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RE: Why discourage others? - 8/1/2013 1:32:41 PM   
TNDommeK


Posts: 7153
Joined: 3/13/2010
Status: offline 		I encourage ppl bc I've gotten so much experience and knowledge from them. Nothing like hands on. I can't say I've ever experienced any bad people.

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Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Why discourage others? - 8/1/2013 1:45:38 PM   
ResidentSadist


Posts: 12580
Joined: 2/11/2007
From: a mean old Daddy, but I like you - Joni Mitchell
Status: offline 		Lady Pact,

I have my own suspicions too, but more on that later. Meanwhile, I do not think you are in the minority in real life. Let me qualify that "real life" is not the cyber people who have come to treat this place like it is Second Life.

Yuppers, on these forums it is another story indeed. In fact, the lifestyle community on the internet is not what it was when it was born in usenet groups, nor is it like it was 5 or 6 years ago right here on CollarChat. Some of you remember when there were lots of threads where " CM participants meet up and had fun", went to events together, had CM parties people flew in to participate in and things like GreedyTop's wedding where I met many of you. Those people just don't hang out at CollarChat as much anymore and neither do I. Of all those wonderful people that I met from CollarChat in person, most have left these forums over the years. Nowadays those met and greet in real life threads are mostly at FetLife.

It is shame those guys left CollarChat because that old gang was a group of thread authors that mimicked the perspectives and opinions of the real life leather community and brought realism to the newcomers here at CollarChat. Their presence is missed and people here today should be grateful that you have continued to spend as much energy as you have on these forums.

I have also noticed a lot of people post that they are against munches . . . but munches (and leather events) truly are for everyone, that is part of what makes the lifestyle a "leather community".

You can't be a "biker" if you ain't in a club . . . otherwise you are just a motorcycle owner.

You can't be "in the leather lifestyle" if you don't participate or interact with the leather community . . . otherwise you are just a whip owner.

I say ignore all the maniacs that think "leather lifestyle" means hiring some "Findom" and jerkin' it on cam or obeying some married and cheating "online Dom" really has anything to do with the leather lifestyle. That shit is just kink with some leather sprinkled on top. . . it ain't the leather lifestyle, it's kink. Imagine a biker sitting on his Harley while on cam for the club leader so he can be a member of that lifestyle and you should get my analogy quite clearly. There is no such thing like that in a real club or in real life.

I think 99% of the people in the lifestyle have gone to munches and events at one time or another. And most of them started their real life social networks there. There aren't many secret societies left nowadays . . . you gotta' start socializing with others in the lifestyle somewhere. Many people choose to stop attending munches once they build up an active lifestyle and social network. Some of those people may even carelessly post on forums that "munches aren't for me". Shame on them for not speaking more carefully in public venue and explaining that munches, clubs or events actually got them started and took them from being a "whip owner" to being a "lifestyle member".

. . . and now, a bit about my suspicions . . .

Not attending leather events removes your support and even I am guilty of less support than I used to give. Like these currently fucked up forums, I haven't started many BDSM threads here in quite a while because the mood of this place in not conducive to real life BDSM or leather lifestyle. It has become some weird online fantasy community polluted by people with no real life experience, fake backgrounds and dozens of sock puppets. All with one purpose, to make you think online financial domination is a real form of the leather lifestyle.

Seriously folks, there are real life pro Dommes and in fact, it was their advertising dollars that helped bring BDSM to the hetro community. We should thank them for that. But this Second Life style online "gimmie your money pigs" shit from 18 and 20 year old hookers with NO real life BDSM experience that post under a thousand sock puppets and pollute this place with the attitude that "real life contact is bad" and "financial payments in paid for cyber relationships are a real form of the leather lifestyle" is just FUCKING HILARIOUS to us real people. That's why so many of us left CollarChat. FetLife is bad but it isn't like this place. There are exactly 178 People "getting their kink" on findom and 205 kinksters are "into and curious". Collectively those people started about 20 groups. With over 400,000 new members a month at FetLife those 383 represent 0.09% Findom interest at FetLife. Of the 900 people I met in real life this year, if FetLife numbers are true to real life, exactly one person should have been a pay pig or Findom.

