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angelikaJ -> RE: Emotional and Mental Sadism. Is it wrong to think this way? (6/11/2013 8:27:59 AM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Airlia
I truly do enjoy the opinions, questions and advice I receive from others. Do feel free to leave a message if it pleases you.
I've currently been speaking with someone for the course of seven months now. We've good chemistry and he is also in the bdsm community. However, due to a rough patch in his past there are a selection of behaviors he disapproves of entirely.
A selective fantasy that both tortures and excites me is the usage of multiple people being used in a relationship. To elaborate on this, and not make it entirely sound like the term 'cheating', I enjoy hurting my partner emotionally. I like to get them to the point of exasperated and desperate need for me. I feel that, through men, when getting them jealous they seem to create more of a havoc at demonstrating their emotions. I felt as though seeing their pain while watching me flirt with another male, made them upset and strive more to have me. (As this occurred in the past). There is a thrill in watching a man angry when generally they are a sweetheart. Being as good as they can be to you. I feel that, though this may be wrong, I enjoy it. But my partner thinks differently.
He calls this cheating. Something he won't tolerate.
If he were to do the same to me, I feel I would be tortured but fully enjoy it. It would make me furious to see him flirting, fondling, kissing, ect.. another girl in front of me, but he also states he would not do that because this is a monogamous and exclusive bond. In bdsm, using multiple players for their 'game' is viewed as how?
Some people want a purely monogamous relationship.
And so to them, your scenario on either side would be "cheating".
It is not cheating from your perspective, which is okay.
What is not "okay" is that you refuse to accept anyone else's point of view that is not in line for your need to inflict emotional masochism as valid.
You and your partner are incompatible.
Also, your desire to actually incite anger, is unwise.
What happens when someone who has a lapse in self-control is the party you have done that to.
Are you prepared to be on the receiving end of physical violence... or perhaps the other guy/s?
Would that be enough proof of your desirability and their emotional attachment to you?
quote:
In bdsm, using multiple players for their 'game' is viewed as how?
It depends on the level of consent for all the players involved.
You don't really seem to care about consent.
And please, stop trying to justify and excuse your kink by bringing in the kinks of others.
Your kink is your kink.
If you could find a way to engage in it with all the parties consenting (including the men you choose to flirt with) then yay!! for you.
But I don't think you want a cuckold, and I don't think you want to be a cuck-queen.
You could probably find a masochistic man who wants that kind of pain from being a cuckold, but someone else having the need for that does not seem to be something you are interested in.
quote:
As to the male who says he should walk away and not submit. You could be right. Anyone could walk away. But that's where communication, trust and mutuality fail. Why be in a bdsm relationship based on commitment if you're going to walk away. That is the easy way out.
Commitment is basically null and void once one party introduces an element that is not mutually agreed to.
If someone is monogamous, then depending on how they personally define monogamy, your scenario might never be anything they would agree to.
However, since you say it is just a fantasy and nothing you are engaging in: have at it.
Just leave those who don't want to play along, out of it.
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