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RE: How to tell if a woman is dominant? - 8/7/2013 6:48:41 AM

garyFLR

Posts: 4030
Joined: 5/11/2013
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quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl

quote:

ORIGINAL: NothingIsTaboo4U

If you hold the door for her and she cusses you out, she's dominant.

Please tell me you're being facetious.

I rather think he is

.

Dominance isn't about rudeness, or being controlling. It's about being in control, & that's different. Perhaps it's an aura of confidence they give out. Perhaps they don't even think of themselves in terms of D/s. Maybe, we're wrapped up in our own little BDSM mini world, & we over analyse situations, but, it's a great question.

(in reply to OsideGirl)

Post #: 21

RE: How to tell if a woman is dominant? - 8/7/2013 2:15:54 PM

HarryVanWinkle

Posts: 1720
Joined: 5/8/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: imogenempire

True dominance doesn't need to be advertised. It will emerge as the relationship progresses. I would be wary of anyone who randomly announced "I'm a domme!" without being explicitly asked. Maybe they want to create an image, or maybe they just learned the word, but either way, they don't sound like they're on top.

Where do people get those smileys and sign thingies I sometimes see on posts, but aren't among the choices above and how do I stick them in a post?

I'd like one of a smiley sticking a finger down its throat to respond to posts that speak of "true dominance".

(in reply to imogenempire)

Post #: 22

RE: How to tell if a woman is dominant? - 8/7/2013 3:17:08 PM

Extravagasm

Posts: 230
Joined: 9/22/2004
Status: offline

How to guess early, if a woman is a domme sexually:

REMINDER . . Like all psychological queries, conversations must be engaged in unobtrusively (worked in slyly) otherwise you will never receive the truth. Also you two best be alone, to avoid peer pressure to be conventional.

When conversation casually gets to hair pulling. A woman who blushes and can't stop talking about it, is likely submissive. A woman who merely admits she really enjoys it, could be sub, vanilla, or domme. That's not definitive. But if she should indicate that the next person who yanks my hair will need updated medical insurance, then you are in a limited bracket of highly likely domme, or stern vanilla.

MOST IMPORTANT of all. Pay close attention when 'going down' on her is discussed. Vanilla and sub women tend to view cunnilingus as wonderful foreplay before being penetrated. Dommes tend to view cunnilingus as a necessary, extensive, rewarding act -- not a prelude to penetration. If she hates it, you likely are not speaking to a domme.

_____________________________

BDSM operates on submission. Not on love, fairness, or convention.

The way to a Dom . . is to follow his karma, wallow in his grime, Swim in his heart.©

Yeah, fantasy is not reality. That's how it gives direction to the truly gifted.

(in reply to caged221)

Post #: 23

RE: How to tell if a woman is dominant? - 8/7/2013 4:31:20 PM

HarryVanWinkle

Posts: 1720
Joined: 5/8/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Extravagasm

How to guess early, if a woman is a domme sexually:

REMINDER . . Like all psychological queries, conversations must be engaged in unobtrusively (worked in slyly) otherwise you will never receive the truth. Also you two best be alone, to avoid peer pressure to be conventional.

When conversation casually gets to hair pulling. A woman who blushes and can't stop talking about it, is likely submissive. A woman who merely admits she really enjoys it, could be sub, vanilla, or domme. That's not definitive. But if she should indicate that the next person who yanks my hair will need updated medical insurance, then you are in a limited bracket of highly likely domme, or stern vanilla.

MOST IMPORTANT of all. Pay close attention when 'going down' on her is discussed. Vanilla and sub women tend to view cunnilingus as wonderful foreplay before being penetrated. Dommes tend to view cunnilingus as a necessary, extensive, rewarding act -- not a prelude to penetration. If she hates it, you likely are not speaking to a domme.

I might add to this that a woman who slaps you and walks away when you casually bring up the subjects of hair pulling and cunnilingus in the first conversation may NOT be dominant.

Also, let me add that a woman who IS dominant just might be offended because you took the word of some clown on the internet who told you that the vast majority of dominant women like cunnilingus.