So for all you newbees, you can take that to heart. Maybe 1 in 1000 in real life has some interest in the Findom/pay pig situation. But right now, here at CollarChat, the forum is littered with so many Findoms and Findom threads . . . this place has become surreal and yes, if this going to pbecome the service access point for sex workers, they need a separate forum because they do not represent "General BDSM Discussions" or real life "Ask a Mistress". They are out side BDSM, they are sex workers using BDSM not lifestyle leather folk or regular BDSMers. They should be in a "Ask a Hooker" or "Ask a Findom" section.

The extreme Findom bias here at CollarChat makes you wonder where it comes from doesn't it? Yes, like you, I have my suspicions and some solid reasons for those suspicions. In 2011 I was asked for a simple traffic report of CollarMe and CollarChat because they wanted to know where traffic came from and what the traffic profile was. While doing research I wrote up a full web market and traffic report for management here . . . I gave them an extensive 12 page report. I added a section when I discovered there were over 700 unique "financial Dommes" that logged in daily over the past 30 days making this place their business. In fact, counting new and old "financial Dommes", a pro logs into CollarMe every 4 minutes. So I added a section to my 12 page report saying they were losing $45,500.00/mo in premium membership fees for online sex workers' accounts. I said:

quote:


Collarme.com has built in premium subscriber market
"Last year, I earned around 24k from being pro. I'd say about 4k came from collarme."
Quote from: -=Pro Dommes, how much business does CM generate for you?=-

Besides all the other benefits of premium membership, I think there is a built in subscriber base that already advertise their adult service businesses in their profiles. Most other sites that handle professional adult services profiles charge a fee for professional listings, one of the most popular, escorts.com is charging from $65.00/mo.

Collarme.com has more escorts with published rates, phone numbers and links to their reviews on other esocort listing pay sites than I can count. Without incorporating the numerous other keywords for pros, there are over 700 "financial Dommes" that logged in the past 30 days. 350 of then have been actively maintaining their presence daily.

700 x $65.00 (escorts.com fee) = $45,500.00/mo. I think the pros will pay for advertising listings in their profiles on CollarMe. If Collarme.com started enforcing their TOS but offered a business listing option with premium membership, I think you could create a faithful, non diminishing, reoccurring monthly premium subscriber base. A simple bot could maintain the TOS, screen and flag profiles for keywords like "financial", "blackmail", "session" and dollar signs "$", "escort" etc. Human review could handle flags.


Granted, I was only asked for a small traffic report, not a full market review. But for some reason, now that I had added this section about Findoms to my report, it never got passed on to the owners. That report was quite valuable and it contained user/passwords to commercial RSS feed porn content to replace the affiliate referral programs they used to have with their own video content. It had web site design mock ups, traffic reports, marketing plans, It even had FetLife's full advertizing client list as sales leads and it pointed out the lack of TOS compliance by pro sex workers abusing the site for free advertising. I'll never know why the owners didn't get to see it. It leaves me with uncomfortable questions about people I thought were friends. So instead of personal drama about my friends, their motives or the owners of CollarMe, I wrote it all off as having done what I was asked. It was well worth it as a gift in gratitude for the partners I have met here. My way of giving back. What they did with that gift is their business.

I often question motives of many post authors and the reasons why some Findoms are allowed to blatantly violate the TOS and others are not. Yes, the CollarChat forum has become a very surreal environment over the last few years in that the topic interests no longer proportionately reflect what real life leather topic interests are. Allow me to explain. In the past year I have rubbed shoulders with 900 lifetylers at real life leather events and munches. NOT one on them was an online Findom. Not even once was the word "Findom" mentioned in conversations, speeches, classes or workshops. Not one damn person ever mentioned "Financial Domination". It is as if it doesn't exist in the real world.

