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RE: But I made a commitment??? - 6/26/2006 7:47:56 PM   
mistoferin


Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: feastie
But you know what the biggest problem is with women that won't leave, I think?  Same thing I struggled with for years...I didn't want to be a failure.  Once I figured out that I was not the one who had failed, it made my decision much easier.


Thank you feastie....I think that MANY women struggle with that and that fear of failure keeps them in "locked" into their respective situations.

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Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

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Profile   Post #: 101
RE: But I made a commitment??? - 6/26/2006 8:38:51 PM   
Sweetdarkluv


Posts: 27
Joined: 6/6/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: zenofeller

truffle is actually a sort of fungus, they aren't chocolate. i guess you can say it's brown, especially if not washed, but still.


Wow! I can't believe a hip cat like you has never heard of chocolate truffles. The mushroom truffles are good too. They train pigs to find them or so I'm told. I like the chocolate ones better. That's why I used them in my comparison. If you enjoy confections and like chocolate, I recommend you try them.  

(in reply to zenofeller)
Profile   Post #: 102
RE: But I made a commitment??? - 6/26/2006 8:45:57 PM   
mistoferin


Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: zenofeller
lets try to argue one then mist, as a sample (out of my imagination)


Now zenofeller,  I didn't realize that you were looking for an argument. See, that changes things a bit on my end. I started this thread to get the thoughts and opinions of others in regards to what circumstance would make them consider revoking a commitment. I had no desire to argue...or to engage in mutual intellectual masturbation for that matter. As for your sample...I don't come to the same conclusion as you. I see it as the discussion ended in a draw....which then prompted action. I guess we will have to agree to disagree on that. Hmmmm....does that mean we have a draw???
You say potato....I say....... 

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to zenofeller)
Profile   Post #: 103
RE: But I made a commitment??? - 6/26/2006 8:50:47 PM   
Evanesce


Posts: 2325
Joined: 9/14/2005
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quote:

I have asked her why it is that she stays with him. Her answer...."because I made a commitment".


Does she not understand that the "gentleman" to whom she made this commitment clearly does not exist?  The guy presented a fraudulent image in order to get her, and now he's nowhere near what she agreed to serve.  That, in my mind, negates any "commitment."  She agreed to serve Master Jekyll, and now that he's become Master Hyde, all bets are off!  At least, they should be!

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Denise

Give a slave what he truly needs, and he will do what you want.

"There's never a hero in a battle of ego." - Big & Rich


(in reply to mistoferin)
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RE: But I made a commitment??? - 6/26/2006 8:58:22 PM   
TexasMaam


Posts: 1467
Joined: 6/22/2005
Status: offline 		The deal breaker for Me is unhappiness.

I can be dissatisfied on some levels, I can be unfulfilled in many ways, but if the companionship and warm personal regard are still there I can keep My commitment.

When, however, I grow truly unhappy, heartbroken over how things are, spend more time being miserable than I do being content, when I'm unhappy, truly unhappy, it's time to go.

Your friend can be embarrassed, disappointed, unfulfilled, even sad, and still not be 'unhappy' with her situation.

TexasMaam

< Message edited by TexasMaam -- 6/26/2006 8:59:19 PM >

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RE: But I made a commitment??? - 6/26/2006 9:06:03 PM   
Evanesce


Posts: 2325
Joined: 9/14/2005
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quote:

it saddens me to break the news to all you easy goers out there that if people split the moment they aren't happy... well... uhhh...


You MUST be cross-eyed.  I know I would be if I spent even half as much time as you seem to be spending looking down your nose at people. 

_____________________________

Denise

Give a slave what he truly needs, and he will do what you want.

"There's never a hero in a battle of ego." - Big & Rich


(in reply to zenofeller)
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RE: But I made a commitment??? - 6/26/2006 9:14:28 PM   
FangsNfeet


Posts: 3758
Joined: 12/3/2004
Status: offline 		A commitment to a person can only be as good as the commitment they hold up on there end. By not being himself in the beginning, he failed. One person alone cannot keep the relationship going. It has to be a commitment from both or all sides as it is a team effort. If one decides to no long commit, then the other must leave or suffer hell for the rest of there life.



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(in reply to mistoferin)
Profile   Post #: 107
RE: But I made a commitment??? - 6/26/2006 9:19:37 PM   
Wulfchyld


Posts: 2618
Joined: 12/7/2005
Status: offline 		Erin,
 
 I don't want to derail this and thus far there has been some valuable contributions. In your OP you made a timeline or at least pointed out how long they have been together. TexasMaam made a very reasonable post, which has inspired me to post this. Today we have a very disposable society with marriage be entered into very lightly and divorce an all too easy trump card. So I will trudge on to the point...
 
How much time does one invest in a relationship before they should walk away? I can see that your friend has made quite a large investment in time. However it is clear to me that now she is in a position where she will find herself wasting much of precious life. I think she has given a considerable amount of time to the relationship and it is a forgone conclusion that the relationship is fixed and will not change. Therefore I am asking you (all) how much time is a reasonable investment for a relationship before all commitments are off and you shrug off the collar, ring, what ever your fixation and abandon the doomed expedition?
 
I think 18 months is a very reasonable amount of time considering the first year is a very trying adjustment period.


