RE: Do you use spanking/whipping as punishment?

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Focus50 -> RE: Do you use spanking/whipping as punishment? (7/27/2013 4:29:55 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: littlewonder quote: Nuevavida: If you're still in a bad mood, you haven't moved on. If I was in a relationship where we even had one "down and out" argument, I'd be out the door.....fast. In-fucking-credible.... Can't wait to hear where you draw that line! Focus.

Focus50 -> RE: Do you use spanking/whipping as punishment? (7/27/2013 4:58:50 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael Focus, I am far from a saint, I have all kinds of shit wrong in my life, I am sure you are in a better place than me. I mean that, so please try and not hear me baiting or being a dick, or anything else but a fellow guy on CM. I used to have knock out drag out nasty fights with everything but hitting someone. Verbal undermining, intimidation, passive aggressive bullshit, god know I did some fucked up shit, like when I was too chicken shit to break up wiht a woman have the barmaid I was flirting with call home and tell my vanilla girlfriend I wasn't coming home. All in all, a real charmer. Then I got anger management therapy, which was worked for ME, its not a universal cure, I had a great therapist and I was tired of the bullshit I was causing and I had a great woman I was living with and all that. In my case, I would build up hidden resentments, get pissed my unspoken needs weren't getting met, you know that kind of bullshit like "if she really loved me, she would" rather than "hey honey, I would really love x" SO...fast forward to now. I don't get angry like that, I don't fight like that, there is a remote possibility I might post like that...but hey, one moment of personal growth at a time. My last serious relationship was the first in a long time that I ended. We pretty much lived together even though she had an apartment in the city and I had a home in the suburbs, we spent the vast majority of time together. We had issues getting our needs met by the other. We talked about it, we got hurt, but we rarely yelled, I never got all assholely like I had in the past. Even when she went a bit over the top, I stayed calm, instead of reacting to my "hurt" I instead was able to sidestep my reaction, never had to bother going "there" and getting angry, I knew she was hurt and lashing out. Water off a ducks back. No, neigther of us were saints but little if any yelling, even when I ended it, at least on my part. My way of being in the past, where anger was a big part of who I was I have let go, Its not a matter of controlling it, its seeing it for what it is, or in some cases isn't. I just see the world very differently. Its not a matter of "better" control, I am a different person. Now, getting along with x partners, probably still have a box of work to do...In fact, all of my significant ex partners are in love, two are living together and I spend time with both of them. Now, I have NO idea where you are on this spectrum, I am NOT saying you have anger issues or anything else. I just know for me, when I used to hear people talk about how their relationships worked, I thought they were full of shit because they didn't have ways or rules in place for fighting, didn't have the rolling drama, etc. So for me, I don't get angry much, I might be faced with something that makes me question remaining in a relationship but for the most part, I am going to calmly sit down and have a talk. Not by suppressing my anger but by seeing things in a way where anger just isn't my reaction. Crikey Simply, not to make light of any of the soul-baring you've posted here but you are human, afterall? I always thought the CM forums was your anger management therapy and I've rarely held back when you were perpetuating your issues here (and failing to manage that anger) by attacking or at least diminishing sincere posters. Made you fair game hence I've neither liked nor respected you or your views for it. Not sure what the above has to do with this topic or anything I've said to you but (dammit) I've gotta respect your courage and humility of opening yourself up like this. Hmmm, it's not one of those steps like the alkies go through? Doesn't matter but I almost think I liked you better when you were being your usual overt and dismissive tool. lol Watch it though, I might actually start liking you now.... ;) Focus.

littlewonder -> RE: Do you use spanking/whipping as punishment? (7/27/2013 5:21:04 PM)
Where do I draw the line? When we're both raising our voices and start arguing. Simple. I don't do that with Master and he doesn't do it with me. We never raise our voices to each other and we never argue. So that's where I draw the line. I just see no use of it whatsoever. Why fight when you can love one another? We simply don't do it. There's no reason to.

Spiritedsub2 -> RE: Do you use spanking/whipping as punishment? (7/27/2013 5:48:41 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Focus50 quote: ORIGINAL: Spiritedsub2 FR I too need some time to improve my state of mind after a conflict. Seems normal to me. I do think it's unfortunate (to say the least) that Focus seems to be trolling every person he responds to lately. That is if my understanding of "trolling" is accurate. If you could be a little more definitive of what you understand to be "trolling", please? Focus. I understand from reading in the forums that "trolling" is an approach to responding to posts in a way intended to instigate hostilities, using derision, contempt, and insults. I normally like to read your posts, but lately I've seen you use the above approach to SimplyMichael, UllrsIshtar, and NuevaVida, to name a few. Although I'm pretty new I noticed a difference lately in the way you treat people. There are posters I expect that from, but you weren't one of them.

