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LadyPact -> RE: Dom is different (6/16/2013 12:05:46 PM)
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ORIGINAL: chatterbox24
Actually cheating could be defined as a kink.
Really? I'd love to hear how this works by definition. Next, the color green is going to be a kink.
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I don't condone cheating, I did it. I also came clean to my husband, who agreed to let me see my dom, to make me happy. I also after much thought don't condone that either. I stopped that. He didn't stop it, the dom didn't stop it, I did.
Considering how that was going, I can't say I blame you. Then again, that's a whole different gig.
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Married, is married, is married. Vows are vows. One can try to make certain things ok in all kinds of ways in their mind, but basically if one is married, and is having sex beyond their marriage whether with consent or not, it is still cheating.
I just went and got a simple dictionary definition. Here it is for you:
Verb
Act dishonestly or unfairly in order to gain an advantage, esp. in a game or examination: "she cheats at cards".
Noun
A person who behaves dishonestly in order to gain an advantage.
Please feel free to try some other sources if you'd like. Let Me know when you find one that has the word "honesty" as a part of it.
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I would call that not working on the problem. I would also call it, I am bored with my wife or husband so I go get my jollies elsewhere. If one is getting sex outside of their marriage, I don't care how one tries to label it or spice up the truth. The fact is if someone is added to the relationship, boredom as set in, the spouse is not fulfilling and instead of working on THAT PROBLEM, one or both go outside the marriage. Lovely words of understanding, cloaking truths, makes it beautiful? IT is laughable to me when another sits on a supposed moral high horse, when their condition is not even moral. Ludicrious. Keep preaching it, but it will never be true.
DId the relationship always need additons, or did that come later? hmmmm. points to ponder.
This is probably one of the most ignorant statements on the entire thread. Here's a different way to do this.
My husband likes to play golf. I don't like playing golf. Just because we're married doesn't mean he has to give up golf. We've agreed that he'll play golf with other people. He doesn't have to lie to Me to tell Me that he's playing golf because I know it's an activity that he enjoys. It doesn't mean that when we play a game together that it is somehow less or lacking in some way. When we play different games together, it's awesome. When he plays with other people, that's awesome, too.
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What a good friend, who sits in judgement. When troubles arise, they leave their friends side. Blah. Was this suppose to be impressive?
Actually, I kind of thought it was. It's a statement that says she only wants a certain level of character of the people that she chooses to have in her life. If she had said the same thing about another type of unethical behavior, like theft when it was about stealing items that weren't necessary to survival, would there be complaints that isn't the type of person that somebody wants in their life, too? How many people to you associate with that tell you they shoplift on a regular basis?
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ORIGINAL: chatterbox24
I think this has happened before, a long time ago. A really long time ago. People don't have to agree, but there is a difference between judging & bashing, and guidance and steering. ITs perfectly okay to tell someone I do not agree with your actions, but to bash them is not right. Using the internet as an excuse to simply disregard there is a person on the other side, is no excuse at all.
There's an incorrect assumption being made here that what's being said on the net is somehow different than what a person would say in the physical world. That's not the case for everybody. I won't speak for anybody else, but I've absolutely tossed people from My life because they didn't know how to have honest relationships. No problem telling them straight to their face, either.
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The only human who should throw stones are those who have lived a perfectly moral life, and there isn't one person on the face of this earth, who can say that. And if there was a human who could say it, they would chose not to throw stones.
Baloney. Personally, I wouldn't shed a tear over whipping rocks at rapists, murderers, and various other low life type people. I'm not big on those who intentionally harm others. Here's the beauty of that. It probably makes Me somebody who you wouldn't want in your life because of the way I see things. Guess what? That makes you just as judgmental of the way I choose to live as you are condemning other people for. You don't want people in your life that are judgmental. I don't want people in My life that are dishonest. Which is better or worse than the other?
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People make mistakes. People made decisions yesterday they would not make today. What one person learns at 20 another is taught at 40. People do change too.
That's great. They can be a part of My life when they grow up.
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When people speak the truth, whether good or bad, they do out themselves out there to be judged. I see a lot of bitterness and uncalled for remarks many times. When I came here for the first time, I did go crazy on people, and they got exactly everything they said I was as they said it. Did I do it because I was the devils spawn? NO I did it because I acted like the person I was labeled as. I felt like a whipping post. I imagine you know how that feels, right? SInce you admittingly use your body as one. I find that horrible. I find it horrible that someone has lost themselves so much, they have to have someone think for them too.
If we are ranking cheaters and pedophiles in the same group, lets add loss of self and abuse to body to it.
I think people are responsible for their own feelings. Sometimes, when people come here and they show that they are the type of person who already has guilt because of what they are doing, it really sucks for them when people happen to agree with the foundations of that guilt. When they don't get the free pass that they expected, they want to blame the people that wouldn't give them one. That's far more rooted in the person themselves.
Depending on how a person has set their own ethical standards, unless they don't give a shit about honesty as a value, I find it highly unlikely that most folks feel they are being the best person they can be when they are living a life of deceit. When people give them a mirror to look into, they don't like what they see. Otherwise, other people wouldn't have that much of an impact.
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No bashing here, no judgment, just stating my opinion in a very outward way. Lets see how well it is received. I should get thankful responses maybe? Surely one should be thankful for this direct opinion and view.
It has nothing to do with thanking you for it. I happen to be a sadist. If you find that sadism is unethical, I'd encourage you not to engage in it. However, you thinking it's not ethical isn't an issue for Me. Neither is you thinking poly isn't ethical because the opinions of Myself and My husband on the matter far outweigh yours. That's part of the difference. If I actually agreed that you were right on the matter, it might bother Me. Since I don't feel that way, what you've had to say is inconsequential. Had the OP honestly believed she wasn't doing anything wrong, none of the comments about her cheating would have mattered.
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