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Focus50 -> RE: Do you use spanking/whipping as punishment? (7/27/2013 1:56:19 AM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: NuevaVida
Over here in my world, being manipulative, or "showing who's boss" or being anything other than my authentic, honest and loving self would be playing a game - an emotional or mental game. Passive aggressiveness, for example, is game playing to me, where you're not just putting your honest cards on the table, but instead you're behaving or speaking in a way with a manipulative agenda in mind. You made a comment to me about showing him who is boss -that falls into this category. We're just not that way with each other. I know he's the boss, and I have no desire otherwise. "Showing him who's boss" would be some sort of one-upmanship with him, which to me, serves no purpose in our goal of moving a healthy relationship forward and with honesty.
Let's see if we can't at least clear one thing up. I'm discussing in a generic and rhetorical fashion here because I haven't the foggiest who you're in a relationship with nor do I especially care. Or anybody else here for that matter. No offense intended, btw. But geeezus, I've actually gotta say that like I'm the only one who recognises an internet forum is global????
So NO, I wasn't implying you were showing your actual significant other who's boss, I'm saying the flippant and contrary attitude in which you expressed yourself ON THIS TOPIC represented as much and that's how I responded to your words.
Sheesh, the things I care about more than your personal relationship.... But if you'd rather join UllrsIshtar in just looking to get offended, well that's also about you and not me.
quote:
Either you received it wrong or I didn't communicate clearly or a little bit of both.
First, you're assuming in my situation that he was mad at me because I "screwed up." That wasn't the case. I didn't say why he was mad. But with us, it's usually some sort of misunderstanding, or in the case where I felt we were over, some very serious PTSD emotional triggers were hit very hard, and my anxiety attack over it was something he wasn't understanding, and was something that actually triggered his own emotional land mine. It was a series of horrible reactions to each other, which took great effort to work through. His initial reaction was to remove himself from me for a matter of days, with no resolve in sight.
In the situations I was talking about, in no way did I ever imply he was "sulking" (where the hell did you get that??), and I'm not really sure what wiling away means. When he has needed time to think, my heart aches, but I find things to do. Would you prefer your girl curl up in a ball and pine? Life is too short for that. I don't take it lightly. I ache for him, but that doesn't mean I stop living.
As for this: Never mind walking away, I'd never have been in THAT "relationship". What a strange and judgmental statement. Are you in a current relationship that's fulfilling your life like you've never imagined? If so, that's awesome. I am. As I commented in another post, that one situation was a very emotionally difficult one for both of us, and we worked a lot out as a result of it. Like you said, real relationships with real people don't always run silky smooth. Life isn't so black and white.
Damn this is hard when you apply literal standards to everything said. Surprisingly, I didn't actually say your dom in your personal relationship which I don't know or care about was off "sulking". Again, that's me trying to interpret what *you* said - in the same flippant language which you've apparently been using. One of us here is at least trying to communicate in a common language.
And I don't even know where to begin when you say he removed himself for a matter of *days* when I'm getting mobbed over barely a few freakin' hours.
You're also apparently wrong about how life "isn't so black and white". IN THIS TOPIC, when I say I can forgive but it's hard to forget, apparently that's me holding onto resentment and carrying a grudge etc. And if I'm right at guessing they're all your fellow Americans who've been saying it, then life there is very black or white.
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But again, you assume he might be pissed because of a misbehavior, rather than a reaction to his own actions, or an emotional trigger, or a misunderstanding, or....anything else. This whole exchange is about how him removing his attention from me would do nothing to "punish me" or teach me anything or straighten me out, in response to your post that that's what you find works. I'm saying it doesn't work here. He knows this, and is far more creative about getting what he wants from me. And he does get what he wants from me.
And yet again, I don't assume a damned thing about your personal relationship! This topic is about punishment. It is reasonable of me to assume that generic sub has infringed and generic Dom is gonna punish in some form? And since you're here posting, I only assume you've got something to add to the generic discussion rather than trying so hard to take my input personally?
quote:
Well, smiley faces are cool. I think you should add 'em. [:D]
Seriously though, I'm not sure if you actually feel this way or not, but your posts seem to show a "you versus me" attitude with regard to your relationships. He and I don't operate that way. Knock down, drag out fight, where everything is fair game? That doesn't happen over here. We get pissed off, we spar over it, we figure out the root of it, we fix what the problem is, we remind each other that we love each other, and we move forward. Everything fair game implies to me that we're each other's enemy, and we're not. The problem is the enemy. We're on the same team. And there are boundaries to respect. We don't treat the people we love most with "everything is fair game because we're in a fight." Our minds and hearts just don't go there. Maybe that's why you & I aren't understanding each other in this discussion - because we seem to be coming from two totally different places.
Ok, smiley face for humour.
Now, what do I use so as not to be taken so gadawfully literally at every turn? <intentionally no smiley face here 'cause I literally wanna know>
Focus.
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