NuevaVida -> RE: Do you use spanking/whipping as punishment? (7/27/2013 5:49:18 PM)
Focus, that you have so hugely misinterpreted my words and my intention explains a lot. Let me guess, you were being flippant again? Have a good night/day.

UllrsIshtar -> RE: Do you use spanking/whipping as punishment? (7/27/2013 8:01:03 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Focus50 For cryin' out loud, I wasn't describing a "style" in that instance but a worst of the worst fight a couple might have - short of actual violence. The worst fight we might have doesn't involve us going all out, using anything as ammunition, and everything being fair game. quote: ORIGINAL: Focus50 Me, I don't like fights at all but accept a certain occasional inevitability when two people live their lives so intertwined. And my experience of couple's fights is that people are angry and hurtful things get said that are often regretted after. After 3 years of marriage, I can't recall a single instance where my husband has deliberately said something hurtful during a fight. He's said things that have hurt me during fights, but it was always a case of him just being sharper than usual due to anger, or me mistaking his intent, or him not thinking realistically about what really happened. Never once has he deliberately said something with the intent that it'd be hurtful to me. I can't remember doing that sort of thing to him either. Ever. quote: ORIGINAL: Focus50 Sorry, but it just isn't a fight if negative passions weren't inflamed and the people involved weren't out to hurt the other, if only with words. Any of this sound familiar or you've never had a couple's fight at all...? [:-] I guess we never fight then, by your concept of what it means to fight, because no, that doesn't happen with us ever when we fight. We yell, we get heated, we need to step back and be left alone, we experience heavy emotions, but we never deliberately try the hurt the other one. Our fights are usually cause by either one of us, or both of us, feeling hurt by misunderstanding the other one, but they never end with the person who felt hurt deliberately attacking the other one to hurt them out of feelings of defensiveness. I've been in a relationship before where that sort of thing happened, and the fact that it sometimes happened is what caused the eventual break up. It ended up slowly poisoning our relationship to the point that every fight became to be about every fight we'd ever had. To the point that neither of us trusted the other anymore during a fight, which made it next to impossible to come to a final, satisfying, resolution to the conflict. I have no intention of ever being in that type of relationship again, considering that it gets me -when it comes down to it- nothing that I want in my life. I'm perfectly fine keeping our arguments down to a level that doesn't qualify as a fight to you. Edited to add: Thinking about it I realize the above isn't true. We have had one single fight in which my husband has deliberately tried to hurt me. It was a case of him going in a literal, temporary psychosis due to a change in his medications. That fight is the calmest fight I ever had with anybody in my life. The entire time I didn't yell, I didn't loose my cool, and I didn't accuse him of anything. I didn't even raise my voice despite the fact that I was absolutely livid out of my mind angry because of how aggressive, accusatory and offensive he was being. The reason I kept my cool, despite all that, is because the entire time I sat there thinking: "this is so NOT like him, something is seriously wrong, he doesn't act like him, this is completely out of character, I need to figure out what's wrong and get him help". Had we had a pattern beforehand of attacking each other during fights, I believe the fight would have gotten so out of hand that it would have gotten to the point of physical violence. But because we don't have that pattern, and because I had faith in the fact that something was wrong and he wasn't just being an asshole, I talked him through a psychotic breakdown that night without so much as taking on a sharp tone with him.

ChatteParfaitt -> RE: Do you use spanking/whipping as punishment? (7/27/2013 9:38:14 PM)
Himself and I have been together for 15 years now and have never had an all out fight. Never. When I was with my ex, I used to think ALL couples fought like that, that it was normal. It's not. This is what's normal, or at least what's emotionally healthy. We get cranky sometimes, we have disagreements, but we just don't fight and say things to hurt each other. At this point I couldn't imagine us doing that. We care about each other, we have no desire to hurt one another, if one of us is being pissy, something's wrong and be both seek to fix it.

Focus50 -> RE: Do you use spanking/whipping as punishment? (7/28/2013 3:11:41 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: theshytype quote: ORIGINAL: Focus50 Crikey, you sound all human and normal and everything! :) There's something I haven't been accused of before. There's a first time for everything! [:)] This being a kink site, I should qualify that by saying I meant it in a good way. [8D] Focus.

