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RE: out of control sub - 6/14/2013 12:13:28 AM   
tazzygirl


Posts: 37833
Joined: 10/12/2007
Status: offline 		I have a feeling wannabe in his mind isnt the same as in ours. I could be wrong.

_____________________________

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RIP, my demon-child 5-16-11
Duchess of Dissent 1
Dont judge me because I sin differently than you.
If you want it sugar coated, dont ask me what i think! It would violate TOS.

(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: out of control sub - 6/14/2013 1:38:44 AM   
angelikaJ


Posts: 8641
Joined: 6/22/2007
Status: offline 		From his profile, I think he is meaning it in a literal "want-to-be" submissive and did not have any derogatory meaning attached to it.

_____________________________

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(in reply to tazzygirl)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: out of control sub - 6/14/2013 6:51:25 AM   
goodgirlmary


Posts: 478
Joined: 6/14/2013
Status: offline 		Maybeshe doesnt know that she was out if control.what are some examples


(in reply to angelikaJ)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: out of control sub - 6/14/2013 7:27:54 AM   
ResidentSadist


Posts: 12580
Joined: 2/11/2007
From: a mean old Daddy, but I like you - Joni Mitchell
Status: offline 		You are gonna' get replies that say you suck at being a Master or she would obey.

You are gonna' get replies that say she sucks at being a submissive or she would obey.

Bottom line, you guys don't fit. You are more patient than me, I only give it a 90 day test drive. Move on.

_____________________________

-=BDSM Book List=- Reading is Fundamental !!!
I give good thread.

(in reply to shackledNspanked)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: out of control sub - 6/23/2013 8:02:39 AM   
MasterSignusNova


Posts: 10
Joined: 6/22/2013
Status: offline 		some subs are brats. thats thier thing. they love punishment (attention), If you dont like that talk to her warn her. if the behavior continues let her go. get another one.

(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: out of control sub - 7/20/2013 8:35:37 AM   
hrxxx


Posts: 294
Joined: 5/13/2013
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: shackledNspanked

I have been trying to train a wannabe sub now for almost four months, I cannot control her, she is never where she should be
and I am constantly having to call her out on too many things. She knows shes out of control and yet when I get her back on track she strays again. What should I do? move on?


Increase physical punishment to maximum, and see if you can not get anything humiliation embedded as punishment, many Dominant only use physical punishment, at the beginning of the training with the severe punishment, not with soft flogger, so the submissive not forget it.
You must ask yourself why she does not obey, if there are no consequences, why should she obey you.
Severe punishment in the beginning until she has become submissive, and then you do not punish so much.
And you should stop calling her all the time, to ask what she's doing, it ends up she thinks you're a little helpless dog, be a little cold and reserved with her, let her call you.

_____________________________

I have to realize that against stupidity even the gods struggle in vain.

I do not care about your comment! Because I think so little of you!

(in reply to shackledNspanked)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: out of control sub - 7/20/2013 8:46:21 AM   
Kana


Posts: 6676
Joined: 10/24/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: shackledNspanked

I have been trying to train a wannabe sub now for almost four months, I cannot control her, she is never where she should be
and I am constantly having to call her out on too many things. She knows shes out of control and yet when I get her back on track she strays again. What should I do? move on?

Duct tape is the solution for all relationship issues.
All

_____________________________

"One of God's own prototypes. A high-powered mutant of some kind never even considered for mass production. Too weird to live, and too rare to die. "
HST

(in reply to shackledNspanked)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: out of control sub - 7/26/2013 5:13:38 PM   
mons


Posts: 2400
Joined: 11/16/2005
Status: offline 		op

I think she enjoys what you give her when she does act out it is just that simple!
( my opinion)
Mons

(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: out of control sub - 7/26/2013 10:14:51 PM   
cutiewithabootie


Posts: 88
Joined: 6/16/2013
Status: offline 		It could be her kink to be spanked or somehow punished/humiliated. Maybe she is trying to feed this kink without realizing how you really feel about it. Have you tried to explain the her that she can have these treats by asking? If she is new she may think she is topping from the bottom by making a request.

