LadiesBladewing -> RE: Real BDSM (6/30/2006 10:58:24 AM)
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I do not think that it is possible to determine for another individual, or by external observation, whether or not a given situation is "legitimate/real" or "non-legitimate/fake". It is also not possible to judge the veracity of someone -else's- experience by one's own criteria -- even if one is in the very -same- relationship, and discussing the very -same- items. All of this is completely subjective. If a person wanted to make a list, and say "If you do these things in real life, you're "real" BDSM, and if you don't, you're a fake." it might add some clarity to the discussion, but it -certainly- wouldn't earn any points from the individuals who find what they do (that isn't on the limited list) isn't considered "real" -- to their perceptions, it is likely every bit as real as anything I or the hypothetical lister do. Ideally, for me, it would be perfect if everyone would pay attention to their own relationsihps, offer advice to others without feeling the need to castigate them for their choices, and, in the interest of making a positive presence felt for those who live on the fringes of society, accept that life (including BDSM) is as real as we make it -- and it is unnecessary to determine the "reality" of someone else's life -- they'll do a fine job themselves, and it will be as "real" as they need it to be to get satisfaction from the life they live. ZWD
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