Focus50 -> RE: Do you use spanking/whipping as punishment? (7/28/2013 3:16:38 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Spiritedsub2 I understand from reading in the forums that "trolling" is an approach to responding to posts in a way intended to instigate hostilities, using derision, contempt, and insults. I normally like to read your posts, but lately I've seen you use the above approach to SimplyMichael, UllrsIshtar, and NuevaVida, to name a few. Although I'm pretty new I noticed a difference lately in the way you treat people. There are posters I expect that from, but you weren't one of them. So it's my fault for losing patience with some of the utter rubbish both being presented by others or what they've attributed to me? As far as I'm concerned, what you've noticed to be different is that impatience. But no, you haven't actually noticed me treating others differently so much as consistently treating them as they've been treating me. It does take two to have a disagreement and I make no apologies for not being so pathetically noble as to turn the other cheek. There's no free lunch on me.... Not that I've ever heard of your definition of trolling before. Thought it had more to do with wank threads or the trash talking mail you women get from strangers looking for a thrill. Whatever.... Focus.

Focus50 -> RE: Do you use spanking/whipping as punishment? (7/28/2013 3:51:14 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: UllrsIshtar quote: ORIGINAL: Focus50 For cryin' out loud, I wasn't describing a "style" in that instance but a worst of the worst fight a couple might have - short of actual violence. The worst fight we might have doesn't involve us going all out, using anything as ammunition, and everything being fair game. How do you know that? Your fights are pre-planned and choreographed with rules of engagement and everything? It's a freakin' fight - you've got no way of predicting how far the other will go or even know for sure how far you'll go in response until you've done it or said it. This is off the scale of unbelievable BS...! And I'm really regretting my use of "ammunition" and of "everything being fair game" etc. Your determination to take everything so literally is truly breath-taking. <sheesh> quote: After 3 years of marriage, I can't recall a single instance where my husband has deliberately said something hurtful during a fight.He's said things that have hurt me during fights, but it was always a case of him just being sharper than usual due to anger, or me mistaking his intent, or him not thinking realistically about what really happened. Never once has he deliberately said something with the intent that it'd be hurtful to me. I can't remember doing that sort of thing to him either. Ever. Fine, since you're conveniently only counting current hubby. How about this from a previous post: "The fights got progressively harder, and longer over time, and the bad moods lingered longer and longer on both sides." Yes or no, you do know what I mean by big, nasty fights? (surely "big" or "nasty" can't come back and haunt me, too...?) And since you did actually say it, you can leave me right out of my "concept of what it means to fight". Focus.

Focus50 -> RE: Do you use spanking/whipping as punishment? (7/28/2013 4:02:55 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: NuevaVida Focus, that you have so hugely misinterpreted my words and my intention explains a lot. Let me guess, you were being flippant again? Have a good night/day. Yep, that's what happened. I've been hugely misinterpreting your words and intentions. Seems Spiritedsub2 agrees with you, too. So you win on democratic and probably patriotic lines as well. Me bad - got it.... [&o] Focus.

UllrsIshtar -> RE: Do you use spanking/whipping as punishment? (7/28/2013 7:49:10 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Focus50 Yes or no, you do know what I mean by big, nasty fights? (surely "big" or "nasty" can't come back and haunt me, too...?) And since you did actually say it, you can leave me right out of my "concept of what it means to fight". I've never for a second denied that I know what you mean by big, nasty fights. What I said -from the beginning- is that fights like that, and especially their aftermath of lingering anger/mood/upset lasting beyond the fight (if even for only a few hours) are a dealbreaker FOR ME. I then went on to explain WHY they're a dealbreaker FOR ME. And something that I absolutely will not accept in a relationship. You at that point started asking me if it was even possible for me to 'go back to normal' after a fight -something you seemed intently skeptical about- and took on a line of reasoning where you basically claimed that it's bullshit that I can move on after a fight without a lingering mood, because there is no way that my memory is wiped afterwards. I several times tried to explain that fights that linger afterwards don't happen, and are unacceptable to me, because the type of fight that causes them doesn't happen (and would be unacceptable if it did) in my relationship. And yes, I can pretty safely say that they won't happen in our relationship, as long as it's strong, because the goal we both have when fighting is a resolution, not a win. If that ever changes, then of course we could get in fights like that, but at that point, I wouldn't count our relationship as 'strong' anymore, I'd count it as 'over'.