Also keep in mind that if you give a person a list of 50 rules that weren't previously there and all your prefrences chances are that they may forget a fe details. This is a mistake that I've seen so many dominants of all ages make. The effort is what matters but only you can see if the effort is there. Have you considered the chance that maybe you might have this problem? Is there a way to make a few expectations at a time known instead of the whole list all at once?

Also on the chance that she is really not listening and is making no active effort to listen, this doesn't make her a "wanna be". This makes her possibly incompatible. Maybe she isn't for you or you for her. But this doesn't mean that another dominant feels the same way or has the same experience with her. It means that for whatever reason your particular relationship doesn't inspire submission.

As a sub I have had a few trial runs with dominants that simply didn't work out. I didn't feel inspired by their style of dominance. I'm still very submissive but not to EVERY dominant. Just the dominant that has that something extra that feeds my particular submission.

Its like asking a person to make another person sexually attractive to you. Make up, a new hair cut, and a new outfit won't do it. They need that something extra to make you want them. Its the same thing with submissives. I've been doing this for almost 10 years. If you don't mind advice from a submissive, these are things that some submissives think and go through that they may not be open minded enough to express.

I hope I helped.

(Runs back to submissive corner and hides)

(in reply to mons)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: out of control sub - 7/26/2013 10:38:11 PM   
crazyml


Posts: 5568
Joined: 7/3/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: shackledNspanked

I have been trying to train a wannabe sub now for almost four months, I cannot control her, she is never where she should be
and I am constantly having to call her out on too many things. She knows shes out of control and yet when I get her back on track she strays again. What should I do? move on?


Meh. Move on, this one is not for you.

_____________________________

Remember.... There's always somewhere on the planet where it's jackass o'clock.

(in reply to shackledNspanked)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: out of control sub - 7/27/2013 2:11:52 AM   
Darkfeather


Posts: 1142
Joined: 3/13/2007
Status: offline 		The beatings will continue until morale improves

(in reply to shackledNspanked)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: out of control sub - 7/27/2013 3:07:25 AM   
NothingIsTaboo4U


Posts: 11
Joined: 7/30/2012
Status: offline 		Why are we hating on the guy for using the term "wannabe"?

Are not we all wannabes before we are bes? Don't you haveta wanna before you is?

Seriously though, I personally don't go for that "tame me" stuff. My goal is a reality based relationship. I'm far too old to waste time on grown ups who need raising. Talk to her and make up your mind whether or not you're going to keep playing the game. If this is one of those cyber realm relationships, as many of us suspect, then the solution is simple. Drop her and find another one. There are plenty more out there. Some of them might actually be dudes, but what happens in cyber stays in cyber. Mostly.

(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: out of control sub - 10/6/2013 1:33:46 AM   
TopDawgKY


Posts: 13
Joined: 10/5/2013
Status: offline 		Okay,

First, I'm assuming that you're using the term wannabe because she wants to become a sub. If that's the case, then you should start by finding out what she means by a sub. Not in the define it for the official dommly dom and subby sub dictionary, but in the define it so that you understand what she means and can explain it back to her in different words. She may mean what some people would call a bottom, as opposed to a sub.

Second, I'll assume that by sub, she means that you exercise control over the various aspects of her life. That she obeys and you command. Then you have to ask yourself a few questions.
Are you asking her to change what was her normal life to quickly? IF you are then you could dial it back. A good rule of thumb is 1 minor change a month OR (not and) 1 substantial change a quarter.
Is she acting out to get something from you? If so, STOP giving it to her. If she's acting out to get spanked then spanking is a reward not a punishment. My boys know the difference between what I call being punished and being disciplined.

At any rate, have you discussed with her weather or not it's time to end the relationship? Is it what she expected? and so forth.

(in reply to NothingIsTaboo4U)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: out of control sub - 10/6/2013 1:56:28 AM   
Kana


Posts: 6676
Joined: 10/24/2006
Status: offline
quote:

Are not we all wannabes before we are bes? Don't you haveta wanna before you is?

I was a Gonnabe, never a wannabe-I possessed intent from the moment my feet hit the ground

_____________________________

"One of God's own prototypes. A high-powered mutant of some kind never even considered for mass production. Too weird to live, and too rare to die. "
HST

(in reply to TopDawgKY)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: out of control sub - 10/6/2013 3:26:54 PM   
noellesdestiny


Posts: 94
Joined: 9/3/2012
Status: offline 		Silence goes a long way!

