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RE: Help me understand - 6/20/2013 9:03:33 PM   
tazzygirl


Posts: 37833
Joined: 10/12/2007
Status: offline 		I thought I heard those rumors as well, but I think thats just a rumor.

Story of O (1954)
9 ½ weeks(1978)
Exit to Eden, The Claiming of Sleeping Beauty (1983), Beauty's Punishment (1984) and Beauty's Release (1985)
1 - Tarnsman of Gor (1966) - an ongoing series
32 - Smugglers of Gor (2012)

My point is the literature has been around for a long, long time, not just erotica, but nonfiction as well.

_____________________________

Telling me to take Midol wont help your butthurt.
RIP, my demon-child 5-16-11
Duchess of Dissent 1
Dont judge me because I sin differently than you.
If you want it sugar coated, dont ask me what i think! It would violate TOS.

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Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Help me understand - 6/20/2013 9:06:14 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ForgetToRemember
Hello, I am very curious to see what people think about the massive discrepancy in the population of Collarme in terms of men vs women. I couldn't find any statistics, but I estimate that men outnumber women by about 10-1 (that is, if you remove the fake women profiles and fin doms or real doms advertising).

So, what is up with this? Why are men so much more likely to be on this site? Are men more kinky than women? Is there a difference in the percent of men who act on their kinky fantasies vs women? And so on...

So, what is your reasoning for the discrepancy?

There's a few different parts to this. Some have already been mentioned but I wanted to fill in the gaps. There's the kink part and the dating part.

Even vanilla dating sites will tell you that their membership is more male driven than female driven. A couple of them have even had commercials about how men have the same type of results on places like E-Harmony where males discuss how the females on the sites are swamped with mail, etc.

Add the imbalance in numbers on kink (I'm not of the opinion that it's a 1:1 ratio, even at real life events) are also more slanted to having a higher male population than female. Another poster mentioned that women in general do get a better reception at real life events than males, so when a female wants to get her touch of kink, generally, she just has to go to her local group. This is why chicks like Me are *always* able to find play partners.

I use the net to find where real life functions are and that's about it as far using sites to get My wants met. As a female top, if I go to a play party, I don't have any doubts whatsoever about having opportunities to play. Some male tops can do that, too, *if* they are well known and they have BDSM skills that are sought after, a really good toy collection, or something that makes them more appealing than the other male tops that are also in attendance. Female bottoms will get to play if they want to. Male bottoms, it can be hit or miss. The truth is that women don't *need* the net to fulfill their wants. It's way too easy for us to do this in person.

I do happen to agree with the posters who mentioned that males more often associate kink with sex and in some instances the incorrect theory that kink means easy sex. Yes, there absolutely are guys who think kinky women are easy and all they need to do is create a screen name and horny women will be flocking to them. Everybody on this thread knows that isn't true. However, the misconception does get more men to come to a site like this, rather than women.



_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

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Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Help me understand - 6/20/2013 9:18:04 PM   
Duskypearls


Posts: 3561
Joined: 8/21/2011
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Missokyst

addressing your latter quotes first, women likely started out reading bodice rippers in their early teens. A bodice ripper is very much along the same flavor as shades. Males are still reading Xmen during those years. We are as accustomed to erotic literature as males are toward adventure.

And about your first statement, I started LONG before the shades book came out and found kink easily every where I went. It is remarkably easy to attract kinky partners if you give a look, drop a word or phrase, and swoon at the appropriate times. There was never a need to advertise for it.

I totally agree with the other ladies above who state that there are more men are here to get laid whereas women come for relationships. Pay for ladies are playing the odds.

quote:

ORIGINAL: ForgetToRemember
Regarding your statement that women are equally kinky, but have less 'need' to advertise it, that's kinda what I'm curious about. Where do all the kinky women get their needs filled (assuming there are an equal number of kinky woman and men)? One reason I may believe that women are not fulfilling their needs is the popularity of the Shades of Grey books, which are significantly more popular with woman than men. Although, there could be a different reason for that such as women may read more erotic literature than men. It's very hard to get facts or data on things I'm interested in.




