What she described seemed plenty of kinky to me, but I realise that without the headspace, it could be something else to her.

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RE: BDSM sex versus Vanilla Sex - 6/3/2013 11:05:01 AM

OsideGirl

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quote:

ORIGINAL: ResidentSadist

quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael
. . . Missionary sex can be amazing if the woman looking back at you is . . .

a nun.

Just sayin'

I don't wanna know, do I?

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RE: BDSM sex versus Vanilla Sex - 6/3/2013 12:38:34 PM

Spiritedsub2

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quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl

quote:

ORIGINAL: ResidentSadist

quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael
. . . Missionary sex can be amazing if the woman looking back at you is . . .

a nun.

Just sayin'

I don't wanna know, do I?