AAkasha
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Joined: 11/27/2004
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quote:
ORIGINAL: pqui
I entirely understand what you say about the authenticity of it, that people new to it have more genuine fear. I do also understand that there are different levels of focus to different sadists, such as fear, physical/emotional pain, just causing harm, seeing the reactions, etc. But I do believe that every masochist, no matter how self-indulgent, can be pushed beyond their limit and I believe enduring that very real suffering is the actual gift of a masochist to a sadist.
Bolding is mine. Simply put, ethically and morally I cannot go there. I cannot just "push beyond a limit." Even in my most sadistic, frenzied moment, I might be able to skirt around an edge a little, but that's about it. I can't go absolutely haywire on a man I care about, because I want him back for a second, third, and fourth time. I also don't want him to press charges. I also don't want to have to hate myself afterward. I also don't want to go to a place that it is NO LONGER arousing for me.
Remember, all along, there is a woman on the other end who is getting turned on. How does sadism arouse the top? For me, it looks like something on the man. Vulnerability looks a certain way. Your "place" you need to go just might not be "sexy," to some women, to be honest. Shaking, vulnerable, slightly teary, heavy breathing, drool pooling around the gag in a pathetic way, eyelashes stuck together with moisture, breath choking a bit, uncontrollable shudders of fear, maybe even moments of looking borderline "pathetic" but in a "beautiful" way - I find that extremely erotic. Wailing desperation and flailing torture of snot, blood, body contorting, acts of real torture, vomit, spit and loss of bodily functions? I will pass. Remember, your sadist must be aroused. How far does this masochist need to go? Whose pleasure are we talking about?
quote:
ORIGINAL: pqui
It is where only strong bonding and submission can keep the masochist from running away on the long-run, where he is made vulnerable, where it all gets very intimate and sensible. It is also the part where the sadist needs to put effort into keeping it that way, so to speak to balance out the relationship equation, if that is even possible. That's why I see that D/s is a necessity to S&M for myself, because you need a very strong bond. But I don't have the experiences to tell you how that actually works out. Though how I described it is exactly what my masochism and submissive side would crave for (and its not just an excess of submissive emotion), even if that meant such relationships were short-lived because I would run away eventually. It is actually the only thing that gives the masochism any non-sexual meaning to me.
I don't understand why you have to start slow, especially not as slow as you describe it. Can't you see much better if a person suffers properly if you just went from 0 to 100? Isn't that what would give you the kick of it, with someone you barely know and doesn't know how far you will go? I don't really get what the teasing is for, except if it is just meant to safeguard against legal issues.
I have to start slow, for me, because it's like learning with a new lover. When you are with a new lover, do you go straight to penis in vagina, or do you start with kissing, holding, fondling, stroking? I look into his eyes. I watch how his breathing affects me. I give him cues so he knows how his body languages when he suffers makes me wet. You have to remember there is a sadist on the other end who is being impacted by your suffering and she is NOT just getting turned on by pushing a button and going "woo hoo! I am doing this!" she is being aroused by what it does to you. How you react to that suffering makes or breaks the arousal. If a man just sits there and gives a token groan, I get bored. If a man responds to fear and arousal but showing me only arousal, I feel he is being self indulgence and I want to see more fear. I like to see surrender. So when we engage each other in simple games I show him what makes me wet and I train his body. I guide his fingers to my pussy as he moans or whimpers and when he suffers "appropriately" he can tell the right gasp or whimper has an immediate impact on my body.
I don't get turned on just hitting a button and watching a man shriek in pain. And I also don't get turned on hurting a random man. I have to feel lust, affection, attraction, or something for him. Early, affectionate play is also a way to build rapport and see if I even want to go to the next level.
But really, above all, as I read through all of this, what you really want -- the pushing through the hard limits "past" and to the breaking point is going to be where things get tricky. I consider myself a pretty gleeful sadist. I have no desire - ever - to push past a limit, for fear of losing my partner's trust or breaking something deep inside his soul. Once you are tinkering around inside a man's head, and his body, at that level, you can't just screw around like that and leave him broken and go about your day. That stuff is best left for fantasy.
Akasha
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