Focus50 -> RE: Do you use spanking/whipping as punishment? (7/28/2013 4:19:21 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: UllrsIshtar I've never for a second denied that I know what you mean by big, nasty fights. What I said -from the beginning- is that fights like that, and especially their aftermath of lingering anger/mood/upset lasting beyond the fight (if even for only a few hours) are a dealbreaker FOR ME. Yeah, I'm getting that from littlewonder, too. When the going gets tough, that's your cue to walk? Must be delightful to have your dom tip-toeing around ever aware that he mustn't upset you or get upset himself. My own experience of relationship fights is that they're not planned and most often you don't see it coming. quote: You at that point started asking me if it was even possible for me to 'go back to normal' after a fight -something you seemed intently skeptical about- and took on a line of reasoning where you basically claimed that it's bullshit that I can move on after a fight without a lingering mood, because there is no way that my memory is wiped afterwards. I still am sceptical that you or the others here can literally do the "forgive and forget" double. In fact, it's hokum! Life is all about good and bad experiences, even with the one you love. It's the getting of wisdom, of learning lessons and of understanding each other better. You don't get to selectively wipe the bad memories and move on like it never happened at all. You learn far more from your losses, mistakes and alround bad experiences than you ever do when things are humming along just peachy. Where this thread melted down (IMO) was when several of you implied that to remember a previous bad fight equated to resentment or holding a grudge or simply not having moved on! And I'll say it again - that's feel-good, theoretical BULLSHIT...! quote: I several times tried to explain that fights that linger afterwards don't happen, and are unacceptable to me, because the type of fight that causes them doesn't happen (and would be unacceptable if it did) in my relationship. And I wasn't talking at all about "fights that linger afterwards". That sounds like a fight that hasn't finished - is probably beyond a mere fight and that likely someone does need to walk. You have a fight; passions and emotions are inflamed; things get said that are regretted later and generally you get past it, make up and move on. Though they're neither planned nor desired, there's no doubt there's a certain cleansing element to relationship fights, too - assuming you're capable of looking at a positive side. Again, where I've had BIG differences with others here is that even though the fight is over, your general mood or demeanour doesn't just revert back to pre-fight. Because passions and emotions WERE INFLAMED. But no - more resentment and grudges according to you lot...! quote: And yes, I can pretty safely say that they won't happen in our relationship, as long as it's strong, because the goal we both have when fighting is a resolution, not a win. If that ever changes, then of course we could get in fights like that, but at that point, I wouldn't count our relationship as 'strong' anymore, I'd count it as 'over'. I think that's a rather naive prediction or position to take. You don't know what unforseen pressures are gonna effect your relationship in the future. And here's you ever ready to just walk away.... You don't think relationships can get stronger for the differences and even fights that have gone before? Focus.