(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: out of control sub - 10/6/2013 6:25:00 PM   
rockngo2010


Posts: 1
Joined: 11/17/2012
Status: offline 		Have you asked her why she is out of control? Did You set rules,limits and guides
when you started your relationship? Maybe "being out of control" is her way of getting your attention, Wanting you to "man up"

(in reply to shackledNspanked)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: out of control sub - 10/6/2013 6:46:55 PM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: rockngo2010

Have you asked her why she is out of control? Did You set rules,limits and guides
when you started your relationship? Maybe "being out of control" is her way of getting your attention, Wanting you to "man up"


Since the OP's first and only post occurred 6/12/13 - I believe this is a moot point. He's not coming back to read the thread or answer questions.


_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to rockngo2010)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: out of control sub - 10/7/2013 6:02:46 AM   
MasterCaneman


Posts: 3842
Joined: 3/21/2013
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl


quote:

ORIGINAL: rockngo2010

Have you asked her why she is out of control? Did You set rules,limits and guides
when you started your relationship? Maybe "being out of control" is her way of getting your attention, Wanting you to "man up"


Since the OP's first and only post occurred 6/12/13 - I believe this is a moot point. He's not coming back to read the thread or answer questions.


Gasp. Are you inferring that the OP could have been...an attempt to garner free wank-fodder? Or did he get spooked and scurry back into the brush?

_____________________________

Age and treachery will always overcome youth and ambition.

The supreme art of war is to subdue the enemy without fighting. ~ Sun Tzu

Goddess Wrangler



(in reply to OsideGirl)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: out of control sub - 10/7/2013 2:20:13 PM   
LeatherBentOne51


Posts: 89
Joined: 12/28/2012
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: TopDawgKY

Okay,

First, I'm assuming that you're using the term wannabe because she wants to become a sub. If that's the case, then you should start by finding out what she means by a sub. Not in the define it for the official dommly dom and subby sub dictionary, but in the define it so that you understand what she means and can explain it back to her in different words. She may mean what some people would call a bottom, as opposed to a sub.

Second, I'll assume that by sub, she means that you exercise control over the various aspects of her life. That she obeys and you command. Then you have to ask yourself a few questions.
Are you asking her to change what was her normal life to quickly? IF you are then you could dial it back. A good rule of thumb is 1 minor change a month OR (not and) 1 substantial change a quarter.
Is she acting out to get something from you? If so, STOP giving it to her. If she's acting out to get spanked then spanking is a reward not a punishment. My boys know the difference between what I call being punished and being disciplined.

At any rate, have you discussed with her weather or not it's time to end the relationship? Is it what she expected? and so forth.


In response to your first thought:

I moved on after being 6 months in real with a woman who said she was submissive and turned out to be a bottom with mental health issues. I ended the relationship after being very patient since she was new to real.

Lo and Behold! She found a Mistress from online and went to visit her for about two weeks. After the visit, the Mistress emailed me to inform me that all she did was cry and bash me while she was there. The Mistress also stated in the email that she was not submissive at all and that she (the Mistress) considered her to be a bottom, also.

Seems the same "bottom" is still trying to pass herself off as a sub with others. I'm not sure if she is confused or lying. I found out she lied to me about something I considered very important once I parted ways with her.

< Message edited by LeatherBentOne51 -- 10/7/2013 2:22:02 PM >

(in reply to TopDawgKY)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: out of control sub - 10/7/2013 2:39:01 PM   
AdorkableAiley


Posts: 920
Joined: 9/12/2011
Status: offline 		You don't get to tell someone else that they are a bottom and not a sub. To you that may be true but to her, she views herself as a sub and you don't get to question that. Labels are a personal thing, end of story. Everyone views labels differently and what is sub to me may be bottom to someone else and what may be bottom to me may mean something different to another person. Questioning the label someone choses to fit who they are is insulting. Don't do it.


Ailey

(in reply to LeatherBentOne51)
Profile   Post #: 40
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