Pro Dommes doing pro sessions is very real, but "financial domination" is an internet only phenomenon. I will stand corrected if pay piggies drive up to Dommes house in real life and stuff cash in the mail box, then leave without seeing her or getting a session. But I have never heard of that happening in real life. I just can't imagine a Domme meeting a sub at a munch and then saying "I want you to drive to my house, put cash in my mail box and leave" because that is my kink. LMAO

I control the money in my house and my slave makes almost as much as I do. That doesn't make me a Findom, it makes me the one in control. "FinDoms" are just an internet figment of the "pay piggies" imagination who created a market. Like any sane sex worker or good business person, FinDoms came to fill the market demand. But they are online fantasy alone . . . and the FinDoms employeed by pay piggies are not part of the real world leather community.

You said, " Is it possible that not everybody is discouraging folks from giving it a shot that are coming from some less than selfless motivations?" You got that right baby!!! As I said, I question the motives of the post authors and those allowing that shit. What really bites my ass is that I am friends with 4 of the mods and know two them them rather well. They mod staff is not a bunch of pro Dommes or FinDoms so it blows any conspiracy theories all to hell. I don't think the mods are skimming or I would have called the owners long ago.

But this mayhem about the TOS interpretations is why I have not started many BDSM threads here lately. I still drop in and reply to things now and then. Like I said, I owe this place one and it is my way of giving back to a place that has given to me. Quid pro quo.

Best wishes,
Kalon Eric

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RE: Why discourage others? - 8/1/2013 2:04:13 PM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ResidentSadist

Lady Pact,

I have my own suspicions too, but more on that later.


I know of at least three local guys that refuse to go to socials/events, will not date women that do attend and will do everything in their power to convince others not to attend. All three of them have horrible reputations in the community (one of them threatened to slap me when I told him he was rude while at a social) and know that if the women in their dating pool attend events it will become evident that they have reputations of being flaming asshats.


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Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Why discourage others? - 8/1/2013 2:07:18 PM   
mnottertail


Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline 		Well, there are people who are actually anti-social. Yanno how girls talk and all that pretty soon they are telling all their friends at the munch how master does this little uh-uh-uh pig squeal/mouse noise, when I suck him off and makes a face like a chinese rabbit in mourning and childbirth at the same time and how cute it is, and then we lose our whole mystique.

Why would we want that shit.

Go to fuckin McDonalds.

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Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Why discourage others? - 8/1/2013 2:10:12 PM   
MariaB


Posts: 2969
Joined: 4/3/2007
Status: offline 		I worked as a pro domme for 4 years before I ever went to a munch. I learnt through an apprenticeship and not by going to a munch. When I did start attending munches, a whole new and exciting world opened up to me. I got invited to private parties, started attending clubs and found that at those clubs, I was already associated with many of the participants through the parties and munches I attended. I eventually opened up my own large BDSM club in the heart of London. I started running workshops and conventions, putting on and choreographing performances, helping to set up Kinkfest and finally running a fetish shop. All of this stemmed from me going to munches.

Looking back I think I had this huge ego. I wanted fame, I wanted people in the BDSM world to know and recognise me!!! What I discovered is, many people on the BDSM scene have big egos and they are all fighting over that stupid pedestal. You make many friends but many of them are fair weather and believe me, you make enemies without even trying. Everyone wants to be seen as an expert, so many people want to form a reputation around themselves and go to great lengths to self promote.

The scene, which could be a munch, parties, clubs etc is a good place to be if you want to meet like minded people but its very turbulent and so I would warn anyone, go to a munch and take only what you need from it. Don't be overly impressed with what people tell you and don't have high expectations of people. Munches are good places for new openings but don't do what I did and get carried away with the moment. The scene can be an exhausting place if you get sucked in too deeply.

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RE: Why discourage others? - 8/1/2013 2:25:01 PM   
ResidentSadist


Posts: 12580
Joined: 2/11/2007
From: a mean old Daddy, but I like you - Joni Mitchell
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl
quote:

ORIGINAL: ResidentSadist
Lady Pact,

I have my own suspicions too, but more on that later.


