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how often do you contact your dom - 6/14/2013 7:17:52 AM   
goodgirlmary


Posts: 478
Joined: 6/14/2013
Status: offline 		In the summer,we cant see each other much.i get that.but i long for the conversation we used to have.so ill message him several times a day sometimes.is that too much?should i wait for himto message me?what are the dom sub boundaries on this?
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RE: how often do you contact your dom - 6/14/2013 7:26:59 AM   
chatterbox24


Posts: 2182
Joined: 1/22/2012
Status: offline 		OH boy, that's going to differ but I can give you some advice.

Don't be a PEST! Keep busy with other things, control excessive texting.

You should ask your dom. If you are in the middle of a project, and receive multiple texts, it breaks focus, and its not welcome? Step into his shoes, and that can answer your question too.

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RE: how often do you contact your dom - 6/14/2013 7:35:39 AM   
goodgirlmary


Posts: 478
Joined: 6/14/2013
Status: offline 		Thanks. It feels like,even though he says to messsge, its pretty one sided lately.

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RE: how often do you contact your dom - 6/14/2013 7:45:41 AM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline 		My rule of thumb is that it takes three contacts per week - in person, hone, text, email, IM, whatever - or things get too distant.

That said, if he's your Dom, he should be the one to set the rules.

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RE: how often do you contact your dom - 6/14/2013 7:56:24 AM   
subsfaith


Posts: 297
Joined: 11/21/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: goodgirlmary

Thanks. It feels like,even though he says to messsge, its pretty one sided lately.


So he tells you to message, surely the idea is to do as he says :)

My man rarely messaged me in the years before we lived together... I accepted that I am more demonstrative than he is, and we move on.

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RE: how often do you contact your dom - 6/14/2013 7:57:38 AM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		It's going to vary according to the individual. Personally, I don't care for texting much. It makes Me feel like somebody is constantly up My tail and smothering Me. For Me, several times a day would absolutely be too much, especially if it's not about anything terribly important.


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RE: how often do you contact your dom - 6/14/2013 7:58:02 AM   
chatterbox24


Posts: 2182
Joined: 1/22/2012
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: goodgirlmary

Thanks. It feels like,even though he says to messsge, its pretty one sided lately.



I don't know about you, but when he didn't message, and didn't respond much to me, I felt insecure and anxious. Could this be the case? I felt things might be distancing, or I was losing trust, asking myself "what is he doing?" or or or........

I don't know how established your relationship is, but if he is a GOOD dom, what I consider a good dom, you should be able to talk to him candidly, and express yourself honestly, and if he cares, he will sooth your concerns or try too.

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RE: how often do you contact your dom - 6/14/2013 8:12:35 AM   
TheLilSquaw


Posts: 2340
Joined: 10/24/2012
From: Middle River, MD
Status: offline 		OP,
I either text or email my primary depending on the day and situation.
There are times I don't expect a response back the message is simply me keeping him informed. Other times it does require a response of some sort. I typically know prior to sending them which it is.

In one day we can email back and forth a dozen times.
Other days, nothing.

For US that is what works.

Your mileage will obviously vary.
The key is to to communicate and find something that works for you both.



< Message edited by TheLilSquaw -- 6/14/2013 8:38:14 AM >

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RE: how often do you contact your dom - 6/14/2013 8:16:55 AM   
tsatske


Posts: 2037
Joined: 3/9/2007
From: Louisville, KY
Status: offline 		I would feel that if someone wasn't messaging me back, they might think I was messaging them too much. Try mirroring for a while. That means you wait till he messages you, then you message back, so you send approx. the same number of messages he does. Or, as someone suggested, ask him if you message too much. Maybe a longer, single conversation at night would fit your needs better? talking about it is good.

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RE: how often do you contact your dom - 6/14/2013 8:27:56 AM   
sexyred1


Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline 		If I text you, you text me back in a reasonable amount of time.

Same with calling.

If you care, you get in touch.

This is what made me lose interest in my ex, he never got back to me when I needed him to, but if I did not reply back to him, he flipped out. Totally selfish and I got sick of him.

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RE: how often do you contact your dom - 6/14/2013 8:40:44 AM   
goodgirlmary


Posts: 478
Joined: 6/14/2013
Status: offline 		I think thats exactly it. Hes much more experienced, much desired and so busy.im really inexperienced and nervous I guess.it worries methat he may find a better already trained submissive thathewont have to explain things to.plus, its kept quietso you only have your own brain and insecurities lol.i really like thid, font wantto screw it up with my silly concerns.

