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submissive safety - 6/15/2013 4:31:21 AM   
goodgirlmary


Posts: 478
Joined: 6/14/2013
Status: offline 		What is the safest way to find people to play with?are there any red flags I should see and avoid? Are there any boundaries, things I might be better off knowing?


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RE: submissive safety - 6/15/2013 4:37:21 AM   
thursdays


Posts: 143
Joined: 7/28/2011
Status: offline 		[nm]


< Message edited by thursdays -- 6/15/2013 4:41:09 AM >

(in reply to goodgirlmary)
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RE: submissive safety - 6/15/2013 4:41:35 AM   
crazyml


Posts: 5568
Joined: 7/3/2007
Status: offline 		I take it you've had vanilla dates before?

Start with that.

In terms of boundaries... that's for you to decide, then to explain to a potential dom.

When you think about the things that you might want to get up to, you might want to consider the following -

1) What's the likelihood that I might come to harm?
2) What if I really don't enjoy it?
3) Do I know this person well enough to trust them to respect my limits?

When you're planning a meeting, again - standard first date common sense applies...

As a general rule, it's not wise to do a first meet at midnight at a remote cabin in the woods...

So you might want to meet somewhere public, arrange for friend to call you (also useful if it's going badly... you can use the call as an excuse to bail).


_____________________________

Remember.... There's always somewhere on the planet where it's jackass o'clock.

(in reply to goodgirlmary)
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RE: submissive safety - 6/15/2013 5:18:13 AM   
goodgirlmary


Posts: 478
Joined: 6/14/2013
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: thursdays

[nm]

?

(in reply to thursdays)
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RE: submissive safety - 6/15/2013 5:58:42 AM   
lizi


Posts: 4673
Joined: 2/1/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: goodgirlmary


quote:

ORIGINAL: thursdays

[nm]

?


Crazyml has another account that he uses primarily for the other side of this site, and he forgets to sign out of it and use his main chat side account (Crazyml). In fact, Thursdays has 71 posts, I laughed just now thinking that all of the posts on that account are... [nm]. Lol!

In general, if someone changes their mind on something they've written they'll write 'nm' for 'nevermind,' or there might just be a period. When you post and you may change your mind of what you've written and want to edit it out, you still have to have something in the entry.

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RE: submissive safety - 6/15/2013 6:50:06 AM   
goodgirlmary


Posts: 478
Joined: 6/14/2013
Status: offline 		Ohhhhhhhhh
lol

(in reply to lizi)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: submissive safety - 6/15/2013 8:02:39 AM   
goodgirlmary


Posts: 478
Joined: 6/14/2013
Status: offline 		Do you generally seek out men with those tendencies or should I expect they will just find me? Seems nervewracking to think of where and how they may be?

(in reply to goodgirlmary)
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RE: submissive safety - 6/15/2013 8:52:37 AM   
NissanGTR


Posts: 8
Joined: 6/12/2013
Status: offline 		My opinion on safety is, as long as it won't land you in the Hospital.... You better do what your told. Lol.





(in reply to goodgirlmary)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: submissive safety - 6/15/2013 9:02:15 AM   
goodgirlmary


Posts: 478
Joined: 6/14/2013
Status: offline 		And my physical response to that just illustrates the problem lol




(in reply to NissanGTR)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: submissive safety - 6/15/2013 9:22:26 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		Yes, you ought to know what you're doing.
You need to figure out what kind of play appeals to you and what doesn't. Do you want pain? Do you want to be tied up and have hot sex?
Are you okay with people putting needles through your skin to tie ribbons on?
Take time to read up on things, see what appeals to you and what doesn't.

Of the things that do appeal, then read more to figure out how they are done safely. Then when someone says they'll do you like this, ask them where they learned how, how they do things, make sure they know what they're doing.

No difference here than going on a vanilla date. If someone said they would take you target shooting, wouldn't you ask about their experience so you know you would be safe? Would you let someone who has never been on a horse take you on a long trail ride? Would you agree to go for a long hike on a trail he had never been on and didn't have a map? Same here.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to goodgirlmary)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: submissive safety - 6/15/2013 9:27:16 AM   
goodgirlmary


Posts: 478
Joined: 6/14/2013
Status: offline 		I think that is trouble too. I decline most people who ask me out.If I dont know them,I do not go.So since that is an area where I do not think I know anyone, I am not even sure how I would meet someone.
I think you are right with the figure out how far..I never even heard of the ribbon thing.

< Message edited by goodgirlmary -- 6/15/2013 9:29:24 AM >

(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: submissive safety - 6/15/2013 9:47:15 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		Hang out here and you'll discover all kinds of things you won't want to do.
Care to be hit with a bug zapper? Or a cattle prod?
Have your breasts nailed to a board?

All those kinds of things are referred to as edge play. They're like the X Games of sex. But just as damn few people will sky dive in a squirrel suit instead of a normal parachute, damn few of us sign up for that kind of play.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to goodgirlmary)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: submissive safety - 6/15/2013 10:21:55 AM   
goodgirlmary


Posts: 478
Joined: 6/14/2013
Status: offline 		Lol that was quite a list! I would rather not get that err in depth in my learning ;)

(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: submissive safety - 6/15/2013 10:32:34 AM   
sexyred1


Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline 		You sound very nervous in all your postings.

You should probably just hang out and read alot, do alot of searches on topics and think carefully about what it is you want out of BDSM and D/s, if you do want it at all.

Sometimes people have fantasies that overwhelm them and they read things that scare them, so take it easy!

(in reply to goodgirlmary)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: submissive safety - 6/15/2013 11:18:14 AM   
goodgirlmary


Posts: 478
Joined: 6/14/2013
Status: offline 		In general I am nervous. I am just that way.I would fret this much if I were consideting something out of this arens. Crazy religious upbringing has molded an intresting mess. Even vanilla feels dirty.
I know what I know I think I like, and what I do like and what I dont. It was just easier with someone else to guide the process. Id like to find someone to play with.So whereas I am going to hang out and read , I think I am also going to try to search one out somehow.And in a safe way. I dont know,lol. I have some bizarre need for it. It was good release. My nerves are more concerned with rejection and shyness.
some things posted though are really intresting lol,not for me to try though.

(in reply to sexyred1)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: submissive safety - 6/15/2013 11:20:14 AM   
sexyred1


Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline 		Don't worry about rejection. It might be cool for you to meet someone who is also new. That way you learn together.

(in reply to goodgirlmary)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: submissive safety - 6/15/2013 11:21:48 AM   
SimplyMichael


Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: goodgirlmary

What is the safest way to find people to play with?are there any red flags I should see and avoid? Are there any boundaries, things I might be better off knowing?



Develop maturity and the ability to make good choices.

(in reply to goodgirlmary)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: submissive safety - 6/15/2013 11:22:32 AM   
goodgirlmary


Posts: 478
Joined: 6/14/2013
Status: offline 		It might be, but would not even know how that would come up...I suspect you are much too far away to have referrals lol

(in reply to sexyred1)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: submissive safety - 6/15/2013 11:23:40 AM   
goodgirlmary


Posts: 478
Joined: 6/14/2013
Status: offline 		good choices? Lol, well then I am out .lol jk

(in reply to goodgirlmary)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: submissive safety - 6/15/2013 11:31:03 AM   
sexyred1


Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: goodgirlmary

It might be, but would not even know how that would come up...I suspect you are much too far away to have referrals lol


Honey, if knew any good ones, I would not be referring them!

(in reply to goodgirlmary)
Profile   Post #: 20
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