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LadyPact -> RE: Dom is different (6/18/2013 2:46:29 PM)
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ORIGINAL: chatterbox24
I have to agree cheating is a dishonest act. IT involves lying and it involves dissolving of trust. Its one of those lies that does involve a lot of corruption in a relationship, and relationships beyond the primary one too. I don't think anyone will disagree with that, not even the cheaters, who are practicing it now or have practiced it in the past.
OK. At least we got that far.
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But You do realize though people lie all the time? In general the majority of the population lie everyday! In fact, if you or I aren't lying to someone else, we are lying to ourselves! You don't have to believe me, do the research. Some are just little white lies and some are big whoppers. For anyone who says they haven't lied in the last month about something, to someone else or yourself, I am have to think your lying! lol.
This part is literally deja vu all over again. I swear I had this same conversation with a chick right here on this site two years ago who was trying to use this logic because she used this same reasoning for lying to her husband about the stuff she was doing behind his back.
I do realize that *some* people lie all of the time. It depends a great deal on how much importance that they place on honesty. I've heard some things on the research that you are referencing. There's some other stuff out there that is also quite interesting. A part of that is the work that's been done in the field related to pathological lying and how a course of a type of accountability therapy works. I'm no expert, but it goes something like this.
What a person does is start tracking all the incidents of where they have been dishonest. If they lie to someone, they have to go back to the person, admit they lied, and proceed to tell the truth about the incident. This establishes a reinforcement that it is more complicated and negative to have to deal with the situation that they created because they lied, rather than just telling the truth in the first place.
Supposedly, the reason why this works is based on dishonesty being a learned behavior in the first place. Around the time we hit the age of two or three, we start having the mental aptitude to recognize the association between actions and consequences. Simple example. Small child takes a cookie they aren't supposed to have, says yes when Mom asks if they took the cookie, and receives negative consequences. Next time, same scenario. Small child takes a cookie, remembers what happened last time when they told the truth, and says no in an attempt to avoid negative consequences. In this, small children learn that lying is a possible path to avoiding negative outcomes.
With this in mind, ask yourself as an adult, why do you lie? It's because, in some way, you are avoiding whatever negative thing you think will happen if you tell the truth. It's possible that your boss won't be as hard on you if you say you were late because of traffic, rather than if you tell the truth and say you forgot to set your alarm. If you do happen to get over on your lie, you succeeded in removing those negative consequences.
This is where the accountability method comes in. Having to go back later, look the boss in the face, tell the truth, receive the negative consequences for the original incident *AND* for the lie begins to teach a person how the complication and unnecessary added negative implications of dishonesty effect their life. What this does is teach a different learned behavior and in time, can lead the person to choosing honesty in the first place.
None of this is really "new". Have you ever taken one of your children to fess up for doing something wrong? If you have, you are doing the same thing that folks in the field have proven that it works.
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Most people think one lie is better then another lie and their little lie doesn't affect anything, but if you think that is true, well okay. Keep living the lie!
Actually, I don't believe that. Orion covered this better than I would have, so I'll just agree with his post.
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A very ignorant warped view was stated, and I saw it a few times before, which I just had to address. If you seriously believe in your mind, that if someone has cheated, makes them a thieve, one is clearly delusional. A warped theory, that is so far in left field as much even more so then a cheater is closely compared to a pedophile.
Ummm..... I think your reading comprehension is a little off here. The only reason that the similarity to theft was used was because I didn't see cheating on the same level as harshly as another poster did, which I believe was compared to murder and/or pedo. I based My comparison more on general opinion in things I've seen/read/heard at large, rather than an individual's opinion.
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I cheated, and not once in my entire life, NOT once, have I ever stolen. Do some cheaters also steal? Oh maybe, it might also be some disorder they have separate from the condition of their cheating, but cheating and stealing do not go hand in hand.
I really liked tazzy's answer about this part.
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I can compare it stupidly to myself saying " Well I don't do well in math, so I most certainly will fail in Art" or " I love to be spanked, so I most certainly will love being carved up with a knife" cause ya know I have a thing for BDSM, so If I do one thing I must want to do all of it, and have a mind for it. I certainly don't group all people who have interest in an area branded all the same, cause I would have left here long ago but there are some super polite, educated, conscientious people here who do seem to care about people they are speaking to on the other side, and do care how they word things, and they have a ton of class. And I don't think they are deviant pervs, because a lot of the world thinks that about BDSM.
In that case, I'm sure you just love the heck out of Me. [8D]
For all of the suggestions here and elsewhere about mob mentality and such, this is just a manipulation tactic trying to rally people to the cause. I always love the shadow of "I've received such support on the other side" stuff. Hey, if folks found safety in numbers because they share the same guilt on the subject, I'm thrilled for ya. I'm sure it makes some people feel better.
I didn't say anything on this thread because I was trying to have a popular opinion or because I was trying to win the hearts and the minds of other posters. Unlike the accusations of clique or whatever the buzz word is on threads these days, I've said what I said here because it was My opinion. Yes, it's nice that other people happen to agree with some of the things that I've had to say, but I'd have said it whether other people agreed with Me or not. It's not the first time and I'm pretty sure that it won't be the last.
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It is completely ignorant in the same way to group people who have had affairs, into terrible branding and label add on's, that are lies.
Some people clearly believe obviously, on labeling and branding people on their mistakes. ANd if they are dishonest in one area, surely they are dishonest and scum in other areas. And By GOD if they make mistakes they should pay for them for eternity too.
Ignorance, by definition, is a lack of education. I don't think that claim can be made here. What are we on here? Page twelve? Yeah, some of it was drift and one or two people just looking for cheap shots, but I don't think the majority of posters on this thread were just pulling things out of their ass.
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I am so thankful I can have more faith in people, and be more open minded then that.
Ah, yes. The "open-mindedness" card. Again, it's another manipulation tactic. An attempt to inspire guilt. One of many in this post.
Edited -
Changed "mod" to "mob" in the post.
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