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Loki, forum god of Mischief

Submission is not a gift... it is plunder!
Where there is a whip, there is a way!
Dom/mes of a feather, beat the f*ck out of slaves together


(in reply to TexasMaam)
Profile   Post #: 108
RE: But I made a commitment??? - 6/26/2006 9:40:02 PM   
mistoferin


Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline 		Gosh Loki, aside from situations where one should leave immediately as when in physical danger, I'm not sure that we can attach any reasonable time limit. I believe that is a decision that one just has to "come to". I know that I'm the type who has to make sure that I have every "i" dotted, every "t" crossed....I have to satisfy myself that I have done every possible thing there is to be done to make it work. Commitment IS important to me. I don't enter into it lightly...and I don't break it lightly. I do try to keep the perspective realistic though and I don't try to convince myself that it is working if it's not.

I would think that when someone comes home to find their partner in bed with their best friend (without their consent or knowledge)....commitment could be ended in that instant. For other general unhappiness....I can see it taking some time to get to the point of giving up.

Sometimes though...it goes on far beyond rational or reasonable limits....as in the situation with my friend.

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to Wulfchyld)
Profile   Post #: 109
RE: But I made a commitment??? - 6/26/2006 9:50:49 PM   
Wulfchyld


Posts: 2618
Joined: 12/7/2005
Status: offline 		I agree completely erin. I would pour everything I could into it until it became clear that there was no salvaging the relationship. I think abandoning the relationship at the first sign of difficulty is a common theme in the Nilla world and was curious to see if the lifestyler’s put more effort into a relationship. The appeal of BDSM to me is the communication level and the girls here have a better grasp of it.

_____________________________

Loki, forum god of Mischief

Submission is not a gift... it is plunder!
Where there is a whip, there is a way!
Dom/mes of a feather, beat the f*ck out of slaves together


(in reply to mistoferin)
Profile   Post #: 110
RE: But I made a commitment??? - 6/27/2006 12:21:17 AM   
liljoy


Posts: 577
Joined: 3/25/2004
Status: offline 		For me the commitment ended when his driving scared me bad enough that i started screaming. He pulled over into an empty parking lot and i got out of the car shaking and crying because i was terrified. He then left me there in the middle of the night and ended up messing up my car by running it into a curb at at least 50 miles an hour.
lil_joy

(in reply to mistoferin)
Profile   Post #: 111
RE: But I made a commitment??? - 6/27/2006 1:29:14 AM   
zenofeller


Posts: 463
Joined: 6/10/2006
Status: offline 		right, well, we mean different things by a "draw" then.

(in reply to liljoy)
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RE: But I made a commitment??? - 6/27/2006 8:30:06 AM   
afeathr


Posts: 248
Joined: 6/1/2006
From: Southern California
Status: offline 		Knowing when to break the relationship is obviously a subjective concept.

Everyone has their breaking point.  I would think that it would be difficult for any of us to say exactly when that point is though we know that there are certain acts that will drive us closer to it.

Emotions are ties that bind - deliciously tight in some cases - painfully restrictive in others.

She must (and will) find her own way.

(in reply to KnightofMists)
Profile   Post #: 113
RE: But I made a commitment??? - 6/27/2006 9:29:21 AM   
hizgeorgiapeach


Posts: 1672
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHugs
Perhaps the lass is more frightened that she will be considered a failure if she left.  Most times the innocent who suffer, volunteer to be a victim due to assumptions of what others feel or think.  We all must remember we are humans first and our roles are what we choose.  We also cannot control another person but, we can control ourselves.


While there are, indeed, many who are motivated by fear of what Others will think of our decisions - there are just as many of us (like myself) who are motivated by the fact that we have to look at ourselves in the mirror every morning.  KoM stated it quite well - our integrity, our ability to maintain the commitments we make, is an intregal part of our SELF.  How we see ourselves is important as human beings.  Regardless of social orientation or gender, it is human nature to at least attempt to see ourselves in the best possible light, and to do what we can to maintain that light.  The exception being those who are severely damaged emotionally and completely lack any sense of self worth.
 
Whether you (generic) view me as good, bad, or indifferent... whether you approve of my choices or not, whether you agree with my ideas and ideals or not.... I have to live with MYSELF all the time.  I am the one person that I can never escape, short of taking the coward's way out and committing suicide.  If I do something which goes against my personal beliefs, my standards for myself, my sense of integrity and honor - I have to live with that decision, come to terms with myself over it - it changes how I see myself when I look in the mirror in the morning.

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Rhi
Light travels faster than sound, which is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
Essential Scentsations

(in reply to LadyHugs)
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RE: But I made a commitment??? - 6/27/2006 8:11:19 PM   
FangsNfeet


Posts: 3758
Joined: 12/3/2004
Status: offline 		My mom once told me that after you fall in love, you're in love and that's it. You set aside all the persons bad habbits thinking that they will change there ways. Bummer that hardly turns out that way but atleast you fell in love and may find the strength one day to climb out of it if and when needed. After all, it's not called "Hopelessly in Love" for nothing.

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I'm Godzilla and you're Japan

(in reply to hizgeorgiapeach)
Profile   Post #: 115
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