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RE: But I made a commitment??? - 6/26/2006 8:18:24 AM   
MasterFireMaam


Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline 		Here are my deal breakers as listed in my Manual. Everything except the obedience applies to a vanilla relationship, too.

*****
Deal breakers are things that could make me remove your collar. you will find that I strive to be a compassionate person; I often give second chances. I will do my best, as your Master, to find the underlying reason behind your actions so that we can deal with them. However, if you break my trust and hurt me bad enough, I will work for my own survival.

Abandonment If you abandon me and/or the family while in any token or collar, this is a deal breaker. Abandonment means leaving without notice or discussion. In other words, you disappear. The longer you are gone without deliberate contact, the harder it will be for you to regain my trust should you try. In order for me to be an effective Master, I must trust that you will not abandon me or the relationship.

Malicious Conduct Behaviors or actions done solely to hurt another, especially me, are deal breakers. Being cruel just for the sake of being cruel is unacceptable. There’s a difference between a humorous jab or a practical joke toward a friend and something planned just for the sake of doing harm. Things like stealing and such fall under this category.

Lying A blatant lie, told for cruel intent is a deal breaker. Lying in such a manner that affects me or a member of the family in a negative way, is a deal breaker. Since I know that I lie on occasion, I will try to be compassionate toward you in these instances. However, we all know there is a limit to what is and isn’t acceptable.

Disobedience I expect obedience, pure and simple. If you disobey for any other reason than you truly feel doing what I have ordered will harm you, this is a deal breaker. Being stubborn about doing, or not doing, something will only make me angry and the likelihood that I will remove your collar increases.
*****
Master Fire


_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
-----
Ms Relationship Books
-----
BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to mistoferin)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: But I made a commitment??? - 6/26/2006 8:18:31 AM   
mistoferin


Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: happypervert
There is a behavior you often see in government or corporations called "escalation of commitment". This happens when the managers make a decision to start a project and they continue to plunge ahead with a project even after new information shows it is wrong because they won't admit they were wrong. A related excuse is to say "Look at all the money we've invested -- we can't quit now!", and then waste even more money instead of cutting losses and moving on.


That makes sense. She often says "I have alot invested here".

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to happypervert)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: But I made a commitment??? - 6/26/2006 8:18:35 AM   
TolerableCruelty


Posts: 447
Joined: 2/4/2005
Status: offline 		If she is intelligent enough to know that he is in the wrong for how he acts... then she should be intelligent enough to realize that she is wrong for staying with him, since he won't change his ways.

If she is there "merely for the commitment" that she made with someone that obviously showed her a "false sense" of himself in order to get the girl, and won't leave.... then I think she deserves to be stuck there.

T.R.

_____________________________

Never explain~~Your friends do not need it, and your enemies will not believe you

I'm sorry if I've offended you.... but maybe you needed to be offended

(in reply to mistoferin)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: But I made a commitment??? - 6/26/2006 8:21:16 AM   
mistoferin


Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MrDiscipline44

I think someone needs a glass belly-botton so he might read the OP clearer.


I LOVE it....may I use it???

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to MrDiscipline44)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: But I made a commitment??? - 6/26/2006 8:26:14 AM   
darkinshadows


Posts: 4145
Joined: 6/2/2004
From: UK
Status: offline
She may just have empathy for the other people.  Does not mean she has to leave him because of it.  If he treats her with respect, cares for her, and she is his slave, then what she accepts is being his - no more no less.  If all that occurs is truely against her nature, then she isn't being true to herself.  But if her commitment to him is her nature, then staying, isn't wrong.
 
Others may find him insulting.  He may be a snob to some.  But at the end of the day, the only personsthat matters to her, is him.  What other people think, should be irrelevant.  If it isnt' - then thats something they have to deal with.
 
Her commitment is obviously part of what she is... and that over rides her empathy.  So she is being true to herself.
And that is all she needs to be.
 
Peace and Rapture


_____________________________
.dark.



...i surrender to gravity and the unknown...

(in reply to mistoferin)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: But I made a commitment??? - 6/26/2006 8:37:41 AM   
MrDiscipline44


Posts: 1776
Joined: 1/5/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin

quote:

ORIGINAL: MrDiscipline44

I think someone needs a glass belly-botton so he might read the OP clearer.


I LOVE it....may I use it???
You may indeed, erin.