I know of at least three local guys that refuse to go to socials/events, will not date women that do attend and will do everything in their power to convince others not to attend. All three of them have horrible reputations in the community (one of them threatened to slap me when I told him he was rude while at a social) and know that if the women in their dating pool attend events it will become evident that they have reputations of being flaming asshats.


Thanks for adding that the real leather community protects its membership where online anonymity can't. I left out the 3 paragraphs about anti community spirited curmudgeon cave dwelling asshats that couldn't get a date in real life so they had to resort to jerking off in cyber land in a cyber life and ended up with hookers that couldn't get clients in real life so they became online FinDoms . . .

Just sayin'




_____________________________

-=BDSM Book List=- Reading is Fundamental !!!
I give good thread.

(in reply to OsideGirl)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Why discourage others? - 8/1/2013 2:54:28 PM   
VideoAdminChi


Posts: 3086
Joined: 8/6/2012
Status: offline 		Kalon Eric,

I'm just going to address the points you made over which I have control:

quote:

that post under a thousand sock puppets

While users are allowed to have more than one account, they should not post in the same thread. Please report this when you see it.

quote:

here at CollarChat, the forum is littered with so many Findoms and Findom threads

If you see a new thread that is essentially the same as an active thread, please report it.

(in reply to ResidentSadist)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Why discourage others? - 8/1/2013 2:59:46 PM   
kalikshama


Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline
quote:

I know of at least three local guys that refuse to go to socials/events, will not date women that do attend and will do everything in their power to convince others not to attend. All three of them have horrible reputations in the community (one of them threatened to slap me when I told him he was rude while at a social) and know that if the women in their dating pool attend events it will become evident that they have reputations of being flaming asshats.


Since my experience has been than men who are active in the local community are not likely to exaggerate their experience whereas men who are not active in the local community are more likely to have experience that only took place in their heads, when I was looking, being active was a plus.

(Please note that this was my experience and should not be taken as statistically significant.)

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Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Why discourage others? - 8/1/2013 4:27:07 PM   
Missokyst


Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline 		I agree with you in total about the fin-domme phenomenon that has blossomed in the last few years on CM. Why the hell anyone would pay to get some online session with the only payload going to the domme is beyond me. Real life sessions for pay have been around forever, I would even bite if I could find a decent male top. But online only? I don't get it. But I do know if there weren't people out there willing to pay there would be a lot fewer 19 yr olds, demanding tribute and getting it.
That said, the fin-domme junk should not cause people to disparage real life meetings like munches. I don't see it as an influence. This should be a topic on its own.

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pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding ~Gibran, Kahlil

“The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for.”
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Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Why discourage others? - 8/1/2013 5:47:54 PM   
seekingreality


Posts: 599
Joined: 8/11/2011
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

Quite often, I feel as though I'm in the minority of folks who think people should be encouraged to go to munches, kink related educational events, or parties where CM participants meet up and have fun. This is something that has changed on My time here on CM. I couldn't begin to tell folks how many threads were on this site in the past that went on for pages about people planning on getting together or talking about what a good time they had.


I don't particularly like munches or social events based on nothing more than a shared interest in kink. I have stated that here, and I've been critical of people who insist that munches are the be-all-and-end-all or the default standard. I've also told people if they are interested in the idea of a munch, go to one, because they'll find it isn't as big a deal as they imagine.

So my position is to neither discourage or encourage -- I just share my opinion, and people can do with it what they want.

Bottom line: It's the Internet. You ask for an opinion, you'll get the full range of humanity -- all intelligence levels, all communication styles, all experiences, all opinions. Some people who hate munches, will say, "Munches are awful -- you're an idiot if you go to one," because that's their experience, and they believe their experience is everyone's experience. No reason to get upset about people who think differently, express themselves differently, or communicate in a different way or different values than you have.