< Message edited by HarryVanWinkle -- 8/7/2013 4:34:28 PM >

(in reply to Extravagasm)

Post #: 24

RE: How to tell if a woman is dominant? - 8/7/2013 4:32:55 PM

PeonForHer

Posts: 19612
Joined: 9/27/2008
Status: offline

quote:

Dommes tend to view cunnilingus as a necessary, extensive, rewarding act -- not a prelude to penetration. If she hates it, you likely are not speaking to a domme.

Woo-ho, the gauntlet has been thrown down.

Is there a femdom in the house who hates cunnilingus?

_____________________________

http://www.domme-chronicles.com

(in reply to Extravagasm)

Post #: 25

RE: How to tell if a woman is dominant? - 8/7/2013 5:01:56 PM

cloudboy

Posts: 7306
Joined: 12/14/2005
Status: offline

I would never be able to tell from a social interaction.

(in reply to caged221)

Post #: 26

RE: How to tell if a woman is dominant? - 8/7/2013 5:31:22 PM

Wickad

Posts: 428
Joined: 3/12/2005
Status: offline

(fast reply)

Thank you Peon ... nope can't stand getting face.

Wickad
(identifies as Dominant)

(in reply to cloudboy)

Post #: 27

RE: How to tell if a woman is dominant? - 8/7/2013 5:48:11 PM

FrostedFlake

Posts: 3084
Joined: 3/4/2009
From: Centralia, Washington
Status: offline

It's a silly question. Not just because of the whacked assumptions. Who could answer it?

_____________________________

Frosted Flake
simul justus et peccator
Einen Liebhaber, und halten Sie die Schraube

"... evil (and hilarious) !!" Hlen5

(in reply to DarkSteven)

Post #: 28

RE: How to tell if a woman is dominant? - 8/7/2013 6:31:57 PM

MAINEiacMISTRESS

Posts: 1180
Joined: 9/12/2012
Status: offline

Actually many Dommes are offended by the assumption a lot of male subs have that they'd automatically be *ALLOWED* to get so close and intimate with a Domme right off the bat without first *EARNING* the privilege, as though a Domme's legs swing freely open for any stranger right off the street.

quote:

ORIGINAL: HarryVanWinkle
Also, let me add that a woman who IS dominant just might be offended because you took the word of some clown on the internet who told you that the vast majority of dominant women like cunnilingus.

(in reply to HarryVanWinkle)

Post #: 29

RE: How to tell if a woman is dominant? - 8/7/2013 6:33:26 PM

Extravagasm

Posts: 230
Joined: 9/22/2004
Status: offline

quote:

How to guess early, if a woman is a domme sexually

When emphasizing one word above all others by putting it in dark italics, it's easy to forget that there remain internet chirpers who will ignore the emphasis, since they seemingly can't or neglect to read thoroughly anyway.
Plus those who believe that OPs should have their beginners-questions demolished, rather than attempt any real type of assistance.

My clown ... stands for a better path.

< Message edited by Extravagasm -- 8/7/2013 6:42:13 PM >

_____________________________

BDSM operates on submission. Not on love, fairness, or convention.

The way to a Dom . . is to follow his karma, wallow in his grime, Swim in his heart.©

Yeah, fantasy is not reality. That's how it gives direction to the truly gifted.

(in reply to HarryVanWinkle)

Post #: 30

RE: How to tell if a woman is dominant? - 8/7/2013 7:11:03 PM

MistressDarkArt

Posts: 5178
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: PeonForHer

quote:

Dommes tend to view cunnilingus as a necessary, extensive, rewarding act -- not a prelude to penetration. If she hates it, you likely are not speaking to a domme.

Woo-ho, the gauntlet has been thrown down.

Is there a femdom in the house who hates cunnilingus?

I hate it, and don't allow it from my partners. So much for your theory, extravagasm. Of course, now I'll probably hear I'm not a 'true domme'. I don't give a fig about your misguided assumptions; just keep your yeasty mouth away from me.

