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RE: But I made a commitment??? - 6/26/2006 9:38:27 AM

mistoferin

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LadyHugs,
Respectfully. I do agree that there needs to be more options available within the community....however I wish to point out that there is no safe house or shelter that would turn someone away because they are submissive or slave. While it would not be the best avenue to follow in terms of finding understanding, and one may not even feel comfortable in disclosing those aspects....it is still a viable option for anyone who is in danger and needs to utilize those resources to remove themselves from it.

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~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to LadyHugs)

Post #: 41

RE: But I made a commitment??? - 6/26/2006 9:39:48 AM

missturbation

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Apologies mistoferin - i read into it wrong.

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Post #: 42

RE: But I made a commitment??? - 6/26/2006 9:40:15 AM

KnightofMists

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHugs

Commitment to an idea, philosophy that is not positive is not wise. Certainly try to correct things however, when all the efforts have been exhausted, it is time to divorce the situation and be at peace that all remedies were exhausted.

But, who determines what is positive and what is not? Who determines that all efforts have been exhausted? In effect as erin is asking.... where is one's personal line of making a commitment and breaking a commitment.?

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An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

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Post #: 43

RE: But I made a commitment??? - 6/26/2006 9:40:42 AM

scratchingpost

Posts: 231
Joined: 11/16/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyDomN8

I went through something like this myself. And I had a hard time leaving the situation. What it finally came down to in my head is the person i wished to serve was no longer there. I doubted he ever really was. It is easy to be commeted to the person we THINK someone can be. Unfortunately realtity is sometimes different. If the person you made the commitment to is not the person you are dealing with, then the commitment is non existent.

agreed...I learned that the person who I thought was supposed to be there to guide Me really wasnt there....When that promise was broken to Me, I felt I fulfilled My end and it was acceptable to let go and move forward.

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Post #: 44

RE: But I made a commitment??? - 6/26/2006 9:41:38 AM

mistoferin

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Thank you missturbation....but completely unnecessary. You brought up valid reasons why some tolerate what they never should.

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Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to missturbation)

Post #: 45

RE: But I made a commitment??? - 6/26/2006 9:43:09 AM

Caretakr

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Toxic is as toxic does. When one finally realizes that something you have with a another person is making your life hell-you disconnect.

As to why people tolerate it? I have no good answer for that. I simply cannot grasp it, from my pov.

(in reply to mistoferin)

Post #: 46

RE: But I made a commitment??? - 6/26/2006 9:49:25 AM

zenofeller

Posts: 463
Joined: 6/10/2006
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harry :

while not a US family law expert, i suspect a divorce for irreconciliable differences must be aquiesced by the other party. if that other party opposes, the petitioner will have to show the court something, and that something will have to be more than "he's rude to the help". i think.

we agree that a relationship must fill the needs of all the parties to it. now, since the woman is staying, i will be so bold as to presume her needs are met. if someone outside the relationship intimates to know better, the burden of proof is on that third party, at least in my eyes, to prove he is not ill intended. i belive people are the only ones to judge what's best for them, and i further belive that actions speak above words. therefore, for me to belive a third party's speech over and above the actions of the woman involved would take some more. something that the mist person does not so far provide.

now, someone has a right to be a total prick irrespective of whether they are a dominant or anything else. and their wife, bottom, slave or whatever has the right to make her own mind about it and act accordingly. but i still don't see how a slave is entitled to censure the behaviour of the master to third parties.

and caring about a friend is fine, but busy bodying is not.

mist, i can appreciate the sentiment. maybe in time we can eventually make more sense to each other.

(in reply to LadyHugs)

Post #: 47

RE: But I made a commitment??? - 6/26/2006 9:50:31 AM

mistoferin

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quote:

ORIGINAL: KnightofMists

For some a Vow or Commitment is an integral part of their character.

I find that "Hope" is an important trigger for me. "Hope" guides me through the storms. I hold on to it! I treasure it. It has never let me down!

Do you think that some get so focused on the commitment that they become blind to what they have committed to?

As for hope....as this was brought up more than once on this thread...is it hope that the situation will get better? That if you can endure the storms there will be a rainbow at the end as a reward?

< Message edited by mistoferin -- 6/26/2006 9:54:13 AM >

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to KnightofMists)

Post #: 48

RE: But I made a commitment??? - 6/26/2006 9:56:03 AM

Misstoyou

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quote:

ORIGINAL: zenofeller

harry :

while not a US family law expert, i suspect a divorce for irreconciliable differences must be aquiesced by the other party. if that other party opposes, the petitioner will have to show the court something, and that something will have to be more than "he's rude to the help". i think.

As one who practiced family law, I can definitively say, "Not in California." It only takes one to cite "irreconcilable differences", they never have to be defined, and the court definitely is not interested in hearing any evidence about it.

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Post #: 49

RE: But I made a commitment??? - 6/26/2006 9:58:02 AM

Sweetdarkluv

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Joined: 6/6/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin

I have a friend who accepted a collar from the "Dominant of her dreams" only to find out that he is seriously lacking as a human being. In their courtship he was "all she had ever hoped for". Granted, he was on his best behavior and showed only the "gentlemanly" side of himself. They have been together for a couple of years now and his "true colors" are in full show. At this point she is utterly embarassed to go anywhere in public with him. He is a snob who treats everyone as though they are but shit on his shoes. He is a racist and constantly makes racist remarks. He treats service people rudely. Every time he opens his mouth you can see the fear in her eyes as to what he is going to say. He doesn't care one whit what anyone thinks of his obnoxious arrogance.