_____________________________

If you love somebody, you have to be willing to break them.

Those who can, do. Those who can't, teach.

Have you slapped your slave today?

(in reply to mistoferin)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: But I made a commitment??? - 6/26/2006 8:45:28 AM   
wouldlike2


Posts: 89
Joined: 9/25/2005
Status: offline 		just my two cents...

W/we talk about power exchange and a sub/ slave choose to submitt in trust that He/She is taking care of the sub/slave -  including the mental, physical and emotional fact...
why should a sub/slave stay with someOne who give a shit about ? may take advantage or abuse?

relations grow, develop and will change over time. if there is a problem then best is to sit down and talk, communicate open and honest ( most people mention in their profiles)
if there is no solution, no compromise to satisfy both parties/ parties involved - would it be consensual then?

for myself i know it is very hard to leave someOne you have feelings for, emotional attached even when there is abuse. W/we have hope that things will change and become better...
but just hope isn't enuogh.

pet


< Message edited by wouldlike2 -- 6/26/2006 8:49:08 AM >

_____________________________

Love arises from the mind while the body follows and reflect the soul

(in reply to darkinshadows)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: But I made a commitment??? - 6/26/2006 8:46:10 AM   
mistoferin


Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline 		Well I know that at the end of the day she is not happy and doesn't have respect for the man she is laying down with. She is merely going through the motions because as she said "she made a commitment". In the end the responsibility for staying or leaving is on her....and she is quite aware of that. She doesn't bitch and whine about her situation and she acknowledges that she has choices.

But I only used her situation because I think it is a good example. I'm really looking for other's viewpoints on commitment and what negates it for them rather than for people to attempt to solve her issues.

< Message edited by mistoferin -- 6/26/2006 8:54:59 AM >

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to darkinshadows)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: But I made a commitment??? - 6/26/2006 8:48:40 AM   
PlayfulOne


Posts: 1047
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: zenofeller

i must be missing something. collared slave objects to the master's manners to third parties ?

even in a vanilla marriage thingy, you can't divorce someone for being rude unless they're rude to you, or at very least family. but for being rude to the help ?!

i don't see that it's the place of the submissive to question the master's interaction with third parties. and i'm not sure what the op means by "accepted a collar", but if it does mean the 24/7 slavery, well then, punishment is probably in order.

and what's the problem with the slave's fear every time the dom opens his mouth ? wasn't that sorta the point ?

do you have some personal interest in all this mist ? like maybe figuring you'd rather have the slave for yourself ? is this part of some sort of fucking around with other people's slaves ? because otherwise it really doesn't make any sense.


shakes head,  bites tounge

Mr D already answered with class

K

< Message edited by PlayfulOne -- 6/26/2006 8:49:26 AM >

(in reply to zenofeller)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: But I made a commitment??? - 6/26/2006 8:49:26 AM   
mistoferin


Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MrDiscipline44
You may indeed, erin.


Thank you....there are a couple of people I know to who it applies...lol.

< Message edited by mistoferin -- 6/26/2006 8:51:09 AM >

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to MrDiscipline44)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: But I made a commitment??? - 6/26/2006 8:58:06 AM   
Owner59


Posts: 17033
Joined: 3/14/2006
From: Dirty Jersey
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: zenofeller

i must be missing something. collared slave objects to the master's manners to third parties ?

even in a vanilla marriage thingy, you can't divorce someone for being rude unless they're rude to you, or at very least family. but for being rude to the help ?!

i don't see that it's the place of the submissive to question the master's interaction with third parties. and i'm not sure what the op means by "accepted a collar", but if it does mean the 24/7 slavery, well then, punishment is probably in order.

and what's the problem with the slave's fear every time the dom opens his mouth ? wasn't that sorta the point ?

do you have some personal interest in all this mist ? like maybe figuring you'd rather have the slave for yourself ? is this part of some sort of fucking around with other people's slaves ? because otherwise it really doesn't make any sense.

