njlauren
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quote:
ORIGINAL: UllrsIshtar
quote:
ORIGINAL: ResidentSadist
I have also noticed a lot of people post that they are against munches . . . but munches (and leather events) truly are for everyone, that is part of what makes the lifestyle a "leather community".
You can't be a "biker" if you ain't in a club . . . otherwise you are just a motorcycle owner.
You can't be "in the leather lifestyle" if you don't participate or interact with the leather community . . . otherwise you are just a whip owner.
I say ignore all the maniacs that think "leather lifestyle" means hiring some "Findom" and jerkin' it on cam or obeying some married and cheating "online Dom" really has anything to do with the leather lifestyle. That shit is just kink with some leather sprinkled on top. . . it ain't the leather lifestyle, it's kink.
Are you suggesting it's somehow necessary to be a part of the 'leather lifestyle' in order to be a valid BDSMer/kinkster?
Sorry, but I'm from Belgium, and as far as I can tell, the 'leather community' is just about non-existent there. I had never even heard of it before moving to the US, aside from a few mentions here and there online, of what I assumed was an obscure fringe movement. Now that I'm living in the US, I still don't have even the slightest desire to be a part of it. I don't care about the ritual, the history, the symbolisms, because it's not *my* history, rituals, and symbolisms. In fact, it doesn't have any freaking thing to do with me at all.
I love going to clubs, and playpartiers, classes and kinky community events. I tend to find munches boring as fuck (another thing we don't have in Belgium) so I don't tend to go to those.
However, not all kink events are leather events. In fact, the overwhelming majority of events I've been to in my life have had NOTHING whatsoever to do with the leather community.
I'm not just a 'whip owner'. I'm a kinkster, and a BDSMer, and a damn experienced one for my age, and a damn good one at what I do. The think I am not is 'in the leather lifestyle'. Nor do I need to be, nor do I have any desire or intention whatsoever to be in it.
The insinuation that I am somehow a less capable, less well-rounded, online-wannabe, because I don't consider myself part of the leather community is frankly rather insulting... an unexpected, coming from you.
Not sure, but I think one of the problems here is the term "leather community"..to someone like RS and others who are into that, it is a specific term regarding those who are into the protocols and hierarchy of that particular branch of BD/SM- whereas others use 'leather community' to mean anyone into kink, I have used it in that context (it reminds me of the term transgender, that causes major fights, where those who identify as the opposite sex/gender object to it being used as a broad spectrum for anyone who is gender variant.)
My take on RS's post, though he frame it in terms of 'leather community', is those who claim to be into kink/bdsm where it is done virtually versus people who actually get out and do things, and I kind of understand his point. To me BD/SM in all its forms is a real life activity, between two or more people involved, and that doing it virtually (to me) is kind of dubious, because interactions over the net are very different then IRL, as discussions on here are different than IRL. It isn't so much that net stuff isn't 'real' (ask people whose relationships have gone south because of 'cyber affairs' and the like, even though the people cheating haven't actually met or had sex), it is that being virtual it is missing a lot of depth IMO..I won't call it non real, any more then I would call someone going to a pro domme to get their kink out non real, but both are very, very different then real life things....I think, UllrsIshtar, that RS wasn't calling someone not into the 'leather community' as he is into it as non real, I suspect it was people using the term leather community to describe themselves who do everything virtually....
The other thing is that a lot of people into kink do it in their lives with their partner or partners, and don't get out there to parties and events and such, and they are quite real, and I doubt RS was talking about them either. I don't like the term real, but I do think personally that people who do this virtually are doing so mostly in a fantasy realm, in the sense that interacting over the net is missing large layers of what relationships are, for example, it is a lot easier in a cyber relationship to stop chatting/im'ing, webcamming with someone you have been interacting with, then it is to do so in real life/face to face things, and a cyber relationship is limited to what goes on in cyberspace, it has defined walls relationships in real time have.
I think there is a lot to be said for interacting with others, my active involvement in events and such ended when I made the decision to revert transition and basically couldn't face the judgement I took when I made my decision (or really, assumed I would take there), but I also met a lot of wonderful, cool people there, not just because of shared being in kink, but because they were interesting people, too. One reason I would encourage people to give it a shot isn't just because you could meet a partner or find great information, you also can meet people who are fun, wonderful people, too, into different things. One thing about the kink scene, it was a place where I tended to meet a lot of people who were different, who practiced different spiritual beliefs, who in many ways marched to a beat of a different drum, it is where i met people who were Shamans, people into study of religion, people who were into philosophy, people who had done unusual things and were willing to talk about it, and I also met people who were attempting to do what we were, being different in various ways, while in other ways being the parents with the house in the burbs and so forth, and that can be a big thing, too, knowing another couple where the D does 'nasty' things to the S, yet they also are parents doing the parent thing....someday I may brave the outside again, once some of the wounds heal finally, because there is a lot out there; it isn't about being legitimate, it is about the upside of sharing this with others.
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RE: Why discourage others? - 
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I am going to a subbie sleep over next month. I sure hope they don't plan to be up all night, I am in big trouble if they do since I will never make it.
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