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RE: how often do you contact your dom - 6/14/2013 8:51:13 AM   
tsatske


Posts: 2037
Joined: 3/9/2007
From: Louisville, KY
Status: offline 		possibly your only silly concern is that another sub will be better trained than you. 'training', for those that have that kink, is very specific to each Dom. having been trained previously by a dozen Doms does nothing to prepare you for a new master's wishes. There is no standard training where you can progress from sub 101 to slave 405, slowly, through regular channels. every Dom is different. You have been with him, so you have an advantage, training wise, over every sub that hasn't.

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RE: how often do you contact your dom - 6/14/2013 9:00:02 AM   
goodgirlmary


Posts: 478
Joined: 6/14/2013
Status: offline 		I would think though itd be easier to train someone with more experience.without being graphic,not that i think itdmatter here, I had completely beyond vanilla only prior to this. These other women can do things that I cant , take things I cant.makes for some nerves.the closest to oral Ive given was a daydream yesterday.sad really, but i just wasnt intrested before the kink popped up.

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RE: how often do you contact your dom - 6/14/2013 9:17:11 AM   
ChatteParfaitt


Posts: 6562
Joined: 3/22/2011
From: The t'aint of the Midwest -- Indiana
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

My rule of thumb is that it takes three contacts per week - in person, hone, text, email, IM, whatever - or things get too distant.

That said, if he's your Dom, he should be the one to set the rules.



I personally need far more than 3 contacts a week. I call or email Himself at least once a day at work. And I live with him !

My sub calls me everyday. Sure, there are days we don't connect, and nobody panics. We always tell each other if we are traveling or for some reason will be out of contact. This is basic human courtesy.

I totally disagree with your 'dom should set the rules' statement. The couple should set the rules. Some people might be great with 3 times a week, I consider that limited contact. Some may need 10 contacts a day. I think it's a great way to see how compatible you are. If me calling or emailing Himself every day was annoying to him, this would have made us incompatible in the long run.



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RE: how often do you contact your dom - 6/14/2013 10:02:01 AM   
goodgirlmary


Posts: 478
Joined: 6/14/2013
Status: offline 		He says i dont talk too much,and if it became an issue hed just gag me or whatever.it really seems to be moteof just a response thing...he just doesnt. He missed two playdates that were really built up.idk, im beginning to think its an ettiquette thing. I told him today id still follow all terms set, but imnot going to message himanymore until he messages me.

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RE: how often do you contact your dom - 6/14/2013 10:18:17 AM   
myotherself


Posts: 7157
Joined: 3/9/2006
From: The cold bit of the UK
Status: offline 		I chat with Master through IM and facebook every day. Some days we witter on for hours, other days one or both of us is too tired and/or busy to chat so we just say 'hi' and that's about it. We don't text much as we're both very busy at work.

Several years ago I started dating a guy who was a nightmare for responding to texts or other messages. I'd message him (at his request) and...nothing. Eventually I finished things. He was really surprised - in his world, chatting once a month made for a strong relationship based on communication (his words)

Mind you, he only realised we'd split several weeks after he'd promised to call and didn't. By the time he did bother to message me, I'd started dating Master. So I guess his lack of contact was a good thing, in a way

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RE: how often do you contact your dom - 6/14/2013 10:23:59 AM   
tazzygirl


Posts: 37833
Joined: 10/12/2007
Status: offline
quote:

I told him today id still follow all terms set, but imnot going to message himanymore until he messages me.


Probably not the best thing to do. Some men see that like a bull sees a waving cloak... challenge!

We live together and we typically text at least once a day, a phone call or two, basic stuff just to touch base, "do we need anything" or "how is your day" kinda deal.

You could always limit yourself to twice a day... once in the morning.. and again before bed.

< Message edited by tazzygirl -- 6/14/2013 10:26:35 AM >

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RE: how often do you contact your dom - 6/14/2013 10:25:07 AM   
goodgirlmary


Posts: 478
Joined: 6/14/2013
Status: offline 		Id be curious to know how you found a master.mine seemed to appear accidentely.

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RE: how often do you contact your dom - 6/14/2013 10:42:42 AM   
kalikshama


Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline
quote:

He missed two playdates that were really built up.idk, im beginning to think its an ettiquette thing.


Sweetie, it's not an etiquette thing.

What does your gut say? Mine says that most likely, he's lost interest in you and is just keeping you on the string.

If so, I suggest you not take it personally, move on, and find someone whose communications needs match yours and who makes you feel cherished rather than insecure.

Best of luck,

KK

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RE: how often do you contact your dom - 6/14/2013 10:46:29 AM   
kalikshama


Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline
quote:

i long for the conversation we used to have.so ill message him several times a day sometimes.is that too much?should i wait for himto message me?what are the dom sub boundaries on this?


My D and I email several times throughout the day (more or less depending on how busy we are at work), he calls me while driving home from work, and on the nights that he is not here he calls before bed. This works for both of us.

I was trying to see someone last summer who preferred to communicate far, far less, which did not work for me, although I was very fond of him, and he's a wonderful guy.

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