UllrsIshtar -> RE: Do you use spanking/whipping as punishment? (7/28/2013 6:28:20 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Focus50 quote: ORIGINAL: UllrsIshtar I've never for a second denied that I know what you mean by big, nasty fights. What I said -from the beginning- is that fights like that, and especially their aftermath of lingering anger/mood/upset lasting beyond the fight (if even for only a few hours) are a dealbreaker FOR ME. Yeah, I'm getting that from littlewonder, too. When the going gets tough, that's your cue to walk? Must be delightful to have your dom tip-toeing around ever aware that he mustn't upset you or get upset himself. My own experience of relationship fights is that they're not planned and most often you don't see it coming. For starters I don't have a Dom in any way that's conventionally thought of. I don't owe him obedience in any way. Our relationship isn't a D/s with me as the default submissive and the accompanying roles that go with it. That said, he doesn't need to tip-toe around every aware he mustn't upset you. What he needs to tip-toe around with me (and I with him) the fact that he doesn't get a free pass at deliberately saying nasty and hurtful things to me, regardless of whether he's angry or not. He's a human being, he get's angry. I'm totally cool with that. What I am NOT cool with is him using his anger as an excuse to loose control and say things that are intended to cause me to feel hurt. Big difference. quote: ORIGINAL: Focus50 I still am sceptical that you or the others here can literally do the "forgive and forget" double. In fact, it's hokum! I said before, but apparently you missed it, so I'll restate it: I don't and wouldn't 'forgive and forget' if he deliberately said nasty things to me during a fight intending to hurt me. In fact, there is no fucking way in hell that I'd forget that, let alone forgive it. The reason I can 'forgive and forget' is because, up to date, all our fights have revolved around miscommunications. When he's hurt me during a fight, it's been a case of him either saying something more pointedly than he meant it, or me taking it worse than it was, or us both talking about completely different things and misunderstanding that. The reason that I can 'forgive and forget' is because, once the air is cleared, and we're both on the same page again, we understand each other's intent, which means that the reason behind it isn't relevant anymore. To given an example: I've been very busy this weekend, and very stressed due to a project I've been working on that had me physically beat. I didn't really communicate well to him exactly how tired I was, and it ended up with me crashing out 5 hours before I'd usually would have gone to bed, and me not being very talkative. He was in a cuddly mood, and I kept blocking him cause I just didn't have the energy to deal with it. So he got upset, and accused me of being bitching with him, ignoring him, and being rude. After we talked and he understood what was going on with me, we just point blank moved on, because he understood WHY I was behaving the way I was. He expressed that he wished I had communicated better to let him know what was going on, and I apologized for not doing so, and that was that. There was no time needed for either of us to go back into a better mood, because we both understood where the other one was coming from, and sympathized with that. I can't imagine there being a lingering backlash of something like that (not even a grudge, just a carry over of bad emotions) because everything was talked out, and we both saw that the reason why we had been annoyed at the other one to begin with wasn't relevant. quote: ORIGINAL: Focus50 You have a fight; passions and emotions are inflamed; things get said that are regretted later and generally you get past it, make up and move on. No they don't. We don't say things we regret later. It doesn't happen. Period. When we fight, we say what's on our mind. We say what WE are feeling. Eg. "I feel like you're ignoring me" not "you're an asshole who always ignores me", "I think you're being unreasonable because of x, y, z" not "you're an unreasonable prick who never listens to me"... and so on. We don't attack each other, we talk about how we felt, and why, and what our perception of the other's behavior is, but we don't throw out random insults just cause we know it would 'get to' the other one. My ex and I did that. He would often throw out in fights "you are just like your (severely mentally ill) mother!" because he KNEW it would drive me up the wall when he did. He'd do stuff like that for no other reason than that he was mad and wanted to say the worst possible thing he could to me. It had no bearing to the topic of the fight, no relevance to what caused it, and no part in finding a resolution. The only reason he'd bring it up was because he was mad and wanted to hurt me. I NEVER forgot stuff like that, let alone forgave him for saying it. So ever fight we had would get bigger than the previous one, because every time we fought, all the resentment for the unforgiven, unforgotten passed fights would get dragged back in. My husband and I don't fight that way. Stuff like that -punches below the belt, of for that matter, any kind of punching at all- are just completely off the table with us. If that ever changes, I will consider my marriage over. quote: ORIGINAL: Focus50 I think that's a rather naive prediction or position to take. You don't know what unforseen pressures are gonna effect your relationship in the future. And here's you ever ready to just walk away.... You don't think relationships can get stronger for the differences and even fights that have gone before? I think that relationships can get stronger from their fights if the fights are actually forgiven and forgotten. I've been in a relationship before where that wasn't the case because of the punches that both sides took to hurt each other during the fight. I noticed that it slowly poisoned the relationship, and that it caused every subsequent fight to be bigger than the previous one, because with every fight, all the old baggage would be on the table yet again. If I find myself again in a relationship where fights becomes so filled with anger towards each other that either, or both parties, deliberately say stuff to hurt the other one, using anger as an excuse, I WILL walk away, because at that point, I think the relationship is already over. I've been there, I've seen where it leads to, and I have no intention to go there ever again. If I ever find myself, in a fight, saying something to my husband just because I know it will hurt him, I'll know that whatever love and respect that I have for him has already gone, and I'd assume that it's the same for him, if I ever catch him doing that sort of thing to me. I don't accept anger as an excuse to 'say things you'll later regret' because I KNOW that it's perfectly possible to be out-of-your-mind-livid-with-absolute-rage and STILL, only say things you really mean, and still not say things you later regret. I've been there with my husband a couple times before, and I think it speaks of the bond, the love, and the respect we have for each other, that we don't ever go there, EVEN during a fight. Having experienced that with him, and the alternative to it with my ex, I see no reason to accept anything less than what I currently have with him.