Seriously, Misso, ya think? I find it hard to believe at 57 I've yet to read a bodice-ripper. Maybe I should start...better late than never.

(in reply to Missokyst)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Help me understand - 6/20/2013 10:03:12 PM   
GotSteel


Posts: 5871
Joined: 2/19/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: lizi
Men are more apt to want to get laid.


This isn't true. Women are naturally just as randy as men. The difference you see is a matter of sexual repression. Which is also probably why there aren't as many woman on this site.

(in reply to lizi)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Help me understand - 6/20/2013 10:14:56 PM   
Charles6682


Posts: 1820
Joined: 10/1/2007
From: Saint Pete,FL
Status: offline 		Those are very interesting stats Tazzygirl. Thank You for that. I was curious about the ratio on here myself. From a lot of "studies",it does seem men far outnumber women. Take out the percentage of the women who are female subs and how many actual female domes does that leave to every "male sub"? From some of the studies I've seen,which any study is open to debate, the majority of women who are into BDSM are female subs. Of course, I think if you take out the male bottoms who think they are submissive. perhaps the real male sub ratio would balance out. Of course, these studies are only as good as the people being honest with the information. How many people "won't" admit this But overall, study after study does show in general, that men do far outnumber women in fetish,period.

quote:

ORIGINAL: tazzygirl

http://dating-websites.findthebest.com/l/360/collarme

59% are men and 41% are women.

How do they know this? No clue. Does it matter?

According to them, Fetlife is 64% male.

http://social-networking.findthebest.com/l/80/Fetlife



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Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Help me understand - 6/20/2013 10:36:32 PM   
Charles6682


Posts: 1820
Joined: 10/1/2007
From: Saint Pete,FL
Status: offline 		https://ncsfreedom.org/key-programs/education-outreach/what-is-sm/item/364-what-is-sm-how-many-people-engage-in-sm This seems like a genuine study. As good as any I have found on Google anyways.

< Message edited by Charles6682 -- 6/20/2013 10:58:31 PM >

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Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Help me understand - 6/20/2013 10:39:40 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Charles6682

Those are very interesting stats Tazzygirl. Thank You for that. I was curious about the ratio on here myself. From a lot of "studies",it does seem men far outnumber women. Take out the percentage of the women who are female subs and how many actual female domes does that leave to every "male sub"? From some of the studies I've seen,which any study is open to debate, the majority of women who are into BDSM are female subs. Of course, I think if you take out the male bottoms who think they are submissive. perhaps the real male sub ratio would balance out. Of course, these studies are only as good as the people being honest with the information. How many people "won't" admit this But overall, study after study does show in general, that men do far outnumber women in fetish,period.

The same goes in kind. What about the women here who are only interested in topping?

In My opinion, particularly on a thread where we are talking about kinks and fetishes, that would include all folks who are interested in the BDSM part, even if they aren't interested in the authority dynamic part, the "subs are better than bottoms" lingo doesn't really come into it. Those may not be the exact words that you used, but it comes through loud and clear with the above.



_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to Charles6682)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Help me understand - 6/20/2013 10:45:45 PM   
Charles6682


Posts: 1820
Joined: 10/1/2007
From: Saint Pete,FL
Status: offline 		Sorry, I didn't mean to downplay male bottoms. I'm just wondering what the ratio would be if "bottoms" and "subs" could have their own identity? Sort of like how Fetlife does it. I think only having only a few words (slave,sub,dominant,switch) may be too few words to try to define such a diverse group of people. I just feel content with calling myself a submissive. But if I was only a bottom, I would be content with that too. But I like submissive for me because I do want to take this further than just "play" once in awhile.

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https://Twitter.com/SubGuy6682

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Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Help me understand - 6/20/2013 10:58:39 PM   
Missokyst


Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline 		lol yep. It was pretty standard fair for most of the girls I knew. I started out with James Bond at 8, veered over to 3 bodice rippers a night before my teens, then delved into crime novels before mid teens. Those alongside encyclopedias, dictionaries, and legal reference books.

