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RE: out of control sub - 10/7/2013 5:39:20 PM

LeatherBentOne51

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I was expressing what I experienced.

(in reply to AdorkableAiley)

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RE: out of control sub - 10/7/2013 8:19:56 PM

AdorkableAiley

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Yes, but you were saying that she was a bottom and not a sub as she claimed to be. She identified as a sub, that was up to her to pick a label she felt comfortable with. That is all I am saying.

Ailey

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Post #: 42

RE: out of control sub - 10/8/2013 1:12:19 AM

SerWhiteTiger

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Why? If a straight man chooses to call himself "homosexual", should we all accept that he has chosen a label he feels comfortable with?

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Post #: 43

RE: out of control sub - 10/8/2013 7:02:13 AM

DesFIP

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Because maybe he is. Not as common nowadays, but I've known men to marry, have kids, while all the time their instincts were to engage with other men only. They were brought up to believe it was wrong to be homosexual so they led a life that didn't fit them. The fact that they appeared heterosexual did not change the reality.

Anymore than you can look at a person and announce definitively that they are female because they have breasts and a vagina. If the mind says they're male, then they aren't female.

Now, we are not saying that LBO's ex was a good person for her to be in a relationship with. But that doesn't mean he/she wouldn't be a good sub for someone else. I'm sure my ex wouldn't label me as submissive, because I never felt capable of submitting to him. However, that doesn't change the fact that I'm now in a TPE with someone else.

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Post #: 44

RE: out of control sub - 10/8/2013 10:55:38 AM

AdorkableAiley

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quote:

ORIGINAL: SerWhiteTiger

Why? If a straight man chooses to call himself "homosexual", should we all accept that he has chosen a label he feels comfortable with?

Thats a little different homosexual is a label with a definite meaning that isn't disputed. It has a meaning that people accept to be true. There is no different way to look at it and no dispute over its meaning. However terms like sub, bottom and slave even top and dom are all subjective and vary greatly through the community. There is no defined meaning to them that is accepted by all. People label themselves with what they identify best with and it isn't up to anyone else to choose for them the word they deem best to describe them.

Ailey

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Post #: 45

RE: out of control sub - 10/8/2013 1:21:01 PM

SerWhiteTiger

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They're only subjective because people who didn't know what they meant started using them improperly. Do we have to invent new words now to deal with these usurpers?

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Post #: 46

RE: out of control sub - 10/8/2013 1:52:46 PM

TigressLily

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I'm inclined to agree with Ser. For the most part, I don't think it's done to deliberately mislead others, despite the unintended outcome.

quote:

ORIGINAL: SerWhiteTiger

They're only subjective because people who didn't know what they meant started using them improperly. Do we have to invent new words now to deal with these usurpers?

For whatever reason, those persons may not know any better, are misleading themselves, attempting to conform to a fantasy image, or a combination thereof.

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Post #: 47

RE: out of control sub - 10/8/2013 6:02:55 PM

frazzle

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Straight and gay are obvious differences. Sub and slave are subjective.

I have always said im sub. Ive been told im fake
, sub, slave and every other thing inbetween

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Post #: 48

RE: out of control sub - 10/10/2013 5:22:59 PM

RedMagic1

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quote:

ORIGINAL: AdorkableAiley
You don't get to tell someone else that they are a bottom and not a sub.
Ailey

Hi Ailey,

She wasn't telling that person: she was reporting on a relationship she had. Haven't you known people who claimed to be honest and weren't, who claimed to be faithful and cheated, who claimed to be brave and who were cowardly? Or the happy reverse -- people who put themselves down but turned out to be awesome? It happens a lot, in both directions.

There's a difference between being civil/respectful, and allowing a label to have power. Consider gender identity. I'll call anyone by whatever pronoun they want. It costs me nothing, and it seems like the decent thing to do. But it isn't appropriate for someone to expect the entire world to treat them differently the day after the announce that their current gender is no longer their "expected" birth gender. That requires a process. Probably the most famous recent example was when Bradley Manning announced she was a woman and wanted to be called Chelsea Manning from now on. Major information sources like Wikipedia and the New York Times started calling her Chelsea within a few days -- but this was because Manning had a many-year history of gender confusion, stated desire to transition, and included psychiatric professionals in the entire process.

So, back to this issue. I'm fine with anyone calling themselves a sub, a slave, or the master of the universe. But if we're going to be in a relationship, we'd better have a shared understanding of what those words mean, and someone who misrepresents themselves will be accountable.

It stops being internet philosophy when real life gets involved.

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Post #: 49

RE: out of control sub - 10/10/2013 6:56:26 PM

SerWhiteTiger

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quote:

ORIGINAL: frazzle

Straight and gay are obvious differences. Sub and slave are subjective.

I have always said im sub. Ive been told im fake
, sub, slave and every other thing inbetween

Sub, slave and bottom are all just as obvious to me as straight and gay.

(in reply to frazzle)

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Post #: 50

RE: out of control sub - 10/11/2013 2:53:23 PM

DesFIP

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Years ago I had a friend who was gay. But he started a relationship with a woman and even got engaged to her, because his mother was dying and wanted to see him happily married. The fact that he spent almost a year with her, having sex and not being with men during that time never turned him into straight or bi.

He led a life that didn't fit him at all for reasons I can't even fault him for. But the fact that people who met him during that time considered him straight never changed the truth. He was gay before that, and after that when he felt safe being his true self. Engaging in what was aberrant behavior for him did not change his personality.

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Post #: 51

RE: out of control sub - 10/12/2013 8:56:31 AM

JeffBC

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quote:

ORIGINAL: SerWhiteTiger
Why? If a straight man chooses to call himself "homosexual", should we all accept that he has chosen a label he feels comfortable with?

I dunno. You will certainly do as you wish. But I would accept that label. Further, I'd be curious about why I *considered* him straight and he *considers* himself homosexual. I'd want to get at the reality which unpinned both those viewpoints and so get one step closer to the Truth(tm).

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I'm a lover of "what is", not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality. -- Bryon Katie
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Post #: 52

RE: out of control sub - 10/12/2013 9:01:07 AM

kalikshama

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quote:

I'm fine with anyone calling themselves a sub, a slave, or the master of the universe. But if we're going to be in a relationship, we'd better have a shared understanding of what those words mean, and someone who misrepresents themselves will be accountable.

It stops being internet philosophy when real life gets involved.

Amen.

(in reply to RedMagic1)

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Post #: 53

RE: out of control sub - 10/25/2013 9:44:50 PM

ladyzarah

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Joined: 9/16/2013
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Sounds to me like she is manipulating you. You said it your self, wannabe. Perhaps she simply wants to lead you on a chase have you considered ignoring her when she acts out. I wouldn't tolerate the inappropriate behavior.

(in reply to shackledNspanked)

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Post #: 54

RE: out of control sub - 10/26/2013 12:20:35 PM

Blonderfluff

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Joined: 10/9/2013
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Really? 4 months and you can't control her?? Good Lord, man.
This issue should have been dealt with within the first 2 weeks. I think you both probably deserve each other........

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Post #: 55

RE: out of control sub - 10/29/2013 10:21:29 PM

IronSub

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Joined: 8/21/2013
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I am a male sub sissy. If I was lucky enough to find a Master I would not act like that. I would say she is not serious and just looking to get her jollys off..... Move on is my advice. I know this is "ask a master" but I wanted to let you know what I thought :) Hope everything works out!

(in reply to searching4mysir)

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Post #: 56