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Why discourage others? - 8/1/2013 5:54:20 PM   
petitespot


Posts: 288
Joined: 7/3/2006
From: Surfside Beach, SC
Status: offline 		From my point of view...this isn't a social outlet for me (the whole physical world of bdsm). It's how I have a relationship and fuck.
If I was vanilla I would be equally turned off by the idea of going out and meeting others who "fuck missionary" just because of how they have sex may be in common with how I have sex.


< Message edited by petitespot -- 8/1/2013 5:57:56 PM >

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RE: Why discourage others? - 8/1/2013 6:02:49 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: orgasmdenial12
I often see people claim that they have no interest in the lifestyle or the community - yet they obviously do because they are participating in the online lifestyle / community. I'm not sure what they see as threatening about real life events (I find them much friendlier than online) but I certainly would like to see more of them taking a deep breath and getting out and about.


That's one hell of an assumption. That anyone who doesn't play in public feels threatened.
There really are other reasons for not going.

We don't go. Not because we're afraid but because we don't want to drive two hours each way. Nor spend the money on a hotel for the night.

If there was a skill he really wanted to learn, then maybe we'd go to that effort so he could take a workshop. But other than that, we don't feel any urge.

I know that lots of people are kinky. I don't care who is and who isn't. It isn't what matters to me with friends, how they have sex. I really don't want to know nor do I want to share details of my sex life with anyone I don't have sex with.

With that said, I think it's a safe way for women to get into this. Meet people in a public restaurant and gain safety info. I wouldn't recommend it as a way to meet a partner because most munches don't have that many people attending. It's a very limited pool of possible partners.

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Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Why discourage others? - 8/1/2013 6:33:13 PM   
ResidentSadist


Posts: 12580
Joined: 2/11/2007
From: a mean old Daddy, but I like you - Joni Mitchell
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: VideoAdminChi
Kalon Eric,

I'm just going to address the points you made over which I have control:

quote:

that post under a thousand sock puppets

While users are allowed to have more than one account, they should not post in the same thread. Please report this when you see it.

quote:

here at CollarChat, the forum is littered with so many Findoms and Findom threads

If you see a new thread that is essentially the same as an active thread, please report it.


Dear VAC,

I am glad you wrote. I see you clarified what parts of the TOS you are able to enforce. What I always wondered was who decided to circumvent the section of the TOS I posted below (excerpt near the end)? And do the owners know that their mod staff allows prostitution adverts in personal profiles, selling panties, links to escort sites, booking information, pro session rates and amazon gift card links? I have reported blatant ads for prostitution in the Introductions forums and personals. When I followed through I saw that ads still remained. Seriously, if CollarMe is going allow prostitutes to advertize, why don't they change the TOS? But saying one thing and donig another gives the appearance of impropriety and allows "suspicion". A lot of good authors have left these forums complaining of exactly that. I know many of you and I do not think there is some secret mod agenda but there is definitely some crazy shit going on that invokes negative feelings. I will share my own personal negative feelings in a minute.

First I want to say that I have nothing against prostitution and I have donated to help get it legalized. But in the meantime, there is an internet wide prostitution sweep going on and escorts, pro Dominatrices and FinDoms are prosecuted as prostitutes in the U.S. They clamped down on some self posting sites and raided escorts.com, the largest escort site in the world. Escorts.com was closed in 2011 and they took their databases using the private account information to track down and arrest prostitutes. I do not think CollarMe will be raided but the content quality on these forums has dropped because of so many veiled commercially driven posts.

At the same time content quality has dropped, so has your web traffic. It is down from 200,000 a month to 180,000 a month now. And the CollarMe ranking has dropped from the 1,468 most popular in US to the 2,093 most popular in US. It has gone from a 5% bounce (one page view and out) to an 8% bounce. I don't think CollarMe is going to hell in hand basket but interest in it is slowly waning.

I feel sorry for the working girls because they are stuck in gray area where human nature and human law are in conflict. But that is no excuse and I feel that a working girl should pay for advertizing like any business does. Seems like some of CollarMe's FinDoms have been given a free hand to self promote while others get slammed with a TOS violation for veiled self promotion.