DesFIP -> RE: Do you use spanking/whipping as punishment? (7/28/2013 6:32:27 PM)
There is such a thing as fighting fair. Google it. It means you don't deliberately hit below the belt in order to hurt the other person. It means you use I sentences. It means you restrict this argument to what caused it. You don't bring up something that happened six years ago. I also won't tolerate someone who cannot fight fair. Who goes out of his way to harm me and then cowardly complains that I should forget about it, because he couldn't help it. If I can help it, then he can too. If you don't know how, then go to a good therapist, cognitive behavioral therapist, and learn the skill. It may well be because both The Man and I have gone to counseling at needed points in our lives, and learned this skill, that in ten years we have never had a fight that caused resentment. And yes, if he decided to stop fighting fair, I'd end it. Because I don't ever get rid of lingering resentment which slowly poisons a relationship. So I'd rather end it while still friends instead of first becoming enemies.

littlewonder -> RE: Do you use spanking/whipping as punishment? (7/28/2013 6:41:44 PM)
Focus, it's sad that you think relationships have to involve fighting and bad feelings. I mean I'm 7 years into my relationship with Master and I've yet to feel that way. We get along so tremendously well that there simply is no reason to fight. I can't imagine even that happening and if it did I would say we are over because if it has reached to that point then it's been a long time coming. It's not something that just suddenly happens. And the thought of Master tip toeing around me is just hilarious. Neither of us tip toe around the other. Why would we? We're adults, not children. We both love each other more than most people can stand. [:)] I just feel sad when I hear people say that fighting has to exist in relationships.

DesFIP -> RE: Do you use spanking/whipping as punishment? (7/28/2013 6:52:25 PM)
Especially when, as Michael pointed out, it's an easily learned skill to prevent it ever happening again. I'm curious if Focus has gotten into a relationship. I remember him from b.com where he was recently out of one. It would be sad if in all this time he's not simply because he refuses to learn skills to enable him to have a happy relationship.

Focus50 -> RE: Do you use spanking/whipping as punishment? (7/28/2013 8:47:54 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: littlewonder Focus, it's sad that you think relationships have to involve fighting and bad feelings. I mean I'm 7 years into my relationship with Master and I've yet to feel that way. We get along so tremendously well that there simply is no reason to fight. I can't imagine even that happening and if it did I would say we are over because if it has reached to that point then it's been a long time coming. It's not something that just suddenly happens. And the thought of Master tip toeing around me is just hilarious. Neither of us tip toe around the other. Why would we? We're adults, not children. We both love each other more than most people can stand. [:)] I just feel sad when I hear people say that fighting has to exist in relationships. Not nearly so sad as you people having to keep inventing shit in order to have a dig at me! Where tha hell did I say anything like "relationships have to involve fighting and bad feelings"? Have to???? If you wanna cast me in a negative light, fine, but enough of the bullshit premises to enable it already...! I said this to UllrsIshtar: "Me, I don't like fights at all but accept a certain occasional inevitability when two people live their lives so intertwined." That's not sabotaging or pre-empting - people living in close proximity will occasionally have differences or even fights. Surely you (ALL of you here) can't be living your relationships in passionless, sterile vacuums? Focus.

Focus50 -> RE: Do you use spanking/whipping as punishment? (7/28/2013 8:57:29 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DesFIP There is such a thing as fighting fair. Google it. It means you don't deliberately hit below the belt in order to hurt the other person. It means you use I sentences. It means you restrict this argument to what caused it. You don't bring up something that happened six years ago. I also won't tolerate someone who cannot fight fair. Who goes out of his way to harm me and then cowardly complains that I should forget about it, because he couldn't help it. If I can help it, then he can too. If you don't know how, then go to a good therapist, cognitive behavioral therapist, and learn the skill. It may well be because both The Man and I have gone to counseling at needed points in our lives, and learned this skill, that in ten years we have never had a fight that caused resentment. And yes, if he decided to stop fighting fair, I'd end it. Because I don't ever get rid of lingering resentment which slowly poisons a relationship. So I'd rather end it while still friends instead of first becoming enemies. Waste of time since they're all waaaay to noble to ever get in a fight. They walked out the door without looking back or they did, in fact, fight but were literally able to forget said fight ever happened at all.... Abra cadabra! Which makes me wonder why anyone would bother writing about "fighting fair" at all. Damn right I'm in a mood with certain people here. ;) Focus.

littlewonder -> RE: Do you use spanking/whipping as punishment? (7/28/2013 9:06:54 PM)
You can think what you like Focus. I think it's just that a lot of us are telling you that we don't fight...period. We're very passionate. To us, fighting is not passion. Fighting is just useless and stupid and a waste of time. We have many other things we'd rather be passionate about such as our love for one another.

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