tommonymous
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Joined: 1/21/2013
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quote:
ORIGINAL: metamorfosis
To stay, and even defend the person afterwards, is where I draw the line. I'm afraid I am not willing to give someone as liberal a grace period on this type of situation. A person being raped truly is helpless at the time. Afterwards, unless they are locked in a basement, no. As long as she was mentally fit to make the choice, then she chose to consent. If she was not mentally fit to make that choice, then she had no business entering the relationship in the first place.
Emotions (whether focused on someone deserving or not) have a nasty way of clouding our judgement. And analyzing a situation from a removed vantage point is a great way of taking the emotion out of it. We have a pretty major advantage that the other OP doesn't. And I won't hold that against her.
Also, if someone is unfit to decide to enter into a relationship, do they know they can't make that choice? I doubt it. (It's a different application, but the same principle: Do the insane recognize their insanity?)
quote:
If her difficulty had been confined to "making a plan to get out", I would totally agree. But she hasn't even decided if she wants to get out, if she really thinks he even did anything wrong. And I'm afraid I have to argue that unless she clearly expressed that she wasn't okay with what happened at the time, unless she tried to leave or at least made plans to, and unless she condemned his actions afterwards rather than defending him, then she forfeits any claim to call it "rape" later on. Unless she was so mentally incapacitated that she was unfit to consent in the first place, and he knew it.
Again, some people take longer to sort things out than others. Other OP is at the very beginning of the process, and may end up not needing an exit plan. Why plan to end something that doesn't need to be ended? You're condemning both parties after having each made a mistake. (His to use his sub without proper regard, hers to allow it.)
Do they get an opportunity to make amends, or possibly salvage the situation? Or are they forever banished to BDSM Failures' Island for having done something very stupid? (For the record, I don't think either is very fit for this particular relationship at the moment.)
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To me, the argument you're making is dangerously close to, "She's a woman and therefore a victim. Women are poor delicate creatures that aren't competent to answer for their own bad choices. Her boyfriend's an asshole and therefore even though she didn't tell him 'no' he must have raped her. She gets to wait as long as she wants to before deciding whether it was rape."
It's inarguable that Other OP told us she's a woman. I do think she's a bit of a victim of a bait-and-switch here. (Which requires some culpability on the part of the victim.) I don't think that susceptibility to bait-and-switch has anything to do with gender, but rather naivete. (Since I apparently have to be explicit about it: Men can also be naive. I think it's more a function of life experience than biology.) If she had been a man in this position, and I saw that you had started a similar thread, I'd be having a similar conversation with you.
_____________________________
"Remember kids. Just because it hasn't happened to you doesn't mean it doesn't happen at all." --Hillwilliam
And just because it worked for you, doesn't mean it will (or ought to) work for everyone.
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RE: Good submissives - 
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