My personal negative experiences were when I announced my ex-slave was in Hustler magazine doing a Bettie Page tribute at age 67 and became an "actress" in porn movies at her age. It was pulled because it violated TOS by promoting outside business and they pulled all her profile pics. I do not own Hustler or the Score group pornography studios, nor do I get paid for mentioning them so it was not a self promotion. It was just showing what an older forum member could do at her age of 67 and that being sexy was more attitude than age.

Yet in another thread someone talked about being in a chapter on pony play and links to the book were OK. In fact, my entire book thread promotes products with links to buy them from amazon. I wish I owned Amazon and it was a self promotion but alas, I do not. It is just another community spirited thread like the Bettie Page tribute thread explaining that being sexy was more attitude than age.

I posted a meme artwork of a kid with a cup of coffee saying "Unattended children will be given espresso and a free kitten" and it was pulled for some bizarre and twisted application of the TOS and pictures of kids. This is a link to that picture. Are you joking me, that was pulled for child pornography TOS violation? If I posted a cartoon of Family Circus, would it be pulled it because it violates the TOS child pornography section? What about cartoons of lil Orphan Annie? I have had more than one post or pic pulled because it violated the "NO PICS OF KIDS". Seriously, kids, kittens and dogs are funny. Here is the TOS:
----------------------
5.2.3. In order to further Our zero-tolerance policy, You agree to report any images which You have reason to believe depict minors on Our Website by clicking the 'Support' link at the bottom of this page.
----------------------

It says "to further Our zero-tolerance policy" referring to section 5.2.2. and 5.2.1. that are about child pornography. It doesn't say "no pics of kids." lil Orphan Annie is not child pornography so I ask what why the mod staff decided that they couldn't use their brain to differentiate between the Family Circus cartoons and pornography so that any and all posts with pics looking anything like a kid must go? Seriously, who twisted the TOS like that? Is that really the web site owners' wishes?

So lets get back to ChristyCougar my ex slave. If we truly "MAY NOT USE THE WEBSITE TO ADVERTISE PRODUCTS OR SERVICES, NOR MAY YOU USE THE WEBSITE IN ORDER TO SOLICIT PRODUCTS OR SERVICES" then why are FinDoms and pro Dommes allowed to self promote in thinly veiled posts? It's like clock work around here. Seriously, their threads come online whenever rent is due. I realize that posing in Hustler isn't part of your average normal BDSMer's life so I understood the ChristyCougar post ban and profile pics getting pulled. But I do not understand the inequity in which the TOS is executed. We are allowed to post services for sale in that forum, so why are pros allowed to muddy up the waters in the other forums with bullshit topics for self promotion and spam threads with stupid replies to get their name out? Seriously, what are the rules around here? If you ask me, the rules sure can't be found in the TOS and I have experience in TOS enforcement because I used to be a mod at another forum with 80,000 active members.

----------TOS EXCERPT----------
NO ILLEGAL CONDUCT ALLOWED: YOU WILL NOT USE THE WEBSITE IN ANY MANNER INCONSISTENT WITH ANY APPLICABLE LAWS OR REGULATIONS. YOU MAY NOT INCLUDE ANY PERSONALLY-IDENTIFYING INFORMATION SUCH AS PHONE NUMBERS, STREET ADDRESSES, WEB SITE ADDRESSES, EMAIL ADDRESSES, INSTANT MESSENGER SCREEN NAMES, OR ANY OTHER INFORMATION THAT IF PROVIDED MAY BE USED TO CIRCUMVENT THE WEBSITE'S COMMUNICATION CAPABILITIES. YOU MAY NOT USE THE WEBSITE TO ADVERTISE PRODUCTS OR SERVICES, NOR MAY YOU USE THE WEBSITE IN ORDER TO SOLICIT PRODUCTS OR SERVICES, UNLESS OTHERWISE PERMITTED BY COLLARME.COM.
----------END OF EXCERPT----------

I used to copy and post that TOS excerpt in the Introductions Forums to get you guys to uphold the TOS and it worked. I got tired of it after a while and gave up. I turned down the offer to be a mod here because I already served my time as mod elsewhere. One tour of duty as a mod was enough for me thank you . . . and thanks to all of you for serving as mods here at CollarChat. Despite the negative things I have said, this place is a much better place because of your efforts. But it has felt like the forums aren't being governed with consistency.