(in reply to PeonForHer)

Post #: 31

RE: How to tell if a woman is dominant? - 8/9/2013 10:53:38 AM

jola37

Posts: 433
Joined: 7/8/2013
Status: offline

Am in the middle of a bathroom fit out and the client I'm working for right now is ultra dominant and 100% vanilla. She's got us all running round like idiots working for her, we've got dustsheets for our dust sheets lol. The husband is a really cool guy but knows his place in the scheme of things. In fact, all the people I've seen at her house knows she's the boss. I'm guessing she's in her late 50's btw. Have worked for her in the past but it took a little while to also learn my place with her but since I have, she's more relaxed and doesn't bite my head off every morning! i.e One morning, she spent 10 minutes grilling me about a few bits of gravel that'd been walked in to the front door mat. You do just have to stand there and take it lol. I don't get any sub kick out of this, it's a grilling.

How does she get away with it? Because she also happens to be an awesome person, really intelligent, no nonsense and a good laugh too and it feels like a privilege to be around her. Upset her? Any form of backchat? There's just this overwhelming sense that you don't want to go there with her. If there are 'true' dommes, my client is one of them.

(in reply to MistressDarkArt)

Post #: 32

RE: How to tell if a woman is dominant? - 8/9/2013 11:08:09 AM

Rochsub2009

Posts: 2536
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: caged221

sometimes things will come up on the first date / at a bar and she'll actually say explicitly that she's a domme.....

If a woman arbitrarily announces that she's a Domme while in a vanilla setting amongst (seemingly) vanilla people, then she most likely isn't. People who are actively in the lifestyle don't typically make such pronouncements to vanilla folks for no apparent.

My guess is that she had recently read "50 Shades of Grey", and thought it would be cool to say she was a Domme.

But outside of silly situations like that, there is no definitive way to determine whether a woman is dominant. More importantly, "dominant" is a relative term. What is "dominant" to one person may not be "dominant" to another. The only question that really matters is "can she dominate you?" After all, that's what you're really looking for is someone to dominate you. What it takes to dominate anyone other than yourself is actually irrelevant, isn't it?

Good luck to you.
-Roch

< Message edited by Rochsub2009 -- 8/9/2013 11:09:27 AM >

_____________________________

"The thing about smart mother fuckers is that sometimes, they sound like crazy mother fuckers to stupid mother fuckers".
-Robert Kirkman, The Walking Dead

(in reply to caged221)

Post #: 33

RE: How to tell if a woman is dominant? - 8/9/2013 3:20:40 PM

Tantriqu

Posts: 2026
Joined: 12/29/2006
Status: offline

How to tell if a woman is Dominant:

Ask: 'Are you dominate?' and watch her eye-roll/block you.

_____________________________

"Then I did the simplest thing in the world. I leaned down... and kissed him. And the world cracked open." - Agnes de Mille

(in reply to Rochsub2009)

Post #: 34

RE: How to tell if a woman is dominant? - 8/9/2013 4:21:54 PM

Charles6682

Posts: 1820
Joined: 10/1/2007
From: Saint Pete,FL
Status: offline

I agree with this. There is a difference between Dom/Top and Sub/Bottom. I do think the words get mixed up a lot. Each words means something entirely different. This is like comparing apples and oranges. No, they aren't the same thing. I do think a great emphasis should be put on these words. One thing I do like about Fet is they do give the option to choose. Bottoms and Tops really only have one option to choose from, unless their a switch.

quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl

BDSM is Bondage/Discipline/Sado-Masochism. Engaging in BDSM does not indicate Dominance or submission. It merely indicates Top or Bottom in kinky sexual activities. D/s is dominance and submission. You can be involved in D/s and never engage in BDSM, by that criteria Dominance or submission is based on personality and behavior rather than individual acts.

_____________________________

Charley aka Sub Guy

http://www.Facebook.com/SubGuy

https://Twitter.com/SubGuy6682

(in reply to OsideGirl)

Post #: 35

RE: How to tell if a woman is dominant? - 8/9/2013 4:45:43 PM

LookieNoNookie

Posts: 12216
Joined: 8/9/2008
Status: offline

When she says "BITCH!!!! Take your clothes off and fuck me"....and your Mom is about 6 feet away.....

That chic is dominant.