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pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding ~Gibran, Kahlil

“The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for.”
― Bob Marley


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Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Help me understand - 6/20/2013 10:59:14 PM   
sexyred1


Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ForgetToRemember

This may also explain why women complain they can't find 'a good guy'...the majority of men are looking for sex first and a relationship after.


Did you just realize that fact now?

< Message edited by sexyred1 -- 6/20/2013 11:00:34 PM >

(in reply to ForgetToRemember)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Help me understand - 6/20/2013 11:08:32 PM   
MistressDarkArt


Posts: 5178
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: GotSteel

Women are naturally just as randy as men. The difference you see is a matter of sexual repression.


I agree with sentence #1. #2 though...so not true of every single woman I know. It goes back to availability. Men are sexually available to women and there's just too damn many of them for us to need to put up ads or expend much effort, if any, when we want some.

Also, most of us "don't just want some", we want a fully-formed relationship along with the slap-n-tickle, and won't settle for less.

(in reply to GotSteel)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Help me understand - 6/20/2013 11:36:47 PM   
hrxxx


Posts: 294
Joined: 5/13/2013
Status: offline 		To me it seems that there are many in here who believe that a slave is like a lolita doll you blow her up once, and then you patches her a few times a year, so if you take all the men from who believe BDSM just means you have an eternal willing girl, and they do not have to work and train a slave so that she becomes like you want her to. I think easily you can take over 50% of the male profiles of

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I do not care about your comment! Because I think so little of you!

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Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Help me understand - 6/21/2013 12:08:16 AM   
tazzygirl


Posts: 37833
Joined: 10/12/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Charles6682

Sorry, I didn't mean to downplay male bottoms. I'm just wondering what the ratio would be if "bottoms" and "subs" could have their own identity? Sort of like how Fetlife does it. I think only having only a few words (slave,sub,dominant,switch) may be too few words to try to define such a diverse group of people. I just feel content with calling myself a submissive. But if I was only a bottom, I would be content with that too. But I like submissive for me because I do want to take this further than just "play" once in awhile.


But we also have female bottoms, switches of both sexes, and those who simply are not looking, again both sexes. A 60 - 40 difference isnt a "vast" difference.

We have women pretending to be men, men pretending to be women, couples looking for women, couples looking for men, men looking for men, women looking for women....

Honestly, there is no way to know exactly how many non financial dommes there are compared to how many "submissive" males there are.

I do tend to see the men looking to match up with someone a whole lot faster than most women.

_____________________________

Telling me to take Midol wont help your butthurt.
RIP, my demon-child 5-16-11
Duchess of Dissent 1
Dont judge me because I sin differently than you.
If you want it sugar coated, dont ask me what i think! It would violate TOS.

(in reply to Charles6682)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Help me understand - 6/21/2013 3:56:04 AM   
SimplyMichael


Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline 		The fact that "pro-dom" pretty much means a woman says it all...

(in reply to tazzygirl)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Help me understand - 6/21/2013 4:36:32 AM   
tazzygirl


Posts: 37833
Joined: 10/12/2007
Status: offline 		we got male pro-doms too.

_____________________________

Telling me to take Midol wont help your butthurt.
RIP, my demon-child 5-16-11
Duchess of Dissent 1
Dont judge me because I sin differently than you.
If you want it sugar coated, dont ask me what i think! It would violate TOS.

(in reply to SimplyMichael)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Help me understand - 6/21/2013 10:57:52 AM   
ResidentSadist


Posts: 12580
Joined: 2/11/2007
From: a mean old Daddy, but I like you - Joni Mitchell
Status: offline 		.





Attachment (1)

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-=BDSM Book List=- Reading is Fundamental !!!
I give good thread.

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Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Help me understand - 6/21/2013 12:43:47 PM   
CynthiaWVirginia


Posts: 1915
Joined: 2/28/2010
From: West Virginia, USA
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ForgetToRemember

Where do all the kinky women get their needs filled (assuming there are an equal number of kinky woman and men)? One reason I may believe that women are not fulfilling their needs is the popularity of the Shades of Grey books, which are significantly more popular with woman than men. Although, there could be a different reason for that such as women may read more erotic literature than men. It's very hard to get facts or data on things I'm interested in.