I have asked her why it is that she stays with him. Her answer...."because I made a commitment".

I have seen many times, both in real life and on here, where a submissive is clearly unhappy with "who" their Dominant is...and yet they stay because "they made a commitment". I have seen countless women stay in situations that are abusive...."because they made a commitment".

My question is just exactly at what point would your "commitment" be negated for you?

I believe that she committed to a man she loved and respected at the time. That's how he repressented himself and won her over. Once she was committed to him he showed his true self. A rude thoughtless cretin.

There are two very different brown substances known to man. One is sweet and wonderful and taste great and people love to eat it. The other is shit. She has found that her truffle is actually a turd. She would be foolish to continue to eat it knowing that it isn't chocolate.

(in reply to mistoferin)

Post #: 50

RE: But I made a commitment??? - 6/26/2006 9:58:35 AM

LuckyAlbatross

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Joined: 10/25/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin
As for hope....as this was brought up more than once on this thread...is it hope that the situation will get better? That if you can endure the storms there will be a rainbow at the end as a reward?

Sadly for too many it is. They have been taught and firmly believe that "If I'm just a good girl, then things will be fine and I'll be taken care of."

Unfortunately that's not really how relationships work, and it's certainly not going to work if the other person isn't a good fit.

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Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

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(in reply to mistoferin)

Post #: 51

RE: But I made a commitment??? - 6/26/2006 10:02:27 AM

zenofeller

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Joined: 6/10/2006
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truffle is actually a sort of fungus, they aren't chocolate. i guess you can say it's brown, especially if not washed, but still.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 52

RE: But I made a commitment??? - 6/26/2006 10:06:53 AM

mistoferin

Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: zenofeller
now, someone has a right to be a total prick irrespective of whether they are a dominant or anything else. and their wife, bottom, slave or whatever has the right to make her own mind about it and act accordingly. but i still don't see how a slave is entitled to censure the behaviour of the master to third parties.

and caring about a friend is fine, but busy bodying is not.

mist, i can appreciate the sentiment. maybe in time we can eventually make more sense to each other.

First, I have not said anywhere that she is a slave. Actually, she is submissive....not that I think that fact has any relevance whatsoever. I also don't remember saying anything about her attempting to censor him.

She and I have had conversations about her situation. They were initiated by her and she asked for my opinions....which I gave her because I won't coddle a friend or tell them what I think they want to hear anymore than I would do it here. That is not being a busybody. She is a big girl and doesn't need me to fix anything for her. She knows that my friendship is not conditional uponwhether or not she decides to live her life in the manner that is right for me. She has to live it in whatever manner she chooses....and deal with the fallout of her choices....just as I have to do in mine.

Again I will reiterate....her situation was used as an example to lead up to my question.

As for you and I understanding each other better.....stranger things have happened and I'm not one to casually say "never".

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to zenofeller)

Post #: 53

RE: But I made a commitment??? - 6/26/2006 10:08:38 AM

carolsea

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Joined: 10/4/2004
From: North Carolina
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Truffle is also a chocolate delight. See, you're not as smart as you think you are.

quote:

ORIGINAL: zenofeller

truffle is actually a sort of fungus, they aren't chocolate. i guess you can say it's brown, especially if not washed, but still.

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I know you believe you understand what you think I said, but I'm not sure you realize that what you heard is not what I meant!

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Post #: 54

RE: But I made a commitment??? - 6/26/2006 10:09:28 AM

LuckyAlbatross

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Joined: 10/25/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: zenofeller
truffle is actually a sort of fungus, they aren't chocolate. i guess you can say it's brown, especially if not washed, but still.

He wasn't talking about the fungus food truffles, he was talking about the chocolate ball truffles. Unless you already knew that and were being facetious.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to zenofeller)

Post #: 55

RE: But I made a commitment??? - 6/26/2006 10:14:20 AM

zenofeller

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you mean chocolate mousse ?

(in reply to carolsea)

Post #: 56

RE: But I made a commitment??? - 6/26/2006 10:19:12 AM

zenofeller

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Joined: 6/10/2006
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now mist, let's answer your question as it emerges, once we've managed to more or less digest your inflaming example.

i don't know when i'd drop a comitment, i have not done so yet. but i am certain it will never be based on interactions with third parties. i guess this may end up exposing me to aiding and abetting laws at an extreme, even if it blessfully hasn't yet. i don't care.

(in reply to zenofeller)

Post #: 57

RE: But I made a commitment??? - 6/26/2006 10:29:56 AM

FelinePersuasion

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Joined: 11/20/2004
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quite simple, when a collar is offered he can not just slap it on and say now you're collared. The person being offered it must accept the offer.

quote:

ORIGINAL: zenofeller

and i'm not sure what the op means by "accepted a collar",

(in reply to zenofeller)

Post #: 58

RE: But I made a commitment??? - 6/26/2006 10:35:25 AM

zenofeller

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Joined: 6/10/2006
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doh. i meant was it a sign of a permanent d/s relationship or is it just some silly thing they do cause they feel like it. is she a slave or just some chick that got a collar.

(in reply to FelinePersuasion)

Post #: 59

RE: But I made a commitment??? - 6/26/2006 10:38:44 AM

Wulfchyld

Posts: 2618
Joined: 12/7/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: zenofeller

truffle is actually a sort of fungus, they aren't chocolate. i guess you can say it's brown, especially if not washed, but still.

Now this is sounding a little grey saberish.

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(in reply to zenofeller)

Post #: 60

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