(I'm here to help).

(in reply to caged221)

Post #: 36

RE: How to tell if a woman is dominant? - 8/9/2013 7:02:56 PM

MsSylverdawn

Posts: 147
Joined: 9/26/2011
Status: offline

lmao

(in reply to LookieNoNookie)

Post #: 37

RE: How to tell if a woman is dominant? - 9/28/2013 10:42:15 AM

AliceInUndieLand

Posts: 30
Joined: 3/3/2010
Status: offline

... I remember a girlfriend I had quite a few years ago ....
It started well enough .. then as the relationship developed she started making "strange demands" ...
First of all I had to wear a leather Collar ... then she started spanking me....
Finally one day ... she had me tied to the bed... it was only when she pierced my nipples with surgical needles that the penny finally dropped..
"My God" ! I thought .. she's actually really, really dominant ..
The rest is history ... :-/

(in reply to DarkSteven)

Post #: 38

RE: How to tell if a woman is dominant? - 9/28/2013 4:05:44 PM

SaffronDuchess

Posts: 15
Joined: 9/27/2013
Status: offline

Oh, the terms, the terms. What about domineering women? In my experience those of us who do not fall on the ends of the spectrum vary in our dominance or submissiveness depending on the situation, energy level, who we are with, whether we're horny or not. I liked Lady Pact's comment the best but also (I can't scroll up to find the name) one other woman's comment about the energies meshing. There are people that intrigue me enough to assert my dominance but most people don't. However, you won't find me being submissive to those who don't inspire my dominance either. Go and meet people in real life and take them at their word until they prove otherwise.

(in reply to DarkSteven)

Post #: 39

RE: How to tell if a woman is dominant? - 9/28/2013 7:46:02 PM

TigressLily

Posts: 436
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: NothingIsTaboo4U

If you hold the door for her and she cusses you out, she's dominant.

No, that merely shows she's stupid. This is the same type of woman who will later rant about how all men are horndogs and lowlife pigs, when she herself doesn't have enough class to encourage a man to act like a gentleman or to acknowledge and reward gentlemanly behavior. There is also nothing mutually exclusive about conducting oneself like a lady or a gentleman and whether one is dominant or submissive.

Outward behaviors aren't going to reveal telltale signs of sexual dominance or submissiveness. In isn't uncommon for these to be reversed in the sexual arena of the bedroom. Now, having said that, it would be rare for an overtly submissive or relatively passive personality to be sexually dominant. Nevertheless, it isn't unusual for an assertive or aggressive/bossy person to be sexually submissive. Most of the domineering men I've met have later exhibited submissive tendencies. It's possible they were hankering to be Topped and not genuinely sexually submissive. I only recently learned there is such a thing as a masochistic Dominant. Go figure. (Which kind of throws me for a loop since that opens up the door to the possibility of there being a sadistic s-type, plus how does switchiness fit into this schematic, or does it?)

Chances are most of the population is comprised of followers and/or those who are sexually submissive, whether male or female. The odds are not in your favor, buddy.

A person meeting me for the first time in a vanilla setting would not know I am a Domme. The persona I choose to project is that of a kind, sweet person. (Sweet, but fierce) The Dommes I have met have been gracious and friendly, not a single one has exhibited bitchiness in my presence or acted domineering toward a sub. Not even while in a private scene room or a dungeon room setting, although I can't really go into specific detail about those events out of respect for their privacy. I am assertive and decisive, in public and private. I know what I want and what I don't want. I also don't put up with other people's b.s. and game-playing. Whether that's tied in with sexual dominance, I can't really say definitively. There is no shortage of female subs who speak their minds around here, so that's not an indicator.

Someone else already mentioned you'll just have to do it the old-fashioned way, which is by getting to know the woman first, and then make that determination.

_____________________________

* * * Not A Fetish/Kink Delivery System * * *

_____________________________

That Orbed Maiden with White Fire Layden
Whom Mortals Shall Call the Moon ~ Lord Byron
She Moves in Mysterious Ways . . . On Your Knees, Boy. ~ U2

(in reply to NothingIsTaboo4U)

Post #: 40

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