I came here when I had my epiphany. When I "knew" I was into BDSM I didn't suddenly understand about munches and know how to find them...I had to be at CM for a year or two for that. (For the first year or two I stayed out of the message boards, didn't know they existed. Chatrooms, mail room, and games are kept me busy.)

In the chatrooms and mailroom there seemed to be more men than women. I was under 40 and had a good hundred letters per week...most of the guys were married and/or wanting a no strings one night cyber, a r/t one night stand, a fling, or to collect a harem of half a dozen or more cyber submissives. I think the people looking for a r/t D/s long term relationship are almost evenly matched. At our munches there are a bit more unattached men than women. (One man is not hunting yet, the usual unattached men seem to find someone within about a year. Unless it's a married couple looking for a unicorn, I see these couples still searching.)

The Shades of Grey books...are many female kinksters reading these? I thought it was mostly 'nillas.

IMHO, men discover BDSM before many women do...because guys frequently look at a lot of porn more than the average woman does. After several years of regular 'nilla porn the BDSM stuff might seem spicier. I've noticfed that guys seem to slide into fetishes easier than the women I've known, but the women have been drawn in by the emotional D/s and then kinks come along. I live in a small town though, surrounded by other small towns. If I lived in NY or Atlanta the scene and how newbies find their way into it might be different.

Mine were filled through CM, whether I was looking for friendly bottoms or submissives. By the time I started going to munches I was already matched up. (The drive is over two hours each way on a toll freeway to get to our closest munch, in Charleston. Three munches, over the years, in the Beckley/Fayetteville area, only an hour and something away, formed and dissolved.) Most people living in tiny towns in the middle of nowhere can't/won't spend about $72 in gas and tolls to drive to their closest munch...and they won't have a chance to see that the ratio of people who meet up in real time isn't as skewed as the ratio of males to females online.

(I was very distracted while writing this as a squealing kitten kept startling me with mewing and claws climbing up my leg, teeth chomping on my calf muscle and ankle, wanting fed and cuddled and wrestled with. Oh, and getting claws stuck in my skirt, and needing rescuing.)

(in reply to ForgetToRemember)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Help me understand - 6/21/2013 1:32:46 PM   
SwitchNSpanky


Posts: 418
Joined: 5/28/2013
Status: offline 		With my limited experiance here, I have cruzed the intro board and I saw men getting flamed for being Pervs trying to get laid while pro Dom ladies advertising are welcomed with open arms. I still have not seen this mass of guys only here to get laid yet. But, I'm a dude who is not crushing the meat market side of this place.

But my take is that people tend to accept ladies just cuz, and condemn men for being pervy as a knee jerk reaction. One day I might make a couple accounts and intro myself as a dude and as a chick. I think the results would be interesting.

_____________________________

I am a lover AND a fighter...

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Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Help me understand - 6/21/2013 1:34:29 PM   
tazzygirl


Posts: 37833
Joined: 10/12/2007
Status: offline 		The women are only welcomed if they are young and cute

_____________________________

Telling me to take Midol wont help your butthurt.
RIP, my demon-child 5-16-11
Duchess of Dissent 1
Dont judge me because I sin differently than you.
If you want it sugar coated, dont ask me what i think! It would violate TOS.

(in reply to SwitchNSpanky)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: Help me understand - 6/21/2013 2:06:39 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		The one thing that has not been addressed is that it isn't just kinky men and kinky women. The op's looking for a female top/domme. And there are more sub females than domme females. Which makes it even more uneven.

As a sub female, I could go to the local bar any night of the week and get a guy to spank and fuck me. I don't need CM for that.

But conversely, a guy can't expect to go down to the local bar and find a woman willing to have sex with him, let alone one who will spank him first. And when you consider all the fetishes people want fulfilled, that just makes it harder.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to tazzygirl)
Profile   Post #: 40
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