I understand everyone sees things in the TOS differently. I realize the mods don't get paid so why should they study every pic to see if its child pornography or not when they can just ban all pics. Hell, at one time long ago, you didn't even allow pics on these forums until after I had a confab with mod 16 about the zone controls for the PDG forum software. Which brings us to that $45,000.00 a month the owners aren't making from all the people using CollarMe as a business. Maybe if they did charge members for a premium accounts that allowed adverts, they could afford to pay the mod staff and get a little more unity in the management, improving the atmosphere and quality of content. I would rather you got a paycheck for what you did, wouldn't you? I would rather see a separate section for the FinDoms and come to the General BDSM Forums to find quality content, wouldn't you? I bet a FinDom forum section would catch on fire like P&R.

Before I close, I want to thank LadyPact for starting this thread. Nice shot! I still care about this place too. Hope your efforts make some headway before the quality of this place changes any further.

Best wishes,
Kalon Eric

_____________________________

-=BDSM Book List=- Reading is Fundamental !!!
I give good thread.

(in reply to VideoAdminChi)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Why discourage others? - 8/1/2013 6:49:54 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		I've been to munches and parties but they just are not for me. I never feel like I have anything in common with anyone or they are all much older or younger than me...very few my own age who I can relate to. Plus I feel some people put way too much emphasis on their kink at such events instead of realizing people are people. I don't need for someone to be into bdsm for them to be my friend. I like people for their personalities and not because we share some kind of commonality in bdsm...whatever that means.

While I don't discourage others from munches, I do feel they shouldn't put all their eggs in one basket. Don't just look for friends into bdsm. Stop thinking that your kink is going to find you a girlfriend or boyfriend or even a friend. If you have difficulties doing that in the rest of your life you won't succeed in bdsm either.


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Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Why discourage others? - 8/1/2013 6:56:09 PM   
Spiritedsub2


Posts: 3316
Joined: 7/18/2012
Status: offline 		..."I would rather see a separate section for the FinDoms and come to the General BDSM Forums to find quality content, wouldn't you? I bet a FinDom forum section would catch on fire like P&R."
God yes, please.

Edit: this was a reply to RS's post above.

< Message edited by Spiritedsub2 -- 8/1/2013 6:57:13 PM >

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Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Why discourage others? - 8/1/2013 7:15:57 PM   
seekingreality


Posts: 599
Joined: 8/11/2011
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: orgasmdenial12

I often see people claim that they have no interest in the lifestyle or the community - yet they obviously do because they are participating in the online lifestyle / community. I'm not sure what they see as threatening about real life events (I find them much friendlier than online) but I certainly would like to see more of them taking a deep breath and getting out and about.



You are making quite a few assumptions.

For example, I like to spend a few minutes now and then popping online and participating in forums. I can do it when I like, and spend as little or as much time as I like. It's an OK way to pass a minute here and there during the day.

I don't have an interest in going to places for discussions in person. It's not because I am shy or afraid or threatened. That just takes significantly more time, and that's not how I want to spend my time.

(in reply to orgasmdenial12)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Why discourage others? - 8/1/2013 8:56:21 PM   
Charles6682


Posts: 1820
Joined: 10/1/2007
From: Saint Pete,FL
Status: offline 		I've mentioned this before. I have been to a good number of Fetish parties before. Well, 1 really good Fetish party that I went to many times over the course of a few years. That is when I first started out at only 19 years old. I went to the Fetish party myself. I was very nervous at first because I didn't know what to expect. Although I did talk to the guy who was running the party before I went. I am glad I went. Most people I met there were very friendly. I'll agree, meeting people in real life is a much different experience than talking to people on the internet.