(in reply to zenofeller)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: But I made a commitment??? - 6/26/2006 9:02:53 AM   
NINASHARP


Posts: 295
Joined: 4/23/2006
From: NJ/NYC
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Owner59

quote:

ORIGINAL: zenofeller

i must be missing something. collared slave objects to the master's manners to third parties ?

even in a vanilla marriage thingy, you can't divorce someone for being rude unless they're rude to you, or at very least family. but for being rude to the help ?!

i don't see that it's the place of the submissive to question the master's interaction with third parties. and i'm not sure what the op means by "accepted a collar", but if it does mean the 24/7 slavery, well then, punishment is probably in order.

and what's the problem with the slave's fear every time the dom opens his mouth ? wasn't that sorta the point ?

do you have some personal interest in all this mist ? like maybe figuring you'd rather have the slave for yourself ? is this part of some sort of fucking around with other people's slaves ? because otherwise it really doesn't make any sense.



Well thats a rude assumption. I think she is trying to help out her unhappy friend deal with her commitment in her relationship.

Nina

(in reply to Owner59)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: But I made a commitment??? - 6/26/2006 9:08:34 AM   
KnightofMists


Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline 		For some a Vow or Commitment is an integral part of their character.  Once given it's not an easy process to release oneself from the given commitment.  It is not only that we give this commitment based on our preceptions of the person, but it is also the acceptance of what comes in the future that we don't see.  "for better or worse" is a common phrase that many are likely of heard and truly can relate to.  We all desire to experience the better of our commitment.  However, it is the worse that must be endured at times that shows the strength of our commitment.  I myself find that the line is drawn to one's well-being.  This is not to say that well-being means happiness.  I don't believe that I will live every moment of my life in state of joy and happiness.  There is going to be and has been times that I am not happy.  But, instead of looking outside of the relationship to find happiness, I look within it!  One's Well-Being is about emotional, mental and physical stability and functionality.   If I am able to function effectively, I can maintain my commitment.  I find that "Hope" is an important trigger for me. "Hope" guides me through the storms.  I hold on to it!  I treasure it.  It has never let me down!

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to mistoferin)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: But I made a commitment??? - 6/26/2006 9:09:34 AM   
Mercnbeth


Posts: 11766
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin
...I'm really looking for other's viewpoints on commitment and what negates it for them rather than for people to attempt to solve her issues...


ok, for this slave, it would have to be dying and there NOT being an afterlife.  that would negate the commitments that she personally has made.  following are thoughts on a more realistic level, using a husband/wife commitment example.
 
it was obvious to anyone who knew them or saw them together.  this slave's parents both celebrated their commitment to each other every day for over 38 years and then one of them died.  the one left behind STILL celebrates the commitment they made every day and looks forward to a time when they will be reunited after her death...she still wears her wedding ring, isn't interested in kindling any love interests with any other men, as there is a commitment that goes beyond the grave for her.  not even the death of her partner could negate the commitment she made, he is her soulmate, her One True Love, her beloved husband.
 
her first husband was a verbally and emotionally abusive, mean spirited man whom she grew to despise after a whirlwind courtship and first few years of marriage that showcased what a wonderful actor he was on the public stage and how well he could hide his true nature from her.  in private, he was a totally different person and as the years went by, she grew to hate him...but herself even more for having been duped.  instead of acting on her suicidal impulse, she left.

(in reply to mistoferin)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: But I made a commitment??? - 6/26/2006 9:13:09 AM   
Lashra


Posts: 4900
Joined: 2/9/2006
Status: offline 		Alot of people wear masks when in the beginning of romance and then pull it off later to reveal the ugly truth which lies beneath it. She needs to put a foot up his ass and try to straighten him out or leave.
Life is too short to be miserable.

~Lashra

_____________________________

“We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. It's one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it's another to think that yours is the only path.”






(in reply to Mercnbeth)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: But I made a commitment??? - 6/26/2006 9:14:00 AM   
HarryVanWinkle


Posts: 1720
Joined: 5/8/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: zenofeller

i must be missing something. collared slave objects to the master's manners to third parties ?

even in a vanilla marriage thingy, you can't divorce someone for being rude unless they're rude to you, or at very least family. but for being rude to the help ?!

I don't know about Costa Rica, but in the U.S. one needs no more reason to get a divorce than "irreconcilable differences."  I'd say not being able to stand his manners, or lack of them, qualifies.

quote:


i don't see that it's the place of the submissive to question the master's interaction with third parties. and i'm not sure what the op means by "accepted a collar", but if it does mean the 24/7 slavery, well then, punishment is probably in order.


I've said many times before, and will no doubt say many times again, that for any intimate relationship to work it must it must fill the needs of both (all) of the people involved.  It doesn't matter if one of the people is called a spouse, bottom, submissive or slave, if one is unhappy in the relationship, one should move on.

quote:


and what's the problem with the slave's fear every time the dom opens his mouth? wasn't that sorta the point?