I've only managed to make it to 1 Munch before. There was a local TNG Munch meeting in the town where I live but not enough people were attending, so the Munch stopped. Either way, I've proved to myself that I am willing to step out of my "comfort zone" to try something different.

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(in reply to seekingreality)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Why discourage others? - 8/1/2013 9:37:43 PM   
Charles6682


Posts: 1820
Joined: 10/1/2007
From: Saint Pete,FL
Status: offline 		RS,That's interesting you were quoting what a "Fin Domme" makes here on Collarme. I "googled" Fin Dommes and Collarme and it came up with some interesting things. Some "Fin Ducks" really do use this as nothing more than a cash bank and 1 "Fin-Duck" said she made $400 on Collarme in her first month. I guess that pales in comparison to $4000 dollars per month.

The other Fin Dommes felt they were being harassed here on Collarme. Which by the endless topics on Fin-Dommes and some of the comments I've read before, I can believe that to be true to a degree.

My thoughts have evolved in Fin-Dommes over the years. I don't mind Fin-Dommes like the "regulars" who are here on Collarchat. However, there's no doubt there are some "Fin-Dommes" who just view Collarme as a money bank.

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(in reply to ResidentSadist)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Why discourage others? - 8/1/2013 10:35:51 PM   
ResidentSadist


Posts: 12580
Joined: 2/11/2007
From: a mean old Daddy, but I like you - Joni Mitchell
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Charles6682
. . . 1 "Fin-Duck" said she made $400 on Collarme in her first month. I guess that pales in comparison to $4000 dollars per month . . .

She said, "Last year, I earned around 24k from being pro. I'd say about 4k came from collarme." I believe that 4k is annual not monthly. But whether it is good money or not, the commercial interests of those using this as a "bank" have ulterior motives for posting and that doesn't usually make for good content.

When a micro fractional portion of this online community starts spamming the hell out of these forums with tons of crap becuase of finacial motives not community spirit, there general attitude starts to influence the flavor these forums. They are not part of the real BDSM community, they are just using BDSM for financial gains not for a lifestyle. Their vanilla curmudgeon profiteering attitudes combined with lack of experience in the real leather community pollutes the forums and makes for a bad atmosphere. Which is what I believe the OP is about. Dubious motives for posting taints the forums with a negative bias. These forums aren't about going online to learn about BDSM from people that live it in real life anymore . . . now the newbees come online and see the BDSM world through the eyes of 18 year old cyber sex workers and their pay piggy clients who litter the place with their posts.

If I hosted a leather conference in real life and it was filled with a bunch of experienced leather people and bunch of 18 year old hookers that picked up a whip trying to make a buck, you could damn well be sure the 18 year olds wouldn't be the ones giving speeches and running the educational workshops. That's no way to manage a leather lifestyle conference or an online leather lifestyle forum. It's not just fucking sad, it is an embarrassment to the management of this place and it does not speak well of what management is letting go on around here.

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Profile   Post #: 39
RE: Why discourage others? - 8/1/2013 10:50:53 PM   
Spiritedsub2


Posts: 3316
Joined: 7/18/2012
Status: offline 		This is my objection to the fin domme takeover of collarchat. I come here to learn about D/s and M/s relationships and bdsm in the context of those relationships. If I am seeking knowledge from experienced people about sex, I don't listen to hookers because the "sex" they provide is shit. Same with the fin domes and bdsm; that they do it for pay corrupts the essence of it and makes what they have to say of no value to me.

I get that they provide a service to men who aren't able to find "amateur" dommes. But let them ply their self-advertising "posts" in a single thread devoted to them, so the men who are interested know where to look, and the women seeking paying clients have that thread all to themselves, and the rest of the forum can be free for those who are in this for "life", not money.

I know it isn't going to happen though. My sense is the site is catering to the fin dommes for the purpose of selling it as a sex worker/client pay site, the TOS carefully written for that purpose, and the more fin domme-populated it is, the higher the eventual selling price.

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(in reply to ResidentSadist)
Profile   Post #: 40
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