As a male Dominant for whom I have a lot of respect, WhipMaster Bob Clark says, "Calling onself a Dominant is not an excuse to be a total prick."  If one is rude, crude and completely oblivious to the rights and feelings of others, simply because one calls oneself a Dominant does not mean that anybody, including a "collared submissive" should have to put up with one.

quote:


do you have some personal interest in all this mist ? like maybe figuring you'd rather have the slave for yourself ? is this part of some sort of fucking around with other people's slaves ? because otherwise it really doesn't make any sense.


I believe it's called, "Caring and being concerned about a friend."  This is something that human beings do.  Being a submissive, as the OP is, doesn't negate her right to do this, nor does the "slavehood" status of her friend. 

(in reply to zenofeller)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: But I made a commitment??? - 6/26/2006 9:14:32 AM   
Owner59


Posts: 17033
Joined: 3/14/2006
From: Dirty Jersey
Status: offline 		 If you fall for someone ,and you find out later that he`s a hateful bigot,there`s not shame or guilt in leaving him.There are plenty of hateful ,bigoted submissives, to be w/ him.

Some people don`t get it.There are some ,who pull bullshit rules out on an imaginary rule book.There`s nothing that says collared submissive gives up morals,ethics,or their good nature.Some people,are just in there own head,repeating a monologue, like they`re the only one in the room.And to be surprised, that there would even be an issue.Some people regard arrogance as a virtue,just look at the White house.

(in reply to Owner59)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: But I made a commitment??? - 6/26/2006 9:15:00 AM   
LadyHugs


Posts: 2299
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		Dear mistoferin, Ladies and Gentlemen;
 
In the old days, there was a contract statement that, slaves had a duty to save themselves from harm, even if it was from their own Master.
 
This is exactly why such a clause was put into the contract and there was one that the Master had a duty to save themselves from harm from their slaves.  It is a people problem.  We also see such change of attitude, behavior and such on Dr. Phil's many shows.
 
Once the honeymoon is over, the chase is over -- people change.
 
Commitment to an idea, philosophy that is not positive is not wise.  Certainly try to correct things however, when all the efforts have been exhausted, it is time to divorce the situation and be at peace that all remedies were exhausted. 
 
Perhaps the lass is more frightened that she will be considered a failure if she left.  Most times the innocent who suffer, volunteer to be a victim due to assumptions of what others feel or think.  We all must remember we are humans first and our roles are what we choose.  We also cannot control another person but, we can control ourselves.
 
Respectfully submitted for consideration,
Lady Hugs

(in reply to mistoferin)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: But I made a commitment??? - 6/26/2006 9:15:53 AM   
mistoferin


Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: zenofeller
do you have some personal interest in all this mist ? like maybe figuring you'd rather have the slave for yourself ? is this part of some sort of fucking around with other people's slaves ? because otherwise it really doesn't make any sense.


I wasn't going to answer this post at all but seeing as so many people are quoting it I will to this extent. My beliefs are in direct opposition to the apparent expression of yours in every point you touched upon.

As to the part of your post that I quoted....I have no personal interest in this, I used it because it was a good example to base my question upon. I have no need or desire for a slave.

I'm sorry that it doesn't make sense to you but if it makes you feel any better....nothing you have said on these boards so far makes any sense to me either.

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to zenofeller)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: But I made a commitment??? - 6/26/2006 9:32:24 AM   
LadyHugs


Posts: 2299
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		Dear mistoferin, Ladies and Gentlemen;

What is difficult in the leather, BDSM, D/s, M/s and or S&M community, et.al., is that there is not enough 'safe houses' to move a lot of the people who find themselves in a relationship that may be deemed abusive.  For the vanilla world, there are such places but, our "community" is spread out but, small.  Unfortunate for all, we're subjected to assumptions, one sided stories, prone to popularity and or name recognitions and or who we're associated with.  Our 'community" et.al. is very judgmental and harsh. 

I personally do not see the worth in investing into a purse with a big hole in it, e.g. this particular exampled dominant.  You should be able to look at the purse and see the wealth within that has been acquired. 

Respectfully submitted for consideration,
Lady Hugs


(in reply to mistoferin)
Profile   Post #: 40
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